"Never again," Felicity groaned as she trudged down the stairs and into the ktichen. With eyes still half closed, she grabbed haphazardly along the counter, trying desperately to find the coffee maker.
Her mother was sitting at the table watching her with amusement. "Looks like you had a fun time," she chuckled.
Felicity just grunted her response. Finally her fingers found the handle on the coffee pot and she poured herself a generous cup. She prayed that it would be enough to at least dull the brain bending headache pounding between her temples.
"How did you get home?" Donna asked.
"Barry," Felicity rasped in response. "He was the smart one. He stayed sober."
Donna laughed again. "Well I know being hungover is no fun, but it's nice to see you having fun every once in a while. All you've done lately is work. You're in your twenties. You should be going out like you did last night and having as much fun as possible. You have the rest of your life to be working."
"Well I'm definitely not working today," Felicity said as she lifted her mug and blew across the surface of her coffee. "The minute I finish this, I'm going back upstairs and hiding under my covers."
"Wait," Donna cried, gesturing for her daughter to come forward and take a seat next to her. "Come on, now. You have to tell me what happened at the party last night. Please, let me live vicariously through you."
With a sigh, Felicity did as her mother bid and sat down at the table. "Well, pretty much everyone in town was at that party. Tourists and townies alike. Hundreds of people, really. There was food everywhere. Loads of booze, too."
"So aside from drinking, what did you do there?"
Felicity shrugged. "Barry and I spent most of the night talking to Iris and her friends from the Daily Record. Then Iris and I played a few rounds of beer pong. Oh, and then I had to play volleyball with Oliver Queen." She made a face when she said his name.
"Ooh, Oliver Queen? Wasn't he that cute boy you were with all those months ago when Laurel and Tommy went on that date?"
"Yeah."
Donna squealed. "Oooh, sweetie, is there something going on between the two of you? Come on, you can tell me!"
Felicity groaned. Her mother's squeals were like knives stabbing her repeatedly in the temples. "Moo-oom," she protested. "There's nothing going on between Oliver Queen and me. He's the most insufferable human being on the planet. I'd rather be force fed live scorpions than have anything to do with him."
Donna pouted, but she recovered quickly. "Well then what about your sister? What's going on between her and that adorable Tommy Merlyn?"
"Why don't you ask her yourself?"
"Because she never came home last night," Donna answered. "I assume she stayed at Netherfield."
Felicity shrugged. "Probably. I don't think a lot of us were in any position to drive."
Donna sighed. "Ah, to be young again."
Once Felicity had finished her coffee, she left the mug in the sink, then trudged back up the stairs to her room. The coffee had helped only marginally to dull all the sharpened sensations. She hoped a quick nap would help for good.
Unfortunately, she didn't get to sleep for very long. Almost the second she closed her eyes, her phone's shrill ringing echoed through her room. With a loud groan she rolled over in her bed to yank her phone off her charger.
"Whoever this is, I hope you die walking over a fiery pit of legos," she grunted into her phone.
"Nice to hear from you too, Lissy," Barry's annoyingly chipper voice chuckled on the other end of the phone.
"What do you want?" she rasped.
"I wanted to meet up with you for coffee later today. Obviously when you're in a less...growly mood."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," she said. "What time is it now?"
"Um, noon."
"I'll meet you at the Mud House at three. Do not attempt to communicate with me until then." Then she hung up and threw her phone onto her bedside table.
Knowing Barry's penchant for lateness, he'd probably show up closer to 3:20, meaning she didn't have to leave until 3:10. That hopefully would give her enough time to recover from her wicked hangover.
Sure enough, Felicity arrived right at 3:20 and Barry still was nowhere to be seen. Shaking her head at the utter predictability of the situation, she went up to the counter to get a latte while she waited.
Ten minutes later, Barry strode through the front door, looking winded, like he'd run the whole way from his parents' house five miles away. Looking around, he spotted her sitting at a small table by the window and he waved.
"Hey, Lissy," he grinned. "I hope you weren't waiting long."
"Nah," she shrugged. "Gave me more time to make myself feel human instead of the hungover monster I've been all morning."
He shook his head. "I told you, there are no real winners in beer pong."
"Is that what you dragged my ass out of bed for?" she grimaced. "To gloat at me in all your non-hungover glory?"
"Uh, no, actually." Suddenly his smile took on all the qualities of an anxiety that confused her. "I...well, I asked you here because I really needed to tell you something."
Felicity straightened in her seat and waited.
He took in a deep breath. "To be honest, I probably should have told you this a long time ago. I should have told you in high school, when I first realized it."
The words "high school" jolted her. She thought back to Iris and Laurel and all their teasing and suddenly she knew exactly what was coming.
"Felicity, I...I love you. And not in like the, 'I love you because you're my best friend' kind of way — except that you are my best friend and I do love you — but what I mean is I love you in the, 'I want to hold hands with you as we're walking down the beach contemplating our future family' kind of way. And the truth is, I've felt this way about you since freshman year, when you sat next to me in geometry and recognized my Iron Man trapper keeper."
She didn't dare to breathe. The moment Barry started speaking, it was like all time had stood still, and the only one in motion was him. So much as a single blink would propel her forward, disrupting the fragile balance, forcing her to choose between the past where he was her friend and nothing more and the future where a lifetime of holding his hand was a possibility.
"There were so many times in the past when I wanted to tell you," he continued softly. "But I was always too chicken. I'd tell myself that I didn't want to ruin our friendship, or that it was high school and that it would go away, but it didn't. And then the other day we were talking about places where you'd go once you left here and then we talked about how Central City was a possibility and I just...I had to. I had to let you know how I felt."
How he felt. How he felt about her. Because he loved her.
For a split second, Felicity allowed herself to think about what it would be like to be with Barry. It would have been so easy to be his girlfriend. Easy and safe. Barry Allen was the epitome of safety. She'd move to the city with him. They'd get an apartment and adopt a dog. He'd be a CSI at the police department, and she'd go to work as an IT grunt somewhere. They'd argue over dumb stuff like whether to watch "Doctor Who" for the millionth time or finally start watching "Breaking Bad." And then, five years later, while on holiday back home in Hertfordshire, Barry would bring her to the beach at sunset, far away from the boardwalk and all the tourist spots and he'd get down on one knee and propose to her. She'd say yes and they'd get married in a simple ceremony at town hall, with the reception at the Netherfield beach house with all their family and friends.
Barry Allen offered a life of security and comfort.
But Felicity needed more than that. And as much as she wished it were otherwise, she couldn't change what she needed.
"Barry…" she began, "I...I am really, really flattered."
His fists, which lay on the table in front of them, tightened until his knuckles went white.
"But?" he prodded.
"But...but I just don't feel the same way," she finally answered. "I'm really, really sorry."
A long pause stretched out between them, as wide as the distance between Central City and Hertfordshire.
She would have given all of her savings to be able to feel the way about Barry as he did for her. She wanted to save him from the hurt he felt at that moment, because he was her best friend, and it hurt her to see him in pain.
Finally, Barry punctured the silence with a long, heavy sigh.
"Yeah," he said with a quiet chuckle. "I should have seen that coming."
"Barry, I'm so, so sorry."
"Don't be," he shook his head. "It's not like it's your fault. I can't make you love me that way."
"I know, but...but you're my best friend and I really hate being the one to hurt you like this."
He finally looked up from the table and gave her a smile. It was a sad one — kind of far away, kind of wistful. But there was just a hint of the good old Barry Allen in it, that reassured her he would be just fine.
"I know. I know you didn't do any of this on purpose."
Felicity gave him a weak grin in return. "How about I buy you a cup of coffee? To ease the sting?"
He shook his head. "Nah. It's not necessary. I'll just go for a run instead. Help clear my head."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I've got things to work through and stuff. It's best if I work through them alone."
She nodded and stood from her chair as he did. Then she stepped forward and gave him a big, tight hug. "I'm really sorry, Barry."
He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair. "Don't be," he murmured into her ear. "I'm not."
They finally released one another, and with one last wistful glance shot in her direction, Barry stepped away and walked out of the coffee shop.
It left Felicity desperate for a stiff drink, not five hours after she swore to herself never to have another sip of alcohol ever again.
Felicity spent the rest of the walk back home feeling like a gigantic pile of emotional shit, which didn't help much with her hangover. Her only hope was that Laurel would be there so she could throw herself across her bed and lament over how awful she felt.
"Laurel?" she called the minute she walked through the front door. "Laurel, are you home?"
She heard faint rustling from up the second floor, so she ran up the stairs to her sister's bedroom.
"Laurel?" she asked as she knocked softly at her door.
All she heard was a sniffle, but Felicity took that as an invitation inside. She quietly twisted the doorknob and leaned forward to find her sister already curled up on her bed in her Tweety pajamas, clutching a pillow to her body and sobbing quietly into a tissue.
"Laurel?" Felicity repeated in quiet alarm. In an instant she was at her sister's side, sitting on the bed and stroking her hair away from her face. "Sweetie, what happened?"
She sniffed a few times and swiped at her tears. "He left," she whispered in a shaky voice. "Tommy left. He's gone."
That immediately shoved Felicity's troubled conscience over Barry to a cramped corner of her mind. "What?" she gasped. "Are you serious?"
Laurel sniffed again. "We woke up this morning after the party, but he was acting all quiet and cagey and not at all like himself. Then he took me to brunch and told me he and Oliver were leaving right afterward."
Images of stabbing Tommy Merlyn repeatedly in the face flooded Felicity's mind, but she kept her violence to herself. She'd save it for later, when she talked to Iris.
"He didn't even tell me why," Laurel wailed. "He just said he had an amazing summer, but summer had to end. Then he just dropped a hundred on the table, kissed my forehead and walked out of the restaurant. He didn't even look back, Lissy!"
Felicity clutched her sister's shoulders in the best form of a hug she could offer. "Oh, sweetie," she murmured. "I'm so sorry."
Silence descended upon the sisters. Laurel's sniffles and sobs punctuated it every so often, but for the most part, the two remained quiet. Felicity continued to brush her hand soothingly over Laurel's head as the tears flowed.
"You know what the worst part is?" Laurel finally sniffed. "Last night he told me he loved me."
"What?"
Felicity didn't mean for it to come out like a shout, but she was so surprised by the news that she couldn't help it. She immediately regretted it, though, when Laurel winced.
"Sorry," she quickly whispered. "I mean, what?"
Laurel sniffed again. "Well, he didn't actually say it to me. It was while we were drifting. I had my eyes closed and I was almost asleep, but he whispered it right next to me. He told me he loved me, but he said it to sleeping me."
Felicity felt her heart crack in her chest, and all of her previously violent thoughts dissipated.
"That still counts," she whispered to her sister. "He loves you, Laurel. He said it himself."
That brought on a fresh wave of sobs. "Well if he loves me then why did he leave?" she wailed. "Why did he just disappear without any notice and without any indication of whether we would see each other again? Why, Lissy?"
Laurel's desperate pleas brought tears to Felicity's eyes. "I don't know, sweetie," she answered quietly. "I don't know, but we're going to find out, OK? I promise."
The problem with living in a town as small as Hertfordshire was that people knew things pretty much the instant they happened.
Felicity walked into the bookstore Monday morning, and Walter was already there unpacking the weekend shipments. Sure enough, the first words out of his mouth were, "Oh, Felicity. How's Laurel holding up?"
She groaned as she walked forward to help him unload the boxes. "How does everyone know already?"
He snorted. "You should know better than to be surprised. The Netherfield beach house is much too big to notice when its inhabitants have left, and everyone in town knew that Merlyn boy was out with your sister."
She let out a sigh. He was right, but that didn't mean she had to like it.
"I've never seen her like this, Walter," she confessed. "She spent all last night curled up in her bed crying. It's just so not like her. The last time she broke up with a boy, she looked sad for like a minute. Then she bought herself a Hershey's bar and went back to work like it never happened. But with Tommy...she almost dehydrated herself from all the crying."
He nodded wisely. "Summer romances are hard to come down from. I should know."
That made Felicity's eyebrows shoot upward. "Seriously?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Why do you look so surprised?"
She laughed. "No offense, Walter, I just can't really picture you having a romance of any sort. Much less a summer one."
"What, did you think I was born in this bookstore?" he laughed. "Hardly. There was once a time I was a young man living in this town as well. I'd just moved here from England after uni. It was during my grace period, when I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life."
"What the hell made you want to spend your grace period in Hertfordshire?"
He shrugged. "It was a small town on the beach. I'd always wanted to be near the ocean, and the cost of living here wasn't nearly as exorbitant as you'll find in other beach towns."
She nodded. "OK, so then what?"
"I was renting a room at the Conch Shell a few weeks before the season started. And a woman came through with her group of girlfriends for the summer." Walter's eyes had taken on a reminiscent twinkle. "She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life. Tall. Blonde. Gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes and a smile whiter than the sand."
"What was her name?"
"Moira. Moira Dearden. She was staying on holiday from uni in Star City."
"Moira, huh? What a fussy name."
He chuckled. "Ah, yes. But she lived up to it. She was a fierce woman. She knew what she wanted and she didn't let anything get in the way of it. In fact, she was the one who asked me out."
"I'm assuming you said yes."
"At the time it seemed more like a pragmatic decision than a romantic one," he nodded. "But we spent the summer together, doing all the things young, flighty couples do."
"So what happened?"
He sighed. "What always happens. The calendar turns and September eventually rolled around. She went back to Star City and I stayed here and opened the bookstore."
Walter's wasn't an unusual story. Living in Hertfordshire meant summer romance stories were practically a dime a dozen. Having a summer boyfriend or girlfriend was practically a rite of passage for all the young townies.
But for Felicity there was just something so...monumentally sad and unfulfilling about the whole practice.
"Did you love her?" Felicity asked.
"I have pondered that many times over the years," he smiled. "And the answer always changes. Sometimes I think I didn't. We always knew that she was going to go back to Star City and I wasn't going to follow her. I tried always to remind myself that what we had was temporary. But then there are days when I think, yeah, I might have loved her. Meeting her changed my life. I'd never known anyone who was so sure about what she wanted. And I like to think a little of her confidence rubbed off on me. If I'd never met her and dated her, I doubt I would have stayed here to open this place. I very likely would have gone back to England working in a stodgy old bank. Could you imagine?"
He grimaced at the thought, and Felicity giggled at his expression.
"So you don't regret it?" she asked after a while. "Being with Moira just for the summer? Not following her?"
He shook his head. "No. We were what we needed each other to be in the moment. If I followed her, she would have ceased to be the beautiful, ambitious Moira that I so admired. I'm certain if I had followed her, I would have held her back somehow."
Felicity turned her thoughts to Laurel and Tommy. Maybe they were just a summer fling. Maybe what they had was only meant to last a couple of months, at most. Maybe it was best that Tommy left now rather than stay and draw out her sister's misery.
But she couldn't forget how her sister's face crumpled in despair when she recalled Tommy telling her he loved her when he thought she was asleep.
Walter might not have known if he was in love with Moira or not, but Felicity knew her sister was in love with Tommy, and Tommy was in love with Laurel. And damn it, she wasn't going to let something as stupid as a calendar get in the way of true love.
So she spent that week coming up with the plan in her head, doing research on her phone in between jobs. By the time Saturday rolled around, she had worked out every kink until it absolutely perfect.
Felicity took her seat at their regular table at the Mud House, right at eleven o'clock. Five minutes later, Iris took her seat across from her with a latte and a soft smile.
"Hey, Lissy," she greeted. "How have you been?"
"Good," Felicity answered. "Things have been hectic with...well, you know."
"Yeah, I figured." Iris sighed and took a sip of her coffee. "How's she taking it?"
Felicity shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I guess? She's putting on a brave face for our mom, for everyone else in town. But at night I can hear sobbing coming from her bedroom."
Iris clucked. "Poor thing."
"What about you? How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while! Since the party, actually."
"Oh." Iris looked down at her drink and fidgeted in her seat a little. "Well, you know how it is. I got busy with work and stuff."
Felicity's eyes narrowed every so slightly. If she didn't know any better, it might have looked like her good friend had something to hide.
Unfortunately she didn't get the chance to pry it out of her, because a few seconds later, Laurel walked into the coffee house. To the untrained eye, she looked as lovely as ever in her dark jeans and black T-shirt. But Felicity knew better. She could see the slightly swollen bags underneath her sister's carefully applied concealer, and she noticed how Laurel's smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
Well, no matter, Felicity thought to herself. She was hoping that by the end of their conversation, she could bring at least a semblance of a genuine smile back to her sister's face.
"Hey," Laurel greeted as she sat down with the plate of doughnuts and her own cup of coffee. "How are you ladies?"
"Good," Iris and Felicity both chanted at the same time.
For the next few minutes, they went through the motions. They went around and talked about work stuff, town gossip, et cetera. But as the catching up part of the conversation started to die down, Felicity cleared her throat like she was about to make an announcement.
"Laurel Lance," she began. "I love you."
Laurel's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "I love you too," she said in slight confusion.
"And it is precisely for this reason that I have decided to give you your birthday gift a little early." Felicity pulled out her phone and tapped a few icons and swiped around until she was finished.
Laurel opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but a buzzing at her hip interrupted her. With a frown, she pulled out her phone and unlocked it to find the source. Once she did, her eyes widened and her frowning mouth instead transformed into an O of wonderment.
"Felicity…" she breathed, "you didn't."
"I did."
"Felicity — "
"Look, before you give me all the reasons why you can't, just let me say a few things, all right? First of all, you do have the time. I checked with your boss and she agreed to give you a month. Hell, I barely had to ask her. She said you don't have any major cases coming up, plus you've racked up so much comp time in the past two years that you legally could take three months off if you wanted. Second of all, the only thing you'll have to pay for is food and drink and transportation around the city. I've already taken care of your hotel and your airfare as you can see from that email. And before you argue with me — " she held up a hand because she could already see her sister trying to interrupt with a protest, " — I've already spent the money. It's non-refundable, too, so if you don't go I'll be really pissed."
Then she took in a deep breath. "And lastly, you need this. You need to do this. You need to find him and get closure. Because this isn't you, Laurel. This girl who's been pretending like she's fine for everyone else but going home and crying herself to sleep is not who you are. You're Laurel freaking Lance, damn it. You're the most beautiful, most incredible woman in the world and you're not going to let something as trivial as a boy problem bring you down. Do you understand?"
Laurel looked down with sad eyes at her phone, then back up at her sister. "Lissy, I'm scared," she finally whispered. "What if I go there and I don't get closure? What if he pretends like none of it ever happen? What if it turns out that it was all just some elaborate dream?"
Felicity took in a deep breath. "Then that's the closure you get. And it'll hurt like hell, but at least you'll finally know. And you can move on."
"What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"
"Then you'll have spent four weeks in Star City. It's called vacation, Laurel. Learn how to take one. Besides, you need to spend some time away from this place."
Tears sprang to Laurel's eyes, and with a sudden outburst, she reached forward and pulled her sister in for a big hug. "Thank you, Lissy. You're the best."
Felicity returned her sister's hug with interest. "I love you, sis."
"I love you, too."
When they pulled away, Laurel swiped the tears away from her eyes. "All right," said with a watery smile. "Well I guess I better go home and start packing."
Felicity nodded. "Go. Get out of here."
She got out of her seat and bent down to peck Felicity on the top of her head. "I'll see you at home." Then she waved goodbye to Iris and ran out of the coffee shop.
"Wow," Iris said. "Where did that come from?"
"He told her he loved her, Iris," Felicity answered. "He told her he loved her! And she loves him, and she never got the chance to tell him. They're perfect for each other, and if they just got it together, they'd be able to see that."
Iris held up two hands, like a form of surrender. "Hey, I'm not judging. I'm all for it. I'm just surprised is all."
Felicity leaned back in her seat. "Yeah, well they're in love, they just don't realize it yet. Oh, and speaking of love, I have to tell you something."
Iris' eyes lit up. "Ooh, something love related. Spill."
Felicity sucked in a deep breath. "Well you know how you and Laurel have been telling me since high school that Barry was in love with me? You were right. He told me so himself on Sunday."
Iris blinked, and for a second it looked like she had turned to stone. "Oh?"
Felicity's brows furrowed as she examined her friend's suddenly stiff posture. "Yeah," she trailed off. "He told me he loved me, but I had to tell him I didn't feel the same way. And it really sucked because I hurt him and I didn't want to."
"Really."
Iris fidgeted in her seat and stirred the lukewarm coffee in her cup, almost like she was trying to look anywhere but at Felicity.
"What's going on with you?" she finally demanded. "Why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?"
"I'm not acting weird," Iris said defensively.
But Felicity just quirked her eyebrow as if to show how much stock she took in that statement.
Iris sighed. "Fine. So I...I already knew."
"Knew what?"
"About Barry telling you that he loved you."
Felicity tilted her head. "How?"
Iris sucked in a deep breath. "Because he told me."
Felicity blinked a couple of times, like she was waiting for an anvil to drop from the sky. "OK…" she trailed off. "So, he told you. Why is that making you act weird?"
"Because..." Iris leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms over her stomach protectively. "I'm acting weird because he told me while we were at the Lighthouse for drinks, and we ended up getting kind of drunk and...and one thing led to another and...we kind of...hooked up."
A sudden and weird buzzing filled Felicity's ears after Iris made her announcement. Through the static, her brain repeated several different words at her: weird...drunk...hooked up. They kept cycling through her brain over and over until they lost all meaning.
"You...you hooked up with Barry?" Felicity repeated.
"Yeah."
She sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for her brain to really soak up the meaning of Iris' words. Her two best friends hooked up. The got drunk and had sex. Iris and Barry. Barry and Iris.
Holy. Shit.
"So...so what does this mean?" Felicity asked. "Are you together? Was it a one time thing? Are you guys friends with benefits?"
"I don't know," Iris confessed. "I really don't. But we've been to dinner every night since then, and there's definitely been...sparks."
Felicity blinked. Sparks. Wow.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Iris begged. "Are you mad at me? Are you angry?"
"Why? Why would I be angry?" Felicity asked. Then her eyes narrowed. "Unless you...you didn't take advantage of his heartbroken-ness, did you? Because if you did, I swear to God, Iris — "
"No, of course not!" she interjected. "I would never do that!"
Felicity felt a tiny bit of relief at that. "OK. So you didn't take advantage of him. Then why are you asking me if I'm angry?"
"Because now you're the one who's acting weird. Also he told you he loved you and then the same day he slept with me. I mean, if it were me I'd be a little angry. Or at the very least upset."
"I'm not," Felicity insisted. "I'm not, I promise. I'm just...trying to wrap my brain around it."
"I know the feeling," Iris grinned nervously. "I've been trying to wrap my brain around it since it happened."
"I'm sure."
Felicity turned her head to the window and stared out, not really seeing anything as she processed what she was thinking and feeling.
Sure, Barry had told her he loved her then slept with Iris later that day. And yeah, it was weird to wrap her brain around the fact that her two best friends were apparently hooking.
But Felicity didn't love Barry the way he loved her. And he deserved to try and find someone who would. What if that person was Iris? Who was she to judge?
"OK, so you're not taking advantage of any heartbrokenness he might have. And you're not letting yourself be a rebound, are you?" Felicity asked.
"I'm not," Iris answered. "I think...I think we might genuinely have feelings for one another."
"Do you two promise you'll talk about it?" Felicity demanded. "Promise me you will sit that boy down and talk about this and where this is headed before he has to go back to Central City. Don't leave it until it's too late like Laurel and Tommy did. I can't stand to have another good friend have to go through heartbreak. I've had enough of heartbreak this week."
"I promise," Iris nodded. "I'm too nosy to let something like that go anyway. You know me, I'm a reporter."
Felicity chuckled. "OK. Well, then if you're happy and Barry's happy, then nothing else really matters, right?"
"Right."
She leaned in. "So are you happy?"
A tiny grin started to spread across Iris' face. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."
That made Felicity smile as well. "Then so am I."