PART THREE – FURY

CELL 30-H
RESISTANCE BASE
D'QAR, OUTER RIM

Day 18, Month 3, Year 34

The lush planet of D'Qar was formerly a small Alliance outpost before it was turned into the headquarters of the Resistance. Soon after the destruction of Starkiller, rumors surfaced that the Resistance has immediately transferred to yet another undisclosed location. However, various satellite feeds revealed the presence of humanoid life forms amongst bunkers and fighter planes on the planet. They were still there.

This was where I found General Leia Organa. Or rather, this was where she found me.

I – I can't believe it's you. After all these years, we thought you were –

Dead?

We thought you were killed at the Praxeum. Why didn't you tell us you were alive? No. This isn't your fault. Your parents. We lost contact with them after what happened. But why are you here? They said the T-1 shuttle you flew in was affiliated with the Order. Tell me. Was it stolen or are you really working for them?

I just want to talk to you. About Ben.

(She sits down on a stool in front of me.)

You mean why he crossed over to the dark side? Why he killed his father? I ask myself those questions every night and I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you.

Where were you when you found out what happened at the Praxeum?

I was in the Pressylla System on another reconnaissance mission. One of my scouts reported having seen suspicious activity in a mining facility. I suspected the First Order.

The Order wasn't as blatant back then as they are now. At that time, they were merely seen as a dismissible threat - just a speck in the ever growing list of concerns that plagued the New Republic. I brought this up to the Senate, but my peers ignored my warnings. That didn't stop me from taking precautions.

That's why you've founded the Resistance.

Yes. Going back, I had a few of my men with me. We were interviewing the locals at the miner's lodge when a sense of dread overcame me. My pulse began to race and I was afraid my heart was going to burst from my chest. I felt a myriad of emotions coming at me all at once. There was anger and pain. Anguish. I wanted to scream but I didn't seem to have the strength to do so.

Before I had time to fathom the origins of the strange sensations and what could've possibly happened, my utility droid, an R3 Unit, started beeping hysterically. It went on and on about an urgent message. I immediately told R3 to play the message. It confirmed my greatest fears.

What was in the message?

It was Han, though it didn't sound like him. The perpetual composure in his tone was gone. His voice was shaking.

"Leia," he said. "Come to Yavin 4 at once. Ben killed the initiates. All of them."

I didn't want to believe it at first. I wanted it all to be just a horrible dream. But it wasn't.

I flew to Yavin 4 as fast as I could. I don't know how I did it – how I got there. It felt as though my entire world had stopped and shattered. It was as though I was no longer existing. It was painful to move. I couldn't function. Couldn't breathe. I felt so broken. I knew it was coming and I did what I could to stop it. But it hurt to think that all my efforts weren't enough. That I wasn't enough.

You knew this was going to happen?

From birth, my son has always shown this intense connection to the Force. I wasn't trained like my brother, but even I was able to sense the strength in Ben. The potential. He was brimming with it.

It only became more evident as he grew older. When he was six, he built his first speederbike from scratch. He was nine when he singlehandedly piloted the Falcon. Han claimed that he showed Ben how to operate the ship only once. It was unbelievable.

Ben learned to manipulate the Force when he was around seven or eight. I remember coming home to find my documents and papers flying all over the place and organizing themselves into neat little piles. Ben told me he was only trying to help.

See, that's the thing about Ben. He was so attuned to how you were feeling and was always so eager to help. He had this incredible sense of perception. He seemed to know what you were going to say and how you felt deep inside despite your efforts to pretend otherwise.

But he was also very determined to a fault.

He was stubborn.

Yes, we could say that. (She returns my smile).

When Ben wanted something, he would go to great lengths to get it. I remember when he was around eight. Han and I came home and Ben was nowhere to be found. We turned the house upside down and deployed droids to search the neighborhood. We even contacted Luke and Ackbar for help. We were this close to alerting the entire Republic when the local librarian called and said that Ben was at the downtown archives, researching Podracers.

He also had quite a temper. I'm sure you're aware of Ben's difficulty when it came to expressing himself vocally. He wouldn't come up to you and say what he wanted. You'd just find your furniture spontaneously combusting when he's angry. Or all the doors and windows in the house repeatedly opening and shutting whenever he was anxious.

I became aware that such power and instability would undoubtedly attract others. I'm not sure when exactly Snoke came into his life, but the Sith has always been watching him from the shadows. Maybe I didn't realize it in time. Maybe my son already had one foot in the dark side before I put in effort to protect him. Maybe I was too late.

What did you do to protect him?

Believe me. I tried so hard to keep him from hurt and pain. When he was furious, I rushed to his side. I tried to placate him. Tried to quell the outbursts. It wasn't always easy.

In the end, I brought him to Luke, believing my brother could somehow completely sway my child from the dark side.

What about Han? Was he aware of all this?

(Leia becomes tense at the mention of her late husband. She looks away as tears begin to well at the corners of her eyes.)

I'm sorry. We don't have to discuss this –

No. No, I didn't involve Han. He was a good person, but he wasn't exactly the most understanding and compassionate man in the galaxy. Things between him and Ben were already complicated to begin with. They had differences. Han was unhappy with Ben's introverted personality. He wished Ben was more outgoing. He wished Ben would play more with the other kids. Han and I fought every time this was brought up, but not once did I tell him about Snoke. I didn't want to make things more difficult for him and Ben. I didn't want to strain their relationship any further.

I told myself that I could do this alone. That I had to do this alone.

Do you think there's still hope? That Ben will come back?

I did. But after he killed his father…

(At this point, Leia breaks down and cries. I let her. After a while, she finally looks up and meets my eyes.)

Yes, Roxin. I'm still hoping. I want my son back.

FROM THE ACCOUNTS OF ROXIN AVARIS
FORMER STUDENT,
JEDI PRAXEUM, YAVIN-4

I learned about the issues Ben had with his parents when I was twelve. It was right after the first term of our second year at the Praxeum when Ben asked us if we'd like to spend the semester break at his house in Corellia. We were ecstatic. Mort claimed the responsibility of providing us the best transportation while Ollie came up with a list of things we could do, most of which came in the form of random outbursts like, "Oh! We could watch a game at the stadium!" or "We could go and Force-lift some boulders at the beach and impress the ladies." I was left with making sure everyone packed the right amount of credits and underwear and stuff like that.

We landed in Coronet City's spaceport in a sleek silver jet Mort borrowed from his parents. Having never been to larger cities before, Ollie and I were instantly captivated by the gigantic towers of stone and metal that surrounded us at all sides. Before heading to the Solos' home in the suburbs, we decided to explore the city a bit. We caught a Limmie game at the Grand Arena. You know, Limmie? That sport where teams have to kick a ball around and shoot them into goal posts to score points? The boys had a grand time Force-manipulating the ball and the players. Ben was particularly good at it. Afterwards, we went to have some frozen yogurt and sat down on a bench somewhere. Sometimes, you know, I want to go back to that moment. Back to when we were laughing about the silliest things like how bad Ollie's socks smelled and how loud Mort burps and how crazy I was about Articus Miyen (I denied it). I want to go back to that time when were grinning like crazy fools, wiping yogurt off our faces, and just simply having a great time.

It was late afternoon when we finally made our way to the Solo Residence. Late afternoon. I think Corellia has one of the most beautiful sunsets out there. The sky turns from pale green to orange to a deep purple and then to black. You've got to go there and see it. It was magnificent. I think I was staring at the sky all throughout the ride home.

The Solos lived in a quiet neighborhood far from the city in one of the white rectangular houses with blue glass windows. As soon as we crossed the neatly trimmed lawn and arrived at the doorstep, we were greeted by the unmistakable sound of people shouting. I couldn't hear everything but I could make out some words like "gambling problem" and "career over family". Suddenly, the door swung open and out stormed an older man wearing a black vest and matching black pants. There was fury written all over his face. He merely gave us a glance before marching on towards a parked speederbike. We didn't get to see Han Solo again that week.

Ben's mom noticed us and summoned some droids to help us bring in the luggage. There was this one particular protocol droid – gold and talked too much – who almost dropped my bag down the stairs. I later learned that C3PO played a vital role in the war, but that didn't make me like him any better.

Anyway, Mrs. Solo was in a strangely good mood that evening. You'd expect someone who'd just been in a fight to be a bit upset. If the lady felt any disappointment or anger, there were no signs of it now. After we've had a nice little chit chat over dinner, Mrs. Solo apologized and said she had to be somewhere else and if we could please tell C3PO if there were any problems so the droid can contact her. Then she was gone.

Ben hadn't said a word since we entered the house. It was when we finally went up to his room when he exploded.

"I hate them!" he screamed. We all stood back and watched him thrash the place. He threw pillows against the walls and ripped the bed sheet off the mattress. He knocked over a chair, sent his alarm clock sailing through the window, and broke a couple of glass lamps.

He went on and on, saying things like, "Mom's always away doing errands for the Republic while my good for nothing father wastes away all our credits drinking and gambling at the cantina. When they do come home, they fight. When I show up, Mom pretends nothing's wrong and my father pretends I don't exist. They tell me to be patient. To be forgiving. But they turn around and do the exact opposite. Fucking hypocrites!"

Mort told him to just ignore everything just as he does whenever he sees his own father with another woman. Ollie made a joke about not being able to relate, being an orphan and all. But things didn't get any better. Ben just kept hitting and throwing and breaking things. Suddenly, Ben's bed sheets spontaneously caught on fire. It was followed by flashing white lights, a deafening buzz, and water streaming from overhead sprinklers. Somewhere downstairs, C3PO was making a ruckus. Mort rushed to get the extinguisher while Ollie pried open the fire lever in the hallway and tried to deactivate the alarm.

Me? Well, I did the most sensible thing I could think of. I went up to Ben and tried to place my hands on his shoulders to calm him down. But he was tall and I was not and it was uncomfortable so I held both his hands instead.

I guess…

(Pause)

I guess that caught his attention because the fire suddenly vanished as quickly as it began. As if put out by an invisible breath.

I looked him in the eyes. It wasn't easy. He has this – this gaze.

I told him. "Ben, I know you're upset but this is your room you're destroying and there's an entire forest out there we could burn down instead."

I have no idea why I said that but I'm glad I did because it put a smile on his face. The four of us sneaked out of the house and ran deep into the nearby woods, stumbling on branches, shrieking, and laughing like wild animals. When we got to a clearing, we screamed our lungs out, and the boys lashed at the trees.

By daybreak, half the forest was burned down.

Author's Note: To be honest, this chapter was emotionally exhausting to write. Or maybe I'm just a big softie. Please let me know what you think of the story so far and leave a review below. Cheers!