Okay, I am so sorry this is late! I was traveling and then I got home yesterday and I was so tired! So I updating today, two days late! I am so sorry. All right well, as always, all credit goes to Suzanne Collins. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review. I seriously love reading these awesome comments! If you haven't yet, please do! Follow, review, and favorite! Thanks! Hope you enjoy… And sorry this is not edited and it's pretty short but I really wanted to get this up for you all!
Chapter 6
"Do you think they heard me? Do you think they heard what I said about the war, and… and… him?" I whisper, my eyes filled with fear lock on his and he stares back.
We both sit silently a moment, begging what we heard to not be true. At first it is silent and I feel my heartbeat slow considerably. Then I hear another thump and jerk my head to look at him. He reaches out a hand and brushes the hair from my face, soothing me instantly. "I'll go. I can go talk to them. You get to bed."
I hesitantly nod my head as he stands up and starts his way upstairs. I sit silently, begging myself to remain in control. I hate it when I can't control. Since everything I have been through, we have been through, I need to maintain control on this catastrophe they dare call my life. They have the guts to tell me, "This is your life." When I have no control. I am a plane spiraling, doomed to land in the middle of nowhere at some point.
I get up and pace around the kitchen a moment. I can hear Peeta's steady voice comforting someone upstairs. My mind wanders and can't help but think about who it was up there. Willow? Poor, little Rye? I shove the thought from my head and numb my pain as I gulp down the cup of cold water. It slithers down my through and turns everything to ice.
Eventually, I am able to convince myself to go up stairs and I quickly change and slip under the covers, curled in a ball. I press my forehead to my knees, which I hug. As I shut my eyes tightly, I reject every thought from my mind, trying to keep it blank. I don't want to think. I don't want to be in this place again. The nightmares never stop, but I have a feeling they might be worse tonight. They will be filled with agonized screams, the scent of roses, small cramped metal rooms, and worst of all: Peeta. He will be everywhere, as always. His arms reaching out and clenching to my neck, his eyes filled with hatred and anger. Anger and sadness and heartbreak, which I am the cause of. I shut my eyes tighter, begging the memories to subside but they deepen and sharpen into the crisp image of everything. I let out a whimper that turns to a scream and I cover my mouth. I let out little gasps but try to stifle the noise. Tears start to leak out the corners of my eyes and I pull them shut tighter, wishing I could just be gone and get one happy moment.
Then I feel his arms wrap around me. The warmth presses the thought away and I welcome him as I turn over and press my face to his chest, and later find my way to his lips.
"Peeta. I hate this," I whimper, into his warm form.
He nuzzles my head lightly, replying, "It's all right. We're okay. I am here and I am fine. So are you. We are safe. It's over." I try to let myself believe this but I can't. I will never feel safe, not when I know what humans are capable of. Not when I know that people I love can betray me. I feel like the one I can trust is myself, and Peeta. But even he seems distant sometimes. But then again, so do I. I am not me anymore. In ways, I am still the stubborn Katniss that volunteered at the Reaping. But I am not brave anymore, or whole. I am broken and weak and scared, with a sliver of my old form that I cling to for dear life. It is the only piece of me that keeps my outer self together for them, for Willow and Rye. It isn't always there when they are at school, sometimes I fall apart and Peeta patiently places all the pieces together, holding them tightly until he's sure I can bear the load. And even then, he holds on a little bit longer and a little bit tighter.
After a while, I feel his breathing slow to a steady rhythm and I place myself next to him, nestled in his sinewy form. As I listen to his breathing tickling my neck, I feel my own heart stop racing and I fall asleep as well, curled up like a child next to my safe haven.