October, 1995
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Nymphadora has gone to work, Sirius is holed up with Buckbeak, and I am trying to understand what happened last night.
I remember the moment I could no longer fight the moon's pull. The change swept over me like a wave, brutally overpowering my mind as well as my body. The wolf wanted to break free of the shackles, but lacked the ability to reason his way out of bondage. After growling in frustration, he lay in resignation upon the floor.
The first thoughts I can recall after the change are sensory impressions. The animal mind was aware that the floor felt different, as though cushioned by a mound of leaves or grass. The wolf did not grasp the reason for it. It just was.
He viewed the dog that kept him company in a similar manner. The dog was there. His presence received little attention, since the dog brought no food and could not accompany the wolf on a run.
Nymphadora's arrival was also of slight interest until the wolf drew in her scent. It was familiar. When the animal beheld her and heard her voice, the blood magic engaged. He no longer saw her as human. She was a wolf—his mate.
The air around them smelled like a storm was overhead. The wolf kept his gaze on the female approaching. She was properly submissive, acknowledging his position as Alpha of their pack. When her eyes locked onto his, he felt savage joy to be transported into the forest, away from captivity.
She played with leaves like a pup.
He stood hidden in the underbrush, watching her. His mate was strong and healthy. He enjoyed bumping and shouldering her body, along with grooming her coat.
The wolf surrendered to the impulse to be playful. He smiled to hear her yelp when his body thrust hers onto the pile of leaves. Pleased with his ambush, he rolled simply to hear crunching.
His mate nipped behind his knee. He was startled how good it felt. He allowed her a moment of feminine triumph before setting out for the new den. He was eager to show his mate the cave he had found. It would be warm and dry in the winter…and large enough to hold a growing pack.
Courting instinct became confused with another instinct when she entered the cave. His leap to ambush turned into something else. Something she wasn't ready for. Something that left him feeling strange things until his mate distracted him.
Something the wolf forgot while the man remembered, because those 'strange things' were not a product of animal instinct.
I knew wolves mated in late winter or early spring and certain physiological signs signalled a female's readiness. There had been no such signs. The only sensory receptor triggering a sexual response was a human influence over the animal mind. My desire for Nymphadora had stimulated the wolf's need to mate.
Writing down what happened has brought understanding, but not comfort. Instead, there are only more questions. I don't begrudge the wolf the pleasure of courting, but how do I prevent him from doing anything else? How do I keep the seasons from changing?
How do I sleep?
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A/N: This chapter corresponds to chapter 17 in Moonlight and Shadow and shows that while Nymphadora said, 'I can love the wolf, but I can't love the wolf,' Remus is a little more worried about their wolfish counterparts. The readers who didn't make me worry they didn't like the chapter last week because they reviewed and told me that they did were...♥ 40/16 ♥ adrienne06052 ♥ alix33 ♥ Calenmarwen ♥ cupcakeswirl ♥ ElspethBates ♥ Embellished ♥ excessivelyperky ♥ FNP ♥ Freja Lercke-Falkenborg ♥ GraceRichie ♥ Io.sono.Emilia ♥ ishandtwofourths ♥ Kates Master ♥ Kileaiya ♥ ladyofthebookworms ♥ lain ♥ lauraart123 ♥ LolaCherryColaGirl ♥ MollyCoddles ♥ Moonlight ♥ Nethiel Nessime ♥ Operamuse ♥ RahNee ♥ rillie ♥ siriuslycoco ♥ Slipknot-3113 ♥ Sophia Loren ♥ sunny9847 ♥ and ♥ UnderworldBabe ♥