Okay, turns out I lied to you guys. The part about Elliot meeting the squad just doesn't realistically fit into this chapter...Sorry about that! I won't be doing any more sneak previews, because, as it turns out, I am constantly rewriting. I literally have an extra document full of rejected stuff that is twice as long as what I'm using. So. Enough of my rambling! I hope you like this chapter. (Which is also my rambling, but hopefully the kind you actually want to read)

So...Um, thank you for reviewing. I'm completely blown away by the response I'm getting. If I knew you all in real life, I would bake you cookies or something.

Disclaimer: I have no claims. Only disclaims. Don't sue me.

...

"Noah Benson," he breathed, utterly flabbergasted for a moment, until a smile quickly overtook his face. She was finally a mother.

"It's actually Noah Porter-Benson."

Elliot froze. She didn't mean…He swallowed, mouth dry. "You and Dean Porter, huh?"

Olivia laughed out loud, doing nothing to relieve the horrible tension he was experiencing. "No, El. I haven't seen that asshat in years. I adopted Noah after...Well, it's a long story."

"I've got time," he offered, grinning perhaps too enthusiastically with renewed joy.

She rolled her eyes. "Later. We should get going, or I'll be at work tomorrow on no sleep. I'll call you tomorrow, Cragen."

He nodded at her. "You two get home safe."

"Wait," Elliot started. "I'm staying with you?"

She smirked at him. "Is that okay?"

He chuckled, unable to quit grinning. "Yeah. Yeah, Liv, that's great."

"Come on, then. I hope you like the couch." She threw his jacket at him and strode out the door.

"Bye, Captain," Elliot said quickly before following her. He was struggling to match her pace, legs still wobbly. He never could keep up with her.

"You all right?" Olivia asked, not slowing.

"Never better," he huffed. "Is this your car? The one that hit Clyde back in 2009?"

"It still works, doesn't it?"

"I guess so." What difference did it make if the car had been used to frame her for murder? He made to get in the front seat, but she shook her head.

"What if someone sees you?"

He looked at her, confused. "It's the middle of the night!"

She glared at him, pointing to the backseat. "Keep your head down." He sighed reluctantly and did as she asked; a secret part of him was thrilled to have her bossing him around again. As he sat down, something squeaked under him, and she hid a smile.

"Sorry about the mess."

It was a baby's toy: a squeaky bunny with big flopsy ears. There was a child's car seat, too, complete with a blanket, stuffed monkey, and sippy cup. Suddenly, Elliot found himself imagining soccer mom Olivia. She would drive Noah to school in her minivan, hand out sliced oranges at his games and teach him how to shoot. (Soccer balls.)

"It's fine," he smiled, slouching into the seat as the car took off. "So how old is he?"

"One and a half. The adoption only became official a few weeks ago, actually."

"Feel like telling me that long story now?"

She sighed. "Not really. Do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

He did, but he had no intention of telling her that, and soon the car was flooded with mindless pop. He watched her through the rear view mirror, quickly recognizing the look in her eye. He knew that she was so lost in thought that it would take actual gunshots to bring her back. With a sigh, he leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

A jerk jolted him back to the present. He cursed, realizing that he had fallen asleep. Olivia smirked at him from the mirror.

"Have a good nap?"

Their eyes locked. His threw a good-natured shut up, and hers were brimming with laughter. They had never needed words to talk, he remembered. Entire conversations could hide within glances. It was one of the many reasons he loved her eyes. The color, too, had always fascinated him. Brown was much too mundane a description. They were the color of dark brown sugar, or maybe rich coffee.

As they exited the car, Elliot realized that she had moved in the time he'd been away. This was a new building, and he wondered why she had decided to leave. Inside the apartment, Olivia's hand strayed to her gun, and she checked each room before relaxing.

"Hi, Lucy. How's he doing?"

A young, dark-haired girl who must have been the babysitter walked out into the living room, and smiled tiredly at her. "Hey, Liv. Noah's sleeping like an angel." She eyed Elliot curiously. "Who's this?"

They exchanged a glance. "This is Jordan. He's um...My boyfriend."

Elliot blinked, but recovered himself quickly and stuck out a hand. "Nice to meet you."

Lucy beamed, and shook his hand enthusiastically. "That's great! If you don't need anything else, I'll head out now." She stifled a yawn. "Sorry."

"No, Lucy, go home and sleep. Thanks again for coming so last minute, you're a real life saver."

She smiled, and headed out. "It's no problem, I'll see you tomorrow. Nice meeting you, Jordan." Lucy waved and left, shutting the door carefully behind her. It was just the two of them now.

"I should go check on Noah."

And then it was just him, staring around her new apartment. It apartment looked almost identical to her old one in the dark, except for the baby things adding a second carpet to the floor. As he stood there, he realized he didn't know what to do with himself. He honestly hadn't expected to find Olivia's life so unrecognizable; they had been partners for 12 years, and nothing so big as this had happened. Four years without him, and everything looked different. Was there a connection there?

When she came back, he hadn't moved from his awkward position in the center of the room. He noticed immediately that her face had a different look to it. He had seen hints of it earlier, but now he understood what it was. It was happiness.

"Do you want to sit down?" She offered, a little uncomfortably.

"Oh–yeah. Thanks." Moving some baby things off to the side, he settled onto the far corner of the couch, watching her apprehensively. There was so much between them, so much that lived in the silence. Four years.

Elliot nervously played with his hands, trying to understand how they had become strangers. At last, Olivia spoke.

"This is pretty weird, huh?" She smiled sadly at him.

"Yeah, you could say that."

She sighed. "I have to go to bed, you should try to get some rest, too. There are some blankets here..." Her voice trailed off again. The silence was unbearable.

"Liv," he began hesitantly, afraid to hear the answer. "Are we...are we going to be okay?"

Olivia's eyes found his. "I don't know, El. I just can't seem to get my head around the fact that you're really here, and that there's an explanation that leaves you entirely blameless. A few years ago, I would have killed for that."

"And now?" He was almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Now, I don't know. Why did this have to happen now? Why not after I was abducted the first time? I got so used to not having you around that I don't know how to let you back in."

He knew she had changed. Of course he knew that. But it was so strange to see, to really see that she had lived four years that he hadn't. It felt to him that no time had passed since Jenna's shooting, but here was proof right in front of him. Olivia had learned to live without him, and he didn't know if he could do the same. He didn't want to find out what he would be without her.

"Please," he heard himself say. "Can you try?"

She was nodding thoughtfully, and turned her head to look at him. His heart was screaming, begging for her to say yes. It took all of his strength not to fall apart in that awful moment, but he held himself together. Finally, she answered. "I care too much not to."

He couldn't stop a single tear from escaping as their eyes met in the dark. The distance between them–he could cross it in a heartbeat. What would she do if he were to kiss her right now? He swallowed, looking down as he cursed his treacherous heart. That would be the most selfish thing he could possibly do. He wouldn't confuse her like that, not when there was so much unsaid. The choice had to be hers. For now, it would be enough to know that she cared.

"Thank you," he said, voice a promise.

She shook her head. "Get some sleep, El." She left, and he thought how much colder it was without her by his side. If she cared about him even half as much as he cared about her, these past four years must have been unimaginably lonely.

Elliot fell asleep thinking about time. It was all he ever thought about anymore.

...

Thanks for reading. I've got some...interesting...things planned for you all. See you next time ;)

xoxo