By "settling down" Joey means "settling for the sake of convenience, not love." Chandler explained to Joey that he did not sincerely love Janice and Kathy, despite appearances at the time. He just thought that they would be nice, tolerable girlfriends to commit to, so that he wouldn't die alone without Joey. That's what he means by Monica not being the first that he's faked feelings for. (I know that it doesn't quite fit Chandler's behavior in the Kathy episodes, and I will try to address the inconsistences later.)

The main difference between those women and Monica is that Chandler believes that Monica never loved him and was faking it too; he also feels that she got bitchier and more controlling over the years, so he now regrets his decision to settle for her. He now thinks that Janice or Kathy would have treated him better because they loved him (or they did, before they each cheated and broke up with him).

Mr. Treeger was cleaning up in the storage room with the door open and the lights on, when Joey and Chandler found him.

Joey came inside and started to speak, but Mr. Treeger interrupted when he saw Chandler.

"Oh, hey, there you are! Why'd you leave this mess, and smoke cigarettes in here? That's dangerous."

Still lightheaded, Chandler only shrugged indifferently, so Joey explained for him, "He wasn't thinking."

"Well, he's lucky that--oh, hey, it's you!" Treeger looked closer and now recognized Joey without his beard. "You know, your friend Ross was looking for Chandler just a while ago. They thought he disappeared."

"Uh, yeah, I know," Joey replied with a guilty nod. "Yeah, we--we just saw Monica and everybody upstairs. But now, um, now we need to leave the building, and we were wondering if you could maybe help us to get rid of those reporters out front?"

Treeger frowned. "Well, I don't know about that. I've been trying to get rid of those pests for hours now."

"Yeah, sorry," Joey said, regretting the high price of his fame. "But look, I shaved my beard and brought a disguise for Chandler, so we'd just need you to distract those guys for a minute, okay? We need to sneak out of here and leave town 'cause, uh, Chandler really needs to go see his dad in Vegas."

"His dad, huh?" Mr. Treeger considered that family support might be good in the midst of this scandal, and at least Joey had come prepared with a disguise. So he said, "All right, I'll help. Let me finish here first and think of a good diversion."

"Thanks," Joey said. "Can we go into your apartment, so I can put on Chandler's disguise?"

Treeger agreed, then finished cleaning up the storage room.

Several minutes later, Mr. Treeger went outside and loudly threatened all the reporters and photographers gathered nearby, "Get out of here, or I'll call the police on you for loitering!"

"Hey, we're just doing our jobs!"

"And I'm doing mine. You're blocking the fire exits, and bothering all the residents of this apartment building. So this is your last warning! Go away, before the police get here!" He started to go back inside to make a phone call, but some of the reporters tried to bribe and flatter him into giving them an interview about Joey and Chandler instead.

"They lived here for years. I bet you know all their secrets."

"We'll put you on TV!"

In all the fuss and clamor, Joey and Chandler were able to slip out of the building's side entrance and dash down an alley unrecognized. Then they discreetly headed to the nearby parking garage on Morton where Monica kept the Porsche. Chandler gave him the car keys, and they quickly got inside.

In the driver's seat, Joey shut the door and sighed with relief. He said, "Now we just gotta hope that nobody spots us in this car and follows us. Hey, maybe you should lie down in the back seat? I could cover you with the blanket that Mon keeps in the trunk." He got out of the car again to look in the trunk.

Chandler didn't get up, just shrugging and looking at his fake beard in the mirror. "It's like when I had a goatee." He giggled drunkenly. "Do I look like Satan now?"

Joey returned and said, "Come on, get back there. It won't be too long." He helped Chandler get out, tip the front passenger seat forward, and climb into the back. Then Joey restored the passenger seat to its upright position. "Just lie down and stay quiet, okay?" He pulled the blanket over Chandler's head and closed the door, before walking back to the driver's seat. Soon they drove out of the parking garage, and they seemed to escape unrecognized, with no one following the car.

Joey wanted to take Chandler somewhere that he could eat and possibly nap before going to the airport, so he drove towards Queens to take refuge with his parents. He called his mom on his cellphone to let her know that he was coming, but she warned him that there were still many reporters hanging around the neighborhood.

"Oh. That's going to make it hard to sneak in. Do you think I could go to Cookie's house instead?"

"Well, actually they're starting to stake out your sisters' houses too."

"Oh no. Maybe I shouldn't come home then."

"Probably not. Maybe you should go ahead and drive out of town, Joey. Find a smaller airport that Chandler can fly out of. You need to call his father first anyway."

"Yeah, I guess so. Bye, Ma." Joey hung up, then dialed his home number to let Carl know what was going on.

When the machine picked up, Joey left a message, "Hey, Carl. It's me, Joey. I have to go out of town, and I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

"Joey?" Carl picked up the phone. "You're leaving town?"

"Yeah, I know it's kind of sudden, but I have to get away from the paparazzi and help Chandler. I don't think I'll be gone longer than a day or two, depending on how far I have to drive. Can you stay at my apartment, or do you have to leave soon?"

"I'm fine. I'm actually gonna have to stay here, because you got my keys. I left them in my coat pocket, and I forgot to take them out before we switched clothes this time."

"Oh right. I thought there was something extra in my pockets."

"Yeah, well, don't lose my keys, 'cause I'll need them when you get back."

Joey got an idea since he had the keys. "Hey, Carl, do you mind if I stop at your apartment to get some stuff before I leave town? Just some food and drinks, so I won't have to stop anywhere on my way out of town."

"All right, I guess so. I'm eating out of your fridge anyway."

"Thanks. Tell me your address and how to get there."

So Joey turned the car around and drove to Carl's apartment in Midtown Manhattan.

When they got inside and locked the apartment door, Joey sighed with relief. On the way here, he had been paranoid that people might see through their disguises, or that neighbors might ask why they were going into Carl's apartment.

Chandler was still drunk and sleepy, and he started playing with his fake beard again. "It itches."

"Here, I'll take it off you until we leave again." Joey ushered him over to the couch and gently peeled it off, putting it on the coffee table. "Are you hungry now, or do you wanna take a nap?"

Chandler shrugged and glanced around the apartment. "Where are we again?"

"It's Carl's place. Remember Carl? He was gonna play my brother for that twin study, but it didn't work. Anyway, I switched clothes with him so that I could get out my apartment and come find you."

"And you shaved too." Chandler couldn't help touching Joey's bare face again.

Pulling back, Joey coughed and looked away. "Um, so we're gonna hide out here until you feel better and it gets dark. Then we'll go to the airport, and you can fly to Vegas to see your dad, okay?"

"Oh, my dad. I guess I should call him back now."

"Yeah, go ahead." Joey gave Chandler his cell phone, then got up to make a belated lunch for Chandler.

As he dialed and waited, Chandler watched Joey in the kitchen and remembered their kiss in the storage room, wishing that it had ended more happily. Then he wouldn't have to leave and say goodbye to Joey again. It just wasn't fair.

Charles Bing was relieved to hear his son's voice. "I've been so worried, Chandler. Did you talk to your wife yet?"

"Yeah, Monica came home and wanted to talk about my fight with Rachel. I told her that Rachel's a bitch, and she got mad. Then I told her what happened with me and Joey, and that I want a divorce."

"Oh. So you actually said divorce?" Charles winced and remembered his own painful confrontation with Nora over 25 years ago. "How did she take it?"

Chandler shrugged. "Well, she kept trying to make me stay, and pretend like she loved me. But I know all she wants is just somebody to control and have a baby with. I told her I was sick of it, and I left."

"You left? Wait, but didn't you discuss the baby at all?"

"I said that she could keep it, since she wants it so bad." He sighed, "They probably won't need me for anything except for child support, but I'll let her lawyer figure that part out."

"No!" Charles disagreed, "They will definitely need you, Chandler, for more than money. God, if money solved everything, then your mom and I would have had a great divorce! Look, I know that it will be hard for you and Monica to work out the custody, especially with Joey being involved, but it's your baby, and it's too important to just ignore."

"But it's not really my baby, Dad. I mean, yeah, I got her pregnant, but that's all I'm good for. I'm just getting in Monica's way now. She's already got books and books of all the plans that she's worked out for her baby. It's her baby, not ours. There's just no point in me trying to have a say anymore."

"But you have to fight for your rights."

Chandler insisted, "No, I'd probably just screw up the kid and--and pass on the Bing marriage curse again."

"And you don't that think abandoning your baby is going to screw him or her up either?"

"Hey Monica can lie to the kid, and say that Richard's his dad. Or say that she got a sperm donation. She's good at lying; she's been doing it for years."

Given Chandler's emotional state, Charles decided to save the argument for later, and he asked instead, "So then what happened, after you left her, Chandler?"

"I went downstairs to get drunk and smoke some cigarettes."

"You're smoking again? Tell me it wasn't a whole pack."

"It was two. Then I-I took a nap, and Joey found me, and," Chandler lowered his voice and choked up at the memory, "he--he kissed me again."

"He what?!"

"But it was just another damn mistake." Chandler shook his head sadly. "He said he was sorry, but he made me go see Monica and the gang, and they yelled at us. We ran off, then Joey sneaked us out to the car and drove us to--to somebody's place to hide from the reporters."

"So is Joey still there with you?"

"Yeah."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Okay." Chandler called to Joey, "My dad wants to talk to you."

"Really? Um, okay. Just a sec." He hurriedly turned off the stove and served Chandler lunch. "Now you eat all of this." Then he took the phone and said, "Hi, Mr. Bing. It's Joey."

Charles Bing was not quite as warm. "Hi. Um, tell me something, Joey. Is my son just delirious and drunk, or did you actually kiss him again today?"

Joey admitted with guilt, "Um, yeah, I-I did. But it was an accident."

"An accident?" Charles was skeptical. "Why, were you drunk too?"

"Uh, no."

"Then why did you kiss him?"

Joey sighed and walked away to the kitchen, so Chandler couldn't hear. "Well, see, I was worried about him because the gang said that he'd disappeared, and that he'd left Monica. I'd just found him in the storage room, and I was so relieved that I hugged him, you know? Then he woke up and kissed me."

"Oh, he kissed you?" Charles relaxed slightly. "Why didn't you say that? You had me worried, thinking that you were leading him on."

"Leading him on?"

"Yes. I mean, it's strange enough that you kissed him the other day at your apartment. I don't know how you could have gotten so carried away, when you already knew that he loved you."

"But it just was all the gay gossip," Joey insisted, "and he was saying all this crazy stuff... I-I made mistake."

"But you had to know that kissing him was not a smart move, Joey. It just confused Chandler and broke his heart even more when you rejected him again. Surely you remember going through unrequited love yourself, with Rachel? You already let him down easy in L.A., and you should have just left it at that. You should have let him get over you and not moved back to New York at all."

Joey blinked and had to sit down on a chair. "You think so? But--but I was worried..."

"I know you were trying to be a good friend, Joey but you couldn't have saved his marriage that way. You should have called me or his wife first about his confession, so that we could know what was going on and help him. He probably would have wanted the divorce anyway, but at least he wouldn't have tried to avoid his problems by clinging to you."

"I'm sorry." Apparently Mr. Bing agreed with Monica and the gang, that he shouldn't have interfered.

"I'm not saying that you couldn't have visited him or called him, if you were concerned about him. You're his friend. But actually moving back home for him is a drastic step, Joey, and it only encourages his feelings for you. In fact, if Chandler hadn't told me otherwise, I would think that you were actually having an affair with him."

"You--you would?"

"I mean--not to upset you or anything, Joey--but you sleeping in the same bed in L.A., you moving home two weeks later, and you kissing him the other day... It's not comforting; it's inappropriate." Charles wanted to be extra clear, since Joey was often slow to understand things. "Maybe you're not acting this way deliberately, Joey but you shouldn't give him mixed messages. If you don't love Chandler, then it's cruel to tease him with the idea that you might change your mind. I'm glad that you learned your lesson the other day and finally stopped kissing him. If he kisses you again, it's all right to say no. Be firm."

"Uh, okay." Joey frowned and felt guilty, because Mr. Bing had misunderstood him. Chandler had kissed him first, but Joey had kissed him back. He responded again without knowing why. Joey hadn't realized that it was wrong to share the hotel bed in L.A., that it looked bad even to people who weren't gossip reporters.

"Anyway, thank you for taking care of my son, Joey, but I do really think it would be better for him to get a break from you now, all right? So that he can get over you."

"I, um, yeah. Chandler says that he wants to fly out and see you in Vegas. We were thinking we could drive to an out of town airport, and sneak him out without somebody following him."

"Oh? Well, actually, he doesn't have to come to Vegas." Charles told Joey that he had a friend in Atlantic City who would lend them a place to stay for a while. "I can fly there, and hopefully we can hide out, without any reporters getting suspicious. It'll look like I'm meeting with my friend about our burlesque shows."

So they worked out the details of how to meet in Atlantic City. Rather than taking the risk of getting recognized at an airport, Joey would drive Chandler there and meet Charles Bing at his friend's house. Then Joey could drive back to New York.

"You just try to make up with your friends and let me take care of Chandler."

"Okay." Joey said that Chandler would just take a nap until they left tonight.

"Good." Charles said, "If he rests and sobers up, then maybe I can talk some sense into him about leaving his baby."

"Yeah." Joey didn't like Chandler talking about letting Monica raise the baby alone and even lie about the father. "He still thinks that Monica doesn't love him."

"I know." Charles sighed unhappily. "I'm afraid he might be projecting from my marriage to his mother, thinking that every marriage must be a sham. Possibly, he's also gone crazy from loving you so long and hopelessly. Maybe I can get in touch with his old therapist to help him deal with this." Chandler had seen a therapist when he was a child, in the aftermath of his parents' divorce. "Well, I'll see you two tonight. Call me if you have any problems getting to New Jersey."

"Okay, bye." Joey hung up miserably and glanced at Chandler on the couch. Then he called Carl to tell him that he was going out of town tonight, and would be back late tomorrow.

Chandler ate some of the lunch, but he was distracted as he listened to Joey's call.

When Joey hung up again, Chandler asked, "Joey, you gonna come eat with me?"

"Uh, okay." Joey came over and sat beside him. "You feeling better?"

Chandler shrugged. "So we're going to Atlantic City, huh?"

"Uh, yeah. Your dad wants us to meet him there."

Chandler said wistfully, "Remember when we went to Atlantic City, Joe?"

He nodded. The trip was years ago, before Chandler married Monica. "I made you laugh so hard, you threw up a whole steak."

"Yeah. We had a great time. I-I wish I'd kissed you then. I mean, before throwing up."

Joey frowned and said, "But I'm not gay."

"I know. But maybe if I had kissed you then, you still would have wanted to be friends with me, like in L.A. Then I wouldn't be afraid of dying alone, 'cause I wouldn't lose you. Maybe I wouldn't have slept with Monica in London. Maybe she'd be married to Richard now, or maybe you?"

Joey shook his head. "Chandler, I don't want her. Besides, wouldn't--wouldn't you still be jealous of her? Me falling in love with another friend, but not you?"

"No, 'cause she's not Rachel." Chandler still hated her. "She wasn't your roommate, and she's not like..." He sighed and lay down on the arm of the couch, dismissing the painful subject of Rachel's superficial similarities to him. "And maybe Monica wouldn't have to fake it with you and she wouldn't have turned so bitchy, either. She couldn't boss you around, Joe. Maybe you'd be happy and have a family with her. I want you to be happy."

Joey caressed his face. "I want you to be happy, too."

Chandler blinked with tears in his eyes, and he touched Joey's hand softly. He whispered, "Kiss me one last time?"

"What? No." Joey pulled back his hand.

"Please, Joe? Just for goodbye? 'Cause I'm leaving soon, and I don't know if I'll ever see you again."

"No, you will. You're just gonna see your dad for a while."

"No, but I'm not going back to Monica, so I'll probably go with my dad to Vegas or something. And you can't come visit me 'cause of all this gossip."

"But Chandler, you're still my friend. I don't care what people say."

"Will you still call me, Joey? Just sometimes, if you can't do it every day anymore? Help me quit smoking?"

Joey nodded, and touched his face again. "But--but I do wanna see you again. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Chandler softly kissed Joey's hand.

Joey didn't pull away, and he looked in Chandler's eyes. He couldn't help it, and he swallowed as he wondered how long Chandler's dad would make him stay away. It would be terrible to worry about Chandler, but not have contact with him. Joey still wanted to help, but according to everybody else, he'd only been making things worse lately.

"Chandler, you--you should get some sleep now. 'Cause we got to drive to New Jersey tonight." Joey finally pulled his hand away and made Chandler sit up.

"Okay." But Chandler still looked into Joey's eyes and half wished that Joey would wake him up with another kiss later.

Joey cleared his throat and took Chandler into the bedroom. Stifling an urge to tuck Chandler in, Joey just turned out the light and said, "Goodnight" even though it was the middle of the afternoon.

"Night, Joe."

Then he shut the door and stood outside it for a moment.

When Joey returned to the living room, he cleared the dishes and turned on the TV to check the news reports. So far the scandal had not escalated any further. Monica certainly wouldn't announce the divorce or Chandler leaving town. Joey sighed and hoped that he could call the gang later when they were calmer.

He restlessly paced around Carl's apartment, and brooded over what Chandler's dad said again. Had he really been teasing Chandler by holding him and kissing him? By simply moving back to New York? Joey still didn't know why he kept kissing Chandler. Were the gang right, saying that Joey was in love with Chandler too? Could he really be gay, or was he just lonely? Was he in denial, or just confused by the rumors?

All Joey knew was that he had to be more careful and not hurt Chandler anymore.