A/N: Valentine's gift fic for Maevemauvaise. I have to also give a huge thanks to Amberlyinviolet for being super patient with some D/s questions from me as well as doing a great beta read. Any mistakes you see are my own and NOT her fault though.
A/N #2: This fic is complete in five parts and I will be posting a chapter every day or as I get it edited. So you're not going to be waiting months or years for updates on this. And yes, I'm working on updates for my WIPs.
A/N #3: I cannot say enough how much reviews mean to me. It is so wonderful to hear encouragement to keep writing, to know that you enjoy something. I read every review and they mean the world to me. Please take a moment to let me know what you think of my work.
Warnings: D/s, BDSM, fluff, angst, violence, language, smutty smut smut (of the 2x5 variety only). Also cliches because… I really wanted to do some fun things. And a few Star Wars quotes because Star Wars.
Pairings: 2X5, 3xR
True Romance
Part 4
"Hey, Wufei? You okay in there?"
Silence.
Which wasn't surprising. Silence was pretty much the only response Duo had gotten from Wufei since - since that night at his apartment.
He had tried to respect Wufei's request that he talk to him or look at him as little as possible during the mission. It had been surprisingly easy - Wufei had made himself scarce all day while Duo went out to meet Sally's contact, Bolton, and get their formal invitation to the party that night.
His meeting with Bolton had been surreal in its normalcy. Duo wasn't sure why he had expected Bolton to look like someone worthy of the title of Dungeon Master, but he had turned out to be a middle aged bald man who looked, if anything, a little too much like Father Maxwell for Duo to be entirely comfortable around him. Bolton had made small talk about Sally, had asked about Duo's pet and it had taken Duo a moment to realize he meant Wufei.
By the time he returned to their hotel room to get dressed for the party a few hours later, Duo and Wufei had gone almost thirty-six hours without saying a word directly to each other.
It was killing Duo. It was like being trapped in an airless coffin with the other man all over again - but this time Duo felt confident there would be no last minute escape.
He had done something to Wufei, had hurt him in some way that Duo knew he would never be able to repair. It hadn't been physical - he had kept a keen eye on Wufei and he didn't even appear sore from the flogging - it had been psychological and it had been deep.
Duo felt dirty, felt a level of self-loathing he hadn't experienced in years and he needed this mission to be over as soon as possible so he could give Wufei the space he so clearly needed.
Duo had already typed up his reassignment request - the L2 division desk had been empty for months now and even if it was a demotion it was still a position Duo could transfer to - all he needed to do was send it in to Une with the mission debrief after they apprehended Lady Carmen.
If they apprehended her.
Duo felt immense trepidation for the party, for the plan at all, now. He had serious doubts that Wufei, as amazing as his self-control was at times, would be able to go through with this.
Doubts that were only exacerbated by the fact that Wufei had been in the bathroom for an hour now and wasn't opening the door.
"Wufei?" Duo tried once last time.
When there was still no answer on the other side, Duo sighed and pulled out his lock pick.
It was the work of only a few seconds before he managed to get the door open.
He immediately regretted it
Wufei was seated on the floor of the bathroom meditating. His hair was loose, still slightly damp from the shower Duo had heard him take earlier, and he wore the white linen pants in the traditional style that Duo knew Wufei favored when not in uniform.
"Shit. I'm so sorry -" Duo started to leave, but Wufei opened his eyes and stared at him. "You weren't answering and I - I kind of panicked and -"
Wufei scowled.
"You thought what? That I had killed myself over the shame of having to perform like this?"
The anger in Wufei's voice cut through Duo.
"I -"
"I have suffered through worse, Maxwell. I am perfectly able to complete this mission."
Duo nodded. He knew there was nothing he could say to make this better.
"Yeah. Um - we have to leave in fifteen minutes so just… I'll be out here when you're ready."
Duo closed the door and went back to the sitting area in the hotel room. He sat down on the loveseat that he had slept on last night, not bothering to ask Wufei for a blanket or pillow because Duo really, really felt like a night of horrible sleep would be easier to take than the look in Wufei's eyes whenever he saw Duo.
He wished that Wufei would talk to him, would tell him where it had gone so horribly wrong; but even if Wufei did confide in him, Duo knew he wouldn't be able to fix this. He started to mentally catalogue what things in his apartment he would have to put in storage and what he could take with him to L2.
Duo knew that even if Wufei had physically responded to some of the things that night, he looked at the experience as a horrific event and Duo wondered just what kind of sick person he was for treasuring the memory of Wufei begging him for release. It made it all so much worse, knowing that Wufei had hated the entire thing yet knowing that he, Duo, had enjoyed parts of it. He swallowed hard. He hadn't enjoyed the frantic way Wufei had scrambled away from him, had refused to look at him, had cried when Duo touched him afterwards.
Duo would never be able to get that mental image out of his head and he doubted he had any right to even try to exorcise it. He had broken this - he had broken something in Wufei and Duo shouldn't even be surprised, considering his track record of fucking up literally everything good in his life.
When Wufei emerged from the bathroom he had added a white Tang suit top to the pants but he had left his hair lose.
Duo had never seen Wufei look more beautiful, and he had never felt more uneasy about admiring the other man as he did in that moment.
"I'm ready," Wufei said.
Duo nodded and stood up.
"Uh, there's one more - Sally said you needed a collar so that people didn't think you were just…"
"Free?" Wufei quipped.
Duo flushed.
"Yeah. I guess."
"We didn't get anything at the store," Wufei said with a frown.
"Yeah, I know but I went back the other day, before you came over actually. I was going to give it to you before you left that night but -"
But Wufei had fled the scene before Duo could even properly apologize.
Wufei sighed.
"Let me have it."
He held out his hand.
Duo pulled the collar out of the black bag with the rest of their equipment. He hadn't quite known what to get for Wufei - there had been a huge assortment of collars, leather, chain, diamonds, but Duo had finally settled on a thin gold collar with a bell attached to the front of it. He had passed by any collars that included rings for leashes - he had known that Wufei would never allow him to lead him around in front of people like that - but his twisted sense of humor hadn't been able to pass by the collar with the bell.
Duo had chosen it because he had wanted to make Wufei smile, maybe roll his eyes a little, but as he handed Wufei the collar now the other man just stared at it grimly for a moment before putting it on.
As if to further emphasize just how terrible a person was, Duo felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of Wufei in the collar.
"We should go," Wufei said, not bothering to even look at Duo before he walked out of the hotel room.
Duo grabbed the bag and had to jog to catch up with Wufei.
Duo's trepidation had given way to full on foreboding by the time they reached Bolton's penthouse suite.
He caught Wufei's arm.
"We don't have to do this," he said.
Wufei glared at him.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm just - what if she's not even here? I can't put you through this again for nothing. Not when -"
Wufei freed himself from Duo's arm.
"I told you before. I've been through worse. I can handle this. Can you?"
"No," Duo answered honestly. "I can't. I - fuck's sake Fei, whatever I did to you the other night - I can't do that again. I can't make this even worse than it already is. I can't hurt you more."
"Then if will have been for nothing," Wufei snapped. "You will have humiliated me for nothing, Maxwell."
Wufei's glare was steady and Duo nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah, okay." Wufei was right.
Duo drew in a deep breath and finished the invitation out of his suit pocket before knocking on the door.
Please don't let this be how I die, he thought as the door opened.
-o-
Wufei's knees were starting to protest his kneeling position.
He had been sitting like this, at Duo's feet like an obedient dog, for the last hour while they surveyed the party.
Wufei wasn't sure what he had expected based on Sally's descriptions or the store he had Duo had visited, but whatever he had been expecting it hadn't been this. Arrayed around the two story penthouse suite there were clusters of chairs or couches surrounding various apparatus that Wufei remembered from the store and from the few hours of research he had committed to this before going over to Duo's apartment that night. Groups of people were seated in each cluster, either talking quietly amongst themselves or watching various scenes utilizing the apparatus nearest them.
Wufei had somehow expected the place to be dark, the people to look and act like criminals and delinquents.
Instead, the penthouse was well, if softly lit, and everyone wearing clothes looked as though they would fit in with the rich and famous staying at the Achelois. Even the ...companions, Wufei had a hard time thinking of them as slaves, even in his own mind, were disturbingly ordinary if he ignored their varying states of nudity and fetish wear. He was confident that if he had first encountered any of these people outside of this room he never would have even guessed they were interested in this.
He and Duo had walked around the perimeter of the penthouse before Duo sat down on a couch overlooking most of the area but without any apparatus set up nearby. It was an excellent observation point and even Wufei, kneeling down beside him and forced to look around with lowered eyes, was able to scan the penthouse for signs of Lady Carmen.
They had scant information to go on - a vague physical description that was meaningless unless she was close enough for Duo to see the color of her eyes and ascertain whether or not she had a gap in her front teeth, a list of her favorite types of toys and scenes, and a description of the type of submissive she preferred.
One of Bolton's submissives came by and offered them something to drink, which Duo waved aside, and a small silver tray of ice chips, which Duo accepted and placed on the couch beside him.
Wufei found himself eyeing the tray warily.
"We need to do something, Fei," Duo muttered. "I've been looking around and everyone else has either actively participated in a scene or sat and watched. There's a woman at your seven who keeps looking this way. She might be our target. Can I - can I use the ice to see if we can get her to come over?"
Wufei drew in a deep breath and steeled himself.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry," Duo said as he picked up an ice chip. "I'm sorry, Fei."
Duo traced the ice chip over Wufei's lips and then across his jaw, down his throat and outlined his clavicle.
Wufei shuddered. It felt good. It felt too good and he couldn't seem to convince his body that he shouldn't be enjoying this. The very act of kneeling beside Duo and accepting his attention this way - accepting the affections of the man he had wanted for years but who was now only pretending - had Wufei so tense he knew it had to be visible.
"Relax," Duo crooned. "Close your eyes, Fei. Think about your breathing. Just - just focus on the sensations and forget about everything else. Forget about me. Imagine I'm someone you want, someone you're attracted to. Imagine someone worshipping your body the way it should be, Fei."
Wufei swallowed hard, aroused by Duo's actions and his words.
He shifted his weight and he felt his erection, trapped in the mesh briefs, brush against his thigh. The slight friction felt good but he refrained from doing it again as he thought just how humiliating it had been to orgasm the last time had had Duo touching him.
"May I join you?"
Wufei opened his eyes and found himself looking at a pair of red stiletto heels and long, brown legs.
"Please. I'm Max and this is my Fai."
"A pleasure to meet you." Wufei saw the woman and Duo shake hands before Duo sat back down and rested his hand on the back of Wufei's neck.
Wufei bowed low, as Sally had instructed him to do when greeting a Dominant.
"I'm known as Lady Carmen," the woman continued and Wufei felt Duo's fingers tug on his hair ever so slightly when he sat back up. "I couldn't help but notice that you haven't been playing with your beautiful pet very much."
"Ah, well… I promised my dragon a chance to use the saltire cross," Duo said, "and it's been occupied most of the night. We've been content to sit back and watch until we can have a turn."
"Hm. That's too bad for the rest of us - I'm dying to see what you can do to him."
Duo stroked his fingers through Wufei's hair.
"He's something else, isn't he?" Duo murmured.
Wufei felt himself flush. He wasn't sure if he was his embarrassment at being discussed as some kind of possession or if it was his reaction to Duo's tone of voice.
"Have you known Master Bolton for very long?" Carmen asked. "I haven't seen you at one of his gatherings before."
"We were referred by a friend, actually. This is our first… event with him."
"How lucky for me that I was able to be here then," Carmen said. "It's been ages since I've seen anything new and your little pet there looks barely housebroken."
Duo's grip on Wufei's hair tightened reflexively, a clear warning not to take umbrage at Carmen's words.
"Oh, look - the saltire is available. Shall we before someone else comes along?"
Carmen stood up and Duo, after a slight moment of hesitation, stood as well. Wufei waited until Duo had picked up the black bag before rising to his feet as well and following them.
He used the opportunity to try to stretch as he walked. He didn't understand how anyone found it even remotely tolerable to kneel like that for so long.
Duo stopped in front of the saltire and Wufei felt his pulse start to race again. This was it, the real test - the real, ultimate humiliation. Duo was about to cuff him to this thing and flog him in front of a room full of strangers, at least one of whom was a pirate and murderer.
Duo put his hand on the small of Wufei's back and gently pushed him towards the saltire.
"You're going to be okay," Duo whispered into his ear. "It's going to be okay, Wufei. It's going to be okay."
Wufei swallowed hard and stepped up to the cross. He stood still while Duo spread his limbs and cuffed them to the arms of the saltire.
"Just remember the safe-words, Fei. Don't let me - don't let me hurt you, please." Duo spoke softly, his lips pressed against Wufei's ear.
The saltire was made in such a way that only Wufei's upper torso was against the cross, with his face and groin left exposed for everyone else to see.
He sucked in a breath at the sound of Duo unzipping the bag and he closed his eyes.
Wufei expected to feel the tails of the flogger on his skin, but instead he felt Duo's hand, firm yet gentle, smoothing across his shoulders and back, down to his ass and his thighs and back up again.
Wufei tried to regulate his breathing, tried very desperately to quell any thoughts of arousal that Duo's touch evoked. He reminded himself that he had an audience. He reminded himself that he was about to be completely degraded in front of strangers.
The reminders did very little to stifle his erection. If anything, Wufei felt a spike of adrenaline course through his body.
Duo's hand moved up to Wufei's hair, tangling his fingers loosely into it, and a moment later Wufei felt the soft touch of the flogger trail down his spine.
The first blow took him by surprise and Wufei jerked against his restraints. He felt Duo's fingers massage his scalp, trying to soothe him.
"Breathe," Duo said, the words loud enough for other to hear them. "Breathe."
Wufei did as instructed, sucking in a gulp of air before releasing it and then forcing himself to breathe evenly, deeply. In. Out. In. Out.
The flogger hit again, across the tops of his thighs, and Wufei rocked forward. He felt his skin tingle, felt his pulse race as Duo hit him again.
Wufei focused on his breathing, focused on the pressure of Duo's fingers against his scalp, focused on the feel of the cuffs against his wrists and ankles. He tried to separate each sensation, tried to feel the impact of each tail of the flogger when Duo hit him again.
He groaned and felt Duo's fingers tighten, felt Duo's boy momentarily still as he pulled back to land another blow.
It took another two blows for Wufei to find himself back in that strange state he had experienced before. But when he felt it, or rather when he ceased to be capable of cataloguing the individual sensations from the beating, he felt a rush of euphoric relief. He felt his body relax, felt his mind slow, felt his anger and his fear and his pain drift to the side of his focus. It was an incredible feeling, one that continued through the next several minutes as Duo continued to hit him with the flogger.
The sting of the flogger felt distant, the sound of his own groans felt faint and almost like an echo, even his blood felt sluggish as it moved through his body. His cock and balls felt heavy, trapped inside the briefs, a pendulum that propelled his body forward with each blow.
He felt Duo's hands on him again - one still tangled in his hair but now the other, instead of holding the flogger, was stroking his flesh again, short nails grazing over Wufei's chest and abdomen.
Duo kissed the side of his face, lips pressed against Wufei's jawline just below his ear, before he dragged his mouth down to Wufei's pulse point and bit down.
Wufei gasped at the sheer intensity of the action. It broke through the haze he seemed to float in, almost like a lightening bolt.
Duo moved his hands across Wufei's chest again, pinching and twisting his nipples until Wufei was arching forward and making sounds that he hadn't even known he was capable of.
Duo's mouth, meanwhile, pressed open kisses across his shoulders and neck, biting down every so often.
Wufei felt each sensation with increasing intensity, the pleasure from Duo's touch and the throbbing pulse of pain from the beating, until Duo reached into Wufei's briefs and stroked his cock.
Wufei let his head fall back, felt Duo's hot breath against the side of his neck.
Duo used the hand in Wufei's hair to turn his head and he kissed him on the mouth, firm brush of his lips that had Wufei pressing back, desperate for more.
When he came Duo swallowed his cry of release, lips gentle against Wufei's own, his grip on Wufei's hair tender.
After a moment, Duo pulled away from the kiss. He ran his free hand down Wufei's back while he pulled the other from Wufei's briefs and he felt the smear of his own semen against his belly.
Duo tugged the cuffs free and Wufei staggered away from the saltire, blinking his eyes open slowly.
He tried to step back, but Duo was there, one hand around his waist.
"Let me hold you," Duo said softly. "Don't leave me again."
Maybe it was Duo's tone, maybe it was the increased circulation to his limbs, maybe it was the sudden reminder that they were in a room full of people who had just witnessed something that Wufei struggled to even define, but he felt a staggering weight hit him.
He stared at Duo and he tried, very hard, to fight his urge to flee. He fought against the panic that was slowly building in his chest.
Duo must have seen something, because he simply picked Wufei up and carried him through the crowd and back to the corner of the room they had previously occupied.
Duo sat on the couch, pulling Wufei onto his lap and wrapping his hands around Wufei's body.
"I'm here. You're okay, Fei. You're okay. You - you were amazing, Fei. I can't believe how incredible you are and you're okay. Everything is fine Wufei. Everything is right. You did everything right." Duo rubbed his palms over Wufei's arms.
He tried to concentrate on that, on Duo's words, and not the panic.
"It was good, Fei. You were good. So good," Duo continued. "I've never seen anything more beautiful, more perfect than you, Fei." Duo pressed a kiss to Wufei's jaw and moved one hand up to Wufei's hair and began to stroke it.
Wufei couldn't remember the last time someone had done that. Most of his lovers ignored his hair aside from the odd tug. No one had taken the time to soothe him like this since his very early childhood.
"Oh, Fei. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for that gift, Fei. I can't believe how strong you are. You're okay. It's over now. It's all over and you were - you were unforgettable, Fei."
Duo pulled him close and Wufei allowed his body to relax, allowed himself to let go of the panic, to ignore the sting of tears in his eyes, to forget anything that wasn't the feel of Duo's body against his own.
He closed his eyes and he breathed.
-o-
"That was certainly worth the wait."
At least half an hour had passed, and while Wufei was still in Duo's lap, he seemed calmer, more in control of himself again, and at the sound of Lady Carmen's voice Duo felt Wufei stiffen in his arms.
Not long after sitting down with Wufei, one of Bolton's subs had come over with a blanket and glass of water. Duo was incredibly grateful for the blanket now since covered both Wufei's reaction and Duo's own as he tightened his grip on Wufei.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Duo said as evenly as he could.
Carmen sat down on the other side of the couch.
"Tell me, is your pet available for play?"
It took Duo a moment to figure out what Carmen was asking.
"It's up to him, but even if he is interested I would have to be present," Duo said.
Carmen nodded.
"Of course, I wouldn't dream of having it any other way." She looked over at Wufei. "Well, little pet? How would you like to play with me sometime."
Wufei inclined his head and Carmen smirked.
"Wonderful! How long will you two be staying at the Achelois?"
"Only a few more days. I'm not sure Fai would be ready for -"
"Oh no, of course not. But I would love to have dinner with the two of you and we can discuss future possibilities."
Duo nodded. That sounded safer, sounded like an opportunity for them to even take her into custody.
"Tomorrow? We don't have plans," Duo offered.
Carmen made a regretful noise.
"No, I'm afraid I have a business meeting tomorrow evening. I have the chance to acquire a rather rare commodity and I simply can't pass up the opportunity."
Duo shrugged.
"The day after then?"
"Perfect. Let's meet at the Endymion at eight?" Carmen suggested one of the restaurants at the resort.
"We'll see you then," Duo assured her.
"Good. I'll leave you two in peace," Carmen said before doing just that.
"We got her, Fei. We got her." Duo pressed a kiss to Wufei's head without thinking about it.
He felt Wufei's entire body freeze.
"Fei -"
"We can leave now," Wufei said, his voice brusque.
He rose from Duo's lap far more gracefully than Duo could have ever managed if their positions were reversed.
Duo watched him fold the blanket and set it aside.
He stood up.
"Fei -"
"Stop talking," Wufei growled.
They made their way to the front of the penthouse, where Duo waited while Wufei changed back into his street clothes.
Bolton came over and Duo shook his hand.
"Thank you again for allowing us to come," Duo said to him.
"Oh it was entirely my pleasure. Your pet was quite a treat for all of us."
Duo nodded even as he felt himself blush.
"Yeah, he's… he's something."
"Please leave your contact information in the guestbook so that I can invite you to future gatherings," Bolton said as Wufei came back to Duo's side.
"Yeah, yeah of course."
Duo ignored Wufei's glare while he filled out the guest book with the contact info for Max Brown.
The walk back to their hotel room was tense and silent and Duo found himself dreading stepping into the room.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Wufei snapped as soon as Duo closed the door.
He leaned his head against the door and drew in a deep breath.
Duo reminded himself that he deserved this - whatever Wufei wanted to say or do, Duo deserved it and probably worse.
"What do you mean?" he asked as he turned around.
"You kissed me."
Duo stared at him.
"Yeah, you didn't say not to - I thought - it's because I kissed you on the lips. I shouldn't have. I - it just felt right at the time but that's not - I'm sorry. I never should have -"
"I'm not talking about during the scene I'm talking about just now - after you arranged the meeting with Carmen."
"Oh."
For that Duo had no excuse.
"Is there a reason you want to continue torturing me?" Wufei demanded.
"I - I didn't realize it was torture," Duo said. He felt as if Wufei had physically hit him. Just the feel of his lips was torture to him?
Duo swallowed hard. It didn't matter how much that realization hurt, it didn't matter just how completely that crushed Duo's fantasies of Wufei seeing him as anything more than a friend. Duo had already crushed those anyway, had already ruined everything that night at his apartment.
"Look, it's over now Wufei. I won't - I won't ever do it again. I promise. And I know telling you I'm sorry isn't going to make this better, I know that I'm never going to be able to fix this but I - fuck, Wufei. I'm sorry."
He saw Wufei's throat work as he swallowed.
They stood there is silence, Wufei glaring at the wall behind Duo and Duo staring at Wufei's face, hoping he would just look at him.
"I'm going to prepare a bath for you," Duo decided.
That got Wufei's attention.
He turned on Duo with a fierce glare.
"I don't need you to prepare a bath for me! I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. I don't need you to -"
"I need it!" Duo interrupted him, nearly shouting. "I need to do something. Just - I don't care if you just let it drain back out. Let me do something."
Wufei said nothing, so Duo walked past him and into the bathroom.
The tub was huge, the kind of spa tub that Duo had never seen in space, only on Earth. It took a while to fill, and Duo sat beside the tub as the the bathroom slowly filled with steam and he tried to think of how the fuck he had ruined everything so spectacularly.
Wufei walked into the bathroom, completely naked, and Duo had to jerk his gaze away and look at the abstract painting of the lunar landscape on the wall.
"It's nothing you haven't seen or felt by now," Wufei sneered.
Duo nodded in agreement to that, but Wufei's tone, his obvious loathing and his resentment, cut into Duo. He continued to stare at the painting.
Wufei sat down in the tub and Duo stood up to leave.
"Don't."
Duo turned his head to look at Wufei.
Wufei had his eyes closed, his arms wrapped around his knees and his position allowed Duo to see the welts along Wufei's back from the flogger.
Duo stared at the sight and he felt equally revolted with himself and aroused.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"I have never felt so humiliated. Not even when - I have never felt so exposed."
"I'm going to transfer. You never have to see me again after this mission, Fei. I - "
Wufei opened his eyes and glared at him.
"You don't understand anything, Maxwell. I enjoyed it. I wanted you to humiliate me. I wanted you to hurt me. I wanted you to use my body. I wanted to be… I wanted to be yours."
Duo heard the words, he saw the look on Wufei's face, but he had no idea where this was going.
"That night -"
"I hate myself for wanting these things," Wufei continued, almost as if Duo hadn't spoken. "I cannot believe how unbelievably weak I am for -"
"Are you joking? You're not weak Wufei! You're the strongest, most intense person I've ever met. Hell - you're the only one of us who can beat Heero's PT course times!"
"This has nothing to do with my body, Maxwell."
"I know it's not - you don't beat Heero because of your body. You beat him because you're a stubborn bastard. Wufei, you are not weak. Think of everything that you've survived - do you really think you could have done any of that if you were weak?"
Wufei looked away from him.
"Fei, please don't hate yourself for the things I did to you. I - I already hate myself for putting you through this. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. I told you before, you're perfect."
"You said you'd never seen anything so beautiful."
Duo snorted.
"Well I've got eyes, don't I? Seeing you come that night in my apartment was - but this?" Duo shook his head. "As much as I want to forget everything I did to you it's going to be impossible to forget the look on your face when you came tonight, or the way your body felt when I held you or -"
"Why are you doing this? Why are you saying these things to me?" Wufei demanded.
"I - hell I guess I'm a glutton for punishment," Duo muttered. "I don't know. I just - there's no point in lying to you. Tonight might be the best and worst thing that I've ever experienced and I just… I'm trying to sort through the fact that I've done something horrible to you with the way it made me feel to do those things to you."
"It wasn't horrible."
"You said it was torture."
Wufei glared at him.
"You kissing me was torture, Maxwell. You -"
"Yeah, I get it. Me. I know that I'm the problem here. If I had been someone else - someone you wanted then, hell, I don't know, maybe all of this would have turned out better."
Wufei stared at him.
"What?"
"Are you a complete idiot?"
"I -no?"
"You think I don't want you? After tonight? After that night in your apartment? You think you aren't someone I want?"
Duo sneered.
"Come on, Fei. I've seen the guys you date. They're like you - handsome, intellectual. You don't want me."
"You are handsome."
Duo gestured towards his body.
"You've seen me naked, Wufei. I'm not - I'm no one's fantasy."
"You've been my fantasy since we were fifteen."
Duo stared at him.
"Fei -"
"Even when I didn't like you I wanted you," Wufei continued.
Duo realized that he had fucked this up even more than he had initially thought.
"I've ruined everything, huh?" Duo shook his head. "All this time I actually - I might have had a chance with you until I did this?"
Wufei held his gaze.
"I already told you that I wanted you to do those things to me. That I want you to use my body."
"But you hate that you want it."
Wufei nodded.
"That's why you left my apartment that night? Not because I did something wrong -"
"Because it felt too right," Wufei finished for him.
"Fei."
Duo reached out his hand and traced his fingers over Wufei's mouth. Wufei leaned into the touch and Duo felt his heart beat erratically.
"We should probably get some ice on your back," Duo said.
He had no idea what to do next and no idea what to say. Icing Wufei's back was literally the only thing he could think of doing.
"Hand me a towel?" Wufei asked.
Duo got up and passed one of the towels to Wufei. He watched the other man dry off, wondering if he should, or if he should look away.
"Ice?" Wufei prompted Duo when he had finished.
"Right. Yeah."
Blushing and feeling like an idiot, Duo went went into the sitting area of the room and grabbed the ice bucket on top of the mini-fridge.
"I'll uh, I'll be right back."
He found an ice machine and filled the bucket up before returning to their room.
During his absence Wufei had pulled back the comforter on the bed and laid down, still naked, on his stomach.
Duo grabbed a towel from the bathroom and wrapped up the ice in it before laying it on Wufei's back, trying to cover as much of his back, ass and thighs as he could.
"Does that feel okay?" he asked.
"It's fine," Wufei said, his words a mumble against the sheets.
Duo sat down on the floor beside the bed, still holding the ice bucket.
He felt all of the tension he had been carrying around for days now slowly leave his body. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. The mission from hell was looking like it might actually be a success now.
"All we have to do is grab Carmen at the restaurant and we're done," he said aloud.
"And then you're transferring."
Duo turned his head and saw that Wufei was looking at him, his dark eyes impossible to read.
"I, ah. I figured you didn't - I - if you want me to yeah. Yeah I'll transfer."
"Where? Where would you transfer to?"
"Uh the L2 Division Desk has been open for a few months now. I'm sure Une would -"
"That's a huge demotion for you."
"Yeah, well…"
"Une would never let you go."
"Maybe if I tried to still coordinate the intel for your missions at the same time. She might. I think she will. She'd rather move me there then have me just resign."
Wufei was silent.
"Do you - do you want me to transfer?" Duo asked, hating how anxious he was to hear Wufei's answer.
"I don't know," Wufei said honestly.
Duo nodded.
"I broke this. I - I ruined our friendship and any chance I might have ever had with you for something more. But you - Fei, I feel like I've broken you somehow."
"Maybe you have," Wufei agreed.
Duo turned so that he was kneeling beside the bed and could look more fully at Wufei.
"But you aren't weak, Fei. No matter what I did to you - you aren't weak. I… I can understand hating that you want someone to humiliate you. I get it. I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me and I don't know how I would feel about them or it or -"
"You don't understand, Maxwell. You have no idea what this is like, what you've done to me."
"I - I know. I don't know what I can do to make this right, Fei. I'll transfer, okay? I will but even -"
"Get the bag."
"What?"
"Get the bag. With the equipment."
"Fei -"
"Get the bag, Maxwell."
There was an expression of determination on Wufei's face that made Duo nod and scramble up.
He fetched the bag from the living room and brought it into the bedroom.
Wufei sat up in the bed and held out his hand.
Duo passed him the bag.
"What are you -"
"Take off your clothes."
Duo stared at him in shock as Wufei pulled out spreader bar that they had only purchased to use as filler for the bag so it appeared that they were experienced enthusiasts. The bar was designed to be attached to the sub's ankles but also had wrist restraints positioned between the ankle restraints so that the person would be forced to huddle over, knees bent and spread, hands trapped beneath their body.
"What are you -"
"I want to show you just what this feels like, Maxwell. I'm not going to hit you with anything because I haven't practiced and I don't want to hurt you, not like that."
"Then what are you going to do?"
Wufei glanced at the towel-wrapped ice.
"Oh."
"Take off your clothes," Wufei repeated.
Duo didn't want to. Hell, he wanted to do anything but this. He almost wanted to tell Wufei to just use one of the floggers or the cane or something and just beat the hell out of him. But stripping down in front of Wufei in this situation?
Duo wasn't exactly ashamed of his body. It had seen him through a hell of a lot, but unfortunately it bore testament to just how much he had had to survive.
Wufei's gaze was unrelenting.
Duo drew in a deep breath and kicked off his shoes.
Wufei arched an eyebrow, something like amusement flickering across his face and Duo bent down and removed his socks as well.
Next he took off the tie, vest and dress shirt, leaving on his undershirt while he removed his trousers.
Standing before Wufei in just his briefs and undershirt Duo felt the chill air of the hotel room and he swallowed hard.
As embarrassed as he was, as much as he absolutely did not want to see Wufei's lips curl with disgust or see him glance away from all of the scars, Duo owed the other man this. And he deserved whatever cruelty Wufei had planned for him.
Duo pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his briefs. He resisted the urge to cover himself and forced his hands to his sides.
Wufei got up from the bed, his eyes focused on Duo's face only, and gestured for him to take his spot on the bed.
"Kneel down and put your hands between your legs," Wufei instructed.
Duo did so, wondering just how stupid he looked, wondering just how many scars Wufei could see, wondering just how the fuck this was going to make things better.
But maybe that wasn't Wufei's intention? Maybe he didn't want to make them better - maybe he just wanted to make them even.
Well, fair is fair, Duo reminded himself. And he had done a hell of a lot to earn this.
He felt Wufei put the restraints on first his ankles and then his wrists.
"Too tight?" Wufei asked.
"No," Duo said, his voice muffled by the sheets.
He felt a thread of panic work its way through his body. He didn't like restraints. He had had more than a few experiences in his lifetime of being manacled only to have very bad things happen to him while he was unable to protect himself.
He felt the bed shift as Wufei got back on it and he closed his eyes as he felt the brush of Wufei's flaccid cock as the other man reached across Duo's back to grab the ice.
"I'm not going to start with the ice," Wufei said. "Just my hands."
Duo nodded.
"Yeah. I - fuck, Wufei. Are you sure this is going to -"
"You remember the safewords?" Wufei interrupted him in a voice that Duo recognized from past arguments as being one that meant Wufei would be getting his way in this or there would be hell to pay.
"Yeah," Duo croaked. He hoped to hell he didn't butcher the pronunciation.
Ting. Bu zai. He reminded himself.
He tugged at the wrist restraints. They were solid. He wasn't going to be able to get out of them unless Wufei let him out. He couldn't even turn his wrist enough to even begin to try to mess with the straps securing him.
The thread of panic intensified.
He was completely trapped.
Ting. Bu zai.
His throat felt thick and tight and he was aware of tension in every muscle of his body. It felt like he was on a knife's edge and he was a heartbeat away from opening his mouth, from shouting -
And then Wufei touched him.
It was light, it was no different than a thousand times before when Wufei had touched his shoulder in greeting or comfort. Except it was entirely different. Wufei was touching Duo's skin, was running his fingers over the whorl of a burn scar from childhood. The scar stretched across his upper back, over his right shoulder and down his chest in a sweeping arc that Duo had always thought resembled a reaper's scythe, eerily similar to the weapon his Gundam had been equipped with.
Wufei had never touched that scar. No one had.
The few men Duo had been intimate with in the past had tolerated his scars, had preferred sex with little or no lighting and Duo couldn't blame them. The burn scars were only the start of it.
Wufei's fingers glanced lower, drawing lines from one bullet hole or shrapnel wound to the next until he came across the thick, jagged scar from the time Duo had almost died saving Trowa.
Duo swallowed and he found himself holding his breath.
What was Wufei thinking?
The bed shifted again and then Duo felt the cool trickle of melting ice water on his spine.
He sucked in a breath.
Wufei pushed Duo's braid of hair to the side, draping it across the sheets before he pressed the ice against the base of Duo's neck.
It felt like space.
Like the chilly fingers of death reaching out to him and Duo shivered.
He had done this to Wufei's chest, had teased his nipples and his abdomen and he realized that in choosing to torture his back Wufei was, in fact, going easy on him. His back was nowhere near as sensitive as his front.
But even so -
Even so the progress of the ice down the length of his spine unsettled his breathing.
He was fine though, able to just squeeze his eyes tight and just breathe, just force himself to think of the way the sheets felt against his cheek and the slight ache in his right shoulder from whipping Wufei earlier in the night. He was fine and he thought about space more, thought about the way it felt to be enveloped by all that darkness and how free it felt to be in space and he sure as hell wasn't free right now, trapped by the spreader bar as he was, but the ice somehow helped, somehow made it easier for Duo to forget about being restrained.
He was fine until he felt Wufei move the ice to his chest, felt him swirl it around his right nipple and then Duo was gasping.
So much for Wufei going easy on him.
Wufei gave his other nipple the same treatment and Duo tried to twist his body, not sure if he was trying for more or less contact, but Wufei reached out with his other hand and stilled Duo, his hand firm on Duo's right hip.
"Fei," Duo said and it sounded like something between a cry and a sigh. He blushed at just how desperate he sounded.
"Do you need to say something?" Wufei asked.
"What?" Duo gasped.
"Did you forget the safewords?"
"No, no," Duo tried to steady himself as Wufei trailed the ice down his belly.
He felt his cock grow hard as Wufei's hand got closer.
Wufei's hand stilled at the top of Duo's pubic hair and then he reversed course, moving the ice back up Duo's chest.
Duo groaned.
Wufei shifted his hand away from Duo's hip and up to his chest. He pinched Duo's right nipple, hard, and Duo cried out.
He couldn't believe that just moments ago he had been on the verge of a panic attack and now - now his body was arching forward as he searched for more contact with Wufei and Duo was making sounds that he had never even thought -
"What do you like?" Wufei's voice was calm, cold even.
"Wha - what?"
Duo twisted his face to look up at him, not understanding the question.
"What do you like during sex?"
Duo shook his head.
"No. Don't - you don't have to do that, Fei."
Wufei arched an eyebrow.
"Safewords?" He asked.
"No. I don't want you to - "
"This isn't about what you want, Maxwell. It's about what I want. So tell me what I want to know or give me the safewords."
Duo swallowed hard. He should just say it. Just say ting and be done with this. He didn't want Wufei to make him come - he didn't want this memory, this feeling of being desperate and hopeless while Wufei touched him.
But Wufei was right. This wasn't about what he wanted. This was for Wufei. If Wufei wanted - if Wufei needed - to reduce Duo to this state then he had every right to.
"Do whatever you want to me."
"Maxwell -"
"It doesn't matter what I like, Wufei. This isn't for me. This is for you. Before - before I needed you to enjoy it, at least some part of it, so our cover wasn't blown. This is different. Just - just do whatever you want to me."
He turned his face away from Wufei. He couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't take the anger in his narrowed eyes or the determined set to his jaw.
"You used my own pleasure against me, Duo."
Duo swallowed and he nodded.
"Yeah, yeah I did."
"Tell me what you like," Wufei repeated. "You owe me that."
Duo felt the sharp prick of tears against his eyes. Fuck. This was beyond humiliating.
He knew his face and chest were flushed, knew he was doing and saying things that he would never, ever have done in other circumstances and if it had been possible to just die from sheer embarrassment he might be on the verge of it.
"I like to be touched," he whispered. "Just… just touch me."
Wufei was silent and Duo didn't know if he had even heard him. He sure as hell wasn't going to repeat himself though.
Wufei smoothed his palm over Duo's chest, his touch confident and unhesitating even when it encountered Duo's scars.
"Like that?"
"Yeah," Duo choked out.
He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, tried to cough, tried to do anything to dislodge the feeling of complete inadequacy that threatened to choke him.
The bed shifted again and Duo felt Wufei's body, felt his strong thighs against his side as Wufei leaned over Duo's back.
"What -"
Wufei kissed him, pressed his lips against the burn on Duo's back and held them there for a heartbeat, for two, for three.
It wasn't until Wufei shifted away again that Duo was able to breathe.
"Bu zai, bu zai."
"No more of what?" Wufei asked.
"Don't kiss me. Don't - I don't deserve that. Don't do that to yourself."
"No more kissing," Wufei agreed after a tense moment.
Duo wasn't in the least surprised to discover that his erection had faded. Funny how guilt and terror did that.
He was, however, furious with his body for being so quick to respond to Wufei's touch.
As the other man ran his hands down Duo's chest to his thighs he curved his fingers slightly, dragging his nails across Duo's flesh and Duo sucked in a breath.
That felt good. Too good.
Wufei repeated the gesture on Duo's back before trailing one hand between the globes of Duo's ass, fingers teasingly light.
Duo felt his pulse grow erratic as Wufei's fingers glanced over his balls, and then they wrapped around his semi-erect cock.
Duo squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could while Wufei stroked him.
Hadn't he wanted this for years? Hadn't he dreamed of Wufei doing this to him?
And now that it was finally happening, Wufei was just doing it for revenge.
Duo bit down on his lip as he felt himself approach orgasm.
Wufei used his other hand to tug on Duo's hair, digging his fingers into the top of Duo's braid and curling them against his scalp.
"God, Fei," Duo moaned. He hadn't had anyone touch his hair in years. It was the one thing that was off limits to his lovers by his choice.
Wufei tugged on his hair, used it to turn Duo's face.
"I want to see you, Maxwell. Open your eyes."
Duo hesitated and Wufei tugged again.
Duo snapped his eyes open at the same instant he felt himself come.
He opened his mouth and bit down on the sheets in an effort not to shout. The sound was only barely muffled.
Wufei held his gaze, dark eyes unflinching.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Duo breathed. "Please, Wufei. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm -"
Wufei's face transformed into an alarmed scowl.
"Stop talking, Maxwell," Wufei snapped.
He moved, bending over to release Duo from the spreader bar.
The moment Duo was free he rolled to the side, trying to get off the bed, but Wufei caught him.
"Don't."
"I get it. I - I understand now Fei. Please just -"
He had no idea what he was even asking for anymore.
Wufei pulled him close, wrapping his strong legs around Duo, trapping him yet again.
"I forgive you," Wufei said into Duo's hair. "I forgive you, Maxwell if you will forgive me."
"I don't deserve -"
"I shouldn't have done it," Wufei said. "I know. You didn't deserve that. You were just doing this for the mission. I did this for personal reasons and -"
"I don't deserve your forgiveness, Wufei," Duo interrupted. "You had no choice when I did this to you. I forced you into it."
"Just like I did to you -"
"No," Duo shook his head. "You didn't force me. You gave me a choice. You - Wufei you - no one has ever touched me like that."
He felt Wufei shake his head, felt his arms tighten around him.
"Why are you such an idiot, Maxwell?"
The question seemed rhetorical, or at least Duo hoped it was because at this moment in time he felt quite confident he could list off about a million reasons.
"You are perfect, Duo. You are - you are the most extraordinary person I have ever met. How is that your lovers don't look at you with awe? Don't worship you?"
Duo pulled away to glare at Wufei.
"You don't have to make fun of me. I know what I look like. I know what I -"
"No, you don't," Wufei snapped.
He pushed Duo back so that he was flat on the bed and straddled him.
"Your body is a marvel, Duo. The things you've lived through."
Wufei ran his fingers over Duo's scars.
"The scars -"
"The scars take away nothing from your perfection. You should have been broken so many times but you are impossibly strong."
Duo stared up at him.
"I sure as hell don't feel like it."
Wufei smirked slightly.
"Why does this conversation sound familiar?"
Duo closed his eyes and shook his head.
"It's not the same thing. You are perfect and strong and -"
"And so are you. Or are you calling me an idiot?"
"You certainly call me one often enough that I'd like the chance to do the same."
"Duo, look at me."
He opened his eyes and sighed.
Wufei had a serious expression on his face, but for perhaps the first time in days, he didn't look even the slightest bit angry.
"I want to kiss you."
Duo shook his head.
"Don't," he begged.
"Your lovers don't touch you apparently - you don't even let them kiss you?"
"They don't - it's just sex for them. For me. They don't need to - there's only so many times I can take seeing disgust on a guy's face when I take him to my bed, Fei. Of course I kiss them and they kiss me. That's - there's nothing wrong with my face."
"Why won't you let me kiss you then?"
"Because I've dreamed of you kissing me for years and I don't want it to happen just because I'm a pathetic, broken mess."
Wufei nodded.
"Now you understand how I feel."
Wufei eased off of Duo, allowing him to wiggle free and sit up.
They faced each other and Duo drew in a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. If you - if I made you feel anything like this I am so fucking sorry."
"Do you want me to put in a transfer so you don't have to see me again?" Wufei asked, one eyebrow arched.
"What? Why - why in hell would I not want to see you again? You're one of my best friends and I -oh. I see what you're doing."
Wufei nodded.
"Despite the complete mess we've made of everything, Duo, there's something here for us."
Duo swallowed hard.
"You mean - you mean you still want me? After everything?"
"Not if it means you won't allow me to kiss you."
His words shocked a laugh out of Duo and Wufei smirked.
Duo wasn't sure which one of them moved first, but when he felt Wufei's hands against his skin again, felt the smooth press of his lips and the rough, wet heat of his tongue Duo was confident he had never felt anything so right, so perfect.
"What do you think we should do?" Duo asked Wufei. He leaned his forehead against Wufei's and he breathed in deeply, trying to convince himself this was really happening.
"I think you should get a saltire for your apartment so that we can try that again."