The next day, Estelle was also impressed by Joey's new beard, saying that it gave him a rugged, brooding look that might be useful in certain dramatic parts. She told him to keep the beard and get new head shots with it. She also suggested that Joey audition for roles under a new name, since he was likely to be blacklisted by certain folks in the New York entertainment industry who had been offended by his hasty, and apparently ungrateful, disappearance from the show that made him a star.

But Joey chose to confront the problem directly by explaining to the various gossip reporters in town that he had quit Days of Our Lives so abruptly because of a personal problem, and now that he'd taken some time off to fix it, he would focus on his career again and try to earn back the respect of the local producers and directors. It had nothing to do with pursuing his film career. "I mean, did anybody see me going to auditions in L.A.? No."

After that announcement, Joey was then able to get some auditions and work, because even the people who resented him were curious to know whether Joey's "personal problem" referred to some substance abuse, kleptomania, or even a diagnosis as a sex addict--his reputation with women certainly supported the last idea. Joey denied such rumors of course, but didn't talk about Rachel either; he would rather avoid the whole subject and move on.

Chandler and Joey went to the see the chick and the duck at the petting zoo.

"Look who's back!" Chandler announced.

The birds rushed over to them, and Joey knelt down to pet them. "Aw, you guys didn't forget me after all."

The birds made a commotion about his beard, and Joey chuckled, glancing at Chandler. "Even they like my beard."

Chandler smiled and couldn't blame them.

Joey asked the birds, "So have you been good for Phoebe and Chandler?"

They quacked and clucked in the affirmative.

"Yeah, I still miss you guys," Joey said, carrying on his own conversation with the birds. "I wish Rachel hadn't--" he broke off, realizing that he'd mentioned her name.

Chandler looked worried. "Joe?"

Joey shrugged it off. "You know what? Cookie has a yard that her kids run around in, and they're always begging for a dog or a cat. What if I take the birds back from the zoo and show the kids how great other pets can be?"

"You sure?" Chandler asked. "What about when you move to a new apartment?"

"Then I'll get a place that allows pets." Joey stood up. "Hey, I'm gonna go call Cookie, and my real estate agent, and oh, talk to the petting zoo people. Be right back." He turned and walked away, out of the barn.

Chandler stayed with the birds, commenting, "Wow. He wants you guys back."

The duck quacked encouragingly, "He wants you too."

Chandler sighed in exasperation. He'd thought he was fully recovered from this madness, but apparently not.

The rooster joined in, clucking, "He came home for you. See? He loves you."

"No!" Chandler insisted. "He's worried about me and Monica, and his family's here, and L.A.'s expensive, and--"

"And seeing you is more important than avoiding Rachel."

Chandler shook his head and swallowed. How lonely and desperate could he be? It seemed to be getting worse ever since the night that he'd told Joey his secret love. Leaving the birds, Chandler got up and walked away, sitting on a bale of hay at the side of the barn. He tried to clear his head.

Joey returned from his errand and was surprised to see Chandler far from the birds. "What's wrong?"

Chandler shrugged. "Oh, I-I had another craving for a cigarette."

Joey frowned. "I thought you were over that." He sat down next to Chandler and hugged him with one arm. "Anyway, Cookie said it was all right for me to bring the birds, and the zoo people said I could have them back, because the birds are getting older now and more expensive to keep healthy. I said that's fine, I'll take care of them."

"Well, I'm sure the birds will be happier with you."

"You should come visit too," Joey said. "It'll take your mind off smoking and stuff."

Chandler shrugged again.

Joey and Chandler went out to pick up some supplies from a pet store, then they returned to the zoo to collect the birds and take them to Cookie's house. Cookie's children were confused and surprised by the new pets, but eager to play with them. They chased the birds all around the yard.

Looking rather serious, Joey calmed down his nieces and nephews so that he could teach them how to care for and feed the birds. He said that if they proved they were responsible, Cookie might trust them with pets of their own.

Chandler could see that Joey was picturing what it would be like to raise his own kids when he settled down with some woman. Chandler excused himself, and left Uncle Joey to bond with his family.

Chandler went home, feeling conflicted about the birds. He liked and missed his former pets, of course, but he feared that he'd still hear the voices whenever he was alone with them. How had this all started?

Despite his making fun of Ross for treating his monkey Marcel like a person, Chandler had found himself talking to the birds like they were people too. It was silly of him, but Joey and Phoebe also had conversations with the birds pretty regularly, so Chandler had fallen into the habit.

The conversations were rather mundane and harmless at first, until Chandler began confessing his secret love.

Maybe because the chick had turned out to be a rooster, Chandler felt comfortable confiding to "the guys", knowing that they couldn't possibly tell Joey. So after Joey left for a date one evening, Chandler turned to the birds and said softly, "I love him. Did you know that?"

They clucked and quacked knowingly.

"Oh really, so everybody including my birds think I'm gay? That's so damn hilarious." Then he sighed and continued anyway, "Do you think Joey could ever love me, too? Maybe?" He scoffed. "Yeah, right! Do you even listen when he's banging some girl in his room? No, the last thing he wants is me. He kissed me once at New Year's, but there's been nothing since. Nothing but those hugs that I wish would last so much longer."

After London, it became clear that the birds didn't really like Monica, and the feeling was mutual. They used to loudly complain whenever she left, as if to say, "What the hell are you doing with her instead of Joey?"

Chandler would answer them, "Joey doesn't want me, remember? No, he doesn't! No, he doesn't! No, he doesn't!"

The birds would flap their wings and turn their backs to him as a sign of disgusted protest.

Maybe Chandler was simply projecting his thoughts onto the birds, using them as a sounding board so that he could argue through his conflicted feelings about Joey. There was a small part of Chandler even now that whispered, "Maybe he really loves you, not Rachel" but the rest of Chandler was too sensible and too afraid of being hurt to dare listen to that whisper.

It's enough to be accepted Chandler told himself. It's enough to be friends.

Because of the awkwardness, everyone agreed to new holiday traditions this year. Monica, Ross, Rachel, and Emma would spend Hanukkah together, while Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey would celebrate Christmas together. Phoebe and Chandler also agreed to stop by Ross and Rachel's apartment one night that week to exchange Christmas gifts, though Chandler was not happy about seeing Rachel.

The last night of Hanukkah happened to fall on the 26th, so while the Gellers and Greens were lighting the last candle in the menorah, and Phoebe was upstate visiting her family, Chandler went out with Joey. He wanted them to have their own private Christmas, without Phoebe or Monica; without even the birds or Joey's relatives around. So the guys had dinner at a restaurant near Rockefeller Center, then they stood gazing at the tree and watching the skaters in the ice rink.

It was all beautiful, but Joey was not really in the holiday spirit. He found it strange to be back in New York again, not quite two months after he had decided to leave forever.

Chandler on the other hand beamed with happiness. "I'm so glad we didn't miss this, Joe. That the detective found you in time, and that you changed your mind..." He hugged Joey effusively and sniffled against his shoulder. "This--this was the best gift that you could have ever given me." Besides returning his love, of course.

Joey patted his back and tried to smile, but he felt awful. How could Chandler be this ecstatic about being with him, but not with his own wife? "I-I missed you."

Chandler still clung to him. "It's--it's almost like when I came home from Tulsa last year. I quit because I missed you, Joe. I missed you so much!"

"But you said you missed Monica most."

"That was just a lie, like her saying that she couldn't live without me four days a week. But it was you, Joey; it was always you. You even winked, so I thought maybe you could tell."

Joey shrugged and said with regret, "I-I didn't know you loved me."

"I did, and I couldn't take it anymore. It--it was too hard, only being home three days a week, and spending most of that with Monica. In Tulsa, I thought about all the holidays we spent together, and I remembered how you kissed me on New Years, and I thought, maybe if I get some mistletoe, you'll kiss me again. Or maybe on your birthday, I could get drunk and..." Chandler trailed off and sighed with longing. "But even if you didn't, I-I just needed to be near you."

Joey nodded sadly and brushed his fingers through Chandler's hair. "Yeah, I-I know." He felt awful, because at the time, he had actually wanted Chandler to miss him the most. He should have been careful what he wished for.