I do know that Charles Bing performs at his Vegas club under the name of Helena Handbasket, but I consider this a stage name, an obvious joke in the context of the campy burlesque show. Though he still wears drag offstage, I think Mr. Bing does go under the name Charles in his private life, or else he would have protested when Nora referred to him as "Charles" at Monica and Chandler's wedding. They were not shy about trading insults with each other.

I assume that Mr. Bing and Chandler have occasionally talked and kept up contact since their reconciliation in season 7.

Like all Bings, Chandler's dad possessed the habit of making sarcastic jokes to relieve tension. So he asked over the phone, "Well, have all your college classmates and professors been calling you again to congratulate you and hit on you?"

"Um, no," Chandler answered, almost regretting that he had told his dad about the website feud in an earlier conversation. Obviously, the current scandal with Joey was big enough that Chandler's dad had found out independently, even way out in Vegas.

"So you're no longer the belle of the ball? Ah, it's a sad thing, going out of fashion. But then again, I suppose it could be that they believe that you're spoken for."

"I-I guess so," Chandler said, sitting back and imagining what it would be like if he were really spoken for. Really loved by Joey.

"I bet Nora will be jealous that you've managed to eclipse her in fame in just one day!" he chuckled spitefully. Knowing that he shouldn't dwell on the old bitterness and rivalry, Charles then sighed and asked more paternally, "How are you, Chandler? Are you handling this mess all right?"

Chandler ran his hands through his hair and halfheartedly joked to deflect the question, "Oh, I'm just peachy!"

"Mm-hmm," Charles responded knowingly. He could detect the pitiful strain in Chandler's voice, as if he'd been crying lately, and it made him ache to hug and console his son in person. "Chandler, if you need me to come--"

"No," Chandler interrupted. "No, then the next headline would be all about my drag queen father visiting to help me through my big coming out."

"Ah--you're right. My, my, where's my cynicism gone? I'm all out of practice since the divorce from your mother." There had been a minor scandal at the time, due to Nora's fame as a romance author, and her decision to keep the name Bing. Charles realized, "Wow, has it been 25 years already? You know, people don't celebrate the anniversaries of their divorces like they do their marriages. It's a pity."

"Yeah."

In case he had been too flippant, Charles added seriously, "I really wish that your mother and I had handled the divorce better. I'm sorry that I let it get as bad as it did."

"I-I know, Dad." Distracted and wallowing in his misery, Chandler desperately wanted a divorce from Monica now; if only he could turn back time and not show up for the wedding after all. Or maybe he shouldn't have proposed to her in the first place? He should have let her get back together with Richard, and then maybe run away to see his dad. But of course, Chandler hadn't been speaking to his father at the time, still unable to forgive him for the divorce and his broken childhood. To be honest, he had also partly blamed his dad for, apparently, passing on his gayness, in the form of Chandler's love of Joey. But there was something special about Joey too, something unique that stirred Chandler's heart in a way that no other man had done, let alone a woman.

Charles continued pensively, "If I had to do it over again, then I guess I would have broken it off with Nora sooner, before you were born. Like Carol did with Ross, you know?" What Chandler had told him about his friends' lives had helped Charles to see just how ugly and traumatizing his divorce from Nora had been. The vicious bickering, the endless custody battle, the sexual games with the houseboy to taunt each other--no wonder Chandler had needed therapy. Of course, hindsight was 20/20, and nothing could be done now.

Chandler was reminded of Monica being pregnant, and it upset him more. He ached for an escape from his pain and his feelings for Joey. "If--if only you hadn't married mom at all, you know, and got her pregnant. Then the Bing marriage curse would be broken, and I-I wouldn't be in this mess now."

"Um, yes, but--but you wouldn't be here, period." Charles was rather alarmed by that sentiment, and he said, "I didn't mean that I didn't want you to be born, Chandler! Just that you would miss the agony of the divorce and grow up happy."

"Happy." Feeling that he was doomed to be unhappy, Chandler gulped, and his voice cracked. "Dad, I-I can't take this! I can't..." He moaned and fought back his tears.

"Chandler!" Charles wished again to hug him. "I'm so sorry, son! I-I wish that I could be there, and help you somehow. But--but don't give up hope, or let those gossip mongers get you down! You'll survive this, I promise, and the vultures will lose interest in you soon enough. Trust me, there won't always be humiliating snickers behind your back, and soon your baby will be born, which--"

Chandler choked back a sob.

Realizing his gaffe, Charles spoke quickly, "Oh, I didn't mean to imply that the scandal would last for months! No, I-I just meant that the birth of your child will bring you so much joy, and erase any lingering bad memories. Uh, and for now, you always have your wife and friends to--"

Losing the battle with his emotions, Chandler broke down crying and dropped the phone on the floor.

Charles was startled and disturbed by this reaction. Surely Chandler's wife and friends were not teasing him about this? Surely they were all being supportive and sensitive and kind, given the circumstances? In fact, he had already seen some tabloid TV shows with clips of all them denying the rumors and fiercely defending Chandler's (let alone Joey's) reputation. But Charles realized something significant, then; he hadn't asked his son whether the gossip was, in fact, false.

"Chandler? Chandler!" Charles called out loudly, since he could still faintly hear his son's weeping. "Please pick up, or put me on speakerphone!" Remembering that he had called Chandler's cell phone, Charles was about to hang up and call back the apartment, but he finally heard a response on the line.

Chandler had sunk down and curled into a ball on the floor. He lay next to the phone now and asked in despair, "Dad--dad, how did you ever last ten years? Ten years, trapped and..." He couldn't go on.

It didn't matter, because Charles knew exactly which ten years Chandler meant. The ten years of his deeply unhappy marriage to Nora; he had already told Chandler that his only reason for staying so long was his sense of obligation to keep the family together, since they had a young child.

Charles sighed and answered simply, "It--it was hell. I'd manage to escape now and then to gay bars or the poolhouse while she was busy writing her books or seducing her latest conquest... but I don't think that's of much help to you now, is it?" He didn't wait for a reply, feeling certain enough to plunge in without caution. "Chandler, I-I noticed something on the TV. Your wife and all your friends have already denied the rumors... but you haven't yet. You haven't even issued a statement, like Joey did. Why is that?"

Chandler's throat constricted. He sniffled and denied softly, "I-I just didn't want to speak to any reporters."

"Right. Of course." Charles lowered his voice and spoke more slowly, "So then I'm--I'm wrong to suspect even for a moment that--that the gossip might be true?" He let the question hang in the air.

After a tense, wretched silence, Chandler gave up and confessed, "I-I love him. I love him!"

"Just you? You mean, Joey doesn't feel the same way?" Charles was genuinely surprised and concerned.

"No, no, he's straight! He--he kissed me, but he still doesn't--" He choked, sobbed, and gasped while trying to explain the recent kiss and how Joey had rejected him, saying it was simply because of the gossip about them.

It was getting quite difficult for Charles to hear his son clearly and understand him. So he interrupted with the suggestion, "Chandler, wait! Come out here. Fly to Vegas today, and I'll come pick you up, then we can talk about this properly."

Chandler pondered that for a moment, feeling sorely tempted, but then he shook his head and whispered, "They'd follow me."

"Your wife, and--?" But then Charles realized what he meant. The paparazzi would make as much fuss about Chandler going there as they would about Charles visiting New York. "Oh, the headlines. But--but surely, if things are so unbearable for you, Chandler, then we should take a risk anyway? Maybe I can get a friend of mine in another city to loan us a place to meet, and we can hide out from the reporters there? You should probably leave a note for your wife, too, but be vague for now until--"

Suddenly, Rachel unlocked the apartment door with her old key and entered. "Hey, Chandler, I--" She was confused when she saw him in a messy pile on the floor.

Hiding beneath a blanket at first, Chandler became furious at hearing her voice. "Rachel! What the hell are you doing here!"

She was surprised by his unwelcoming tone. "I'm checking in on you! Monica asked me to make sure you eat, and--" Coming closer, she noticed that the mess on the floor included several open photo albums, and several photos that had been ripped up. "Hey! What are you doing?"

Chandler pushed off the blanket and got up from the floor. "Go away!" he grabbed her arm roughly and tried to pull her away.

"Ow! Chandler! Stop!" She resisted. "What's wrong with you?"

"Get out!" He dragged her to the door.

"Hey, stop! I'm just trying to help, and you're--Oh!" She grabbed a table to avoid falling down and twisting her ankle. But then she took off her shoe and said angrily, "You broke my heel! These cost--!"

"Shut up! I hope they make your feet bleed like Monica's boots!" He pulled her again and forcibly shoved her out into the hall, slamming the door. He started to lock it, but then he realized that she still had her key.

When he opened the door, Rachel started to speak, "Chandler, you--!"

"Give me your key!"

"What?"

"Your key to the apartment. Give it to me now!"

"It's my key!"

"You don't live here anymore, and you don't have any right to barge over--"

"Hey, I have every right, and Monica--"

"Go away! I don't wanna see you again, bitch!"

"Chandler! What the hell--?"

"I hate you!"

She gasped in shock and felt wounded. She realized with horror that the ripped photos on the floor were all missing her face. What in the world had she done to him?

Chandler impatiently grabbed her purse and took the keys out.

"Hey! Don't!"

He took the apartment key off her ring and tossed the rest on the floor with disgust. "Goodbye!" Then he slammed the door again and locked it.

Disheveled and upset, Rachel burst into tears, then sank down on the floor as she grabbed her keys and purse. She took out her cell phone and called Monica.

Chandler didn't know or care what she said; he just picked up his phone from the floor and went into the bedroom to cry again.

Charles Bing was naturally confused and distressed by all the shouting, so Chandler told him through his sobs how it wasn't fair that Joey could love Rachel and not him. How Joey had risked everything to be with that ungrateful bitch, but he wouldn't do anything but kiss Chandler and tell him that it was wrong.

"Oh, Chandler..." Charles was astounded by what a complicated mess this seemed to be. The tabloids didn't know the half of it.