Joey swallowed and tried to grasp the fact that his best friends' marriage was based on a lie. "But if you love me--"

"What?" Chandler asked. "Leave her and not give her the family she wants? Leave her for what? You're straight, and we're just friends, Joe. That's all we'll ever be."

Joey frowned, feeling terrible that he had been the minister that married them, without a suspicion that they weren't sincere. Maybe Chandler's cold feet ought to have been a clue. "Why--why didn't you ever tell me this before, Chandler?"

"Tell you?" Chandler snorted at the absurdity. "How? Why? I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or scare you away." He was still afraid that Joey was going to push him away any second now.

Joey shook his head. "You wouldn't have, Chandler. Don't you remember when I first moved in? I said I was okay with the gay thing. I'm still okay with it."

Chandler scoffed. "Are you okay with me loving you?"

Taking a breath, Joey nodded and hugged him closer. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay with it."

Chandler raised his head from Joey's shoulder's and met his eyes doubtfully. "Really?"

"Yeah," Joey said and caressed his cheek. "See, I--I know what it's like to love somebody you can't have."

They were silent for a moment, and Chandler became depressed from thinking about Joey loving Rachel. Why her, of all people?

Joey watched his eyes and asked softly, "Does it--does it hurt a lot?"

Chandler swallowed and whispered, "Some days are harder than others. That night when we were sleeping in the guest room, I wanted so badly to stay with you. To just kiss you and hold you, and... But then I came to my senses."

Joey looked at him with pity. "Chandler, I never meant to hurt you. Not like this. Not after Rachel--"

Chandler winced at her name and pulled out of his arms. "You didn't know. You just--" He shrugged helplessly. "We're friends." He turned and started to get up, grabbing onto the bed to help steady him. "I'll go back to my room."

"Chandler!" Joey got up from the floor too and stopped him. "Wait, let's talk about this."

"No, I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"But you did."

"I shouldn't have," Chandler insisted. Looking mournful, he said to Joey, "Goodbye. Good luck with finding Kate. I-I hope you're happy together. I really do."

Joey still wouldn't let him pull away. "Chandler, stop talking like that. We're still friends. We're not saying goodbye forever."

"We're not?"

Joey answered quietly, "No, we're not."

"But I thought--" Chandler stared at him. "You know, you're staying here, and I'm going back to New York."

"Yeah, but we're still calling each other, right? Every day."

Chandler shrugged. He thought all such promises would be revoked now that Joey knew of his secret love.

"We're still friends," Joey repeated firmly. "Come here." He pulled Chandler to sit down with him on the bed again.

Chandler felt weird about it now, and wasn't sure what to say.

Joey sighed. "I thought you and Monica were happy. I thought--God, I must be wrong about everything. Everything's upside down now."

"I'm sorry I told you." He didn't want to make Joey upset.

"No, no, don't apologize for that. I-I needed to hear the truth." Joey frowned and calculated the years gone by. "You've loved me for, what, ten years? And you never said anything? I thought Ross waited a long time with Rachel, but--Wow!"

"It's not like, it's not like you could love me too. You're not gay. If I couldn't be with you, I just, I just needed to be friends. To be near you."

"And that's why you wanted me to come back to New York?"

Chandler nodded and bit his lip. "But I do, I do want you to be happy, Joe. You should settle down with some girl. Have lots of kids."

"You should be happy too," Joey said. "You and Monica. I always thought you were happy. You shouldn't be moping about me."

"I can't help it," Chandler shook his head. "I love you. Being with her never--it just never changed the way I feel about you."

"But what about your baby? How's it gonna feel, growing up in a house where the parents don't love each other?"

Chandler shrugged. "The kid won't know. I never knew what was wrong with my parents until that Thanksgiving they announced the divorce. I thought it was normal seeing them bicker and sneak around with other guys. Besides, me and Monica don't fight like that, and we're not cheating. We're just... settling."

Joey still found the marriage troubling. "But if she doesn't love you--if she's still hung up on Richard, like you said, she should go back to him. They could be happy together, and you--"

"What?" Chandler waited.

Joey realized that he didn't know how to finish that sentence. He wanted to think that Chandler could fall in love with someone else and be happy, but if he'd been in love with Joey for ten years, and if an apparently happy romance with Monica hadn't changed things, what hope was there?

Chandler sighed and suggested, "I could be alone. Your pathetic single friend hanging around you and your family. But maybe your wife would notice me being in love with you, and she wouldn't be comfortable having me around."

Joey frowned and caressed his cheek sadly. "I'm sorry."

"You can't help it. If you don't love me, you don't." Chandler swallowed and turned away to hide the tears that were creeping back into his eyes.

Joey reached to hold him again, but Chandler tried to push him away.

"No, don't--"

Joey insisted. "Chandler, if I can't love you, I can at least be here for you. Come here." He hugged him close.

Chandler protested, "What? Did Rachel hold you after she rejected you the first time?"

Joey nodded. "She did. We hugged at the restaurant table. Completely missed dinner and had to be kicked out."

Chandler struggled, but finally gave up, too exhausted and drunk to be strong. He broke down into tears and clung to Joey.

Joey never let him go, and after a while, they fell asleep together.