2016, 1st of March

Hello my loyal readers!

Nice! There were some cool suggestions there :) As most of you guessed, Tauriel will of course stay in Mirkwood, I mean, what would this story be if it was just Tauriel wandering the lands on her own, huh? She has to suffer and see Legolas suffer *muahahahhaha*

Um. Yeah. Sorry. I'm back. Like promised, once a week. I hope you all had a great start into march and don't have crazy weather like we do here in Germany (the hell, snow? in March? Wonderful! I love snow but it's still a bit confusing). This is also the point in the comment where I'd like to point out that I'm German, for those of you who haven't stalked my profile yet. So yeah, if there's any grammar mistakes that I missed while reading or if I'm being uncreative with my sentence structure, it's just because English is my second language and mostly I just don't know better :D. So feel free to tell me anything I might be getting wrong. So, rant done, please continue.

Now, please enjoy!

If my blood wasn't spilled tonight

Chapter 3

You will have to make a choice.

Yes of course. As if it was much of a choice. Tauriel walked over to Kili, her steps hurried. If she wanted to ever return to her home, she had to follow Thranduil quickly. Kneeling down to the dwarf, her chin quivered again. Her lips touched his forehead, her eyes closed and she made sure the rune stone was still in his hand. It should be returned to his mother after all. With another breath and a sigh, she finally stood.

She had made her decision.

Sure, she would love her freedom and maybe staying with the dwarfs wasn't half bad. But on the other hand she could never forgive herself if she left without a word and Legolas found her gone when he awoke. Or if he didn't awake…No, she still couldn't think about that. The Mirkwood was her home and Legolas was a big part in making it just that. Even though she had begun to resent his father over the last decades, today she had seen him act in a way she'd never witnessed before. The way he dropped to his knees and tended to his injured son was so out of place for the coldhearted, distant king she had come to know.

It seemed today was a day for many things to be out of place.

Like always, the Elves would depart from this battle, leaving the others to mourn the dead. She clenched her jaw and pressed her lips together in dismay. If she had any say about this…but she didn't. Sure she didn't. Like Thranduil had pointed out so perfectly she was just a lowly sylvan elf. Even as captain of the guard she had no command about how the kingdom would be run. Not that she was likely to maintain that position after the events of the last days.

A sigh escaped her lips. Staying in Mirkwood wouldn't be pleasant for a whole while. Freedom seemed like a pleasing alternative. But Legolas…seeing him like this had opened her eyes to something.

With a nod to herself she shouldered the medical bag and picked up her weapon. One last glance at Kili and she went after Thranduil as fast as her legs would carry her. Which wasn't as fast as she would have liked, to be honest. But she was still fast enough to catch up to him on the way to his horse. Without a word, she helped him mount the animal with Legolas still in his arms, breathing irregularly and shallow, rattling sounds escaping his throat. He was so limp and it made Tauriel shiver just by seeing it. No, she could never run. Not now. Probably never.

Not from him.

She had been surprised when there was a second horse waiting for the king. But then she mused that it was probably for Legolas, originally. The king had been looking for his son up here, assuming to take him back to Dale whole and healthy, or at least hoping so. Again, the guilt weighted her down and she almost didn't make it on her horse. Thranduil had departed, not waiting for her. For once, she didn't mind at all, Legolas needed help as fast as possible. She was already guilt ridden for not being able to scoop him up and drag him down the mountain herself. What if he didn't make it? Then this was all to blame on her…

Her horse made it into a sprint quickly and tried to catch up to the king as if on a playful race. Tauriel would have liked to remind the animal that this situation was very serious but she really didn't have the heart to do so.

They reached Dale and Thranduil almost ran over the dragonslayer Bard, who had waited for him at the gate, maybe to speak to him. Tauriel shot him an apologetic gaze as they raced by. That Dale was such a maze wasn't really in their favor right now so the elleth cursed this city for making everything even more difficult. During their ride, Legolas had slumped completely into his father's arms and Tauriel could see that the situation was getting worse since the movement of the horse sure wasn't helping his health any. When the king dismounted in front of the healing tents, Tauriel got another glimpse at him and what she saw almost gave her a heart attack. His forehead was drenched in sweat, his skin pale as a sheet, lips blue and bloody and his breathing was almost nonexistent, coming into short stabs of air that rattled and wheezed. The guard in front of the tent, Gadordir, a rather new recruit, immediately spotted the king and went almost as pale as Legolas upon seeing the prince. He screamed into the tent for the healers and then everything was kind of a blur.

She remembered following into the big tent, remembered the reaction of the healers. Horror in their gazes when the king unwrapped Legolas from his robes. Widened eyes upon seeing that even on the robe and through the bandage there was still more blood than before. The elleth barely registered how they tore the clothing from his chest, how healing words filled the tent and harsh words of haste command intercepted with them. Tauriel had always admired the healers for their collectiveness in times of great peril and this was one of these situations where you could see who was a senior healer and which of them were new to their job. They worked quickly but to her shock, Tauriel saw the next second something that made her almost cave in herself:

Legolas' breathing had completely stopped.

At that point, their head healer stepped in. Her name was Merilthel and she was rather short for an elf with long black hair in a half-bun like always, the rest of the long locks falling down her back. She was very compassionate but also strict if must be. And she had a unique talent for healing, of course. Tauriel once heard she was even older than the king but those were just rumors. To elves, age and time really weren't that important.

Her right hand rested on Legolas' now bare chest. Her underlings were all stepping away to give her space and quiet for concentration. She closed her eyes and a few seconds later, a song of healing could be heard in the tent and it smelled of pine and apples and other fresh things found in the forest. The captain of the guard had to keep it together to not collapse in a chair herself and the healers were already sparing her worried glances. Yet she remained standing, stiff and full of so much panic that she just couldn't, wouldn't sit down.

The most grasping presence in the room though, was the king. He stood in the entrance where the healers had taken Legolas from his arms, stare fixed on his limp son on the bed. Tauriel saw that he himself, was holding his breath as if he was living whatever Legolas went through. The royal was pale and his hand grabbed onto the sheet that separated the outside world with the inside of this tent. He clang to it like it was a lifeline, like it could be the one thing pulling Legolas back into Endor. His lips were sculptured into a thin line and Tauriel had never seen so much panic and devastation in his eyes before. Unblinking eyes stared at the bed. There were other soldiers here, hurt soldiers. But at this moment, none other than the prince mattered. None of the wounded even seemed to mind. The ones that were conscious stared at what was happening just as intensely. A sudden movement from the king alerted Tauriel to his presence once again. He stepped forward, one, two tiny steps as if his knees couldn't manage any more. His robe still had his son's blood on it and it made Tauriel's heart skip another beat. Then he said something that made the elleth feel so out of place that she almost walked out.

"No…no, not him too. I'm begging you, Mandos. Please, not him too…"

Yes, she tried really hard not to stare. And she wasn't even sure if anybody else heard over all the commotion. But this, this was something that made Tauriel regret so much more in her life, especially the last day. She had always taken Thranduil for cold and heartless, not letting anybody in. Legolas had told her that it wasn't quite like that but she never really believed him. Just a few hours ago she had accused him of just that: Having no love in him. But the way he acted now, upon facing the possibility of losing his son, proved her wrong so fatally that she almost wanted to beg him for forgiveness then and there. Almost.

Not him too… of course. Legolas had told her how his father never spoke of the death of his wife. The prince's expression in that moment had been filled with so much pain and sadness that she only now imagined how much worse it must have been for Thranduil himself, losing his beloved like that. She had been wrong. There was love in the king of Mirkwood. But it was so deeply buried that he didn't dare let it resurface. Because then, there might be a chance of collapse, a chance of showing weakness in front of his subjects and that wasn't going to happen if he could help it. Tauriel had only known of the queen briefly. It was a fleeting memory in her mind, a memory of days when she was very young and the king found her in the forest when her parents had died. He and his wife had taken care of her for quite some time before a proper family was found. And even then, Tauriel would get visits, or presents. Legolas had been correct when he said that his father had favored her. The queen herself was always this pure light in her memory. Bright and shining but subtle like the stars themselves, twinkling and inviting, warmth and light. She remembered her own tears when she found out about her death and Tauriel had only known her very briefly. What it must have been like for Thranduil…the pain of today's battle and losses that swirled inside herself were probably just a mere shadow in comparison to that pain…

The sharp intake of breath was heard all over the room and tore Tauriel from her tense thoughts. The whole tent had been completely silent when the prince stopped breathing and it seemed like at this sound, everybody relaxed immensely. Tauriel herself was clutching at the medical bag still in her hand, forgotten completely. She had a little panic attack on her own when the breath left Legolas for far too long. She imagined life without him, she pictured all the reasons why this was her fault and she was just so short away from breaking down in tears that the only thing keeping her from it were her pride and the fingernails that dug deeply into her own palm. Upon his first intake of breath, she released her own in a humorless laugh and felt her lip quiver, whipped the tears from the corners of her eyes. She glanced over to Thranduil and saw how he almost collapsed into the nearby chair, lacking his usual grace entirely. He was still staring, ice blue eyes unblinking, but his breathing was calming down now that multiple healers were rushing around, gathering herbs and barking orders at the other patients to stay where they were. One came over and asked Tauriel if she needed help with any wound but she declined, even though she thought that there was maybe one or two things that needed attention. It didn't seem proper for her to lead the healer's attention away from the prince though, even when they had finally stabilized him to the point where Merilthel let go of him and whipped the sweat from her own brow. She whispered further instructions to the other healers, then made a few choice steps over to her king. She bowed her head, then put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Tauriel again felt like an intruder. Nobody usually touched the king. But she assumed Merilthel was one of the very few that eventually could. Thranduil looked up to her finally, after tearing his gaze away from his son with much difficulty. He didn't have to ask the question, the healer knew what he was going to say.

"We stabilized him for now. There was a poison on that blade, my king. It was very lucky you brought him just in time. We set his shoulder, bound broken rips and stitched the wound on his chest closed but the poison has to be treated properly still. He's in a healing sleep for now and I do not know when we will be able to wake him. Or if the head wound is graver than we estimated. It can only be told with time and proper equipment back in our halls. His stable state could very well be temporary." She spoke quietly but Tauriel suspected the whole tent still heard her every word.

The king nodded, slowly regaining his regal and cold composure. He stood and glanced over at the bed again, then at the other patients who looked away under his gaze.

"If you require the halls of our kingdom you shall receive them. Are they ready for transport?" he asked the head healer.

"Transport, my Lord? Are you sure?"

It wasn't the healer who asked this question. She had just nodded, bowed and set to the task of making things ready.

It had been Tauriel.

She had come out of her shell for the moment, joining the king on the other side of the tent. Shaken out of the shock and grief by Thranduil's horrid and uncharacteristic reaction and by their head healer listing all of Legolas' wounds. He had to be in so much pain...

"I'm not having this discussion again, Tauriel. We will leave and nothing will hold me here where no stone stands on top of the other anymore. The battle has ended and I will not risk further lives when the sacrifice is not worth the price." He had stood up, now again towering over Tauriel with his height and all his glory. But for a second, his glance switched from her green eyes to Legolas on the bed, still fragile, still in possible life threatening danger and he quickly turned away from her.

But Tauriel hadn't been protesting for the sake of men or dwarves. No, this time she had other thoughts on her mind. Even if the king's words were demanding and cold as ever, his face and tone still betrayed the raw pain of the last hour. His voice said 'not risk further lives' when his heart meant 'all but his'. So the elleth shook her head and bowed it slightly. A showing of respect.

"I was not asking because of that. Are you sure that departure will not bring…further harm upon us?" she formed her words carefully but knowingly, searching his gaze like she hadn't done in a long time. Gone had been the days when she had all but looked up to him. Now maybe something of this time was resurfacing. She was sure that transporting Legolas in this state was not a wise thing to do and she was also very sure that their ruler knew that. Still, he wanted to leave, not wait until he was better. The royal spared her a short glance, then he turned away again, face cold and distant.

"If the healers are in need of our halls to ensure our safety then I shall try everything to make it so." He paused and his ice cold gaze rested on her, now full of something else. Grief but also rage, and betrayal. "And you, Tauriel, should hold your tongue. For you are not my advisor in such matters any longer." Now even his tone had caught the temperature of his prior gaze. Tauriel suppressed a cringe and took a deep breath to calm herself. The fire within her was burning and she wanted to protest, wanted to yell at Thranduil to be reasonable. Legolas couldn't be moved yet! A sole glance at the prince could tell anybody that it wouldn't be a good decision. But the king wanted to leave, wanted to retreat into the safety of his halls again. Thranduil now turned away, careful of his movements and he left the tent silently, one last glance on his now sleeping son.

Tauriel closed her eyes and sighed deeply. This day…this blasted day. Why couldn't it end? Why couldn't it end with Legolas well again and by her side? Why did it have to be this way and why did it have to be her fault? Her tired feet dragged her over to his bed. The healers were still tending to him and she tried not to get in the way when she sat down beside him and stroked through his blonde hair in thought. She combed the blood out of it, the sight was making her sick and in her heart, she thought about all the times he had made her smile and all the times his smile had brightened up her day, shining like the starlight she loved so much.

Her lip quivered again but she stayed with him as long as she was able.

So! So much drama in this one...There's not much happening and I know I'm going off into space with the thoughts of the characters but I like to do this to gain depth I guess? It's also the most fun to write.

Tauriel is getting to see a side of Thranduil she never thought to see and I think it's making her rethink what she said. I mean, I enjoyed the movie and I enjoyed how she stood up to him because she was right too, he was a pretty cold bastard for most the time we saw him. BUT I also think Thranduil isn't entirely heartless and loveless, like Tauriel pointed him out to be. I think his love and kindness were repressed alongside any other feeling back when his wife died. Elves are said to love once and only once (another reason I want Legolas and Tauriel to be together because if they don't, then they're both doomed? If Tauriel really loved Kili she'd be wrecked forever and if Legolas loves Tauriel and she's basically heartbroken for the rest of her eternal life...where'd that leave them? Heartbreak and tragedy, that's where. And as much as I love to torture these two, a happy ending should be possible) and if Thranduil was there when his wife died -and I'm guessing it wasn't pretty either- the only thing keeping him in this realm is probably his son and maybe in parts his kingdom and people. I think Tauriel never really tried to see that side of him, she's impulsive and blaming Thranduil for her problems was easy at first sight. I tried to work through her thought process here so I hope it wasn't too dull.

Sorry, another rant here. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and you can maybe see what I did there.

What do you think is going to await Tauriel back in the forest, honestly? I'd be thrilled to see your thoughts :D

Thank you for reading, I'd love you more for every review you leave!

Until next week~