AN: I won't say much because I'm half asleep and I may type something I'll regret. What I will say is this:

Gomenesai for all of the crappy angst stuff in both halves of this chapter but I hope there is some comedy in there somewhere, and some things should be resolved and/or explained…

2391 words in this chapter

Back to Surreality

Chapter 13-Denial part one

"So is he escorting you?" Ino asked innocently.

"Nani?" Sakura looked up at her.

"The celebration. Less than two weeks." She reminded her.

"Oh…" a look of confusion hung over Sakura. She had detected Tsunade's plan the second she mentioned the celebration, but still couldn't find a way around it.

"He hasn't asked?"

"Not yet… and I really don't want him to"

"Why not? Trouble in paradise?"

She glared at her despairingly. "Ino, I don't have feelings for him."

"Sure you don't" blatantly in denial.

"No, really. I don't think of him that way. The way he's acting… well it's… please excuse the use of your boyfriend's catchphrase here… it's too troublesome."

"Fiancé" Ino mumbled.

"Nani?"

She took a deep breath and then spoke up. "I said… Fiancé. He's not my boyfriend."

"What?!" Sakura's eyes went wide "Seriously?"

Ino blushed and nodded, biting her lip in anticipation as she held up the hand with the ring that she'd been hiding behind her back. What if she doesn't approve?

"Kami Ino! Congratulations!" she jumped up from her seat to get a better look at the ring.

"Yeah, so hands off from now on"

"Hand on heart; I swear I will never touch him again." She giggled a little "so… when?"

"Next month. The day after my birthday" she's going to tell me I'm crazy.

"That soon?! Are you really ready for that?"

"That's the date our parents have been planning since we were seven. Everything is booked and planned already; I only need to plan the smallest details. You know, dress, hen party, invitations, of course the flower arrangements are all sorted and things but…" she stopped to breathe and laughed aswell "Kami I can't stop myself. I'm just so exited!"

Sakura just smiled back. "Wow. I'm so incredibly happy for you! Just to think, in less than seven weeks, you'll be Mrs Shikamaru Nara."

"Or not."

"Huh?"

"I may want to keep my own name."

"Yeah, but you won't. You hate the name Yamanaka."

She began watching the sky. "No, I suppose you're right. Hmm… Nara Ino. Does that sound weird to you?"

"No Ino. It sounds perfect." She smiled weakly and glanced away "just perfect…"

Ino turned to look at her "He will ask you."

"What? Who?" Sakura began to look confused again.

"Kakashi silly. He will ask you." She is really not focused today.

"I've already told you, I don't want him to."

She started to giggle again. "Not the ball! You are so lame. To marry you!"

"Ino!"

"What?! He will. I promise." He really cares for you Sakura…

"Now that really would be troublesome."

"You wouldn't think about it?" Why is she challenging all of this? Can't she see how well matched they are for each other?

"Ino, how many times do we have to go over this? I don't like him. I don't have any feelings for him in that way."

"But, what about the tongues?"

"What?"

"Chouji said steamy make out session not kiss rape so it can't have been one sided." She grinned at her wit.

"So he's a damn good kisser for a virgin, so what?" said off-handedly.

Ino gasped, and then clamped a hand over her mouth to stop laughter. No wonder he's never seen with women. He's never been with one!

Sakura soon realized her mistake. She pleaded to the air. "No! You didn't hear that!"

"I bloody did!" Ino whispered, pulling her to a stop in her begging. "He's a…?"

"Shh! You can't say a word. No one is supposed to know." Sakura scolded desperately.

"And he told you that?"

"Yeah, what of it?" Sakura cringed, fearing what was next.

Ino sat forward in gossip mode. "He didn't ask you to… you know… did he?"

Sakura went bright red and turned away.

"He did! Dear Kami Sakura! Did you say yes?" she was practically dancing.

"Of course I bloody didn't Ino-pig." She snapped.

Her mouth hung open as she stilled. "You can't turn down an offer like that."

"Yes I can."

"Are you crazy?!" Ino stood up beside her.

"No. the way he asked… it might as well have been a proposal. He is pretty serious about all of this stuff." She thought for a second, then said gently "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure… I promise I won't tell anyone"

They both sat down on the grass near the tree they had been leaning against.

Sakura spoke in a soft voice, like it was hard for her to say it. "He… well, you know how some people, usually girls but that doesn't matter, you know some people believe in no sex before marriage and being faithful to the one?"

"Hai." Ino nodded. The way she's speaking… she really cares about him too.

"Well… Kakashi is even worse. That's why he's still… you know, and that's also why he wears that mask. He said that he only ever wanted the one he wanted to be with for life to see his face and kiss him, no one else."

"Dear Kami. And you've…"

"Aha" she nodded

"And you've also…"

"Yes Ino, I have both seen his face and kissed him" she put her head in her hands desolately.

"So he…"

"Thinks I'm the one? Yes, that is definitely the impression."

"Kuso…"

Sakura nodded again "roughly"

"So he will propose?" Ino suddenly felt really bad for joking before.

"It's only a matter of time." She sighed heavily.

"Have you made it clear enough to him that…?"

"Hai. The only way I could be clearer was if I stabbed him in the balls with a kunai, and somehow I doubt even that would stop him."

"You really don't feel anything for him?"

"No. He was my sensei. He is fourteen years older than me. That just creeps me out. It's like… when I'm near him, I feel like I'm twelve again, not twenty, and I'm sorry but that's close enough to me to be pedophilia and that's horrible."

Liar… "But if you got beyond that… I mean, you are twenty and he doesn't look thirty four, from what I could see. You can't say that his voice doesn't run shivers through your spine, it does mine and I'm engaged. Half of the women in Konoha would die to be in your situation. You should be flattered. Out of anyone on the planet, he chose you."

"I know… but I didn't choose him, can you understand that? I was forced into this by Tsunade's meddling. How interesting would that be to tell the children? Just think about it, mommy how did you and daddy get together?' Well, we were locked in a room and weren't aloud out until I seduced him'"

Ino couldn't help but to giggle.

"You see? It's ridiculous, isn't it?" Sakura sighed and leant back onto the grass, looping her hands beneath her head after pulling out her ponytail.

"No, it's just… you did actually put some thought into that. That means that you were thinking about having children with Kakashi" Ino teased.

"Shut up Ino-pig. I was trying to be serious" Sakura scowled.

"It's a solid point though."

"Fine, so… yes, I did think about it, for a long time actually. Not having children specifically, just all of it. What it would be like being in a relationship with him." She closed her eyes and took a breath, feeling relief at getting it out of her system "I sat for hours with that box in my hand, weighing up what I should do. If I'd accepted it, it would have meant that I agreed, and we probably would be dating. I did actually think about it and for a while, I almost convinced myself that it wouldn't be that bad. It wasn't as if there wasn't some fun times in that apartment. But then I just thought about how he thinks we'll be together forever and I just had to ask myself, do I really want forever? I'm only twenty Ino. You might be able to make that decision, but I don't think that I can. I can't say for sure that I want to be with Kakashi for the rest of his life. So I gave it back. I told him… well I didn't say exactly at first, but I told him that we can't do this. He can't buy me expensive gifts and things. He can't plan our lives together."

"But there is something. You don't feel nothing. You're just afraid of commitment." Ino said, more to herself than to Sakura, trying to figure out a solution for her.

"It's not just commitment Ino. Most of it is exactly what I said before. I don't want the reason for us being together to hang over our heads the entire time. I don't want him to remember how…"she leant up on her hands to face her seriously "please excuse me for saying this… but I don't want him to remember how the second that he asked me to take his virginity, I left the room, left him, and went making out with Shikamaru instead."

"Oh, Sakura, you didn't?"

"I did" she glanced away.

"That's not just turning him down, that's laughing in his face."

"I know," she sighed, flopping back onto the grass "I'm not proud of it, I know it was stupid. I really regret it, and although I would have regretted taking it right then with everyone listening in even more, it still makes me cringe. I can't be around him when things like that have happened."

"Ok. Your share time is over. Now it's my turn. You think that is an embarrassing moment to regret? Well the first thing I did in there was to treat him like I did Sasuke. I mean it. Full on giggling, calling him Shika-kun, telling him how sexy he was, touching him dreamily, the full deal. Then to make things ten times worse, I got into food innuendos, followed by actually straddling him on the bed and making out with him by force. He didn't respond to any of it and I suddenly realized how I wanted him to. I really wanted to make him sigh in pleasure, no matter what it takes. I got a bit carried away." She managed to laugh a little, but not much.

"That's nowhere near as bad Ino. It wasn't like he didn't want it back. Sure, your parents were watching so there might be a slight cringe element there, but you didn't even know that."

"I know… that isn't the worst part. When he… when he did finally respond… and boy did he respond…"she couldn't help but to smile at the memory "Sorry. When he did, I was delirious. I didn't realize it at the time because my immediate thought was Dear Kami that's hot!' and then Team mate. Weird!', but yes, I really liked it. But he asked me… just before we were about to… he asked me to tell him that I loved him. I froze Sakura. I couldn't say it. If you want regret, that's where you'll find it. After I told him that I couldn't say that… he hit me… pretty damn hard. Then he disappeared off to make out with you. I've never felt so bad in my life. After that, you know the rest. We didn't speak to each other again until he ended the mission. Two days straight without a single word." She was tearing up,

"Gomen Ino" Sakura reached out a hand to comfort her. She gripped onto Ino's hand from next to her gently.

"Why are you sorry? I did it." Ino wiped the tears from her eyes half-heartedly.

"I mean… I didn't realize…well I knew he was upset, more than upset. Ino, he was suicidal. But I didn't know why."

"Suicidal?" Ino froze solid, her voice breaking apart.

"Hai." She gave her hand a little squeeze. "That's why he disappeared, not to make out. That was the first time we had met in there. That room was for Shikamaru and Kakashi only. He was desperate for help. Help to do what I don't know, but all I could do was to remind him not to give up hope, that you would forgive him."

"Arigato Sakura." She wiped another tear from her eye and put on a big smile for show. "You have to see though, that if Shikamaru and I can overcome all of this, so can you and Kakashi. What you need is to start fresh. Go back to the beginning and make a new get together story, like Shika and me."

"Ino, I still don't even know if I want to get together." She let go of her hand.

"What does inner Sakura say?"

"She's a pain in the ass. Half the time she says go get laid' but the other half she just screams Sensei! Eww!', so she's not all that helpful."

Ino shrugged "Well you know which side I would listen to."

"You're a nymphomaniac." She laughed.

"Hai, but I'm an engaged nymphomaniac, so obviously I know what I'm doing." She laughed back

"Ino, I could get engaged in a second if I wanted, that isn't the problem. The problem is deciding whether I want to or not."

"I thought you already decided." Ino raised an eyebrow at her.

"Hai, but then you went and said words and now I'm all confused again" Sakura leant forward and put her head in her hands.

"If you ask me, just the fact that you are considering thinking about it for a second time, shows that in time you'll come around."

"Ino…"

She tired of talking to me. She stood up to leave. "Thank me later. I think I was supposed to meet Shikamaru about five minutes ago."

"Gomen. Why did you stop to talk?"

She spun around quickly and grinned, already beginning to walk off. "Oh right, yeah I totally forgot. I was going to ask you to be maid of honor."

"What?! You really mean that?"

"Who else would I ask? Tsunade?" She giggled

"Of course I will! Arigato Ino!" Sakura called after her.

"No problems forehead, just make sure that the hen party is the best ever, after all, it is my birthday!" She grinned from ear to ear and ran off really fast to meet her fiancé.

AN: Don't stop reading here! The next chapter is another section of this one. It kills me to split them because they were written in one go. (Chapters 11- 14 that is). If they weren't though, it would be one reeeeeeally long chapter. I think together they are 8233 words long. All in one go people!

Watakushi wa tsukarata desu. So you better appreciate it.

xx