Welp i'm alive for now. please enjoy my new chapter on Cathrens story.

I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK IN ANYWAY!

FUNFACT: Cathren nearly killed her parents by accident thinking they were infected by a zombie apocalypse. Matthew and gabby stopped her before she she any blood though.

"Woah, woah…. Who?" Cathren asked the enraged wizard while he kicked a stack of boxes causing them to topple onto butters making him let out a short scream that was cut off by various items burying him.

"the archer is an elven warrior who just appeared out of nowhere two weeks ago, he is never seen but he is quick and always spot on with his aiming. The elves secret weapon and triumph card." Scott explained while butters popped his head out of the pile while Eric slammed his throne back into place and plopped his ass down into it while yanking an arrow out of the arm of it.

"Until today. Clyde! You saw the little asshole right? tell us who he is!" Eric said breaking the arrow in two and tossing it in a nearby trash bin before leaning forward a bit with anticipation as the warrior froze as everyone looked at him with curious gazes as he sighed and shook his head.

"he was wearing a gas mask and a hood… I couldn't see his face…." Clyde muttered as the boys (and cathren) slowly looked over to Eric who's excited face changed to one of rage.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT CLYDE! I GIVE YOU THE JOB TO GUARD THE STICK AND YOU COULDN'T DO THAT! Now, you've had a chance to redeem yourself by seeing the archer's face and you couldn't do that WHATH THE FUCK!?" Eric roared as he slammed a fist down onto the arm of the chair making it dent under the impact making Cathren flinch at the rage and ferocity of the teen along with everyone else while he paused to think for a second. "Clyde… you are hereby banished from SPACE AND TIME!" Eric said pointing to the entrance of the tent making the warriors jaw drop.

"what? no! you can't do that!" Clyde snapped as Eric rolled his eyes.

"yeah I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!" The wizard stated waving his staff shooing clyde away.

"yeah go home clyde!" butters added as Clyde slowly backed away to the entrance.

"alright, fine! But you assholes are gonna be sorry!" Clyde said pointing at them all and stopping at cathren. "Especially you Bitch! This is all your fault everything was just fine until you came along! Fuck you and all of kuppa keep!" Clyde stormed out of the backyard after that while sniffling as if he started to cry.

"I don't know what I did really…. Other than beat him up for sneaking feel on my ass." Cathren said shrugging.

"nah, he's just pissed off and wants to pin the blame on someone else." Kenny said while they all just made small noises of agreement.

"anyway moving on. You fought bravely on the battle field Cath-"

"Yeah she may be a girl but she sure can fight!" Scott said cutting off eric making the wizards eye twitch. "shut up scott no one cares what you think. Anyway the stick has been stolen and we must retrieve it!" Eric stated to the small group the gathered around the throne.

"yeah but how? From what I saw most of us can't fight very well." Cathren pointed out.

"and our three best warriors haven't reported for battle, my king!" Butters added making Cathren turned to the blonde.

"wait there's more of us?" Cathren asked as Butters nodded to her.

"Yes, Cath I now know what your first mission is going to be. You must go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors. Token, Tweek, and Craig. I am sending you their pictures now. Find them and send them back here chop-chop!" Eric said as Cathren rose an eyebrow and looked at her phone when it vibrated to see a new facebook message.

"heyyyy…. How did you get my facebook page so fast in the first place?" Cathren asked holding her phone in his direction.

"that's for me to know and you to find out." He said with a shit eating grin as he strutted off into his house saying he was going to get a soda. Cathren gave an annoyed sigh and shook her head before getting an iron sword from the weapon store scott was tending too now and went to the backyard gate.

"hey, please wait up!" a high voice shouted making Cathren turn to butters who was jogging up to her.

"what's up?" Cathren asked letting butters have the time to rub his knuckles together.

"W-well since you are new here I could tell you the way around and uhhh….." Butters trailed off as Cathren sighed.

"instead of a long conversation why don't you come along? Like a partner yeah?" Cathren said as Butters blinked.

"wh- you- you want ME to join you? Well ok! This paladin's ready to kick some ass!" Butters said holding a hammer (teen sized since Butters old hammer got to small… for many reasons.)to the air while Cathren raised her sword.

"let's go!"

Cathren followed butters northward to what looked like a movie theater that was showing asses of fire 4.

"huh… a new terrance and phillip movie? Didn't even know one was coming out." Cathren said to herself.

"w-well yeah, to be honest everyone thought they broke up over some bad fart argument. But they agreed to come back for one more movie." Butters said while they passed the Theater to a place called Tweek bros. coffee.

"huh, I don't think I need a master's degree to know this is tweek's place. And it's a coffe place bonus~" Cathren said going in with a slight skip in her step through the glass door and up to the long glass counter (that you see in almost every coffee store like starbucks.) where a man was drinking his coffee immediately he noticed the two teens coming in.

"why hello there welcome to tweek coffee, coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers it's local coffee- brewed locally." said as Cathren just blinked she has never heard anyone speak like that in her life…

'maybe he is a freaky reject hippies of sorts….' Cathren thought not knowing how else to put this guy. (actually thought this when i first saw tweeks dad IRL.)

"Hi is Tweek in?" Butters asked while cathren still tried to figure this guy out mentally.

"oh hi butters, let me just check if he's done with his chores. Tweek? Tweek!" soon after a small noise of panic resonated from the employee only room making cathren snap out of her thought tilted her head to the door. "have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?"

"Augh not yet dad! I'm still trying to do all my chores!" a scratchy/jittery like voice shouted back making Cathren blink.

"well hurry up son the family business is relying on you!" mr. tweek shouted only to be responded with a small scream of sorts. "sorry you two tweek can't come play right now, but you can go into the back and say hi at least." said as Cathren just shrugged and went with butters to the employee's only room it was a lot darker compared to the main room mostly due to the machinery.

It didn't take long to see tweek who was sweeping the floor…. Mostly since he was the ONLY guy there. he was possibly the only employee other than his parents. "hey-"

"ACK!?" Tweek shouted in a panic noticing the new face. "W-what? Is THERE something I Can help you with!?" Tweek said twitching and blinked weirdly while Cathren blinked at the shivering blonde, It was the same color as butters but it was longer, wild, and obviously pulled on a lot while his clothing were a messy wrinkled wrongly buttoned greenish shirt with regular blue jeans.

"well first… arrrreeee you ok? You seem scared or something…" Cathren stated as Tweek just blinked still shaking.

"what?AH! n-no I've always been like this!" Tweek said as Cathren nodded in understandment… well she SORT OF understood.

"tweek the elves took the stick again, we need your help!" butters said handing an envelope to tweek while he made a panic look.

"what!? NOW!? THEY WANT ME NOW!? There's no way man! I have WAY too much to do here!" Tweek said gesturing to the factory backroom. Then snatched cathren in a panic. "HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DO ALL THIS!?" Tweek said in a panic while shaking her making her slightly dizzy then suddenly stopped as though as an idea seemed hit him. "Wait. You two! Could you go get the 4'0 clock delivery for me!? If you do I can finish here and then- and then I'd still have time to play! PLEASE! WOULD YOU!?" Tweek said shaking his hands together in a begging motion.

"well of coarse tweek me and Cathren are here to help!" Butters said in his cheery tone

"Th-that's right! N-no problem dude~ no problem at all~" Cathren said still a bit dizzy as Tweek smiled and got another envelope quickly. "Thanks you guys! It's at kenny's house like always! You give them this and they'll give you the delivery! I'll finish up here!" Tweek said as butters took the envelope and helped Cathren get her scrambled brain back together while the two left.

"this way is the way to kenny's house!" Butters said as the two went to through the park. When they turned the corner that passed the play house pirate ship Cathren noticed a familiar red haired teen sitting next to a curly orange haired girl on a bench.

"Matthew!" Cathren called as Matthew flinched and turned her way along with the orange haired girl. Her hair reached her lower back and wore a green head band with matching bow on her head that matched her eyes and her jacket was a hot pink with white furlike trimming with matching white pants with brown winter boots while Mathew had brown eyes dark red hair that went just past his shoulders and wore a thick black winter coat with brown pants and some tenni shoes that aren't really for snow.

"hey Cathren." Matthew said as the girl next to him waved. "what are you up to?" He asked obviously not wanting to know since he never wants to be bothered when he is with his girlfriend since she was his "princess."

The girl held out a note to cathren and waved it a bit gesturing for her to take it.

Cathren smiled and read it. 'Long time no see! I haven't seen you since our skype chat when you picked it up instead of matthew.'

"yeah, it's good to see you too Aria" To be honest Cathren didn't mind how Matthew acted since Aria was not a bitch like the other girls. Although she was a mute so she has to talk through notes and such. But you can imagine the sweetness in her "voice".

"I'm actually going on a delivery so me and butters here can get one of the guys enough time to play our game. It's a real life RPG…. Hey maaaaybbeeee if you got the time-"

"No thanks. I don't do rpgs live." Matthew said held a hand up while Aria also shook her head and wrote down something then handed it to Cathren.

'sorry even if I wanted to Matthew wouldn't let me, he'd probably thinks I'll get badly hurt you know? Overprotective sweet heart lol.' Cathren nodded with a roll of her eyes.

"Well if you ever change your mind I'm always a call or text away~" Cathren said as the two just waved bye to her and she and butters hurried off.

'so why are you usually mad at Cathren and Gabby anyway?' Aria wrote down as Matthew sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"well they played a prank on me one april fools, dying my hair red… one problem Gabby didn't read the box and it wasn't washable, so it was a permanent color… I was once blonde but now I got this weird color… they always play over the top pranks on me or each other, always a different target each year. Hehe and yes I also helped in a few. Remember the time I told you how we made Cathren think she was in a zombie apocalypse?" Matthew said in a chuckle as Aria giggled and wrote something down before snuggling up to him.

'well I like your hair color.' Reading that made Matthew smile.

"So who were they Cathren?" Butters asked in wonder.

"Matthew and Aria their some of my friends, wait til you meet Gabby she's a riot!" Cathren said in a snicker as Butters just blinked at the new names.

"Woah… this place is… trashy." Cathren said looking up at the green baby vomit colored home and gently knocked at the door since it seemed it would break down if she hit to hard enough and was greeted with a red haired woman who was wearing an 'I'm with stupid' shirt.

"what?" she said flat out while cathren handed the red haired woman the envelope. The lady took a second to examine it then smiled.

"oh this isn't for me sweetie, this is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back. Here's the key so you can get in since they don't usually answer the door for some reason." The lady said handing the envelope with a key back to Cathren.

"thank you." Cathren and butters said as the lady just nodded and shut the door. The two went over to the separate place (that was actually a garage, but hey some people do live in garages. You know like how some live in the basement?) and unlocked the door. The moment cathren went in a heavy scent hit her making her want to gag while Butter pinched his nose the place had smoke and some sort of chemical stuff with three people; two men and one woman that were obviously messed up some way.

"Excuse me, we are here for the delivery for tweek coffee." Butters said his pinched nose making his voice sound funny. One of the men that was wearing a blue shirt took a drag of his smoke then blew it.

"Yeah, yeah, we got the package for tweek coffee you got the envelope?" he said and Cathren took it out and handed it to the man as he looked at it to see if it was legit.

"heyyyy, that's not the kid who usually picks up the order." The man said as they all looked at the two.

"ohh, shit it's a cip!" the other man said in a funny way but cathren and butters didn't have time to laugh at the man's accent since he just grabbed a toilet plunger while the other got a metal pipe and the woman cracked her knuckles.

Cathren and butters slowly backed up and got out their weapons, butters had his hammer and cathren got out her new sword… not much she knows but she still has that hidden pocket knife if she needs it.

The blue shirted man swung his pipe down making Cathren block with her sword making it dent in. She push back making the man trip over his feet and Cathren swung heavily hitting the man hard in the side. Unfortunately it didn't send him retreating just made him groan in pain while holding his side. Cathren glanced over at butters who just seemed to have broken the other man's knee… and being butters who was apologizing like crazy while the adult cradled hit hurt knee and didn't notice what was about to go down.

"Butters look out!" Cathren shouted when the lady threw a box of empty beer bottles at the blonde making him panic and dive out of the way having the box and bottles smash against the wall and remaining liquid and glass shards rained down harmlessly on the two.

Cathren blinked as she slightly shook her head ridding herself of the shards in her hair along with butters as the female renter noticed their friends condition and looked at the two teens.

"I-I'm not risking that type of injury. These cops are nuts! Bail bail!" she said as she dove out the hole that was in the back of the room as the man with the nasty bruise glared at the two kids before fleeing herself leaving the third to stay there groaning in pain.

"well…. I expected that to be a lot longer of a fight." Cathren raising an eyebrow as butters looked worriedly down at the man with the broken knee.

"D-do you need an ambulance?" Butters said as the man just threw a random fist while yelling "leave me alone or arrest me you shit heads!"

"just tell us where the delivery package for tweek coffee is and we'll leave." Cathren said in an annoyed tone as the man just groaned and pointed at a brown doggie bag with a coffee bean on it.

"oh. Thanks." Cathren said grabbing it and opening the door and turned to butters who seemed a bit torn to help the man or not.

"you coming man?" Cathren asked as Butters nodded hesitantly as they left to tweek bros coffee.

"hey man lookie here~" Cathren said waving the bag in the air as tweek smiled and dropped the broom.

"you did it! You got the pickup ahhh thanks man! Dad I finished my work can I go play?" Tweek said while taking the bag and running around the machine as cathren curiously followed.

"where's todays delivery?" asked as tweek handed it to him.

"right here~" Tweek said happily as mr. tweek inspected it in a way cathren knew all too well from cop shows and she mentally smacked herself for not realizing it sooner.

'IT'S FUCKIG DRUG OF SORTS! THESE PEOPLE ARE PUTTING DRUGS INTO THEIR COFFEE!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!?' Cathren thought as she shockingly watch mr tweek put the drugs into the brewer without a care in the world.

'… no wonder something was off about these people.'

"thanks butters, cathren! I gotta go get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom!" Tweek said as he ran off while cathren got out of the place and frankly cathren probably was out of there in record time while dragging butters along.

"whoa cathren! Y-you're gonna pull my arm out of place. Are you ok? You look pale. Did you see a ghost or something!?" Butters asked panicked as Cathren stopped realizing she just passed the theater already.

"i-it's nothing, I just all of a sudden obtained a fear for coffee shops~" Cathren said as butters shrugged understanding becoming afraid of something he wasn't afraid of before was normal for him as well.

Cathren noticed her hoodie pocket vibrated and made a text jingle. she took out her phone as it showed that odd screen again this time it showed a '3' at the end and some moves that cathren picked up like the assault and battery and even one called roshambo… witch was basically kicking someone in the nuts. Cathren shook her phone a bit wondering what was up with it this is when it showed she had one new text and opened it.

'so I was wondering. What religion are you?' –Eric C.

Cathren felt her eyebrow twitch at this and quickly sent a reply.

'How the fuck did you get my number!?' –Cathren I.

'Just answer the answer cath. I'm curious.'-Eric C.

Cathren glared but complied not seeing any real harm.

'catholic why?' –Cathren I.

'No real reason really :P' Eric C.

'…now will you tell me how the hell you got my number?' Cathren I.

'Nope~'-Eric C.

"geez" Cathren muttered under her breath as she shoved her phone back into her pocket.

"yeeahhh somehow Eric has all our numbers. No one knows how he gets'em but he does." Butters commented as Cathren let out a soft chuckle.

"no need to guess you peeked over my shoulder."

"hehe yeah sorry I was just curious. anyway let's get to tokens place it's over there where that giant wall starts… well his property at least." Butters said as Cathren and he two started walking the wall until it got to a giant metal gate that said "dark meadows." And inside that gate there was a giant mansion like house.

"man this kid must be loaded! … and probably snobby and spoiled." Cathren commented as butters chuckled.

"Actually he's pretty nice, sure he's rich but he's not snobby or spoiled. You might like him he's an awesome guy!" Butters said as they neared the side gate for them to enter only to be stopped by a pudgy light brown haired man with a moustache.

"I'm sorry but this is a gated community young men. We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along sirs." The man said ushering the two away from the entrance.

"dude we just want to see token." Cathren said irked that someone else mistook her for a guy as she tried to shove the guy out of the way only to be shoved back.

"I warn you sir I have had five years of training at the mall move along sir." The man said as cathren just growled and marched up inches away from the guys face.

"Listen asshat I'm a woman and if you don't let us through you'll regret it!" Cathren growled as she pulled back a fist not hearing the sound of something shaking.

"Cath watch out! he's got-"

TSSSSssssss

Cathren felt her eyes and nostrils burn making her scream then run to the nearest trash can to throw up as buttered gave her some water he had in his bag and held it out for her. Cathren didn't hesitait to snatch the water out of his hand and pour half on her eyes flushing out the spray and guzzled down the rest panting afterwards.

"if you try that again mam I will pepper spray you back into the stone age." The guard threatened as Cathren glared and took another water bottle from butters more gently this time.

"come on cath lets go to the hospital so you can get treated." Butters said as Cathren nodded still panting from the burn in her eyes.

Cathren sighed with relief as the remainder of the burning went away after 45 minutes or so and the nurse even gave her a cherry lollipop for being good~

Butters waved to Cathren as she exited to the waiting room as she grinned with a hand midway in the air.

"so what now? I'm sure as hell not going back and getting peppersprayed again." Cathren said as butters fidgeted looking nervous.

"w-well Cathren uhhh…."

"what? What is it?" Cathren asked as butters handed her phone to cathren she took it to see he opened a message that was from the king of assholes eric.

'BWaahahahaha! Oh man someone just sent me a video of you getting peppersprayed! H-hang on I gotta watch it again! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'- Eric C.

Cathren glared at the text and the link that lead to her video then at butters.

"got any videos that I can get back at him with?" she asked as butters thought for a moment.

Eric sat on his throne drinking some soda while he scrolled though his facebook messages to see cathren posted something on his wall. He blinked curiously and opened it up only to spit all his soda back out to see an old nightmare from six years ago resurface.

'laugh at me Eric? Well here's something for me to laugh at BTW you look good in that outfit mind dancing in that again for me sometime soon?'-Cathren I.

Link: gay boy dresses as Britney spears and dances with cardboard Justin timberlake while singing touch my body.

Eric looked at the post mortified.

"how the fuck did she find this!?" He shouted to himself as he started to pace the tent before it hit him. "…butters!" he was about to run out of the tent before stopping himself and re read the comment. "she thought I looked good in that? ... huh well at the time I was pretty sure I did as well an- WA-Nah dude nah shes just messing with me… did she really- nope nope! Shes playing with you already dude! Girls do that to guys they fuck with their heads until they can't think of anyone else but them and them alone. HAHA I got you cathren! You're feminine mind games won't work on me!... hehe but you did get me good Cathren, you now have my attention."

'Toushe Cath Toushe.' –Eric C.

Yeah Eric seems to have found a new toy to play with. one problem for him is that this toy bites!

anyway please Review! i get demotivated easily due to my adhd and i love the encouragement the reviews give me!

now if you'll excuse me i'm going to stalk Michaela laws on tumblr to see what else she'll post before seduce me 2 the demon wars comes out on may 20th!