"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal" - Hannah More

I clutched the leather bound book to my chest, committing every detail inside and out to my memory. Each of the Shepherds, after they...died would never be remembered in the Roster again, and the only thing I could hope to rely on was my memory. I was never good at remembering a lot, but if Shakespeare's actors could remember every one of their lines after watching the play once, then I could remember short descriptions of Father's soldiers and friends.

I don't think I ever recovered from the second death in my family, I don't think I really coped. After Uncle Lon'qu died, I gave up trying to learn his sword style. It wasn't worth it if he couldn't teach me. I barely learned much of it anyway and there were too many gaping holes for me to patch up. Most of all, it was too painful… I'd have to force myself to get up and swing my sword in that special way Uncle Lon'qu did, and my motivating force was gone. I almost gave up sword fighting altogether but Frederick was still there. And yet… I feared he would disappear one day too.

Frederick would motivate somehow, through all the pain, through all the burning muscles, through my body screaming at me to stop… I know he'd always find a way to pull me back. He was too stubborn to give up on me.

I couldn't pretend I was the only one in pain though. Cynthia was shaken. Her demeanour wasn't as sunny as it used to be. While I coped with more physical pain (despite how masochistic it sounds), Cynthia didn't have the luxury of having a reliable coping mechanism. She was still so young too. How could she know what to do when you lost someone? It took some time before I thought she finally found a way to release her grief besides exhausting herself crying. She would take the little stuffed bear, clutch it tightly, and whisper denial into its torn ear.

Cynthia wasn't as close to Uncle Lon'qu as I was, but I could tell he wasn't the only one she grieved for. Not only was she mournful for her uncle, she was fearful for her cousin and aunt. She and Owain were two peas in a pod. They did almost everything together when all of them visited. They'd do weird things like messing around with the furniture in some rooms, and I'd be forced to clean their chaos or join them.

What scared me most about the revelation about Uncle Lon'qu's death meant the Risen were getting trickier. They managed to kill one of the strongest soldiers in the army, so what hope did the rest of us have? This only strengthened Cynthia's resolve to become a pegasus knight, which terrified me; my little sister preparing herself to go to war at such a tender age... I tried to keep her from going through with her idea. The end result wasn't pleasant. At one point, we were screaming at each other, I think.

"Cynthia, think about it," I begged. "you're going to do something that can get you seriously hurt."

She sent me a look which meant she understood what I was saying, but I don't think she understood what I was trying to convey. "But isn't that what you're doing Lucy? You're training, so why can't I?"

"You're too young for this right now!" I struggled to come for a valid response. I rubbed my face, sighing. "Look, after all the prep training, you're going to be out in the field where all those monsters are, and I don't want to think about what they might be able to do to you."

Cynthia's lips pursed and an accusing look came to her face. "You started training when you were four! I'm eight! It's not fair if you get to train and I don't!"

My eyes narrowed a bit. She completely disregarded the second part of what I just said. I wasn't used to dealing with little kids like this, and the 'it's not fair' card wasn't often played on me when I was growing up alongside my sibling from Before. Cynthia didn't know what she was talking about.

"You don't understand!" I persisted. "It's not about fairness Cynthia! Even if this is training, it's a life or death decision, once you go in, you can never come back out!" What I said wasn't entirely true. Of course you could drop out, but most people didn't think it was worth it. You either live a soldier's life or the life of someone who never tried.

And yet, Cynthia still somehow came up with a counter argument. How? Because she was still a child; a child I couldn't have a single intelligent or interesting conversation with. I couldn't hold a meaningful conversation with her and it was just so frustrating! It was always, "Hey Lucy, look at my teddy!" or, "Lucy! Play dress up with me!" and it was just so tiring. Sometimes Cynthia was just too much.

Her look of accusation subsided and her mouth moved like a fish. She wouldn't be able to come up with a retort this time. Suddenly, the anger came back to her face with a vengeance, and I could tell there were tears hiding behind that fury. "I-I don't care!" She cried. "I wanna do this! And the sooner I do this, the sooner all the monsters'll all be gone!"

Her sudden outburst shocked me a bit. I thought she was going to train selfishly- a pretty stupid thought on my part honestly- but by admitting she wanted the monsters gone, she was saying she was going to help the ones suffering from the Risen attacks as well. But that didn't mean I wasn't crossed with her. She may have admitted something just, but she still needed to comprehend her responsibilities.

"Cynthia..." I sighed, picking at my tunic. "What has Mom said about you and all the training you want to do?" If my sister wasn't in any inclination to listening to me, I at least wanted to know what our parent thought.

She looked down for a brief moment before giving me a look, reminding me of a kicked puppy. I didn't get what she was so upset about, I mean, honestly, did she want to throw her life away or something? If she started training, that meant the council would gladly use her for their warring needs, she'd be drafted into war. I didn't doubt that was what was happening to others around the country either, and unfortunately I couldn't attempt to help them like I was trying to help my little sister.

"She-she's trying to stop me from training like you are…" Cynthia's breath hitched a bit, but cut me off and quickly spoke again. "But I thought you would help me with this Lucy! You've been training for like, ever! So why can't I train, huh? Why can't I help Ylisse? I'm a princess too right? I should be able to train hard like you so I can fight with you and get rid of all the monsters!"

"I should be able to fight Mother! I-I want to help everyone!"

Figures… She would want to fight… I was being a huge jerk, and not to mention a hypocrite too. I basically said the same thing to Mom when I was four; only four and already wanting to train. It should have been impossible for me by all means, I was a small kid only out of her toddling stages when I screamed at Mom to just train me already. And the way Cynthia was worrying me, it was how I worried everyone else around me. It was how I worried Amice, Ms. Maven, all of my caretakers and maids… It was how I worried all of my family...

"Fine," I breathed after a few moments. "I get it now. You want to help too, that's really, really great Cynthia, but you have to understand; by doing this you'll be worrying everyone. Anything concerning you and what you do will concern us too,"

"So you're gonna help me?!" She interrupted me, grinning like a little psychopath with stars in her eyes.

"I-I'm not helping you per say, it's more like- I don't know- guiding you?" I was uncertain of what I was going to do with her. I couldn't really help Cynthia if I couldn't help myself. "But, you have to get-"

"Yeah! Lucy's gonna help me! So what're you gonna teach me first? Axes? Swords?! LANCES?!"

What did she think I was, a weapons master? She was talking to her older sister who just managed novice sword swings! Proper novice swings!

"CYNTHIA!" I yelled, trying to get her attention. "I'm serious! If you want me to help train you, you have to take things seriously too! Get it?" She was too hyperactive for her own good, what with getting so off track so easily.

She nodded, still not really listening, enthusiasm drowning over itself in her body. "So when can we start?" She asked giving me an annoying smile I would've found cute in any other situation.

"You want to start?" I grounded out, arms crossed and eyes shut in irritation. "Fine then," I smiled crookedly. "we start now!"

By starting, I meant I would make Cynthia do the exercises I did when I began. It might have been unorthodox considering she wanted weapons training and she did light exercises before, but I only found out how to use a sword and if she wanted stamina using any weapon, she'd need to go through my adopted regimen.

But nothing to worry about, Cynthia did better than I did; she didn't vomit on the first day. Although I wasn't really authorized to train my little sister with blades, I could at least prepare her for Frederick's warped version of training. Unlike him, I wasn't a slave driver. Either way, Cynthia was all clear. There wasn't anything I could teach her anyway, so I just let her watch me practice my swings if she wanted to.

But it turns out, Cynthia wouldn't have been able to receive training from Frederick because he was already preoccupied with training me. Sure, he might have trained groups of soldiers together, but my sister and I were on different levels, not to mention weapons either.

So, she decided she'd get taught by the next best person.

Mom.

Mom wasn't an easy nut to crack, especially since she wasn't too keen on her youngest daughter wanting to be shipped to the battlefield. But Cynthia was a persistent little bugger and she played the, 'big sister's letting me,' card. I wasn't sure it would exactly work like she thought it would considering I wasn't even that old, let alone material for our parent to be convinced.

And then Mom gave because she was incapable of saying no for the millionth time and Cynthia got lance training, and pegasus riding.

Coincidentally, it was also when Frederick taught me about how to face off against lance users. Although, there was nothing much I could really do against them considering they had a longer range than I did, but Frederick said I should dodge to the side, and use the little time I gained from that dodge to strike. I could only hope I wouldn't have to fight someone who had a lance, but I'd have to rely on a strategist for that or try to avoid them at all costs, which probably wasn't going to happen.

So I decided I'd at least try to understand the movements of soldiers with lances and found myself spying on my little sister's training instead of asking Frederick for help like a normal person. At least while watching my mom and my sister practice I'd be able to observe their techniques and apply them to when I'd be out in the field, and I'd be able to find out how my sister was progressing.

I ran through the palace trying to find them, looking into every training room.

"Amice?" I asked her once I saw she was dusting some furniture. "Do you know where my mom and sister are?"

She jumped a bit and I wondered if she'd ever get used to me talking to her. Sure, she was more confident than when I first encountered her, but she was still a bit shy.

"O-oh! Um, I believe they're in the c-courtyard, Lucina…" She rubbed her hand holding the duster.

"Great, thanks!" I nodded, smiling at her then running off to where she pointed me.

I wanted to speak to Amice more often. It felt like we were distancing ourselves from each other for a while, but it wasn't as if it was easy to strike up a conversation with her. She was still pretty quiet and we didn't really have anything to talk about. I guess I just enjoyed her company though, she was pretty calming and helped me out a bunch when I was sick. She would overlook my assignments from Ms. Maven as well even though I didn't need the help. History wasn't really Amice's favourite unlike me.

Swerving around other maids and shouting out, "Sorry!" a few times, I found myself in front of the door to the outside courtyard. They would be practicing outside if Cynthia was really so interested in being a pegasus knight. It probably wouldn't be easy either. Cynthia would need to ride the pegasus, learning how to balance and not fall off, and striking with her lance. It sounded hard and I thought it would only be harder when it was put into practice.

I opened the wooden door slowly, cringing when it groaned. When the door fully opened I found the outdoor courtyard, but none of my family. I barely closed the door slowly after stepping out of the frame, leaving a crack so I could escape if need be. I tried to peek around the green bushes, my feet padding around quietly on the rock ground. I wasn't able to see them until I reached the grassier part of the clearing.

I could Cynthia's screams and cries, the poor kid probably had some scratches all over her skin from falling off the flying horse. Although I knew Mom was taking some safety precautions, not like she wanted her daughter to get a concussion.

When I saw the vague outlines of their silhouettes I had to keep my jaw from dropping.

Up in the sky was Mom's pegasus-Orchid-and riding her was Cynthia, riding around like a pro. I was proud of her but there was a tiny spark of jealousy for some reason. I tried to nip the small flower at the bud. There wasn't anything to be jealous about, I was going to be a swordswoman and Cynthia was going to be a pegasus knight. Two completely different things, but…. If Cynthia was going to be a pegasus knight, it meant she got to be around Mom more often, more often than I was. It wasn't anything more than childish jealousy and for my own sister too, but I found I was spending less time with my family and I didn't know how to feel about it.

I really found I spent less time with anyone I was close with, really. Those close bonds of friends and family I made? I was the one tugging at the strings and basically cutting myself off from them. It was on me because I spent too much time worrying about the Roster and my studies. But the most recent page torn from the Roster had me worrying for good reason.

It was another male in the army, this time a young looking kid named Donnel. For a while he'd only been an unknown to me until I came across his entry. I had never known about any character from Awakening with a pot on their head named Donnel, so it came as a little shock to me he was the third (fourth if you counted Father) in the army to go, especially since he was described as a villager who got drafted. I assumed since he was a villager, who was-and I quote, "from a remote corner of Ylisse,"-he wasn't very strong, so why would he be the next to go? Was he maybe in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Worse? I noticed the page withering before it got torn, acting as a premonition. It was hard to place a timeframe before Donnel's or anyone's page was permanently taken out, but I think it was a day maximum, an hour minimum. So in theory I could stop them from dying but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know where they were all located and I didn't know how I could stop them from marching to their deaths. I could always talk it out with them, but...

'Yes, hello! My name is Lucina, princess of Ylisse and I'm gonna to have to stop ya from goin' out to battle today. Oh? You want to know why? Well you see, I have this magic book your late tactician gave me, and it can somehow tell me when you're gonna die! So don't fight today if ya wanna live!'

I'm sure it would go splendidly.

But watching Cynthia train and mess around with Mom and her pegasus really helped to put how much I was neglecting my friends and family in perspective.

I watched her a little longer, messing around with a wooden training lance, until I slipped away.

I could watch her another time after all, she figured out when I liked to visit.

Extra

"No! No! Stay away from me!" I screamed at the two monsters in the courtyard. I was leaning against a tree, using an arm to shield my face. My heart was beating rapidly, and my lungs felt as though they'd collapse on themselves at any given moment. This was terrifyingly disgusting. I couldn't make out clear features of the monsters, all I could see were their silhouettes where they blocked the sun.

I was going to die, I was going to die before I even had a chance to do what I always wanted to do.

This was it. This was going to be it. After the two consumed me, I would be void, a spirit bound to watch them eat the shell of my former self.

But I couldn't let them do that to me, so I used what I still had.

I flailed my bare feet blindly at the two creatures, hoping something would happen, and after a moment of thoughtless movement, my foot connected with one of their jaws and something white, like spit flew out of one's mouth, and onto the ground.

"Oh God, are you okay!?" I quickly lept to my feet, checking up on the shorter of the two. Guilt spread through my thoughts like a wildfire. I just kicked my cousin, hard!

"Yeow!" He yelped. "Man Lucina, that hurt…." He rubbed his jaw a bit, massaging a red mark on his cheek.

"Owain, are you alright!?" The taller shadow, Cynthia asked, concerned for her cousin.

"Yeah," He responded, wincing a bit. He'd probably feel that for sometime, a bruise was going to form soon enough.

"Do you need some ice?" I asked. I was hovering over him like a bee, and offered him a hand. "I'll get some ice, here let's go to the kitchen or something." I tried not to grip his hand too tightly when he placed it in mine, but settled for a loose but protective grip. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already did.

"Hey Lucy, what's that?" I looked over my shoulder to see what Cynthia was talking about. She was pointing to a small, white, bead-like object sitting in front of the tree where I was briefly cornered.

I picked it up and felt it in between my fingers. It was hard like bone and it was moist. Gross. There was some blood in the crevice where it was connected to some nerves.

"It's a loose tooth. Must've come out when I hit you, Owain." I muttered. "Sorry about that." There was a missing tooth in his mouth, one to his front teeth, a top one.

"What's a loose tooth?" Owain asked me, stars shining in his baby blue eyes. He was a curious little thing, like Cynthia, always eager to learn new things. They got on like a house fire.

"See, you have two pairs of teeth, one pair's called the baby teeth and you have to get rid of those to get your second pair. Those are called your adult teeth." I explained curtly. "But let's get you some ice, I don't want your cheek to swell."

Owain seemed more excited about loose teeth rather than his well being and asked, "Have you lost any of your baby teeth Lucina?"

I started to tug him along to the door, Cynthia followed, grabbing my other hand. "Yeah," I nodded. "I lost three already."

"Wow!" Cynthia sighed. "You're a grown up already? I wanna be a grown up!"

"Well I think Owain's growing up a little faster than you, Cynthia." I teased, chuckling when Owain puffed out his chest proudly.

"Not fair! I wanna be a grown up!" She complained.

"Well, lose a few teeth and we'll see!"

She grinned like I just gave her the best idea in the world. "Yeah!"

Somehow, she really took the thought of losing her teeth to be a grown up more to heart than I thought she would, because the next day Cynthia's four front teeth-two bottom and two top-were gone.

She stood proudly, as if nothing was wrong with the situation. "Now I'm more of a grown up than Lucy!" She said.

Owain, deciding he didn't like his cousin showing him up, tried to pull out his other front teeth.

Horrified, I grasped his arms to stop him. "Please, don't do that!

But then I left them to themselves when I had to go to the washroom, and I saw them trying to take each other's teeth out.

And it was when I saw their almost toothless mouths, did I know true fear.

I think that wraps things up nicely!

I didn't think it was very fair for the Roster to just give Lucina the death of a member, so she only gets a little heads up. Either way, she's powerless to stop whoever dies next.

I just added the little bit at the end because I basically skipped the parts with Owain growing up with Lucina and Cynthia, and thought it wasn't fair of me. Also, I'll be doing a bit of speeding up in the next chapter, so I might as well add in whatever childhood memory that I can. The whole loose tooth thing? When I was in first grade, my friend showed up to school missing a few teeth. You can imagine most of the class' reaction. Kids thought it was funny and cool, teachers were downright disgusted. She couldn't talk properly until her adult teeth came in. Which was a while.

Question: Funny childhood memory?

My answer: Well, the tooth thing was one of them, but oh! I have another!

You know how when you're a kid and your parents or teachers ask you what you want to be when you grow up? Yeah, so I talked about that with my parents the night before class, because they asked if the teachers asked yet. I replied no, and that I had no idea because there were so many possibilities. Like normal parents, they listed off the ideal aspirations of kids my age, but I didn't want the normal aspirations of every other kid, no, because I knew I was special, and I only wanted to do what I knew I'd love. Astronauts? Firemen? Pshaw, how typical!

So, the next day, we're all in class. My friend comes up and asks me, "Pssst! Have you figured out what you want to be?"

I replied with a proud yes, saying it was the

best job ever. Naturally, she asked me what the job was, but I told her she'd have to wait. Teacher has us gathered in a circle. Jimmy what do you want to be? An astronaut! Chelsea? A policewoman! How original! The teacher keeps asking, going down the circle, and then she finally comes to me.

Andrea, she asks, what do you want to be when you're all grown up?

My tiny heart beating fast like a hummingbird, and tiny palms sweating like it was raining, I steel my resolve and yell proudly, "A HOTDOG VENDER!"

And to this day, my friends and family won't let go of that even though I happily have a well paying, part-time job.

Reviews are love and motivation!