Here's the newest chapter everyone. Humongous thank you to a good friend, Soso226, who gave me some suggestions on the direction of this chapter–if you haven't already, you should check out her stories!

Please let me know what you thought via review or private message. I always appreciate suggestions for future chapters and feedback in general :) Thanks, and enjoy

Chapter 4: Guarded Confessions

Clarke took in Lexa's question in silence, looking out the café window, trying to figure out if the brunette had a truly warped sense of humor or if her proposal for dinner was genuine. Unfortunately for her, stolen glances at nearby pedestrians outside the window didn't help her or her dilemma, and she knew she would eventually have to brace herself and just answer.

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, the blonde bit her lip, deciding to test the waters with a lighthearted joke. "Come on, we both know this was probably the worst coffee meetup you've ever experienced, starting with my sugary coffee choice." She forced a smile to her face, but it was as faux as the leather-like material the booths were made from.

Lexa withdrew her hand from Clarke's and looked down at the table, trying to make sense of what seemed like a rejection from the blonde. "Ah. Alright. I–I understand, Clarke," she managed halfheartedly, her voice giving away how defeated she felt.

The blonde felt her mouth go dry when it became clear that Lexa was being completely serious about her dinner offer. Still, she felt compelled to try and confirm, fearful of misreading the situation. "Wait, were you being serious?" She practically whispered, her mouth embarrassingly gaped open a little in surprise.

Saying nothing, Lexa simply looked up, her green eyes meeting Clarke's blue, and in that very moment the blonde knew with a level of absolution that the invitation to dinner was as serious as a heart attack. There was no doubting the truth and hope that lingered in the brunette's green eyes. With both their sets of eyes mirroring the same emotions, Lexa impulsively felt her breath hitch in her throat, her mouth cottony and thick.

"I–I though–t," Clarke tried, her words jumbled, unable to get past the dumbfounded feeling knowing that Lexa actually wanted to see her again after their disaster of a coffee session. It was incredibly hard for her to wrap her head around the idea that the brunette did want to see her again, let alone advancing it from a simple and friendly coffee to something more intimate like dinner. Her mind was swimming in fog, unable to process the overloaded amount of information and emotions flooding around all at once.

"Breathe, Clarke," the brunette urged her quietly after having taken notice to the confusion written plain as day on Clarke's face. It amazed her how beautiful of a sight it was and just how easily she could lose herself in the blonde's exquisite blue eyes…

"Yes," the blonde said in a soft, vulnerable voice, tearing Lexa from her thoughts. "To dinner, yes–" She amended before biting her lip to avoid rambling on unnecessarily, her eyes glued to the table shyly.

A wave of happiness cascaded over Lexa like she had just won a prestigious prize or something when she heard the blonde's four simple words. It took every ounce of her self control not to physically jump up and down for joy. Something about Clarke made the brunette feel weightless, like the normal worries and stresses of life were nothing more than a stubbed toe. They barely knew one another, but Lexa felt an ironclad knot form in her stomach every time she seen Clarke smile or bite her lip or say her name or… Okay, pretty much every damn thing the blonde did or said made her stomach do somersaults.

Clarke heard the telltale sound that she received a new text message and glanced down at her phone, happy for an iota of relief from the nerve wracking conversation. A smirk played over her lips when she read the message.

[3:26pm] Raven: Gurrrrrl, you better not have forgotten ladies night tonight! Remember, not taking no for an answer!

A natural, throaty laugh uncontrollably escaped the blonde as she shook her head playfully, completely forgetting everything around her for just a mere moment. Lexa looked at the blonde with a quizzical expression on her face, eyebrow arched, but couldn't help the lopsided smile that ghosted the corners of her lips hearing Clarke's laugh. She wanted to make her laugh like that.

One innocent glance up at the brunette had Clarke grinning like a fool, too, only to blush a second later when she realized she probably looked stupid. She decided to clue Lexa in on what was going on, instead, "I'm being dragged to ladies night by Octavia and Raven tonight." She shook her head once again, a sly smile still pulling at the corners of her lips, "and well, I did try to decline, but it's very hard to when you're pinned to your own bed and being tickled into accepting."

"Oh, so you're ticklish, huh?" Lexa said, suggestively wiggling her eyebrows.

"That's all you got out of that?" Clarke snorted, pushing her free hand into Lexa's shoulder.

"Hey, ow!" The brunette said, feigning being hurt. She turned her body so Clarke only had a profile view of her and forced herself to keep up the charade.

"I'm sorry, Lexa! I didn't, I–" Clarke said with concern plastered on her face until she seen Lexa glance in her direction, humor in her eyes. "Oh, wow, you're a jerk you know that!" She threw up her hands in defeat, and the brunette couldn't suppress the laughter she bottled up as she teetered in the booth, giggling like crazy.

Clarke simply rolled her eyes before deciding to give the brunette a moment to catch her breath. Quietly she gathered up the muffin wrappers and the empty brown paper bag, slid out from the booth seat she sat in, and headed to the trash can to discard them.

"You're still a jerk," she sneered to Lexa as she returned from the trash can, though amusement was in her eyes. The brunette's face was red from laughing so hard.

"You love it and you know it," the brunette retorted, a sparkle in her eyes. "Plus, you should have seen your face," she added, bursting back into a small song of laughter.

"Uh-huh," the blonde replied mockingly, standing in front of Lexa and grabbing onto the woman's arms to help pull her up from the booth, "now come on before we get kicked out of my favorite café."

"Favorite, huh?" Lexa said, sobering up, as she willingly let Clarke try to haul her to her feet. When they stood in front of one another, the brunette felt herself stiffen as her instincts screamed at her to close what little distance was between them and plant a kiss on the blonde. Dismissing the thoughts, Lexa turned around to grab both of their coffees before turning back and handing Clarke hers. "Your sugary java," she said jokingly.

In response, Clarke nudged Lexa's shoulder and rolled her eyes before grabbing her drink from the brunette. They walked side-by-side to the café exit, but before they made it to the door, Clarke spotted a familiar barista who often served her when she came in for coffee. She smiled and waved at the woman before leaving.

Lexa eyed the blonde as she waved to one of the baristas as if she knew her. "A friend?" She asked curiously, feeling a slight pang of jealousy rip into her chest, but she quickly abolished the feeling.

"Not exactly a friend, no. Harper is one of the two barista's who tend to be on shift when I'm getting my coffee," Clarke answered, glancing at Lexa, who wore an unreadable expression. "Why, you jealous?" She added and pushed herself into Lexa playfully.

"Definitely," Lexa replied with a humorous smirk, even though she heard the truth to what she said as it hit her own ears. Why, exactly, was she jealous over a freaking barista?

They walked a little bit in silence, just enjoying one another's company. "Are you doing anything tonight?" Clarke found herself asking without really thinking about it, wanting desperately to try and make plans to see the woman with the most beautiful shade of green eyes again. Before giving the brunette an opportunity to answer, Clarke followed through with her short burst of confidence, "If not, I was wondering if you'd want to join me, Raven, and Octavia for ladies night? We usually just go to a certain bar and hangout."

"I'd love to, Clarke. Would you mind if I dragged Anya along?" Lexa answered genuinely, an equally authentic smile on her face. In her peripheral vision she seen the blonde nod sheepishly. "Text me the details, then," she added afterward, her smile deepening.

The two had backtracked to Trikru Records and were around the back at the employee parking. Neither of them were really paying much attention to where they were heading because of how immersed in each other's company they were. However, when Lexa spotted her car, she remembered Clarke mentioning she walked.

"Would you like me to drive you home?" The brunette offered. It had gotten a bit nippier out since the blonde arrived, so walking back home might not be as pleasant, especially considering Clarke had neglected to wear a hoodie.

"I don't want to inconvenience you–" Clarke began to decline politely when a rush of cold air blew by, causing her to shiver a little. She stifled the rest of her declination when the brunette quietly unzipped and took off her hoodie before placing it on Clarke's shoulders. She blushed a little at the sweet gesture, which made Lexa's eyes linger on Clarke.

"You're staring," the blonde stated matter-of-factly, her blush deepening. Sheepishly she sidestepped around Lexa and leaned against her car, waiting for the brunette to snap out of wherever her thoughts were roaming.

"Sorry, just had a beautiful view," Lexa admitted timidly, thankful to be looking at the blonde in the eyes as she spoke because she got the firsthand look at Clarke staring at her with a shocked face. Unable to help herself, she continued to shamelessly flirt with the beautiful blonde in front of her. "What? Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror, woman?"

Clarke, baffled by yet another unexpected, flirtatious comment from the green eyed beauty, simply snorted in response. Before she knew it, the brunette was closing what little distance there was between them, essentially trapping Clarke against the car.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asked breathlessly, her heart thumping wildly in her chest at the close proximity of the two.

"Unlocking the car," Lexa admitted with a crooked, mischievous smile on her face, but pure desire in her eyes, as she leaned around Clarke to unlock the vehicle. Her resolve was crumbling with each passing second in which she stood close to the blonde, and steeled herself against the urges lingering in her mind. The urge to wrap her arms around Clarke's waist and kiss her passionately…

"Ahem, there you go, Clarke," the brunette said after she unlocked the door, turning a bit too quickly to head over to the other side of the car. Had Clarke not been standing idly in front of the passenger side door, she could have valiantly opened the door for her, too. She was almost glad of where the blonde chose to stand, as it allowed her time to purify her thoughts as she entered the driver side of her own car.

The brunette didn't want to get ahead of herself. She didn't even know if Clarke swung that way, let alone if the woman with gorgeous blue eyes felt even remotely the same way. More importantly, she didn't know how to feel herself. No matter how often she tried to curb the simmering desire, every time she looked in the blonde's direction or spoke to her, it reignited the foreign desire fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

"This was fun." Clarke's voice was soft as she spoke, her eyes glued to the scenery outside the passenger side window. Neither of them had uttered a word since they entered the car, but it wasn't an awkward type of silence. It was a mutual one, a comforting one, like two long-time friends who knew one another well enough to let the silent void slip around them and their thoughts.

"It was," Lexa hummed, stealing a glimpse at the blonde sitting beside her because they were at a red light. Her heart fluttered when Clarke's eyes met hers, an indulging shiver ran down her back like an avalanche.

The drive back to Clarke's apartment went by too quickly and they both wanted to cherish the fleeting moments they had with one another before they had to leave one another's presence. Of course Clarke would see Lexa later in the evening for girls night, but that didn't dissolve the nagging, foreign feeling in her heart.

"I'll text you the details of tonight when I talk to Rae and O," Clarke promised. "Text me when you get home?" She asked gingerly, shifting in her seat a bit to calm the unsettling anxiousness she felt.

The brunette heard the exposure in Clarke's words, the hollow request for them to continue communicating even after Lexa drives away. It brought a soft smile to her face, the kind that lit up in her eyes, too, and she acted on her gut, reaching her hand to clasp Clarke's and answered the unspoken question, "I will."

Seeming to understand, the blonde smiled back and nodded before she gave the brunette's hand a squeeze and opened the door, exiting the car. Lexa didn't leave until she seen Clarke go inside. Even then, it was hard to force herself to drive away.

Clarke caught the tail end of a question as she opened the door, "…she'll try to weasel out by not coming home?" She spotted Raven and Octavia sitting around the kitchen table, the aroma of omelets wafting to her nose as she walked further in the apartment. Octavia had a knack for cooking whenever there was time to kill, which neither Clarke or Raven minded.

"Oh honey, I'm home," Clarke said, mock-imitating a man's voice before bursting out into a song of laughter at the stern looks her friends gave her.

"You have impeccable timing, princess. We were just discussing how we could get you back from trying to evade girls night," Octavia said with a mischievous glimmer in her eyes.

"Didn't you already get me this morning, twice?" Clarke reminded Octavia with a slight frown at the memories of being tickled into submission. "Plus, I'm here now. Oh, and we have a couple of additions to girls night…" She added, trailing off as her both of her friends gave her a weird look she couldn't decipher.

"Additions?" Raven asked with an arched eyebrow, unsure what her blonde friend meant.

"Yes. Lexa and Anya will be joining," the blonde replied cautiously. For as long as she had known Octavia and Raven, there had never been any additional people to their girls nights. Hell, they had coined it 'girls night' to keep Bellamy away.

Both Raven and Octavia remained quiet for several seconds before looking at one another as if to have a silent conversation. Eventually they shrugged their shoulders, concluding that they really didn't care, and turned their attention back on Clarke.

"On one condition," Raven negotiated, Octavia nodding her head in agreement to Raven as if she caught onto what she was saying. In response, Clarke rolled her eyes, but nodded her head as if to encourage her brunette friend to continue speaking. "Tell us everythinggggggg," she said, jumping up from her seat.

Of course her friends would know that she wouldn't invite anyone to girls night unless it were serious…

"Uh, what do you mea–?" She asked, pretending to be clueless as to what they were on about.

"Cut the shit, princess," Octavia interjected, giving her friend an outrageous glare.

"Okay, okay," Clarke huffed a sigh and sat down at the kitchen table with her friends, who looked at her with curious eyes. "After you left for the bar," she nodded her head towards Raven, "and you got dug in talking to Lincoln, Lexa and I started talking. It was just chitchatting, mostly, but then when you left to go home with Lincoln––taking your car and keys with you––" Clarke glowered at Octavia, who held her hands up apologetically, "I kind of mentioned aloud that I'd bet Rae was piss drunk and I'd have to call a cab to get her home."

"Oh princess, how well you know me…" Raven quipped humorously, putting her hand over her heart.

"Shh Rae!" Octavia nudged Raven before focusing back on her blonde best friend, leaning her head on her elbows, "then what Clarke?"

Clarke couldn't help but laugh at how engrossed her friend was in the story. She loved Octavia's compassion and how genuine she was. "Well, Lexa offered to give us a ride. She helped me lug Raven in the car, and Raven, I love you, but you were like a massive lump of fricking coal!" Raven threw back her head and laughed, but didn't disagree with the statement. She knew how awful she was to take care of when she was shitfaced.

"But whattt does this have to do with her and Anya coming to girls night?" Octavia questioned, not completely on the same page. Raven nodded her head to Octavia in agreement, even though she was completely lost to the humor of knowing she had to be dragged home in her poor condition.

"Uh, well… I sort of offered Lexa a drink, you know after she helped me haul Raven inside, and she declined, but suggested we get coffee tomorrow––err, today––instead," the blonde answered, her cheeks warming a little at the memory, but she wasn't sure why. "I just got back from that coffee date, and I invited her last minute. I thought maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to try to get to know Bellamy's girlfriends friends more."

"Ohhhhh mmmmyyy Goooddddd," Raven dragged out the words with the enthusiasm of a five year old who had a boat full of sugar. "You totally like her!"

The blonde couldn't help but get a goofy grin on her face and turn beet red. It took her a few minutes of looking at the counter top, apprehensive of the facial expression her friends would have, before she timidly admitted, "I barely know her, Rae. But, I don't know, I just… There's this connection. I feel like I've known her for years or something."

In practical unison, Raven and Octavia jumped up from their seats and ran over to where Clarke was sitting, lifting her out of her chair in a death-grip-like hug. That was their unspoken way of saying they were happy for her, and she knew it.

Once Lexa seen Clarke go in her apartment, the brunette drove up a couple of blocks before pulling over. She knew she would have to face her best friends series of arctic questions eventually, especially if she was going to get Anya to show up at this girls night Clarke had invited her to. Pulling out her device, Lexa dialed Anya's number.

"Hi, commander," Anya answered the phone, amusement in her voice.

Lexa rolled her eyes at the nickname. "Hey, Ayn, I need you to do a solid for me, please?" She pleaded playfully. Anya's idea of a good night was kicking back and binge watching something on Netflix while chugging beers, so as much as she wanted a wing-woman on the little festivities she was invited to, she was also trying to drag her best friend along to keep her from rotting on the couch.

"What'ya need, babes?" Anya asked, her voice equally playful. God, they had the strangest damn dynamic.

"I got invited to a little girls get together and I basically pegged you as my plus one," Lexa spared no time beating around the bush.

"Christ, why would you do that? You know how I hate stupid shindigs with girly women," Anya replied and made a distasteful sound with her tongue.

The brunette laughed, realizing her friend misunderstood completely what she was saying. "Ayn, I don't mean a book club, I mean that Clarke invited me to hang out with Raven and Octavia and her at a bar tonight for what they apparently call 'girls night'," she explained, not really thinking about how she was wording it.

"Oh, Clarrrkkkeee invited you, huh?" Her best friend asked, catching onto the reason why she was being dragged along. "Isn't that the blonde from yesterday?"

Lexa grunted a confirmation knowing she in for a billion questions, but all she heard was the phone drop to the floor and laughing in the distance. Rolling her eyes, she put her best friend on speakerphone and pulled out from where she was parked, waiting for Anya to get done her fit of laughter.

It took several minutes before Anya picked back up the phone, stifling back another fit of laughter. "Echo totally owes me fifty bucks, now," she stated matter of factly.

"What? Are you serious, Anastasia?" Lexa said heatedly, glowering at the road instead of her phone. For some reason saying Anya's full first name just made the dam of laughter she was holding back let loose once again. Rather than patiently waiting once again for her friend to catch her breath, Lexa muttered a couple curses before shouting into the phone, knowing she had been put on speakerphone as well, "meet me at my house, Anya," and hung up.

Sipping her now cold coffee, Lexa sat slouched on her couch waiting for her best friend. Anya knocked on the door to alert the brunette that she was here, but let herself in. They were practically sisters, and as such Anya had her own set of keys. She had a set of Anya's, too.

A knowing grin was on Anya's face when the door opened, her eyes sparkling no doubt leftover from how hard she laughed earlier. Not bothering with greetings, she simply sprawled on the couch next to Lexa.

"So, Clarke," Anya began, wanting to press for details.

"Before you start, it isn't like that, Ayn. I didn't fuck her," Lexa spoke before her best friend could squeeze her for details.

"But you want to," her best friend guessed, glancing at the woman who was like her sister.

"Honestly?" Lexa asked nervously.

"Duh, dumb shit," Anya said, furrowing her brow at her friend's sudden cheesiness.

"I think I might like her," the brunette said, simultaneously letting out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

Surprise flickered across her best friend's face before settling on understanding. They both remained quiet for a couple minutes while Anya stewed on the new information. Lexa had never really been a relationship person because she really didn't let anyone get close enough to her for that step to really happen. Well, there were a few people who tried to tie the brunette down––Becca and Nia being two immediate examples––but they didn't last more than a few months and she could tell her best friend just wasn't into it.

But Lexa outright admitting she liked someone? That never happened, ever. Seriously, never.

"Wow," Anya said eventually, her voice mouse quiet. It wasn't judgmental, but more genuine shock. "That's a new one, Lex."

"Ugh, I know… I know," Lexa answered, putting her face in her hands, elbows on her knees. "I don't even know for sure if that's what this is. I mean, you know me, I've never really had that 'click' every sappy movie talks about. Hell, I don't even know if she likes women or not." The brunette threw back her hands at the end of her sentence, frustrated.

"Question is, are you willing to let her in?" Her best friend asked softly, knowing that would be the only way for a relationship to ever truly blossom between Clarke and Lexa.

"I–I think so, Ayn. I mean… We had coffee today, right? And, we were talking and it was casual and relaxing and I was actually interested. I asked her why she chose her major, and she like shrugged it off saying it was what her mother was, so I asked what about her father," Lexa said, all of the words flying out of her mouth a mile a minute. "She opened up, so randomly, and told me what happened to him, that he died… And all I wanted to do was pull her in my arms and take her pain away, Anya."

The brunette swallowed thickly, her own eyes glossy thinking about how painful that must have been for Clarke and how she could understand the agony she seen in the blonde's face. She tried her best to hold back her tears, but felt herself slowly losing control. Of all places for her to lose control, in the presence of her best and most trusted friend, Anya, was the safest.

Anya wrapped her arms around her best friend, pulling her close to her and rubbed her shoulders while Lexa slowly broke down. "I'm sorry, Lex," she said simply, knowing that the brunette wasn't one for talking about her own rough past. "Did you tell her about your father and Costia?" She asked cautiously.

Pulling out of her friends arms, the brunette swiped her face with her sleeve and took a moment to calm herself before speaking. "No, but it wasn't really because I didn't want to. I'm… I just don't know how to put a voice to my losses, Ayn. You and your parents were godsends to adopt me, bring me willingly into your home after Marcy just upped and left." Lexa's voice was harsh and clipped by the end talking about Marcy, her birth mother.

"Lexy, you know your mom just didn't know how to deal with it–" Anya said carefully, holding onto Lexa's hand as she spoke, giving it a squeeze for reassurance.

"I know, Ayn. I know," the brunette sighed softly. "It's just hard to grasp. I was only four and lost my older sister and father in one fell swoop, then my own mother just… She left."

"Losing Costia and her husband wasn't easy on her, either, babe. She didn't do the right thing by leaving, not by a fucking mile, and she can't take back what she did. Who knows if she even wants to, but the most important thing here is you," Anya consoled, giving Lexa's hand another squeeze.

"I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you and your parents," the brunette stated honestly, her eyes welling up with tears again. When she was only four, her entire world crumbled in just a week.

One week she was humming along happily, the next she was standing in front of two gravestones by her lonesome self because her mother abandoned her. It started a whirlwind of rebellion on Lexa's behalf, as that was how she dealt with the issues, but Gracie and Paul, Anya's parents, were kindred souls who put up with the brunette's tantrums and would sooth her back to sleep at night when she woke up from nightmares. Eventually she dealt with the losses in the only way she could, she locked them in a closet in her soul and threw away the key. She knew in her bones that she would eventually have to find a way to let those demons out and come to terms with them, but that was not today.

Sighing, Lexa decided to basket the discussion of her childhood losses and focus on why she originally asked Anya to join her. "Let's talk about this later, okay? Right now, I still need you to please be the most amazing sister in the world and come with me to this thing tonight?" She asked, mustering up all the pep she could and threw in a sad smile.

"Fine, but only because I want to meet the woman who's got my best friend questioning the life of a single woman," Anya said with a smirk.

"You're the best, Ayn."

"Don't I know it," her best friend said with a wink before ushering them to Lexa's room to help her figure out what to wear.

Please let me know what you thought. If you have any recommendations, please don't hesitate to let me know, I'm always open to new ideas :)