October, 1995
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On days of the full moon, I feel a restlessness that is hard to describe. Long walks give temporary relief. The sense of movement and rhythm is soothing. Since the agitation is of the spirit, however, it is never truly put to rest.
When I was a boy at Hogwarts, my friends thought I was mental, roaming the grounds in all weather just to walk. They still kept me company.
Rather, two of them did. Peter always had an excuse. It looked like rain, he was tired, he had an essay due, or he was feeling sick. I figured he was out of shape and didn't want to be teased about puffing and struggling to keep up, so I didn't insist.
James insisted on riding his broomstick. He would nick it out of the shed and coast beside me as I walked. When he grew bored, he would zoom ahead and double back. Sometimes, he would do tricks. His favourite ones were standing on the broomstick, and hanging by his knees from it, swinging back and forth like a monkey.
Sirius would walk beside me as long as we were within sight of the castle. Then he would transform and trot along on four legs instead of two. During the time he remained bipedal, he would complain about being forced to march in combat boots.
I always offered to lend Sirius trainers, but he refused. Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols didn't wear trainers, he'd scoff. They weren't cool.
I wasn't cool either. I possessed above average intelligence, but when it came to clothes and music and what was trendy, I was an average bloke—ignorant and content to remain so.
My friends found it amusing, my being 'an average werewolf.' Sometimes, on our walks around school and along the forest, they would give me advice to try and change that status. James always recommended I change my hairstyle to short and spiky.
Sirius would roll his eyes. Birds didn't care about hair, as long as it was clean and you had some, he'd say. They liked a bloke with style. Get a leather jacket with an attitude to match and you could get any girl you liked.
He certainly got any girl he liked, but I always knew I was searching for something different. A girl who cared more about who I was inside than what I looked like on the outside…or what I became on the full moon.
After we left Hogwarts, I thought Dorcas Meadowes might be that girl. She was quiet, thoughtful, and if we didn't share the kind of bond James and Lily had, it didn't bother me. I was content to settle for having someone in my life.
I didn't settle any longer, and the thought made me glad earlier today, when Nymphadora left for her luncheon and I took a walk to calm my restive spirit.
Besides contemplating the different walks I'd taken over the years, I contemplated the nature of restlessness, too. In the past, I could almost feel the wolf within me pacing impatiently. Today, there's a difference. I sense a similar eagerness to be set free, but now the animal has a purpose.
He wants to be with his mate…with my mate…Nymphadora.
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A/N: There's a song by Three Days Grace, 'Animal' that reminds me of Remus...Somebody help me tame this animal I have become...but what happens when she does?
♥ Added note: This 'entry' corresponds with chapter 17 of Moonlight and Shadow.
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