Four
Six Weeks Post-Disappearance
"Still looking for that girlfriend of yours Four? Y'know, the one with the bird tattoos?" Eric is stood behind me in the control room; I can feel his eyes boring into my back without even having to turn around. I bite back the comment that comes rising up my throat and sits on my tongue, knowing full well there are ladies in the room that wouldn't appreciate the profanities, even if they are in Dauntless. I just wish sometimes I could rip the piercings from his face one by one. While he continues to stand there, I imagine doing just that while counting to ten and trying to keep my anger in check.
"Max wants me to pass on a message," He pauses, waiting for me to respond. I don't. "He's requesting you join leadership. To me, I don't understand it. But it's what he wants, so here I am" I take in a deep breath and turn to face him.
"Tell him no, but thank you." My voice comes out in dull monotone, exactly how I wanted it to. Around Eric, I make sure not to show a crack of emotion. With his type of personality, one that will jump on any sign of weakness, the best idea is to show him nothing at all.
He is tall and muscular, but not as strong as me. We are the same age; therefore we went through initiation together. I defacted from Abnegation and him from Erudite. Dauntless initiation is considered one of the most difficult, since it requires the most physical training. There are three stages – physical, emotional and mental. During the first stage, I didn't do as well as I probably should have. There is no sexism in Dauntless, therefore it doesn't matter what gender your is opponent is. Hitting girls isn't really my thing; I saw the implications it had on my mother. I wasn't part of the clique that had formed between other initiates, I kept myself to myself and that didn't make me well liked.
Nobody expected what was about to happen next. It was the first time all of the Dauntless-born and transfers were trained together, so it pushed me ever further back in terms of competition. We were rigorously tested through a simulation, but individually so nobody else saw how we reacted to fear. It was basically a lead up to the third stage. That's when everybody realised I only had four fears, and overall I came first. Another thing that Tris and me had in common, both coming first during initiation.
Eric's voice brings me back to the present, "Good luck searching for her." I let out a low grumble in response. "Let's just hope I don't find her first." And with a wink, he turns and leaves the room.
I've done a few different jobs since I became a fully-fledged member of Dauntless. Guarding the fence, fighting for entertainment, making weapons and my most recent – Head of Intelligence. Even though it's not classed as leadership, I take my job very seriously. Even more seriously now Tris has gone. The main basis of the role is to manage the control room, but other duties may arise from time to time.
I chose not to become a leader as soon as I became a member of Dauntless. I was the youngest candidate to ever be asked, and while that gave me some sense of satisfaction, I still wasn't completely sure where I belonged. I still don't, really. I always give the same excuse; I enjoy the work I currently do. When really, I don't feel I've ever belonged to one place. It all comes down to one thing with me, my Father, Marcus Eaton.
I can never pinpoint a time when it first began, because it has always been what I know. It progressed heavily as I got older. At first, it was a backhand round the face and four hours in the tiny upstairs cupboard. Then it became shoving, to kicking and eventually beating the shit out of me until I no longer recognised myself in front of the mirror. Whenever I tried to escape, it was upstairs into the cupboard until I knew better. I can feel my pulse rising and throat closing with the memory of the darkness and the small, bitter place.
After the Great War, we were split into five factions. Abnegation, Dauntless, Candor, Amity and Erudite. Abnegation are selfless, they will give themselves to others openly and without a second thought. Dauntless are daredevils, and value bravery. They are the protectors. Candor value honesty, Amity peace and love and Erudite intelligence. At the age of sixteen, we are put through an aptitude test to determine which faction we are best suited for. We do not have to choose the faction they predict, but your decision is final. Each year there is a Choosing Ceremony for sixteen year olds to make their decisions. I chose to defact from Abnegation to Dauntless, to get away from him.
If we had both stayed in Abnegation, I often wonder what our lives would be like. I like to think that we would still be together, just in different clothes. But my main question is - would Tris still be gone?
The control room is located on the 8th floor of the glass building in Dauntless HQ, above the pit. The wall opposite the door is made up entirely of screens, and it must be manned by at least ten Dauntless members at one time. Each screen measures a foot tall and a foot wide, and shows different parts of the city. This includes the fence, the hub, the streets in the Abnegation sector and the ground level of the Dauntless headquarters.
I'm sat behind a large opaque glass desk, which has a copy of every screen in the room on one desktop computer. I can view a camera at any time, or even pre-recordings from previous days, week's or years. It's all at my disposal.
I check the time on my watch - almost lunchtime. I see Will rise from his chair and make his way over to the door to leave for his break. I intercept him before he walks out and motion for him to come over.
Will was in Tris' initiation group. He's lanky with limp brown hair and dull brown eyes, but he has some sort of power about him. It's more of a sense than anything else. He transferred from Erudite too, so most of the time he has his wits about him. Hence why I decided to give him a job. The other reason is that he is currently dating Christina, Tris' best friend.
"Hey man, what's up?" He gives me a lopsided smile.
"I haven't seen Christina around lately, she okay?" I ask, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice. She has been avoiding me ever since Tris disappeared. From personal experience, I would assume it's not a good sign if someone that came from Candor doesn't want to be around you, obviously there's something she is hiding.
"Yeah, um, she's just not taking Tris leaving very well. She'll be okay." He's looking anywhere but my eyes, he knows something too.
"She didn't leave Will, she disappeared. Look – would you just tell Christina I need to talk to her?"
He lets out a long sigh before he responds "Sure." Then he leaves. Something isn't right about both of them.
I catch Christina just before she leaves the dining hall. Once again, she avoids my gaze and attempts to dive through the hole back into the pit. I grab her arm.
"Oh no you don't missy." She looks downcast, as if she had been expecting this and her time is up. "I need to talk to you about Tris."
"I've already told you everything I know, Four." She says, exasperated.
I lead her over to the end of a table that's already been cleared; at least we can have some privacy. She's a pretty girl, with caramel coloured skin and deep brown eyes and her hair is cut into a short bob that feathers around her face. There has always been something about her inability to hold her tongue that has made it difficult for me to get along with her. But right now, that's exactly what I'm depending on.
"I know you know something Christina, it's why you've been avoiding me. Please just tell me what it is. I need to find her." I let the desperation seep out through my voice and from my eyes. It's my only hope that she will understand how much I need her back.
"I … I …" She stumbles on her words. Her legs twitching one hundred miles an hour under the table, bouncing up and down in a repetitive motion. I clench my teeth together and try to find the strength not reach out and stop her.
"If not for me, then please think about Tris. Tell me for her"
"She's the reason I can't tell you, she asked me not to." This is new. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere. Anxiety bubbles up into my stomach, all of a sudden I can't feel my legs.
"What exactly did she ask you not to tell me?" There is a long silence as she battles through options in her mind, I assume. "You've nothing to lose. She's not here now. Just. Tell. Me." I spit through gritted teeth. I've had enough of this.
"A few days before she disappeared, I found her at the bottom of the chasm. She was ripping up paper and throwing it in." She puts a shaking hand to her mouth, and then continues. "She said it was Erudite reports she didn't want to ever see again. I promise you, she wouldn't tell me what they said, but she asked me not to tell anyone what I'd found her doing. That's all I know, I promise."
"Why the hell couldn't you have told me this before?" I don't ever care how unimportant this may be. But what if it was vital? Is that really her decision to make? All of a sudden, I can't bear to be around her any longer. What if that had meant something to me and could have helped me find her? I take one last look at her pathetic, sad face and walk out.