Reaching his fingers into the recess of his mouth Sam stimulated his gag reflex and lent further over the white porcelain toilet bowl as he emptied his latest meal from his stomach, hating the burn but relishing in the knowledge that the burn or acid meant he wasn't putting any weight on. Sam knew that while Dean was in purgatory he had put on some weight due to stopping hunting and now that he was back to hunting he knew that he had to lose the weight so that he wouldn't end up slowing down Dean- not when his brother was already so mad at him. Even though Dean was angry at Sam he would still go into big brother mode if he thought that there was something wrong with the man he practically raised so the younger of the two brothers made sure that he would eat meals with Cas and Dean but would then make sure to throw it up as soon as he could escape the other two men.
It was just like any other day when Sam would leave the table straight away and head towards his own bathroom in the bunker to get rid of the meal he could feel sitting on his stomach. What was not like any other day was that Castiel had remained in the bunker compared to his normal routine of leaving as soon as the three of them had finished their meal. Unfortunately for Sam he did not realise that the angel had remained so when he forced the two fingers into the back of his mouth the angel sensed that something was amiss with the youngest Winchester.
Suddenly feeling a hand on his back as he threw up for the third time Sam jerked back and turned so his back was against the wall. He spotted Cas and relaxed, as he realised that he was not under attack from some being that could get through locked doors, but soon enough he was tensing up once more when he finally figured out that the angel had just seen what he was doing to himself. Sam could feel the tears welling up as he sat pressed against the cold tiles, looking up at the man in the trench coat but refused to allow any of them to roll down his cheeks.
Shocking the man even more, Castiel moved to kneel down alongside Sam and wrapped his arms around the young Winchester, not saying a word just holding the man tight within his grasp. After a while Sam relaxed into Cas' grip and turned to face the man before wrapping his arms around the angel and burying his face into his shoulder. "Please don't tell Dee."
"Don't tell Dean what Sam? What's wrong? Why would you do this to yourself?"
"Don't tell Dee, just please, don't tell Dean." Castiel gripped the man tighter, pulling Sam into his lap as one hand started carding his fingers through Sam's hair. Hushing the man in his lap, Castiel longed to know what it was that was upsetting Sam so much, during his time as a human he had developed feelings for Sam and they had carried on even when he regained his grace and his position in Heaven once more.
"I won't tell Dean if you don't make me Sam, but this has got to stop. You can't keep doing this to yourself, please I can't watch you hurting yourself like this, I-I think I may love you, my vessel acts in odd ways around you. I will keep this from Dean if you will answer my questions. Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I can't put you two in danger anymore. I need to be a better hunter. This is not the way to do that. Why would you love me, I'm an abomination, 'the boy with the demon blood', I'm nothing special?"
"How will this make you a better hunter Sam? You are a great hunter, you have saved many lives. You are special to me Sam. I love you and I was wrong to say those things to you because I have never been more wrong."
"I'm fat. I just slow you and Dean down on hunts, I shouldn't have stopped when you guys were in purgatory. I need to lose the weight I put back on so that I don't end up getting you hurt. You say that you were wrong but you weren't, you were right, I am just an abomination, a freak, I'm certainly not anything that is worthy of loving an angel."
"You love an angel?"
"Yes. Yes, I-I love you Cas, I'm in love with you but that's wrong, I don't deserve you. I could never deserve you." Cas took his hand out from Sam's hair and instead placed two fingers gently under his chin- forcing Sam to look at him- before moving forward and leaning his forehead against the taller man's and looking into his eyes. With a whispered 'I love you' Cas closed the distance between the two of them and placed a chaste kiss against the young hunter's lips. After a few seconds he pulled back but left their foreheads pressed together and went back to running a hand through Sam's hair.
"You are absolutely perfect Samuel Winchester, there is but one thing that I would change about you and that is to make you see yourself how I see you, to make you see the perfection that I see, to make you realise how what you are doing is hurting yourself as well as those that are around you. I need you to stop because I don't ever want to lose you, and neither does Dean." With these words the tears began to flow down Sam's cheeks but Castiel wiped each one away, either with his thumb or with the butterfly kisses he was covering Sam's face with.
Slowly the tears subsided and Sam moved away from Cas, only to then curl up on the angel's lap and place his cheek over his heart. "Stay with me?" Sam asked as he felt his eyes getting heavier.
"Always," replied Cas before moving the two of them into Sam's bedroom to get away from the cold tiles of the bathroom. Laying down on the bed, Sam remained curled up in a ball over Castiel's chest, creating quite a sight for anyone who were able to witness the scene of the sasquatch lying on top of the much smaller angel, still wearing his trademark tie and trench coat.
"I promise I'll try and stop. I don't know that I can though, it won't be easy."
"Thank you," Cas whispered before placing a kiss to the crown of the man's head, "that's all I can ask. Know this though, I will help you through this, I won't make you do this all on your own."
"Thanks, you're like my own angel."
"I am your angel. All yours." Sam slept soundly that night in the arms of the man that he had loved for a couple of years now, in the arms of the angel who loved him back despite all the bad choices he has made in his past.
Waking up the next morning Sam was surprised, and yet overjoyed, that the angel had not flown away overnight and had just said the things that he had because of what he found out. At this thought Sam's self-consciousness returned in full force. Of course he said those things because he found me on the floor making myself sick. He wouldn't really be in love with me, I'm nothing, just a fat freak. No wonder he didn't fly away, even with his angel powers he probably couldn't lift me off him, I'm so heavy that he's been trapped there all night because I wouldn't move off him in my sleep.' Sam knew the truth in his words, or he thought it was the truth anyway, so he tried to roll of off the angel's stomach, to release the man from underneath him. His attempts were stopped by the arms that had been around him all night pulling him back into the chest he had been using as a bed.
Looking up at the face that the arms belonged to Sam saw the stunning smile and warm blue eyes, both directed at him. He couldn't help but smile back at the man beneath him. Sensing that he would not be allowed to move off instead Sam stretched out his body so he was led over the angel rather than on him. "Morning handsome." He's lying, you're not handsome.
"Morning Cas."
"Now, now, I called you handsome and that's all I get?" Cas joked at the man who was lying over him.
"Morning Castiel?"
"Better."
"Morning my angel?"
"Mmm, perfect," Cas said as he lifted his head to place a kiss against the perfect lips of the man he could undoubtedly say that he was in love with. Sam flicked his tongue over Cas' lips and moaned quietly when he was permitted entrance prior to starting to explore the angel's mouth, wrapping his tongue around Castiel's then sucking lightly on it.
When they finally pulled away for air Sam managed to get out, between pants, "no. That was what I call perfect baby." Although Cas chuckled at Sam's words he had to agree, that kiss was perfect and he couldn't wait to do it again. After breakfast it was all Castiel could do to stop Sam from going into the bathroom and trying to vomit it all back up again so he distracted the man as best as he could- more of those oh-so-perfect kisses, hands mapping out Sam's body, love bites marring the smooth expanse of his neck and chest. Soon Sam forgot about his desire to get rid of the food from his system, rather focusing on the angel above him- although in Sam's opinion he looked more like a God. Having removed both of their shirts Sam was able to compare the two of them- although he did not see the fat on him that he previously had, the fat that was not really there- instead he could only see how much he had lost, how he was even skinnier than he had been when he and Dean used to hunt before his brother ended up in Purgatory. He could see that Cas looked healthy, that his skin seemed to glow whereas Sam's skin was pulled taught over his bones, looking almost grey in its colouring. Each of his ribs was clearly visible. Sam could tell that he was hurting himself and, as though Cas was reading his thoughts, the people around him. He knew from that moment that although it would be a struggle to stop, it was a struggle that he needed to make it through, if not for himself then for Cas. Each time he ate a meal Sam noticed the 1000-watt smile that was directed towards him and that alone gave him the strength to get better, there were still days that he wanted to do otherwise but he would always welcome Cas' distractions on those occasions.