You know the thing I'd do first
Chapter Five
Even by Ted's recent standards, the evening had been unpredictable. He had found that the people that had passed him on the street as he walked to Lily and Marshall's place had offered vaguely enquiring expressions in his direction. Glancing at a window on 55th Street he realised why this was. He had been wearing an expression of puzzlement for the duration of the walk.
The confusion of the evening had not been the only matter on his mind, until a year ago, it would have been unthinkable that he would not get through to any of the gang on their cells, and even Marshall had allowed him to go to voicemail in what Ted considered to be a shocking lapse in the self-styled Eriksen code of etiquette. And though he knew that his friends would always have his back, he was preoccupied in wondering whether it was the beginning of a process that would result in the group drifting apart. Although, as his mind searched this particular train of thought, he was aware that he was walking towards the apartment at which his two closest friends resided.
Marshall had responded to his text asking to come around. His phone buzzed as a text message arrived. It read 'come on up.'
He walked up the stairs slowly. The short walk he had taken with Tracy was at the end of an evening during which he had undertaken a significant amount of exercise and he looked forward to sitting on a familiar couch.
Lily opened the front door. She was dressed in a bright pink dressing gown, covering mauve pajamas which were distinctly at odds with her face, which bore all the features of someone suffering with insomnia.
'Hey, come in,' she said quietly.
He walked into the apartment. Much of the floor space in the front room was given over to the items that Lily and Marshall had bought in anticipation of Marvin's arrival. With her usual attention to detail, Lily had marked a large cardboard box as 'baby clothes', Ted made the assumption that these were second hand from her colleagues at school, though he wondered momentarily whether Marshall had been privy to Lily's latest credit card bills. He attempted to push this cruel thought away from his mind.
He sat down and noted the smell of coffee reaching him from the kitchen.
'Making coffee?' he enquired.
'Yep, want one?' Lily asked.
'Thanks.'
Ted had taken his coffee maker, known as 'Shocky' for its knack of blowing fuses, to his new apartment. Even though he rarely used it now, he always found himself thinking of it when he had a moment of leisure at Lily and Marshall's. He had even noted that Lily habitually stood well away from their modern, shock-free coffee maker when it was switched on. It was an event he witnessed regularly, and it always brought a smile to his face.
'So, what's the news?' Lily asked, placing a cup in front of Ted.
'Oh, no news. Just a social call,' Ted replied, taking a sip.
'Ted,' Lily said.
Ted had never met anyone with quite the ability that Lily had to put such a level of emotional emphasis behind one word. Nor did he know anyone who could read him better. He admitted inwardly that he had picked a hopeless battle.
'Fine, I met someone,' Ted said.
'That's a one, Ted,' Lily replied.
'Oh, come on, there was a 70-30 chance you were awake anyway,' Ted continued.
'Good point. Go on,' Lily replied.
Ted paused for a moment, surveying the otherwise empty apartment.
'Where's Marshall?' he asked.
'Asleep, go on,' Lily replied.
'But, he sent me a text.'
'Oh yeah, I used his phone. Go on.'
Ted again found himself musing on how homogenous Lily and Marshall's relationship had become. Though, he also noted Lily's expectant look and felt the need to recount the events of the evening for her benefit.
He elected to omit the element of a future version of himself travelling back in time to meet him, deciding that even by the standards of their seventeen year friendship, that would be implausible.
'So, you're saying that you went to the apartment of a woman you don't know to deliver a flyer for MacLaren's,' Lily summarised.
'Yeah,' Ted replied, shifting in his seat.
'That's weird, Ted. Even for you, that's weird.'
'Okay, okay, that's not the whole story.'
He told the complete tale this time, with no omissions for Lily. She retained a poker face throughout, and once Ted had finished, she stood up.
'Wait, where are you going?' Ted asked.
'To wake someone who might believe all that,' Lily replied quietly.
Ted shook his head. He knew how his story must have sounded, and though he was unsurprised by Lily's scepticism, he had hoped for a more supportive reaction.
She reappeared a minute later, closely followed by a yawning Marshall.
'Hey man,' Marshall said.
'Hey,' Ted replied.
Marshall sat down slowly. He was dressed in grey pajama bottoms and a Star Wars t-shirt offering 'counselling and family therapy services to the Skywalker family'.
Ted repeated the story.
'Wow,' Marshall exclaimed at its conclusion.
'Yeah,' Ted replied.
'So, Barney invented a time machine?' Marshall asked.
'Yeah, or will invent one,' Ted replied.
The three of them lapsed into silence for a moment.
'No, there's no way this is real,' Lily said.
'What?' Ted replied.
'I've not slept well recently. This must be a dream,' Lily concluded.
'Lily, this is not a dream. You're awake. It's 11pm.'
'Then, how do you expect us to believe this, Ted? I mean, you've made some really bad choices recently, and I'm wondering if it's starting to affect you.'
'What do you mean by that?' Ted asked.
Lily sat back. She exchanged a look with Marshall who started to focus on manipulating a crease in his shirt, in order to look away from Ted.
Lily crossed her arms, and then just as quickly uncrossed them. She leaned forward towards Ted.
'It's just, well…' Lily began.
'What? It's what?' Ted asked.
'We don't think you're over what happened with Robin, and we think it's changed you more deeply than you realise.'
Ted glanced away from Lily to Marshall, who had taken a sudden, deep interest in the state of the ceiling. Lily kicked him, and he promptly met Ted's gaze.
Ted took a long sip of his coffee while he considered his reply.
'Well, thank you for your honesty. I don't agree with you,' Ted said.
'Okay, Ted, it's just that, telling someone that you love them, and not hearing that back…' Lily began.
'Is something that neither of you have ever experienced,' Ted interjected.
The silence following that statement stretched for several minutes. Ted attempted to maintain an even expression, looking past Marshall and at their bathroom door.
The baby monitor came to life with the sound of Marin's crying. Lily stood up.
'My turn,' she said.
She walked carefully to Marvin's room and closed the door behind her quietly.
'Look,' both Ted and Marshall said simultaneously.
'No, you go on,' they repeated.
They both laughed quietly. Marshall sat forward in his chair.
'I know… I mean, we know that you've been through hell with all this, man,' Marshall said.
'Yeah, I get that,' Ted replied.
'And we, well, I believe you, Ted. And, even if Lily doesn't she'd go along with it to see you with someone special.'
'Yeah, sure.'
'It's just a lot to take in, buddy.'
'She's not single.'
'What?'
'My "future wife" is not single, Marshall. She's living with a guy.'
'Oh.'
Ted could hear Lily singing 'night, night little Marvin' though the monitor. Marvin's crying was gradually subsiding, though he was clearly still awake.
'She's also met Barney,' Ted added.
'Oh,' Marshall replied.
'Say something other than "oh", please.'
'Okay, well, I'm reminded of the end of the 1999 NFC Championship Game.'
'Why does everything come back to that game?'
'Exactly, Ted. Exactly.'
Lily returned, having succeeded in returning Marvin to sleep.
'Did someone mention the 1999 NFC Championship Game?' Lily asked.
'Damn!' Marshall and Ted exclaimed, bashing their clenched fists on the table.
'You guys suck, she said, walking into the kitchen to the sound of their laughter.
Ted sipped at his coffee, which had turned lukewarm. Marshall scratched the back of his head and yawned loudly, before refocussing his attention on Ted.
'Okay, so what's her name' Marshall asked.
'Tracy,' Ted replied.
'Still talking about Ted's Star Wars time travel bride?' Lily asked, returning with a glass of orange juice.
'Yeah, though time travel generally happens in Star Trek, honey,' Marshall replied.
'That's not… The point is that she's lovely, and beautiful, by the way,' Ted said.
'And spoken for,' Marshall added.
'Marshall!' Ted exclaimed.
Lily's head turned slowly to stare at Ted. Her expression was volcanic, and Ted found that the air in the room seemed much shorter as a consequence.
'You hit on a woman who is in a relationship?' Lily asked.
'Yeah, I did, and she's not happy with him, Lily. Why else did she follow me to MacLaren's?' Ted asked.
'That's not the point. The point is that you're not Barney.'
'But she's…'
'Yes, I know who you think she is, Ted. Just, where do you think she is right now?'
'At home?'
'I meant emotionally, Ted. She's probably very confused.'
'Yeah, well, she's not the only one,' Ted replied quietly.
'That's certainly true,' Marshall said.
The clock ticked over to 11.30pm. Ted shortly had to leave. He had a lecture scheduled for 9am tomorrow that was rumoured to be the subject of a spot check by the head of the faculty.
He stood up. Marshall and Lily did likewise.
'Look, I know this is odd, but I'm glad I came to you guys. I think Robin would have laughed at me,' Ted said.
'No worries, man,' Marshall said.
'Barney probably would have put it in the playbook,' Lily added.
They laughed. Ted walked towards the front door and opened it. Lily and Marshall stood just behind him on the threshold.
'MacLaren's, tomorrow at eight?' he asked, half turning as he stopped just outside.
Lily nodded at Marshall. He smiled at Ted.
'Sure, man. See you tomorrow,' Marshall said.
Ted waved goodbye. They closed the door and he began his walk down the stairs.
As he walked towards the street, he contemplated the day ahead. For the next twelve hours he would have to concentrate on teaching, though Neo-Classical architecture somehow did not seem quite as important as it had a few hours earlier.