September, 1995

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I sit here groggy and unshaven, staring out the dirty window after sleeping the day away, feeling an utter fraud. This morning I told Nymphadora she needed to consider the consequences of her actions. She had endangered her life and betrayed my trust. I had acted the high-minded man, yet I was no paragon of virtue.

How many times in the past have I betrayed Dumbledore's trust? When I attended Hogwarts, each time my friends and I roamed the forest beneath a full moon was a betrayal. We knew the risks and took them anyway, exulting in our cleverness.

During the year I taught, every opportunity to confess Sirius was an Animagus that I let slip by was a betrayal. It was more important for me to keep Dumbledore's trust than to do what was right.

Nymphadora is headstrong, but I am a hypocrite.

It's as well the magic mirror next to this journal is face down on the desk. I cringe to think of how closely the outer reflection would mirror the inner man. Flawed and lined with guilt and self-reproach.

I said it was nightmares come to life, her running through the forest as my mate. That was a half-truth equal to any she told. It was both nightmare and dark fantasy.

Last night was not the first time I dreamt she was a wolf.

Admittedly, some dreams were filled with images of blood and teeth and claws. In those dark visions, we hunted anything in our territory, human or animal.

Other dreams were disturbingly erotic. Her tongue licking my ears and the brush of her tail wagging in my face were aspects of canine courtship that felt natural. Instinctively, I would nibble at the fur in front of my mate's tail, knowing the sensitive area was an erogenous zone that brought her pleasure.

I regarded both types of dreams nightmarish until last night, visions capable of waking me from the depths of sleep, covered in icy sweat. Now, after an experience which filled my soul with hope and fear in equal measure, I must face Nymphadora's parting words.

Like it or not, the werewolf isn't separate from you. The wolf is you, and you should consider accepting it!

I could not write the words with a steady hand. I have fought this kind of thinking since I was bitten. My mother continually stressed that I was human, not animal, and must fight my nature with every ounce of strength I possessed.

Can I change my perception of my 'furry little problem' after so many years? Is it possible to accept the wolf as a part of myself instead of a monster inflicted upon me by a curse and the full moon?

The communication mirror is giving off a soft glow. Nymphadora is trying to contact me. I cannot answer. It is too soon. I need more time.

-

She wanted to tell me she loved me and to bid me goodnight. I said goodnight and turned the mirror over quickly, before the sadness in her voice and the vulnerability in her expression eroded what shreds of will I still possess.

I cannot give in and go to her. Nymphadora must realise that although I love her….

My quill tore a hole in the parchment, necessitating I skip down to an unmarred place. It was a shock to realise I had not told her 'I love you' in return.

I have to contact her immediately. Come what may, love remains.

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A/N: Before I drag myself away to find chocolate, I must thank the readers who reviewed last week and a New England winter without snow easier to bear. :D…40/16 ♥ alix33 ♥ anna (B. the Greek?) ♥ cupcakeswirl ♥ ElspethBates ♥ Embellished ♥ FNP ♥ Freja Lercke-Falkenborg ♥ ishandtwofourths ♥ lain ♥ ladyofthebookworms ♥ lauraart123 ♥ LolaCherryColaGirl ♥ MollyCoddles ♥ Moontime ♥ Nethiel Nessime ♥ rillie ♥ siriuslycoco ♥ Slipknot-3113 ♥ Sophia Loren ♥ sunny9847 ♥ and ♥ UnderworldBabe ♥

♥Added note: This 'entry' corresponds with chapter 13 of Moonlight and Shadow.