6.
"Sam, let's talk." Carly told her friend while they had a moment to themselves in the Shays' loft.
"What's up, kid?" Sam plopped down on the couch next to Carly, bag of mini marshmallows in hand. She offered the bag to her friend.
"No thanks." Carly declined politely. "Sam, we're best friends right?"
"Uh, duh Carly. Of course we are."
"Right." She nervously licked her lips. "And - and best friends are supposed to be close, right?"
"Right." Sam nodded, unsure where this was going.
"And we're close, right?"
"Yeah Carls, we're close." Sam put down the bag of marshmallows.
"Yes. Good." Carly sighed. "But, you know, we're like, reeally close."
"Uh, I guess we are, yeah." Sam agreed.
"Closer than most other best friends?"
"Yeah, Carls." She laughed. "We're close."
"I'm just wondering what kind of close do you think we are?"
"What do you mean?" The blonde was confused.
"Well, if we're closer than all the other best friends out there, then are we something different?"
"Different from best friends? What would that be?"
"I don't know." Carly admitted. She didn't know where she was going with this and was even more unsure how Sam was taking the conversation.
Sam relaxed back into the couch. She sighed.
"Would you want to be something different from friends?
Carly grasped at the right words. "I, uh... I don't think I would mind either way." She couldn't meet Sam's eyes as she said the next part. "Because I think I'll always be happy as long as I'm with you."
Sam smiled her mischievous smile. She reached out and grabbed Carly's hand, intertwining their fingers.
"Good." She told her friend. Carly looked down at the hands and laughed.
"Good?" She inquired.
"Yeah, good. I don't like labels." Sam told the brunette. Using the hand that grasped Carly's, she pulled the brunette girl down towards her, wrapping her free arm around Carly's back and hugging the girl close to her chest. When Carly figured out what was happening, her body relaxed, melted even, into Sam. Sam kicked her feet onto the table and clicked on the TV.
"Wanna watch some Girly Cow on demand?" She said nonchalantly, as if Carly was currently laid nearly on top of the blonde, closer that they've ever held another before.
"Yes. That sounds great." Carly lifted her head long enough to spot a blanket on the other end of the couch. She grabbed it and the two girls positioned themselves underneath. They spent an hour wrapped up in each other before they heard Spencer unlocking the apartment door and jumped apart. They might be okay with whatever they were doing, but it was best if it were kept between them for now.
After greeting Spencer, Sam stood and stretched.
"Well, kid. I think I'm gonna hit the dusty trail."
"Stay." Carly told her. Sam smiled at her eagerness.
"Sorry, Carls. I gotta go. I've got an appointment later. At the you-know-where."
Sam was referring to the youth center Carly had found for her. Free counseling for inner-city kids.
"Do you want me to walk with you?" Carly asked, feeling bad she's forgotten about Sam's appointment. Seeing a therapist was a big deal for Sam. She hated doctors.
"Nah. I think I need to do this one alone. But I'll let you know how it goes right after." She told the girl.
Carly stood to say goodbye. She embraced the blonde with a hug.
"Good luck, Sam." She sneaked the quickest of kisses onto her best friend's cheek. The two immediately blushed and as they parted, and Sam gave a small wave as she left the loft, grinning from ear-to-ear.
Carly shut the door behind her friend.
"What was that all about?" Her brother asked. Carly jumped, having been lost in her and Sam's world for a moment.
"Oh! Nothing, Sam's just got a doctors appointed that she's really nervous about. But I'm proud of her for going."
"Oh. Well hey, I'm making spaghetti tacos tonight, wanna help?"
"Sure!" Carly grinned at her big brother. He grinned back, though secretly his mind was racing. Was there something going on between his little sister and her best friend? Had he been right before?
Carly waited anxiously to hear back from Sam. She wanted to know how her therapy session went, but more importantly, she wanted to know that Sam was okay.
It'd been 6 hours since Sam left the Shay's loft. And 6 hours since she promised to let Carly know how it went. Carly was getting worried.
"Hey Sam, I already texted you a few times, so I don't know why I'm leaving you a voicemail... But... I'm just thinking about you. I hope your appointment went okay... Just call me later. Ok?... Bye."
Sam had listened to Carly's voicemail twice already. She was stuck on one line. "But... I'm just thinking about you..." It awoke a feeling in her.
Her therapy session had gone horribly. The youth center Carly had found was a religious one, and not that that was necessarily a bad thing, but for Sam's purposes, it didn't quite work out.
Sam had a lot going on in her life at the moment. Things were rough at home with her mom and her mom's new boyfriend. Things were bad at school. Sam was having trouble focusing and her grades were the worst she'd had in her life. And, for the last year or so, a faint cloud of depression had hung over her. Most of the time it was manageable, but occasionally... It kicked her ass.
But all of these were things Sam was relatively used to. She'd adjusted to her mom's lifestyle long ago. School had always been somewhat of a struggle. The depression thing was newer, but didn't feel any different.
What Sam was most concerned with was her best friend. The feelings Sam had been having towards Carly had been steadily building over the past several years. Recently, however, they'd intensified. Sam feared what these feelings meant. What they meant about her and Carly and what they meant for Sam herself. Was she gay? Would that explain her past with boys? She never really was as boy crazed as her friend seemed to be...
Sam found herself addressing all of these questions to her counselor at the Youth Center. She was a nice enough lady, but her answers were less than helpful.
Somehow Sam doubted even God could fix all of this. It would be up to her. And that scared her.
Carly went to sleep worried. All night Sam hadn't answered her phone, and she had no idea what was going on with her friend.
It wasn't until around 2AM, when Carly awoke to the sound of her window closing, that she finally let out a sigh of relief.
"Sam I was so worried." She said into the darkness. She sat up.
"Hey kid." Sam sat on the edge of Carly's bed.
As Carly's eyes adjusted to the moonlight, she saw a Sam she'd never seen before. Confliction and sadness etched themselves into the lines of her face.
"Where have you been?" Carly sat Indian style, facing her friend.
"I went to the Youth Center."
"How did it go?"
"They were nice, but they didn't really help much..."
"Oh." Carly reached out and placed a hand on Sam's arm. "I'm really sorry, Sam. I thought maybe they could help."
"No, kid. I'm really grateful you tried. I think I might try to talk to somebody else about it though... Maybe an adult."
Carly watched her friend. She was really proud.
"I think that would be good, Sam."
Carly used her thumb to rub light circles into Sam's arm. Sam stared straight ahead.
"There's... Something else."
"What is it?" Carly inched closer to the blonde.
"You know how I said that I hate labels?"
"Last night? Yeah."
"Yeah, well. The counselor said something to me that made me understand why I don't want to be labeled."
"And what did they say?"
Sam looked at her friend. Her eyes welled with tears threatening to spill.
"She said that maybe I feel guilty, because of the things I've been thinking and the way I've been feeling. And maybe that guilt is good, because I know my feelings are wrong. And that I can repent, and that there are programs for people like me and they're successful and-"
"Sam?" Carly cut her friend off. Sam looked away. Carly reached out and gently cupped Sam's cheek, turning her to face the brunette.
"Sam. Just say it. It's okay. I promise you."
"I- You know, I-" Sam closed her eyes. "I don't think that I really... Um. Like, uh... Guys... So I guess, I guess..."
"Sam, are you trying to tell me that you're gay?" Carly asked her, gently.
Sam held her eyes closed, she tried hiding her face by looking down. Carly moved her hand to the back of the blonde's neck. "I'm sorry." Sam told her friend.
"Sorry? Sam, what in the world do you have to be sorry for?" Carly asked her.
"We're best friends. And now I've ruined everything. Now that you know... Now that you know why I've been acting the way I have been lately - with all the hand-holding and stuff. And now our friendship is ruined."
"Sam." Carly told her. "Sam, look at me."
Sam slowly brought her head back up, looking everywhere but into Carly's eyes.
"Sam. I don't care if you're gay. No offense, I mean. If that's how you are, thats how you are. You're the same person and it shouldn't matter who you're attracted to." Sam looked at Carly as the brunette continued.
"And as for our friendship being ruined. Sam, nothing in this world can end our friendship. You are the only person in this world who even knows the real me. And I feel I'm the same for you. You are my sunshine, Sam. You light up my life."
Sam didn't know what to take away from that. She was flattered beyond belief, and so, so relieved to hear Carly say she felt that way. But what did this all mean?
"Sam. The last thing, about what we've been doing lately..." Sam averted her eyes again, picking at a particularly interesting corner of her best friend's alarm clock. "Look at me." She ordered the blonde. Sam returned her stare.
"Sam, if... If I didn't want to be doing the things we've been doing lately... I wouldn't be. The hand-holding, the cuddling, the closeness. I like it. I don't know why, and I don't know what it means, but I really, really like it... And yes... I have thought about us... About being more..." Sam's face remained solid, unreadable. "But I can't. Not right now, at least. Not until I understand this more. Until I understand what it truly is that I'm feeling."
Sam looked at her. She was processing everything Carly was saying. It made her head whirl.
"Sam?"
"I understand." Sam told the girl. "I really do. It's how I feel too. Exactly how I feel. About you."
Carly smiled. Sam followed with a sly grin of her own.
"Sam, take off your shoes. Let's go to bed."
Sam got ready to sleep and crawled into the bed with Carly, lying on her back. Carly wrapped her arms around Sam's waist and rested her head in the crook of Sam's neck.
"Whatever happens, Carly." Sam laced her fingers with the brunette's and watched as their hands intertwined. "I just want you to know that I love you. As a person. You are my best friend, and the best person I have in my life."
Carly sighed, contently filled with affection. "I love you too." She told her friend. It was the last thing said before the two drifted to sleep.