November, 1995
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I no longer have to worry about what would happen if an irresistible force met an immovable object. Nymphadora has proven that while she is irresistible, I am not immovable.
Last night, I went into the attic fully expecting to spend the time alone. Padfoot was there, but the wolf did not appreciate his company the way a friend did. He lay on the floor with his head resting on his paws, marking time the way he had on other moonlit nights.
I could tell that the wolf wasn't expecting his mate to join him. He didn't shift restlessly in his bonds. My human mind must have conveyed that she was staying away that night.
That must have been why I felt the animal's surprised joy when the attic transformed into a grassy clearing. The wolf made a sigh of contentment because he knew that his mate was somehow responsible for his freedom.
When she ambushed, he became aggressive, but not out of anger. It was simply the way of the pack to establish dominance. Once his mate acknowledged he was alpha, he was free to show affection.
I have mixed feelings about the forms that affection takes. I've read a book or two about wolves. I know that grooming, licking, rubbing, and bumping are courting rituals. I'm not petty enough to begrudge an animal the sense of well-being that comes from being groomed thoroughly or the simple pleasure of feeling a warm body pressed to his.
It's the licking that I wish they wouldn't do so much of. Silly, really, to fear that my human desires and instincts affect the wolf when I'm not even certain he is aware that he exists only when the moon is full.
Wolves lick the alpha in greeting. Licking is involved in grooming. When a wolf licks the air, it is a calming signal to show non-aggression. It is a natural act. I understand that completely, but still…I feel uneasy.
When I assured Nymphadora that I wasn't upset about her accidental triggering of the blood magic, I couldn't tell her the thoughts that did disturb me. At best, I would have sounded jealous. At worst—I do not even want to think about it. I should have been grateful to feel more energised while she appeared a picture of health. Instead, I fought the impulse to say, 'no, I'm not angry, but I would like to know if all that licking you were doing was strictly grooming instinct, or if your human influence turned it into canine French kissing?'
It would sound ridiculous to ask if she felt nerve endings tingle when my tongue stroked her gums or teeth or tongue instead of her muzzle. If her wolfish counterpart 'groomed' my face so intensively in order to do the same, and if all those swipes of her tongue on my sensitive areas made images of spring run through her mind too.
Anyway, what if it did? What if it didn't? How would I react either way? I do not know how.
There is a part of me—the part that avoided conflict at school and went along with bad pranks and reckless schemes even when I knew I shouldn't—that hopes a Morpheus Charm will nullify the blood magic and allow me to postpone what is sure to be an awkward conversation.
Another side of me—the Marauder who loved the rush of adrenaline of a risky prank or a jaunt into the Forbidden Forest—hopes that our bond will prove stronger than any other magic.
I do not know what will happen next month, but I have decided not to worry about tomorrow, for worry will not add a single brown hair to my head, while it will certainly add grey. I will simply love Nymphadora with all that I am and hope for the best.
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A/N: In the one shot Time after Time, Tonks tells Remus "I'm going to love you for everything you are, with all that I am." I thought it only fitting he love her the same way! This entry corresponds to ch 21 of Moonlight and Shadow, and I hope gives readers the insight into Remus they were looking for. The readers I'm thankful reviewed last chapter were… ...♥ 40/16 ♥ alix33 ♥ Calenmarwen ♥ cupcakeswirl ♥ ElspethBates ♥ Embellished ♥ Fauzia ♥ FNP ♥ Freja Lercke-Falkenborg ♥ GraceRichie ♥ Io. sono. Emilia ♥ ishandtwofourths ♥ Kates Master ♥ Kileaiya ♥ ladyofthebookworms ♥ LolaCherryColaGirl ♥ MollyCoddles ♥ Moontime ♥ Nethiel Nessime ♥ Operamuse ♥ RahNee ♥ rillie ♥ siriuslycoco ♥ Sivaroobini Lupin-Black ♥ Slipknot-3113 ♥ Sophia Loren ♥ and ♥ Underworld Babe ♥