Chapter 13
"AHHH!" my scream had caused Becca to wake up in a similar fashion. Her awareness to the world was shortly followed by that of Rebby, Mikki, Reij, and Rach. Win was still sound asleep; the lucky devil could apparently sleep through anything.
"What's going on? Why are you guys screaming?" asked Reij sleepily.
I didn't answer immediately, I was covered in cold sweat and out of breath, but I couldn't figure out why. It was that dream, a strange dream about dancing and… and drowning… I shook my head slightly and realized that the others were staring at me. All except for Win who was still asleep and Becca who had looked around and, noticing that nothing was wrong, collapsed back onto her pillow. I rolled my eyes at Becca and replied to Reij's question "It was nothing, just a dream…" I looked down at my hands and repeated "It was just a dream, just a bad dream…" this time I said it quietly, almost as if I was trying to convince myself it was true. It had just been so real… 'Get a hold of yourself Lily! Stop being bloody stupid! A dream is just a dream, nothing more!' I berated myself mentally. I looked around the room again; everyone else had lain back in their beds and gone back to sleep, apparently satisfied with my answer. I looked at my alarm clock; it was only 5:30 am.
"Stupid bloody dream…" I complained getting out of my bed and slipping on my robe. When I have bad dreams that wake me up, there's never any sense in my trying to get back to sleep. I grabbed the book I was currently reading and walked down the stairs to the commons. Picking out the couch by the fire, which was lit brightly, I sat down, stretching out on the couch long-ways and getting comfy. I cracked open my book and began to read. I was on the third part of Key to Rebecca by Ken Follet. It was taking me a particularly long time to finish it, mainly because I've been so busy in my off time working with the study group and doing homework and beating myself up for sending James into a depression.
I was so intent on my reading that I didn't even notice that there was another person in the room. I didn't notice him walk down the stairs from the guys dorms, cross the Commons, and come to a stop just behind my couch. I didn't even notice him, until, that is, he leaned over me, casting a long shadow over my book, and asked "What are you reading?" I looked up startled.
"Oh! I didn't see you there Remus! When did you come down?" I responded in surprise.
"Just a moment ago, I couldn't sleep." He replied coming around the side of the couch and taking a seat in the armchair angled diagonally next to mine so that its sitter faced the fire and the people on the couch and other arm chair.
"Neither could I. Why couldn't you sleep?"
"I always have trouble sleeping this close to the full moon…" he said glancing out of the common room window at the nearly full moon with haunted eyes. The poor guy. "What about you?" He asked turning back to me.
"Oh, I just had a bad dream…" my words drifted off slightly. Truthfully that dream had scared the crap out of me and I couldn't figure out why. Apparently my facial expression had shown my worry, because next Remus asked me "Would you like to talk about it?" with genuine sincerity in his voice.
"Um, well… it was kind of weird…" I told him what happened in the dream and he looked pensive for a couple of moments.
"That is a pretty weird dream… creepy too." He looked up at me questioningly "Do you have bad dreams like this often?" he asked.
"Um, well, not all of the time, no. I get them maybe once or twice a month at the most. Usually they aren't as odd as that though."
"How's that?"
"Well, usually it's me and my sister arguing as usual, then my parents come in and try to make us stop arguing, but they can't, Then there's this loud bang and the front door flies open and I turn to look at who threw the door open, but then everything starts to dissolve away and my family starts dissolving too, and then I fall into a large body of water, like in my dream last night, and I drown…" I shivered and hugged my knees to my chest. Stupid, creepy, annoying, pain in the butt, pointless, senseless, terrifyingly creepy dreams!
"Hmm…" Remus 'hm'-ed at my description of the dreams I usually have and scratched his chin thoughtfully, gazing into the fire.
"Do you think they mean anything?" I asked, trying to figure out what the 'hm' was about without having to actually ask him.
"Hmm…? Oh, maybe, it's quite possible they mean something, though maybe it's better not to know what that thing is just yet…" Remus replied. He seemed to be distracted now; I had the itching feeling that his distraction somehow involved my dream. Better to drop it now and catch him unawares later about it though.
"So, do you ever have bad dreams? I mean, about, you know," I made air quotations "about 'the change' and stuff."
"Yeah, sometimes… if there's one thing in this world that truly scares me it's not having control of myself, of hurting my friends, or watching them be hurt, and not being able to do a single thing to stop it. I have nightmares about that all the time."
Well, that was horribly insightful, but I suppose I was asking for it, wasn't I? All I really expected him to say was 'yes' or 'sometimes', but this works too. I guess sharing time is good.
"So," I made an effort to change the topic and pull us out of the awkward silence "Did you learn to become an animagus too?"
"No, they started that little 'project' on their own, I didn't even find out until I asked them why they kept randomly abandoning me to go to the library of all places." He rolled his eyes, probably for they same reason I was: James, Sirius, and Peter going to the library of their own free will and choice. "They finally came clean about knowing I was a werewolf and everything, and then they told me what they were trying to do for me. They were trying to become animagi so that when I transformed they could be with me, so I wouldn't be all alone. Since werewolves don't attack other animals usually and their bite doesn't have the same effect on animals as it does on humans, they, or at least James, figured that it was the best way to go about it."
"So, um, how did they do it?"
"A complicated series of spells and a fairly simple potion, also they had to do a lot of research in the middle of the night in the forbidden section of the library to find the information." He paused and looked at me suspiciously "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason, just curious is all…" I said with false indifference in my voice.
Apparently easily detected false indifference since the next thing Remus asked me was "Lily, would you like to become an animagi as well?"
"Oh, no, well, yes, I've always wanted too, but I couldn't, it's illegal and I'm horrible at transfiguration and I'd probably just turn into a goldfish or something silly and useless like that so, no I don't think I will, thanks. Besides, Becca, Rebby, and Mikki would get suspicious, and if I told them, they'd want to become one too, and they're better at transfiguration, but they'd be more trouble for you teaching us how and I just don't want to burden you with that so I think I'll just have to decline."
"Um… what?" Remus blinked at me blankly for a moment. "They can learn as well if they want, it's not that difficult to learn how, just difficult to master the spells and find the information, and since we already have the information, you and the others would just need to learn the spell."
"But, they'll want to know how you all know about it. They'll want to know why James, Sirius, and Peter became one. They'll want to know why you didn't." I said, finding a new flaw with the idea. I honestly can say I would love to become an animagus, however keeping a friend's secret is more important than any selfish desire of my own.
Remus rubbed his chin and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. "Good point… I'll figure something out… Just let me think about it for a while, talk to the guys, try and find some sort of solution…"
"Um, if you don't mind my asking, why are you going through all of this trouble to try and help me become an animagus?"
"I thought it would be obvious, you're my friend, and friends help one another achieve their dreams. Plus, you're keeping my secret from them, and doing a great job of it too may I add, I feel like I owe you something for that."
"You don't owe me anything Remus, like you said, we're friends, and friends help keep one another's secrets secret too." I smiled kindly at Remus, and then got to my feet. "Well, I should go back up and get some clothes on, it's nearly 7 am, and people will be coming down here soon."
"I'll talk to you later then Lily." Remus smiled at me and stood as well. "I need to go make sure the lazy bums manage to get themselves out of bed." We said we'd see each other at breakfast and both headed to our separate dorms. When I came in the room, everyone was still asleep, so I flopped onto my bed as well and somehow managed to drift off into dream land for another couple of hours. Luckily, it was a Saturday, so I didn't have to be up early for class.
When I did finally wake back up I was greeted by the excited squeal of one extremely excited Becca. Then I was pounced on by the extremely excited Becca. Then I was thrown from my bed by the extremely excited Becca's bouncing.
"GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT!" she yelled, bouncing repeatedly on my bed.
"WHO?" yelled Rebby.
"No! Guess WHAT!"
"Um, what?" I humored her, standing up and rubbing my arse. There was a nice bruise developing on it from my oh-so-elegant landing on the floor.
"Well, after you got me all worried and thoughtful about my relationship with Sirius, I went and talked to him this morning. He said a load of bull crap, then I beat the truth out of him, and he said he has no intention at the moment of breaking up with me in the near future. Then he asked me to Hogsmeade next weekend. And then he gave me this" Becca held out her hand and let a long silver chain dangle from it. On the chain rested a tiny silver rosebud, a tiny silver key, and a tiny silver half of a heart. We all bent forward and examined the necklace.
"It's beautiful Becca!" Rebby said, touching it lightly and pulling it towards her to get a better look.
"Yes, it's gorgeous!" I cooed, smiling at her "I'm glad you talked to him and everything is good. I would still keep my eye out though, just in case. You know, watch for evil Fan Girls trying to seduce him in dark corners after class, stuff like that." I rolled my eyes, but only for the girls and Becca's sake. I still have serious doubts about Sirius's capability to hang on to one, and only one, girl friend for more than a month, and that's with leeway. His old record for longest girlfriend held was 3 weeks.
I let the girls wonder over the necklace and Sirius's apparent complete change of character and went to take my morning shower. The hot water was relaxing, therapeutic even, especially after the rough night I had. When I finally emerged from the shower it was to six angry, stinky girls glaring at me menacingly. Then I was stampeded by them in their effort to get to the shower first. "Honestly, I don't know why we only have one shower; it's completely unrealistic; one shower and seven girls. Ridiculous!" I muttered as I went to my bed and changed into some jeans, a long sleeve green t-shirt, and my converses.
I hopped on my bed and finished my essay for potions (What are the advantages, disadvantages, and common uses of the Draught of the Living Death). It was fairly easy, not because I'm a whiz at writing essays, like Becca, but because potions is my second best subject, charms being first. By the time I had finished it, the rest of the girls were out of the shower. Becca Rebby and I decided to go on down to breakfast, the others deciding to dry their hair first.
"Psh… dry hair? That's so overrated." Becca said, turning her head upside down and shaking it like a wet dog. She turned her self right side up and tussled her hair a bit more, then threw her still wet hair back into a ponytail and laughing.
"If you keep doing that, you're going to give people the impression you were a dog in your past life." Rebby said, rolling her eyes and pulling her hair into a messy ponytail as well.
"Maybe I was a dog in my past life… or a wolf… I've always had a thing for wolves…" Becca made her 'pondering pose' which involved her standing with one hand on her hip, the other hand with one finger resting on the very center of her chin and lips, and her eyes rolled upwards, as if seeking gods guidance.
"Well, if you were, you and Sirius belong together. I get the feeling he was a dog in his past life too." I said rolling my eyes. The others laughed, though they could not fully appreciate the joke, since I was mainly referring to Sirius's animagi form. Too bad, I thought it was a pretty good joke, too.
The three of us went down to the Great Hall for breakfast, barely catching the end of it as it was already 10:30 am. Te other girls came down just as the plates vanished and glared at the table angrily, as if the inanimate object had made the food disappear, not the poor house elves one floor below us.
"You know, the kitchens are on floor down. Why don't you go and see if the house elves will get you something, I'm sure they'd be glad too. You know how they simply love to serve." I rolled my eyes. I had tried a few years ago to understand why they liked being servants so much, but I never could. All I know is they are happy, enjoy their work, and treated well, as far as I know, at the castle by the teachers and other students, so I have no right to complain. "So, where are we off to?" I asked Rebby and Becca. The three of us hadn't had alone time in a while, our group of friends having grown from us and Mikki, to include the rest of the girls 6th year dorm, as well as the marauders. Plus the fact that two of us had boyfriends and one of us was trying to develop a friendship with a boy who wanted to be more than that. Potter is so… there are no words to describe… yeah…. I give up…
"Lake?" offered Becca.
"Room of Requirements?" proposed Rebby.
"Astronomy tower?" I suggested.
"Canada?" a voice offered behind us. I whipped around on the spot only to be greeted by the sight of –
"Remus! What are you doing here? I thought you'd be doing something Marauder related that I'd regret later. Or hanging out with Rachel."
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you for a moment." He said, then looked to the others. "Er, in private if you don't mind."
"Um, right, just a second." I turned to the Rebecca's, who were giving me strange looks, and said "I'll only be a minute, why don't you two figure out where you want to hang out. I'll be right back." I turned and dragged Remus down the hall a short ways, then asked him what he needed.
"Well, you see, I talked to the guys, and they agreed to teaching you how to become an animagi, but first you need to 1) decide whether or not you want to attempt having Becca and Rebby learn as well without telling them our secret and 2) help me come up with an excuse as to why I'm not going to be here for three days."
"Why aren't you going to be he- oh, right, the full moon is coming up again isn't it? Well, try a sick relative, it's an oldie, but a goody, plus it's always easy to make up fake distant relatives you rarely see but are extremely fond of. Then later you can kill them off for another full moon."
"You said that way too cheerfully."
"Yes, I know, it's the happy vibe Becca gives off continually, it's contagious." We both glanced at her; she was literally bouncing up and down on the spot talking animatedly with Rebby who seemed just as happy, minus the bouncing.
"Yeeaaahhh…" Remus said, looking at her speculatively.
"And about not telling them, honestly, I don't think they'd tell. They're really the only one's I'm worried about discovering, them and Rachel. The others have a different schedule most days and probably won't notice especially if it's three of us gone instead of just one. By myself I'm suspicious, in a group, we're just hanging out."
"Hmm… I don't know… I'll talk to the guys, but…"
"Okay, get back to me later. Just remember, Remus, it's your choice, not theirs." I said, walking off to join a still bouncing Becca and a now slightly bouncy Rebby.
"How much sugar did you guys eat?"
"None, but we're going to remedy that, we've decided to go on a picnic!" Becca said excitedly.
"A picnic where?"
"A picnic on the roof of the Astronomy Tower!" Rebby exclaimed.
"Oh boy, I can't decide if this is a really good idea or a really bad idea." I rolled my eyes and headed off with them in the direction of the Astronomy Tower. I looked back over my shoulder as I went at Remus. He was still standing there, looking at me strangely. He was looking at me the same way my father had the day I came home from my last date with Matthew and told my dad that love was way too complicated and that the word 'love' was way too overused and abused, and that men were stupid. He was looking at me with a mixture of bemusement and respect.
Why was he looking at me like that?