Sorry for late chapter had to go back to work after a week off :(, kind scrounging for time. I'll try to update as much as I can.

Chapter 9

It's a start

(Katniss's POV)

It was nearing noon when I decided to pull my large body out of bed, the spot next to me was cool and empty meaning Peeta has been up for a while. It was disappointing waking up alone but he probably left me early in the morning so my mother wouldn't suspect anything. I don't see what was the big deal about him sleeping with me last night was, he was so gentle and caring when he held me and chased away the nightmares last night . It was the best sleep that I had in quite a while, even the baby didn't succeed in waking me with her constant kicking. I looked at down at my large bulge, rubbed it once, planting my feet flat against the carpet. I pad across the room over to the dresser pulling out the largest clothes that I had, which I only had a large pair of pants and baggy t-shirt that I always wore since none of my other clothes fit anymore and that upsets me, my father's hunting jacket is too small on me, my hunting boots are tight considering my feet are swelled and swollen. Like I need the boots anyway I really haven't left the house in months, depression, bad memories and the fear of having this baby all consumed me and prevented me from venturing out into District 12 which was a distant graveyard now.

I waddled down the hallway slowly, stopping at the last door on the right, flicking on the lights of the bathroom. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and cringe. I look absolutely horrible, bags were under my eyes, my hair was sticking up in every direction, my hair was not used to being in the usual braid that I once put it in, I let it stick up in every direction for so long. I haven't done much these past couple of months to keep up my appearance. As my prep team would probably say 'I really let myself go', The squeals that would come from them if they caught sight of my damaged body would most likely be loud and horrifying. I'm not sure if they would be happy or horrified from my prodding stomach and the hideous stretch marks. I run the bath water lukewarm and peel my nightgown over my head and toss it to the tiles. I glance back into the mirror and my confidence only worsens. I look so bad naked, between the scars, the swollen legs, the stretch marks, not to mention I'm incredibly fat and horrifying to look at, not that I ever was pretty to begin with. I'm so ugly on the outside that the need to place a bag over my head becomes a need. I know I should have higher self-esteem and confidence, but I don't and its because of my reflection in the mirror. I'm really glad now that I didn't have sex with Peeta last night, I don't want him to see me like this. would probably make him sick.

The water feels good against my skin as I submerge myself into the tub, I drawl out a sigh and let the warmth engulf me. it doesn't take me long to wash every inch of my body, scrub my scalp and carefully lift myself from the watery depths of the tub. I throw on the clothes from my dresser and even take the time to towel dry my wet hair and braid it, something I haven't done in months. The baby begins her daily rounds of kickball with my stomach and I groan and place a hand on the bump, rubbing and soothing her, but she doesn't stop and the kicks suddenly turn painful and I find myself clutching the edge of the sink. She has never kicked me this hard or this painful before, it really hurts. I take a deep breath and will the pain away as best I can, but it hurts so bad that I'm immobilized by the sink.

"Come on now settle down" I gasp out and rub her.

She continues to kick and hit me so hard that the soreness and pain in my body grows. I can't stand it anymore I don't know what's going on or what I'm going to do, but I can't stand here in pain, so I do the only thing I can think of and call out to my mother, hopefully she can hear me from wherever she is in the house. I call out to her for several minutes before the bathroom door finally opens, revealing my mothers tired features. She takes in my hunched position over the sink and her instincts as a healer kick in.

"What's wrong?" She asks in a worried tone.

"The baby is...kicking me so hard...it really hurts" I pant out as her tiny jabs and nudges increase my pain.

My mother's worried expression fades and she grabs me by the arm and gently pulls me away from the sink "Honey that's normal, means the baby is running out of room, she growing. I had horrible pains when you moved, even worse with Prim. Take it easy." She explains

I take another deep breath "Where's Peeta?"

My mother sighs as I say his name "He's over at Haymitch's house, said there was some things he needed to discuss with his mentor, very secretive about what he was up too. We had a nice talk last night after you went to bed, I think the boy has good heart and all, but..." She trails off and bites her lip, I know she is about to say something that is going to piss me off and I don't want to hear it. I brush past her, out the door into the hallway where I waddle my way down the stairs, taking each step as carefully as I can, my mother follows behind me, making sure I don't lose my balance and trip, her hovering over me is very tiring.

"Katniss we need to talk about the situation at hand" She says as we reach the bottom stairs.

"We did enough talking, I don't like anything that you have to say. This is my baby mother, Peeta is who I am in love with and the father of my child. I appreciate your suggestions but this is my responsibility not yours. I don't care if you think I'm to unstable to raise this baby, its mine and nobody is taking it from me. You can help me deliver I'll be more than grateful, but you are not getting the Capitol involved"

" If this is your responsibility Then take responsibility and transfer to another District let me call them! Honey if we say no press their going to have to obey our wishes." Mom snaps.

"No I don't want them near my baby!" I snap back. "We've been over this 100 times mom, the answer is no."

"What will it take to convince you to do this? The baby wont survive here and you know it. The rebuilding has only just begun, we have very little population, its silly to stay here."

"I know your probably right, but I'm stuck here and honestly its Haymitch that is my legal guardian not you. He has a say in this. I want to talk to him"

Mom sighs and rubs her temples in deep frustration, her blue eyes peer at me and there is nothing but sadness. The behind us opens, allowing the winter breeze to enter the house and cause goose bumps to break across my skin. My eyes lock with Peetas and the frustration that I was feeling towards my mother has vanished and is replaced by passion and love, images of him holding me last night, protecting me from the darkness fills my head. Haymitch trails in behind me, giving me a soft smile before shutting the door behind him, trapping the cold air outside. Peeta bravely strolls up to me and gives me a warm greeting kiss on the lips, despite my mothers murderous glares. Now that everyone was here it was time to discuss things that needed to be discussed, choices that needed to be made.

"Good morning, Lynn" Peeta greets warmly.

My mother brushes him off and stalks off into the kitchen in order to fetch our guests some lunch and a beverage. Peeta weaves our hands together while Haymitch approaches me, studying me careful with his wide gray eyes. Now that Gale is hardly in the picture Haymitch comes around more often and for that I am truly grateful. We all huddle in the living room, Peeta and I sit on the couch while Haymitch takes the recliner and pops open his flask full of what I'm guessing whisky, taking a large swill in the process. No of us say anything for the longest time and glances are being exchanged between Peeta and Haymitch it's almost as if one is waiting for the other to start talking.

Peeta breaks that silence "Sleep well?" He asks me tightening the hold he has on my hand.

"Yeah I did, wasn't until morning did I become uncomfortable, the other side of the bed was cold" I say the last part of my sentence in a mere whisper so my mother who is carrying a tray of sandwiches and beverages into the living room, wont here or find out that Peeta held me and chased anyway my nightmares. She would say it was an irresponsible thing to do and she would not have it again. It's so irritating how she thinks she can control everything that goes on in my life. She is the one who didn't want me, abandoned me when dad died and when Prim died. I was the last thing she had left in this world and all she seemed to care about was this baby, that's all she has been focused on since she got here. She doesn't care at the fact that I'm suffering at the lost of Prim just as much as she is or the fact that I'm in love with a man who was beaten and tortured, and it's not his fault that he falls into episodes or has rare flashbacks. She looks at the negativity in life, the losses, pain and agony because that's all she knows, that's all life gave her.

"Haymitch, I need to discuss something privately with you, please" Mom says setting the tray of food on the coffee table.

"What about"

She looks between Peeta and me, it obviously has something to do with the two of us and our baby, that's the only thing that concerns her. Haymitch narrows his eyes at her, studying her stance, hand on her hip and a serious look on face. He remains seated recliner and takes another drink of his flask, I'm unsure if its alcohol in the flask or juice, if I know Haymitch and I do I'm guessing its booze. My mother looks disgusted as Haymitch drinks his beverage, she taps her foot against the ground impatiently.

"Well, May I speak to you in private" Mom ask irritated.

Haymitch empties the flask and lets out a large burp, "Whatever it is you have to say you can say it in front of my kids"

She glares hatefully at him as the words fall from his mouth "Excuse me your kids. I don't care what you do with him, but that is my daughter and I was going to ask you to so kindly to give up your guardianship over her. I'm her real parent not you"

"That's not going to happen, Especially since you have been talking about taking Sweethearts baby off her"

Mom snaps "I'm not trying to be the bad guy here so stop making me out to be one. "

"Stop acting like it then" I growl "All you care about is my baby, you don't give two shits about me." Mom paces back and forth and points a threatening finger at me. She was usually the calm type of woman, but right now she was angry and there has only been a handful of times where I've witnessed her anger, it is a rare thing to see my mother angry, but she is human and it's a human emotion.

"Don't you use that kind of language with me young lady. I'm still your mother!"

I get up from the couch despite Peeta's gentle tug on the hand in protest. I come face to face with my mother, rage bubbling inside me as I stand tall and ready to defend myself and my family. I know she is right on one thing she is my mother and that can never change, but the harm she is causing has to stop. She has to realize she has no say in what we do.

"Your so irresponsible Katniss." She turns and hisses at Peeta "You are two, both of you. How are either of you going to take care of this baby or yourselves?" She turns and points at Haymitch who sits in the chair with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face "This drunk fool is no good to either one of you, all he does is drink his life away you want your baby around that. God, I'm o disgusted with all three of you. I'm so disappointed in you Katniss, I thought you were better than this."

"What exactly are you implying?" I can feel the hot tears that are one the way, but I try my best to hold them back "Might as well get everything off your chest"

"Having sex and getting pregnant, then not even considering the best option for the baby. There wouldn't be a baby if you were a responsible adult. You guys are not ready."

"It's to late and I don't regret anything. I had sex with him..." I point to Peeta, his cheeks are a pinkish color as he takes in my words, but I don't care about his embarrassment, anger and sadness has taken over me, and I can feel the hot tears stream down my face as I speak to my mother in a shouted tone of voice "Because I love him and it just happened. If I could go back in time knowing the results I'd still have sex with him and get pregnant, and I would regret it"

"Mrs. Everdeen, please we need to stop this conversation. I don't want her stressed out anymore." Peeta begs.

"Listen The boy is right, I don't want to upset sweetheart anymore that she already is. Now boy take her upstairs while I talk to Mrs. Everdeen" Haymitch orders gently.

Peeta stands from the couch and takes me by the arms, leading me away from my mother and towards the oak stairs. Haymitch and my mother start to talk by the time we reach the top of the stairs and I can no longer hear what they are saying, its nothing but muffled to me. He leads me into the bedroom and gently sets me down on the bed. Tears are still running down my face which he gently brushes them away with his soft fingers, I take the palm of his hand against my cheek and lean into his touch.

"I want us to call, Paylor" Peeta suggests calmly.

I snap my head away from his palm and look up at him "What?!"

"As much as I hate admitting it, your mothers right. Katniss I went on a walk into town this morning. Its worse than you can ever imagine. The Victor Village are the only stable building we have. District 12 is in bad shape."

I stare at him in disbelief "You want the capitol near our baby"

"NO I don't want them near my daughter or son, but I don't want you to give birth here; it wont end well"

"I don't need hi-tech medical attention to have this baby. A lot of women give birth at home, its a natural thing"

"At what cost, a lot of women die from childbirth. I want you to be as comfortable as possible when you give birth to her, I don't want anything to happen to either of you. A lot can happen. I love you and I don't want you to die from this"

He's right a lot can happen to me and the baby during labor. Many babies were born in District 12 where the mother didn't survive, it was an upsetting thing that had frequently. He is afraid that its going to happen to me that's why he is siding with my mother.

"I love you." He says. "Please do this for me. There wont be cameras I promise. I'll make up something, just lets talk to her. You can trust her."

I think long and hard about what I am going to do. If there was a way without the Capitol knowing I was pregnant, then maybe we did have a shot at bringing my baby into this horrid world safely. Apart of me doesn't want to give in, just because of my mother. In all honesty I don't trust her at all, if I go downstairs and tell her Peeta and I were thinking about contacting Paylor, not to get banishment revoked but to relocate to a different District which I'm assuming will be District 4, since my mother was studying her medicine there. District 4 doesn't seem like a bad idea, the sandy white beaches and the warm temperature, it was farther to the south which meant temperatures would be a lot warmer. Could this work? This is what I've fought so hard to avoid, the last thing I want to do is have them figure out I'm pregnant and broadcast it all over Panem. Star-cross lovers are with child.

"I mean it Peeta, cameras come and that's it. I don't want anyone trying to interview me, I don't want anyone near me or the baby. I want it excluded as possible."

"Again I'll make a lie"

"I've fought with my mother so much over this. Why can't we just order clothes and baby things, have them shipped here?"

"Katniss I know you hate what your mother is saying and I'm personally not a fan of her, but District 12 is in real bad shape, these are the only living quarters that are livable." Peeta says sadly. "Everything else is gone, You've seen it right?"

I nod my head "Yes I have I know I'm being selfish, but I'm so scared Peeta. The cameras, the Capitol, Mockingjay, Your hijacking and Prim. I'm not ready to handle it all. I'm a disaster, depressed, crazy, suicidal."

"Are you all those things?" He questions looking unconvinced.

"Not suicidal, but crazy and depressed yes." I admit. "the crazy girl who shot district 13 president that's what I am"

Peeta shakes his head "No you're not you are Katniss Everdeen, strong, brave, loving girl who would risk her life to protect the people she loves. That's why I know your going to be a wonderful mother."

"I doubt it but thanks for the compliment"

"Hey, no problem its true"

He takes me in his strong arms and I inhale his heavenly baker's scent and sigh. He press on hand against my stomach and the other around my waist. She moves as usual under his touch and a smile spreads across his face. He loves feeling her kick, its become his addiction. I stare up into his eyes and nothing but loves fills my entire body. I love this man so much and he is going to be the father of my child. Peeta's blue eyes connects with my gray ones and he grins as the baby bumps and nudges his hand. I lean forward and kiss him, putting all my fears and doubts I have into the kiss. I know I should be angry at him for suggesting we call Paylor, but honestly I'm not, as long as no cameras or media follow, this is a large risk I am taking and I'm not sure whether I'm making the right one or the wrong one. We're not even sure if she will allow us to switch Districts, I don't know what's going to happen and I know Peeta would never allow me to do something if he thinks it is going to be threatening or wrong. I move my lips against his, not a care in the world, it's just the two of us, no mother, no Gale or Haymitch, nobody but us and that's how I want it to be.

To be continued...