December, 1995

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Nymphadora has gone to visit Mad-Eye, leaving me to silence, and thoughts that have me wishing for distraction.

Growing up, I used to lie in bed and guess the source of the various noises in our flat and those of our neighbours. Mum was getting up for a glass of water, Mr. Firth was letting his dog out, or pipes were rattling because someone was taking a bath. At Hogwarts, on nights when the approaching full moon weighed heavily, it amused me to hear a quiet snore and think 'Sirius has been drinking on the sly again' or a deep sigh that made me smile because I knew James was dreaming of Lily. Here, a privacy ward ensures that the sounds made in this room travel no further, and that the creaks and muffled voices echoing in the rest of the house likewise do not pass the magical barrier surrounding my bedroom.

Downstairs, Molly will be bustling around in the kitchen. On various other floors, the children will be readying to visit Arthur after lunch. It would be nice to hear a muffled yell and speculate that one of the twins had pulled a prank, or catch a strain of music wafting from a vent and know Molly had turned on the Wireless. Even the squeaks of old stairs would be pleasant, homey.

I am isolated from the others by sound as well as sight, but perhaps that is for the best. If I settle here too comfortably, leaving will be that much more painful—and I will have to leave.

Dumbledore has asked me to verify that werewolves living outside society are banding together under Greyback's leadership. Left unspoken was that afterwards, my mission will be to act the spy, and as a subversive, if I can, undermining the support for You-Know-Who.

After I learned of Arthur's attack, I went to St. Mungo's for two reasons. The first was genuine concern. There was a possibility, however slight, that the snake targeted Arthur because of his connection to Harry. The second was out of self-interest. I wanted to delay my return to Grimmauld until my thoughts and feelings were under firm control. It would be too easy to dump everything onto Nymphadora.

In light of my current financial situation, I had requested we not give material presents this year; that we give to each other from the heart, not a store. It would be a poor present to give her worry over her lover's future—our future.

I paid a high price in order not burden Nymphadora. Sitting watch outside the Dai Llewellyn ward, my mind kept imagining a pink-haired Auror volunteering to take her friend's place and attacked by a giant serpent in his stead. Gut-wrenching images replayed constantly. I 'saw' her mouth open in a scream, watched her collapse, head lolling to the side, while her blood pooled onto the floor in an ever-widening circle.

Relief that she wasn't the one injured made me feel guilty for wanting to be with her, in the most intimate way, when I returned to find her sleeping on my bed. In her arms, swept away by passion, nothing else mattered except our love. It wasn't until I was alone that fears rose again, like the haunting croon of a Christmas Carol.

The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.

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A/N: Remus needs a hug, doesn't he? Lucky, lucky Lupin that so many women would love to give him one. :D The readers I have to give a virtual hug, heh, for reviewing are...♥ 40/16 ♥ adrienne06052 ♥ alix33 ♥ bored2pieces2 ♥ Calenmarwen ♥ ElspethBates ♥ Embellished ♥ FNP ♥ Freja Lercke-Falkenborg ♥ ishandtwofourths ♥ Ladyofthebookworms ♥ LolaCherryColaGirl ♥ MollyCoddles ♥ Moontime ♥ Nethiel Nessime ♥ Operamuse ♥ RahNee ♥ rairaichan ♥ Slipknot-3113 ♥ Sophia Loren ♥ sunny9847 ♥ and ♥ UnderworldBabe ♥

♥Added note: This 'entry' corresponds with chapter 26 of Moonlight and Shadow.