I sit alone in our bedroom, knees hugged to my chest, staring at the pictures of Teddy and I. Younger versions of the two of us mock me with their smiles and laughter. If only they knew how things turned out, they'd have no reason to laugh.
It's been months since Teddy's touched me. Our marriage bed has become our funeral pyre and our relationship is slowly dying on it. I want desperately to feel him caress my skin or even to just hold my hand. I'm starving for some sort of connection. He seems determined to let me die.
A loud mournful sob echoes through the halls of our home and shake me from my sleep. I enter the kitchen to find a drunken Teddy sobbing all over the dinner table.
"Come on, love," I say as I gently guide him to bed.
"I still love you," he mumbles softly. "You know that, right?"
A small flame flickers in my heart and I wonder if some part of him might be fighting to come back to me.
We fall into bed and tangle into each other. It's drunken and sloppy, but it's something.
In the morning, Teddy doesn't remember.
"Rose, do you suppose it would be wrong of me to leave him?" I ask, fearful of how my cousin might react.
She studies me intensely before answering. "Well, Teddy is as good as a cousin to me and I love him dearly, but you two haven't been happy in ages. Maybe it's time for you to start moving on."
Tears start to form and I blink hard to stop them. "I never imagined that I'd be contemplating divorce at twenty five," I answer, the misery clear in my voice.
"No one ever does," Rose replies as she hugs me.
Teddy tells me that he's made a friend at the local bar. Someone who's been through war and understands him in a way that I never will. When he comes home late, clearly drunk, sometimes high, I tell him it's okay because I want so badly to believe that he's finally talking to someone.
The late nights become more and more frequent until I hardly remember what he sounds like when he snores. Waking up at two or three in the morning to hear him creeping into our home becomes ritual. I fear for the worst, but I stay silent.
It's close to midnight and I sit in our bed reading when a tapping at the window breaks my concentration. I unlatch the window thinking it might be an emergency. With shaking hands, I uncoil the parchment.
Dearest Teddy,
I know that you're busy with work right now, but I had to tell you how much I miss you when you're gone. All I can think about is how amazing last night was. You make me feel like my soul is on fire. I love you.
Always yours,
Cara
I sink to my knees and cry until the sun rises.