Chandler sullenly returned to his parked car on the street and sat crying in it, until he slowly started to notice what he thought might be paparazzi (or other gawking people) recognizing him from the photos in the tabloids. Muttering a curse, Chandler hid his face and drove off, trying to lose anyone who might be following him. He felt furious as well as heartbroken, and he wondered why God or the universe had to be so damn cruel.
Joey had kissed him. After all these years, he had finally kissed Chandler again, and it wasn't just a brief tease, like their New Year's kiss. It was warm and real, and Joey held him so close; Chandler stupidly thought that it meant love. But then Joey pulled away and shattered his naive happiness. Joey thought this was all a terrible mistake, an illusion, a false desire brought about by the gossip. He said he was sorry, and he didn't want to repeat the disastrous drama that had happened with Ross and Rachel and Emma.
It wasn't fair--to come to the brink of having all his hopes and dreams, only to have them snatched away again. Chandler wondered whether Joey would have refused him so adamantly had this happened before Joey fell for Rachel. Well, he'd never know now, and Chandler hated Rachel more than ever for that. Also, the idea of continuing his marriage with Monica became even more intolerable and suffocating to Chandler than usual. How could he keep up the farce?
After much brooding and roundabout driving throughout Manhattan, Chandler finally headed home and despondently dragged himself upstairs. He didn't even turn on the lights as he entered the empty apartment, just locking the door and retreating to his room. Then he threw himself onto the bed with a moan.
While he sobbed, Chandler remembered details from the tabloid story and wished that they were all true. If only Joey had made love to him that night in L.A., and if only he had returned to New York two weeks later because he loved Chandler and couldn't live without him. If only all their days and nights since then had been spent in guilty, passionate embraces...
But no, these past six weeks had been platonic and hopeless as always. True love remained a fantasy out of his reach. Maybe Joey had been right about the kiss; maybe the warmth and desire that Chandler felt had been mere figments of his imagination, much like his crazy conversations with the chick and the duck lately. Maybe he was delirious and completely losing his mind.
Meanwhile, Joey felt confused and disturbed by the incident. He had simply been trying to calm down Chandler, especially after his shocking offer to let Joey have Monica and the baby, but Joey had wound up kissing him! He couldn't help himself somehow, when Chandler looked so broken and miserable in his arms. Joey had ached to comfort him and make him happy, even though he ought to have known better. Chandler loved him desperately, and his feelings shouldn't be toyed with.
Joey apologized and thought the tabloids must be getting to him, but this only made Chandler very upset. Joey felt terrible for hurting him so badly, especially after having his own heart broken by Rachel three months ago, but Chandler didn't want to hear a word about Rachel. He harbored a strangely intense, irrational kind of jealousy when it came to her, and he stormed out.
In frustration, Joey picked up the table that Chandler had knocked down, and crumpled up the tabloids to toss into the garbage. Then he paced around his apartment and looked out the window again, furtively watching Chandler in the Porsche below and wondering whether he should go after him or call his cellphone. Or should he just leave him alone?
Then Chandler drove away, and Joey sighed with guilt. At the same time, though, he noticed a few people staring after the departing car and also glancing up at his window, so Joey withdrew and quickly closed the curtains again. Apparently, the paparazzi had caught up and found out his new address. What were they going to make of Chandler's visit?
Joey worried and also remembered his promise to do something about the numerous reporters hounding his sister, so he sat down and called Estelle to issue an official statement denying the gay rumors.
Joey stammered a bit, not having any help from Chandler on choosing the right words; Joey had stupidly put his foot in his mouth with reporters in the past, and he wasn't sure what exactly he wanted to say. But he finally settled on using the same excuse that he had told Cookie earlier, about wanting to help Chandler quit smoking. Estelle was skeptical that the statement would convince anyone, but Joey insisted that he couldn't let the gossip go on like this.
Yet, after hanging up the phone with his agent, Joey felt like a liar because, in a way, the paparazzi were right; something did happen in L.A. six weeks ago. Chandler had kissed him and confessed his secret love. And Joey had comforted him that night; they had shared a hotel room and a bed, even if it was innocently. They didn't have an affair, but Joey did come back to New York for him, and they had kissed again today. The fine line between truth and rumor was getting hard to distinguish.
That evening, Monica came home from the restaurant and looked around for her husband, who hadn't answered any of her phone calls. She had been outraged by the gay rumors too, but was fairly calm now; after all, she knew the truth about the alumni website incident, and Joey's painful breakup with Rachel, so it was clear to her that the tabloids were full of crap. "Honey? Are you here?"
She soon found Chandler buried under the covers on their bed and came closer to check whether or not he was awake, but he grunted and clutched the covers defensively, not wanting to see or talk to her.
Monica sat down with a sigh and tried to comfort him. "Listen, honey, I know it's been a really horrible day. I was just as shocked as you when I first heard it, and when all the reporters showed up at Javu's, I had to deny it to them too." She assumed that Chandler simply felt humiliated and insecure about being mistaken for gay yet again, after all these years and his marriage. "I mean, that bastard Tom Gordon even called me a drag queen, so I know just how you feel!"
Chandler still wouldn't reply, and he rolled away when she reached to touch him.
Monica continued, "Anyway, so we had to postpone the cooking contest until tomorrow because the kitchen staff was snickering so much about the gossip, that I had to make them scrub the whole place four times for their insubordination! That'll teach the maitre d' to be a wise ass!" Jeffrey, although he remained the funniest guy Monica ever met, had crossed a line with his jokes this time, so she had to include him in the general punishment. She was not going to let the Javu staff treat her as badly as the Allesandro staff once did.
She went on to say that she had also spoken to Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe on the phone today; they too had heard the rumors and denied them to the press. "Ross even told them that Tom Gordon is a no-good lying jerk, because he came to the memorial service just to hit on you, not to actually mourn him!" She laughed a bit, but saw that Chandler remained unresponsive. "Sorry."
Not knowing what else to do, Monica got up and offered to make Chandler his favorite meal to help him feel better. When she returned to the living room, she noticed that the answering machine was full of messages. It was probably mostly paparazzi messages, as well as Monica's own calls to Chandler, but Monica felt compelled to check the messages anyway, in case one of the gang had called. Maybe Joey had finally called back.
As the messages played, Monica quickly deleted the irrelevant and pestering ones, but then she heard two familiar, yet unexpected voices. First came Don, an ex-boyfriend of Phoebe's, who was calling to give Monica his sympathy and ask if the rumors were true. It had been a few years since she saw him, but Monica remembered that Phoebe had claimed that Don was Monica's soulmate because he was older, sexy, English, and sophisticated. In his message, Don even offered Monica the use of his villa in France, should she feel the need to get away from New York right now because of the scandal. Monica wrote down his name and number, intending to politely thank him but decline his offer.
Then came the message from a man that Monica had actually dated and once loved. "Uh, hi, Monica. It--it's me, Richard." As if she could fail to recognize his voice! He sounded so concerned and kind. "I-I just heard the rumors about Chandler, and I-I was worried about you. Are you all right? And Jack had said that you were pregnant now, after a long time trying... Monica, I'm so sorry!"
She gasped and quickly deleted the message when she realized that Chandler might be able to hear it from the bedroom. She didn't want him to throw a jealous fit about Richard, especially not at a time like this. Monica decided to delete all the other messages in one fell swoop, then she got up and hurriedly made dinner to get her mind off it.
However, Chandler didn't want to eat or drink a thing. He just moaned repeatedly, "It's not fair," and wept.
She didn't understand what he meant, but said tenderly, "Oh I know, honey, I know. I hate this too. It's just that Joey's famous now, and this kind of crazy gossip gets started about celebrities all the time. They'll take any tiny grain of truth and blow it all out of proportion, and then they'll make up 'exclusive' interviews with so-called reliable sources, and never care about privacy or getting the real facts." She sighed. "Give it some time, though, and I'm sure it'll all blow over soon."
Monica tried to hug him once more, but he rather harshly pushed her away. She frowned and reluctantly put away his dinner, then called the gang again to tell them how badly Chandler was taking this scandal.
That night, when she tried to get in bed with her husband, and to kiss him lightly, he still refused her. He even got out of the bed and slept on the couch. Monica gave up, and hoped he would feel better in the morning.
At his apartment, Joey spoke to his family in Queens and apologized for the media circus. They were upset about all the reporters bugging them, and Joseph Sr. even wondered whether it was wise for Joey to remain friends with Chandler. "With his reputation and his, you know, family history..."
"That's not his fault!" Joey argued with him. "And even if he were gay--he's still my friend! I wouldn't just dump him."
"But they think that he's more than your friend! I mean, at least you should start dating again, like Cookie said!"
Joey repeated that he wasn't ready to date yet. His heart had been broken, and he didn't want to pretend to like someone new just for appearances' sake.
"But it's just like acting, you know? Like when you have love interests on TV and movies."
Joey sighed and didn't want to explain that things were different now. After Chandler's confession, Joey's idea of happy endings and perfect love had been shattered; how could he rush or focus on his own love life, if he had lost confidence in Chandler and Monica's?
Luckily, the chick and the duck were making loud noises in their room, so Joey took the opportunity to say, "I gotta go" and hung up. He let the birds out and fed them dinner, then sat down pensively again.
Joey turned on the TV and flipped around, but he saw that the scandal had still not died down about him yet, and that, like Estelle had predicted, no one really believed Joey's statement that he'd move across the country just to make sure that his best friend stopped smoking. Hearing it put that way, Joey realized that it did sound stupid after all.
But he'd stupidly kissed Chandler today, so what did he know?
The next morning, Monica woke up Chandler and asked him if he was feeling all right. He merely grunted and pulled the blanket over his head. She offered to make him breakfast, but he only said, "Leave me alone!"
She sighed and made her own breakfast, hoping to arouse his appetite. She checked the news on TV, only to shut it off when she saw Joey's scandal being discussed again. Hearing Chandler whimpering again on the couch, Monica called Chandler's office to say that he was sick and staying home today.
Monica still worried about her husband and again encouraged him to eat, especially as he had no dinner last night, but he would not respond at all. She almost thought of staying home too and forcefeeding him, but she had to get back to the restaurant to choose someone to be head chef while she was on maternity leave. Monica didn't want to put off that decision any longer, or let the staff get unruly and discuss Joey's scandal again.
So Monica reluctantly left for work, reminding Chandler that his dinner was still in the fridge if he wanted it. "I'll have one of the gang come and check in on you later. I'll be home soon."
He didn't even say goodbye to her.
While he was alone and miserable that day, Chandler cried some more and slept in. Then he finally dragged himself from the couch and put on a robe. He didn't clean up the couch or put the blankets away, and then he had cereal for breakfast, but hardly tasted it at all. He tossed it into the sink carelessly, then grabbed a beer.
As he drank at 9:30 in the morning, he considered whether he should become a raging alcoholic now, or start smoking again, or both. Maybe, given his unraveling sanity, he ought to pack his stuff now and check into a mental hospital? He'd get away from Monica at least, and no one would blame her for divorcing a crazy husband.
But if he was going away, he wanted to take something with him. Chandler returned to the living room and looked through old photo albums to find the photo of his New Year's kiss with Joey. However, he saw Rachel in many of the photos, and he was so disgusted with her that he pulled out the photos and started ripping Rachel right out of them. He wished she'd never come and joined the gang after leaving Barry at the altar, he wished she'd never been Joey's roommate, and he wished Joey had never loved her.
It just wasn't fair--that she had the chance to be with him, and Chandler didn't. It was no good telling his heart that Joey wasn't gay; Joey had kissed him, all too convincingly, and his heart refused to let go.
In the midst of Chandler's destruction, he heard his cell phone ring. He was going to ignore it, if it was just a friend "checking up on him," but then he noticed that the number was long distance, from Vegas.
So he picked it up and asked hesitantly, "Dad?"
"Yes, Chandler, it's me," came the deep voice of his father, Charles Bing.