In the morning, Chandler woke up in Joey's arms on the bed, and he was amazed that he hadn't dreamed it all.

Why would Joey want to hold him all night? Why would he want to be in the same room, let alone the same bed, knowing that Chandler was desperately in love with him?

Joey hadn't held him all night even when he was the one crying, one month ago in the guest room. He had sent Chandler back to his wife, with the assumption that Chandler would be happier with her. Perhaps Joey had also wanted to be strong and macho, to show that he could do fine with just Hugsy.

Whatever the reason, Chandler was here now in Joey's arms. He could enjoy his musky smell, feel his scratchy beard, and memorize this moment for when he was back in New York. If only he could take a picture of this, and preserve every detail so that he could relive it in his dreams for the rest of his life.

"I love you," he whispered, then kissed Joey's lips very lightly before he pulled away. If he stayed too long, who knew what else he might be tempted to do?

Chandler got out of bed and went into the bathroom to clean up. When he returned, Joey was awake and sitting up.

"Are you okay?" Joey asked, still looking concerned.

Chandler nodded. "Thank you--thank you for not hating me. Thank you for everything."

"You're my best friend." He smiled softly as he recalled Chandler's words from that night in the guest room. "You needed me."

"Yeah." Chandler sat down to put on his shoes and socks again. (He and Joey had partially undressed last night to make themselves comfortable. Besides footwear, Chandler had taken off his jacket and tie.) He hurried to restore himself to a decent appearance so that he could go back to his room and get ready to leave for New York again.

Joey came and sat beside him. "What time's your flight?" He was thinking about driving with him to the airport.

Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'll go to the airport and buy a ticket on the first plane for New York."

Joey was confused. "Wait, you didn't have a return ticket already?"

Chandler shook his head. "No, I didn't know how long it would take to convince you to come home. I thought maybe you'd just keep saying that you didn't want to see Rachel again, and I had to convince you that you could find some other place in New York to live. Maybe I'd need to stay the weekend or longer. I brought a week's worth of clothes."

"Oh." Joey wrinkled his brow. "So how come you gave up so easy last night?"

"I didn't give up easy. I just gave up because you said it wasn't about Rachel. You were gonna stay here and find someone else."

"It makes that much of a difference, me loving Rachel or someone else?"

Chandler nodded and explained, "I told you. I want you to be happy, Joe." He scoffed at how noble that sounded. "But then I go and blow it by trying to interfere with you and Rachel! I know it's selfish and irrational, but I just hate you being with her. I can't help thinking, 'If you can fall in love with one of your friends, why the hell can't it be me?' It's no use telling myself that you're just not gay. My heart won't listen to that. Not when it's Rachel."

"So you want me with anyone but her?" Joey blinked and tried to understand it.

"There's no logic in it!" Chandler told him. "I mean, you were completely right before, Joey. I was out of line, I shouldn't tell you who to love, and I should support you no matter who the woman is. But somehow, with her--!" He groaned miserably. "I guess it's because Rachel came from a rich family like me, and her parents divorced too, and she was your roommate. It just reminded me too much of myself."

Joey frowned and put his arm around Chandler. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that." Now that he thought about it, Chandler and Rachel did have some things in common. Of course, Chandler's parents had divorced much earlier, which had a profound impact on his personality. "I didn't see."

"You weren't looking for it," Chandler said. "This is--this is what happens to your brain when you hopelessly love somebody for too long. You grasp at straws trying to be with him."

Joey hugged him close again. "Now I get why you acted like that. Why you hated seeing us together." He shrugged. "I thought you were just looking out for Ross, because everybody thinks she and him are lobsters."

Chandler shook his head. "I don't believe in lobsters anymore. Soul mates. If there were any such thing, you'd be mine."

Joey brushed his hair and looked into his eyes. "Chandler, if I was gay--"

"No, no!" Chandler pulled out of his arms and choked back a sob. "Don't--don't say anything like that. Don't get my hopes up. Never say anything like that unless you mean it. Unless you're gonna kiss me and tell me to leave my wife. Never, never say that!"

So Joey shut up and just looked at him, feeling terrible. He wanted to be gentle and caressing and kind, but he realized that would only be cruel. He had to remember how it had felt being around Rachel the first time he'd told her he loved her. No encouragement was less painful than having someone lead you on.

Chandler sniffled and reached for some tissues. He needed a while to compose himself.

Joey got up and got dressed too. When he returned from the bathroom, he sat down with Chandler again. "Do you want me to come with you to the airport?"

"No, 'cause maybe I'll break down again at the gate, when I have to say goodbye to you. I should just, I should go by myself."

"All right." Joey sighed. "But do you wanna have breakfast with me first?"

"No, I can't eat anything now. I'll just get some coffee and go get my stuff from my room. Then I'll catch a cab to the airport."

"So we should say goodbye now?"

Chandler nodded and hugged Joey tentatively. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye." Joey lingered and squeezed his shoulders. "I'm still gonna call you, okay? You have to quit smoking."

"I know." Chandler sighed heavily. "I got through last night without a cigarette."

"Keep it up," Joey said. "Stay strong. And when you see Monica--"

Chandler waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "What? You want me to tell her that we're both settling? Not just her?"

Joey sighed and felt out of his depth. "I don't know. I can't believe that she doesn't love you. I mean, whenever I saw you two together... But I guess I didn't know about you, either. If I saw her now and knew this, maybe I could tell. It just--it just doesn't seem right."

"I know," Chandler agreed with him, "but it's the best I can do." He let go of Joey reluctantly and turned to leave.

When he was at the door, Joey rushed over to hug him one last time. "Goodbye."

Chandler closed his eyes and savored the embrace. "Goodbye," he whispered in return. Then he turned the doorknob and slipped out of Joey's arms.

Joey stood in the doorway and watched him go.