Should I talk to DJ first? What should I do? What if it's too late? So many questions. I need answers. Maybe I should keep on reading in her diary.
February 3, 1993
Dear Diary,
What should I do? I can't take all this stress. There's no reason to live like this! Steve has walked out of life. Dad is not even helping at all. Can't he see that I am suffering enough, and now I have to deal with school? Jesse, Becky, and Joey don't even live here anymore. I wish I had them right next to me... The only people that can really comfort me is Stephanie and Michelle. Stephanie believed me when I was 13 about not drinking at that party. I don't want to remember that night. No one believed me...except Stephanie.
I have to figure something out. It's driving me crazy. Will I actually kill myself? And what if I will? How will I do it? Tears are running down my face, I don't want to live like this. Why me? What is the reason I have to think this way?
There was a drip on the diary. Those were my tears. Tears, not of joy, but sadness. Regret. I could tell that DJ was writing faster and faster in the diary. Where is DJ? Please tell me that she isn't...no she can't be. My sister can't just be all of a sudden a suicidal maniac! I should tell Dad. But what if it's all a fake. What if DJ is just faking this whole thing to get back at me? What if it is true? It would be my fault that I couldn't stop her before she...she...dies. Just that word, gives me the creeps. I jumped on my bed, crying myself to sleep. My face was in my pillow, now all damp from my tears that were running down my face. I really regret this day. I should have never let my hands touch that diary. Stupid, stupid DJ.
Next day,
I woke up finding my Dad looking for something in mine and DJ's room.
"What are you looking for?" I yawned.
"Oh Steph! Good, you're up." My dad was in a rush. "I'm looking for DJ's diary."
"W...Why?" I startled.
"DJ's missing," Dad was so nervous. "And I have to know what's going on." Dad was throwing stuff out of drawers and closets and everything. "Steph, you always look in DJ's diary because you always find it. Do you know where it is?"
"Um...maybe." Dad stopped and turned to look at me.
"Steph, where is it then?"
"I can't tell you..." Dad was looking at me funny.
"And why not?" Dad was raising his voice everytime. "I need you to give it to me!"
Should I give it to Dad? Maybe this is true. Maybe DJ is really going to kill herself. But what if Dad is in this too? What if they're all paying me back from reading this diary. I can't take it anymore. But what if it is true?
"I know what she's going to do Dad."
-Stacy
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