Disclaimer: I do not own digimon
This chapter is being posted a little later than I intended, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with this chapter. I did skip ahead a little bit, but I did it to keep away from what would be boring parts for me to write and for you to read. I liked this chapter as I like writing about the darkness and exploring the concept of good and evil in darkness. And this chapter even has a different perspective for a little bit. Let me know what you guys think in a nifty review!
BTW: Italics = Flashback
Chapter 8:
Silence. That was all that could be heard save for the faint train horn or occasional conversation from the few others with them on the train. Matt didn't know what to say. This was the first time in who knows how long that he was finally alone with his brother.
Since their parents had split up, TK and their mother had moved to the Setagaya ward, while he and his father moved to Odaiba. When they had returned to the real world, they had decided that the eighth child was their main priority and that they needed to find him or her before Myotismon. He and TK had gone through Odaiba and didn't find any trace of the second child. All of the walking caused his body to ache and he felt extra tired, even though it was only a little after seven.
He had decided he was going to take TK all the way home, as it was his responsibility to make sure his brother kept safe. He already was mad at himself for not doing his job so far and not noticing his brother had been in darkness for so long. This was the only way he could make sure his conscience was clear.
"It's sure late," TK said quietly.
He didn't budge as he replied, "Yeah, so...?"
"The next stop's good enough."
"No," he instantly answered, "I'm going to take you all the way home little brother."
"You don't have to..."
"I know I don't have to but I'm going to ok!?" he said sharply, but quickly added, "I've got my reasons."
"What reasons?" TK inquired.
"You're my brother," he replied simply.
TK initially looked annoyed by his answer, but then TK gave a light smile and said, "Thanks Matt."
He inwardly smiled. Despite all that TK had went through, TK was still able to bring a smile to his face. It was hard to imagine TK was full of the darkness that Gennai had talked about.
"You must learn to use your power the way... Myotismon is using his."
Things weren't looking good. They weren't able to stop Myotismon from entering their world. Myotismon was only a mile away from their hometown and their friends and loved ones. They were still stuck in the Digital World. And their only way of getting home was extremely risky and could end in disaster.
But if that wasn't enough, he also had his little brother to worry about. Tai told him the story of TK and Patamon fighting DemiDevimon and then disappearing once they found each other at Digitamamon's restaurant. Then, after they Birdramon digivolved to Garudamon and they were able to escape Myotismon, Gennai contacted them telling them to go to Myotismon's castle and also explained what happened to TK. Gennai hadn't said much, but he promised them that they would see TK at Myotismon's castle.
TK wasn't the same, though. In fact, TK didn't seem the same since the SkullGreymon incident, but Matt had figured TK was just acting out of worry or fear or something. He had no idea his brother had been "attacked by the darkness" as Gennai had said earlier, and he felt like the worst big brother because of it. But now that Gennai and TK were here, he was going to get some answers and help his brothers as much as he could.
Surprisingly, he wasn't the first person to speak up as Izzy said, "Gennai, will you tell us more of what happened to TK? We all are still confused as to what is happening to him and how we can help."
"Yeah," Tai added, "Tell us Gennai!"
Gennai looked at TK, who was sitting right beside him never speaking up once during their entire conversation. In fact, TK hadn't spoken since he had joined the others, other than greeting them and telling them that he was alright. TK didn't return the look, causing Gennai to sigh.
Gennai then explained how Devimon put some sort of dark device inside TK when battling Angemon, and then how Greymon digivolving to SkullGreymon activated the device. Gennai then explained how TK's crest was the crest of hope, but the darkness had corrupted the crest, digivice, and Patamon, as well as the effects the darkness had on TK's personality.
The others kept asking Gennai questions as he kept a close eye on his brother. He could tell TK was not comfortable about them talking about him and he asked, "Are you ok TK?"
TK didn't even look at him. "I'm fine."
He didn't want to upset his brother, so he figured it would be best not to push TK any further. Instead he put an arm around his brother's shoulders. At first TK recoiled from his touch, but then TK relaxed in his embrace.
The conversation continued, but Gennai kept reassuring them that TK was going to be fine as long as he was able to return to the light. The whole thing made him uncomfortable, as Gennai and the others talked as if there was something wrong with TK. Maybe there was, but it didn't sit with him.
"You're making it sound like TK is broken and needs to be fixed," Matt said softly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. "I mean, he protected Piximon as well as all of us. I don't think that's something wrong that needs to be changed."
"That is true Matt, but using the darkness, like TK has been doing, is extremely risky. It is very easy to lose yourself in darkness, and if TK continues to meddle with the darkness, then it will become easier for him to lose all of his hope. And if that happens, the dark forces will win."
"Then fix me!" TK shouted, ending his silence. "You seem so worried about what will happen, but you don't have any clue on how to help me!"
"TK, calm down," he said, but TK stood up, glaring at Gennai. Everyone looked at him with scared and worried expressions on their face as TK started emanating a dark aura. After a long moment, TK's face relaxed and the aura faded away. TK then turned and started running away.
"TK!" he called out, getting up to follow his brother, but he was stopped in his tracks.
"Stop, Matt. Let him go!" Gennai ordered.
"And why should I listen to you?" he asked angrily.
"Because your brother is in danger."
At that he turned around and worry took over. "What do you mean?"
"TK has been using the darkness for quite some time now. It already has affected his partner, digivice, and crest, but now it is starting to change him. The TK you remember is being taken over by darkness, and if you all don't stop it, then our worlds will be doomed."
"How do we help the little guy then, Gennai?" Tai asked.
"Find the eighth digidestined and bring TK back to the light. All of you digidestineds have light inside of you; share that light with TK to bring back his own."
"What do you mean by sharing our light?" Izzy asked.
Sora responded, "I think he means our crests. We need to show TK love, friendship, reliability, and so on."
"That is right Sora. Once you all truly understand your crests, you will be able to share that with TK and help bring back the hope inside of him. It is our only hope."
They all nodded, understanding what they had to do.
Since then, everyone paid close attention to TK and tried to act their best around him. It was hard for the others as being around TK seemed to make you feel sad and... dark. He could tell the others were not comfortable being around TK, but the darkness felt familiar to him. The more he was around TK, the more he thought about their parents' divorce and the long, lonely nights at home when his dad worked late and he was home alone. The feelings and memories he had long tried to repress from his memory were the ones that popped up when he was around TK, and he wasn't quite sure whether this was a good thing or not.
He didn't notice the train came to a stop or the sound of wings flapping, but he did hear TK calling out "Tsukaimon!"
He looked up just quickly enough to see Tsukaimon fly out of the train, closely followed by TK. He instinctively sprung to his feet and ran after his brother, remembering to grab Tsunomon and then place the digimon underneath his arm.
"TK!" he yelled, as he ran after his brother. TK had run outside of the station and was following Tsukaimon, who was flying through the city at a fast rate. Finally, TK and Tsukaimon stopped and he was able to catch up with TK.
"T.. TK! Why did you... run away...?" he asked, trying to catch his breath.
TK ignored his question. "What are you two doing here?" TK asked, a harsh tone to his voice.
It was only then that Matt noticed the two digimon that TK was glaring at. One digimon had a pumpkin for a head and an axe stuck into the pumpkin head. The other digimon looked like a rock statue that had come to life. Neither of them seemed to pose a threat, but TK was shooting daggers at them.
"We're running!" the pumpkin digimon spoke up.
"From what?" he asked, deciding he would speak up.
"From something very scary, a teenager!" the rock digimon answered.
"In fact, you guys should hide too!" the pumpkin digimon said, grabbing TK and him by the arms and running around a corner.
Sure enough, a teenage girl approached him asking where the two digimon had gone, and he lied to the girl, sending her off in the wrong direction. The two digimon behind him sighed in relief.
"Now, who are you two digimon?" he asked.
Unexpectedly, Tsunomon digivolved to Gabumon and glared at the digimon harshly.
"These two are Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon and they both work for Myotismon!" Gabumon answered.
"What?" he exclaimed, now understanding why Tsunomon had digivolved. He was shocked that these two digimon worked for Myotismon, but then he remembered, "Did Myotismon send you two here to find someone?"
"Yeah, that eighth digidestined kid," Pumpkinmon said.
His face grew stern as he carefully watched the two digimon, "Then you're our enemy!"
"No we're not, we just want to cruise around the city and have some fun!"
"But we thought you two were evil digimon?" he wondered aloud.
The two digimon then struck a pose and said innocently, "Evil, schmevil. We love it here! In fact, next stop Hollywood!"
"Typical, everyone always wants to be in showbusiness," Gabumon muttered.
"Lights! Cameras! And action!"
At that, he, Gabumon, TK, and Tsukaimon all looked at each other. TK had a puzzled look on his face, and he wondered what exactly his brother was thinking...
He was confused by the two "evil" digimon. Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon worked for Myotismon, and it was their dark energy that had caused him and Tsukaimon to run out of the train in the first place, but Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon seemed to be a different type of dark. Rather than trying to destroy and hurt people and digimon, these digimon simply wanted to play around and have fun no matter who may get hurt along the way. He had already chased after them around the city with Matt as the two servant digimon jumped onto a traffic light causing many accidents, broke into a store and tried on clothes that did not belong to them, and stole ice cream from some lady. Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon intrigued him, as they seemed to represent a different kind of darkness than he was accustomed to.
One thing that was for sure, he and Matt weren't afraid of these digimon, even though they worked for darkness. That was more than he could say of his friends. Ever since he had rejoined the others and Gennai had told them about what happened to him, the others acted very uncomfortable around him. It didn't help with the incident at Gennai's place...
Anger and rage were building up inside of him as Gennai talked to the others about what was going on with him. Gennai was so opposed against the darkness and treated him like he was a threat to Gennai, the other digidestineds, and the Digital World. But at the same time, Gennai never offered any solution. The whole situation was frustrating and his anger continued to build up until he couldn't take anymore of the conversation.
"Then fix me!" TK shouted, ending his silence. "You seem so worried about what will happen, but you don't have any clue on how to help me!"
He noticed that everyone was staring at him and Matt had uttered something to try to calm him down, but he focused his intense gaze on Gennai, allowing the anger inside of him to flow through his entire body. He barely noticed the dark aura he was emanating, but when he did he saw the fear in his friends' eyes. He instantly regained control of the anger, ashamed of himself for losing control. He didn't want to be there anymore, so he ran.
He ran as fast as he could, ignoring his brother shouting his name from behind. He ran until he found the exit to Gennai's house and ran up the stairs until he was finally gone from that place. Bending over and placing his hands on his knees, he allowed himself to catch his breath, a soft breeze cooling him off from the exertion of energy. Once he caught his breath, he listened for anyone that could be following him, most likely his brother, but he didn't hear anything except the flapping of his partner's wings.
As Tsukaimon landed on top of his head, he asked his partner, "Are we alone?"
"Yes," Tsukaimon said quietly, and he walked over to a nearby tree and sat with his back rested against the trunk.
He sighed heavily as his rage subsided and was replaced with guilt and sorrow for losing control. Maybe Gennai was right about the powers of darkness...
"He's not right."
He instantly looked around for the source of the voice, and as he did so he heard a slight chuckle.
"I'm in your head, TK."
Instantly it clicked that this was the voice he had heard before battling the Gururumon, the voice of the 'Darkness.'
Although the voice was better company than Gennai or any of the others, he still was annoyed that he wasn't alone. He had only been together with the others for a day, but he already felt like he didn't belong with them, and he had a foreboding thought that he didn't belong anywhere.
"There is always a place for darkness, TK."
He was initially shocked by the voice's response to his thought, but he shook it off quickly.
"I don't know about that," he thought back, "All of my friends, even my own brother, seem to be afraid of me."
The voice's tone changed to that of sadness, "The path of darkness is a lonely road."
"Then what's the point of sticking with the others?" he asked.
"You need them and they need you," the voice responded simply.
"But they're afraid of me! Even my own brother!"
"They're not afraid of you, TK. They're afraid of the darkness and afraid of what may happen to you."
He snorted in disapproval. "You didn't see their faces just now. It was like they thought I was Myotismon, ready to attack."
"TK, you forget, I am a part of you now; I am always with you."
"Me too," Tsukaimon spoke up.
TK was shocked; this was the first time he realized that Tsukaimon could also hear the voice as well. He looked at his partner sympathetically, as he was complaining about the others fearing him and a big part of that reason was Tsukaimon and his digivolution. When they had tried to stop Myotismon from going through the gate, they had to battle some Devidramon. He heard the others' comments of the dragon digimon, and he made sure Tsukaimon didn't get involved in any of the fighting so the others didn't see his partner become a 'monster.'
After a few moments of silence, he asked, "What's the point of you talking to me again?"
"I can tell that you are troubled and questioning yourself."
"Yeah, so what do you care?"
The voice sighed. "You may not understand who I am, TK, but I care about you."
"If you care about me, then why don't you get out of me?! Make me normal again!"
He ended up shouting that last statement and realized his body was shaking vigorously in anger. At least this time none of the others were around him to be afraid of him.
There was a brief moment of silence before the voice spoke up, "I don't think that's what you want."
The voice was right. Although it may be easier for him and everyone else if this darkness thing never happened to him, but to some point he was glad that it did. He felt like he was stronger because of what happened to him. He felt like he was closer to his digimon partner, even though Tsukaimon rarely spoke. He felt like he was... more than what he was before.
"Darkness is empowering," the voice said, confirming his thoughts.
He only had to remember the evil digimon that he and the others had faced so far in the Digital World to know that the voice was telling the truth.
"You have seen how darkness can be used for evil and also for protection. There are other ways beings use the powers of darkness, but there is one constant among all of these uses, and that is the strength of the powers of darkness. That is why Gennai and your friends are afraid of the darkness."
"But," he wondered, "Why is darkness so powerful?"
"Well, why is the light so powerful?"
He thought about the question before answering, "Because it shines, even in the darkest places. It brings hope, like the light at the end of the tunnel."
"And this is exactly why darkness is so powerful."
He wasn't following the voice's logic, so it continued, "Darkness is the only thing that can penetrate the light. Just as light brings hope, so does the darkness."
"Balance," he responded, remembering part of their first conversation.
"That's right, and it is exactly why you need to use the darkness against this evil force. Gennai wants to eradicate all of the darkness from the Digital World and bring it into light, but there must be darkness for the world to avoid chaos. That is why you must learn to control the powers of darkness and use them to get rid of the evil forces, that way darkness still remains, but the evil threat is gone."
He let what the voice said sink in a little before asking, "Why does Gennai and the others think that darkness is evil?"
"For them, they have only experienced light that is good and darkness that is evil. But there does exist light that is evil and darkness that is good. It is much easier to act on good intentions in the light, just as it is much easier to act on evil intentions in the darkness. Very few are able to do the opposite."
TK nodded in understanding. He felt a lot calmer talking to the voice, and more of his questions had been answered. But his negative feelings did not change; the others were still scared of him and Tsukaimon and Gennai was still opposed to the darkness.
"You said I needed the others," TK thought aloud, "What do you mean?"
"Your friends will help you out from the evil in your darkness, if you are to start losing yourself. And you are there for your friends to help them control their own inner darkness."
"Then, why did you say darkness is lonely?"
The voice sighed, "Not everyone finds the darkness as comforting as you, TK. Their crests and personalities simply don't allow them. You are the only one who will feel what true darkness feels like. Like I have said, the others will not be able to control the darkness like you, so it is impossible for them to join you in your darkness. You will be alone..."
At this he dropped his head, looking at the ground. He liked being alone, but he also dreaded it as well. He wished he found more comfort in being surrounded by his friends, especially his brother, but the voice was right. He could not open himself up and invite the others to join him in his darkness. He really was alone.
He then felt Tsukaimon jump off his head. The purple Patamon flew right in front of his face, and he looked confusedly at his partner.
"You will never be alone, TK," Tsukaimon reassured.
A tear rolled down his face. "Thanks," he whispered gratefully to his partner, raising his arms and bringing his partner in for a hug.
They stayed there for a while, TK wallowing in his darkness with Tsukaimon in his arms. The voice didn't say anything, but he could tell it was pleased with them.
"You two have surprised me, maybe it is possible to not be alone in the darkness."
He could tell the voice was wondering about something and was really thinking, but soon the voice's presence faded away with an "Until next time."
Once he and Tsukaimon were alone, he had calmed down enough to return to Gennai's place. He hadn't noticed how much time had passed, as all of the others were getting beds ready to sleep. Gennai was nowhere to be seen, which he was grateful for. He was about to enter the room they all would be sleeping in before he realized they were having a conversation.
"Can you believe all of this stuff with TK and the darkness?" Tai asked.
"It most definitely is bizarre," Izzy replied, "It is difficult to believe that TK is still the embodiment of hope despite this darkness."
"Did you guys feel the strange vibe he was giving off?" Sora asked to no one in particular.
Joe was relieved, "Oh good, I thought I was the only one who noticed."
"It made me feel all icky and sad," Mimi explained, "It made me miss home and going shopping and hanging out with my friends and having a spa day and..."
"Mimi," Matt said warningly, as if telling the girl of sincerity to stop.
Mimi gave an apologetic look to Matt, "Sorry Matt, I got carried away."
"TK's presence made me recollect learning that I was..." Izzy started but then instantly stopped.
"You were what, Izzy?" Tai asked.
Izzy started fidgeting nervously. TK then seemed to feel the darkness that was coming from Izzy, and he instantly knew what the bearer of knowledge was referring to.
"Well, you see... uh..." Izzy muttered.
"He's talking about when he learned he was adopted."
TK then entered the room, noticing all eyes focusing on him. Izzy blushed red but looked at him with a confused stare.
"I never told anyone. It is practically impossible that you would know that, TK," Izzy stated. Izzy seemed more nervous than any of them had seen before.
"Call it intuition," TK replied. He then noticed everyone giving him uneasy looks. Izzy was confused, Mimi and Joe were nervous and afraid, and Tai and Sora and Matt were both confused and nervous. He remembered the voice's warning, "The path of darkness is a lonely road."
Over time he had come to realize that part of the reason the darkness was so strong was because of the fear it invoked on its targets. But Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon were not digimon that needed to be feared; they used their darkness for different reasons. And at the same time, Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon were both happy.
Before he had any more time to think more about the digimon, a chill ran down his spine as a thundercloud appeared out of random. As a lightning bolt came crashing to the ground, realization struck him. Myotismon.
Sure enough, the vampire digimon stood there glaring at him, his brother, and the two servants.
"Myotismon," Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon both stated nervously.
"Losers, failures!"
"No no! Don't say that!"
"Instead of causing pain and suffering, I find you here eating ice cream."
"Well it is stolen..."
"I don't care about ice cream! Have you found the eighth digidestined child yet?"
"Well, we were about to find him."
"Redeem yourselves by stealing the crests from these children, or else!"
"No problem boss, that's just what we were about to do!"
At that moment, Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon both turned and glared at him, his brother, and their digimon. Now he could see the darkness inside of these two digimon turned on, just like a light switch; their cheerful and playful demeanor long gone.
Matt decided to run, so he, Gabumon, and Tsukaimon all followed suit, with Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon close behind.
They ran for a long time down an abandoned sidewalk, but somehow Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon had surrounded them and they were forced to back into an alley.
Despite all of this, he wasn't afraid. It was as if he could tell that Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon really didn't want to fight them.
Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon were walking closer, Gabumon growling, ready to fight if necessary. Matt took a ready stance as well, a hand on his digivice. As they got closer the two digimon suddenly stopped.
"Uh, I quit."
"Agh, me too!"
"Why should we fight? Somebody always gets hurt. Besides, it's way more fun just hanging out and cruising around the city!"
"That's for sure. Hey! Why don't you guys hang out with us?"
Matt and Gabumon were astonished, but he was just simply more intrigued by the two digimon. Despite working for Myotismon, there is a purity and innocence to them. It seemed like Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon just wanted to be their friends. He wondered if this was a part of the "good" evil the voice had alluded to.
Another chill and another lightning bolt... Myotismon.
"Uh oh! Myotismon's coming!"
"You should all hide!"
"Quiet," Matt whispered, grabbing him and hiding deep in the alley behind a wall.
"Where are the digidestineds?"
"Uh, they were here just a second ago. They must have got away!"
"Yeah, you can't believe how fast they are, but we almost had them boss."
"Yes, I can imagine." The tone of Myotismon's voice foreshadowed a violent outbreak. "You had your chance. Now I'm condemning you to my dungeon in the digi-world! Grisly Wing!"
Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon cried out in pain, but attempted to retaliate.
"Pumpkinmon Power!"
"Rock Fist Attack!"
Myotismon handled the assault with minimal effort, and the sound of the vampire's bats eating and tearing away at Pumpkinmon's and Gotsumon's data was the only sound that could be heard, save for the cries of pain from the two digimon.
His body started shaking, but it wasn't because of his anger; it was Matt's anger.
"Well, that wasn't very difficult. Now it's your turn."
"Those two just wanted to be our friends. They were really trying to save us. And you just condemned them for no reason at all!"
At that, a white light shone from Matt's digivice causing Gabumon to glow in response. The familiar digivolution took place, revealing an angry Garurumon.
Garurumon quickly lunged at Myotismon, sending him into a wall, but Myotismon punched back forcing Garurumon away.
"Go get him," Matt ordered.
"Howling Blaster!" Garurumon fired at Myotismon, landing a direct hit. Myotismon quickly recovered and launched his own attack, "Crimson Lightning!"
As Garurumon was struck by Myotismon's attack, Matt spoke, "He should pay for what he did to those two. Those guys just wanted to be our friends. Garurumon!"
Instantly, Matt's crest started glowing blue and his digivice started shaking. Myotismon's attack had caused Garurumon to fly backwards towards a building, but before Garurumon hit, he had digivolved to WereGarurumon.
WereGarurumon was able to cushion the blow and dove right back towards Myotismon, fist extended. The two lunged to punch each other and ended up in a stalemate.
He watched the battle, attempting to control his own anger and rage. What if he made Tsukaimon digivolve and Matt then became afraid of him too. He liked being with his brother because he was one of the only ones who didn't seem to dislike being around him. But what if Tsukaimon digivolved and Matt became just like everyone else.
While he was thinking about all of that, the battle still waged on. Right now, WereGarurumon was atop a roof of some building defenseless. Myotismon struck with his Crimson Lightning, and the cry from WereGarurumon could be heard loud and clear, causing him and Matt to wince. As Myotismon kept attacking, his anger continued to grow and grow until he knew that he had no choice.
"Tsukaimon, go!" he ordered.
At the word, Tsukaimon charged towards Myotismon. His digivice started vibrating and a black light emanated from it. Tsukaimon glowed the same black and started changing forms to the dragon beast, Devidramon.
Myotismon, too focused on torturing WereGarurumon, did not notice Devidramon flying in from behind.
"Crimson Claw!"
At the sound, Myotismon turned and quickly dodged the attack. But the whips from the Crimson Lightning broke, releasing WereGarurumon.
He could feel the unease coming from his brother, and he noticed that WereGarurumon was also confused as well. Myotismon only smiled.
"A Devidramon, from the child of hope. I see that your crest really has changed."
Devidramon didn't give Myotismon the courtesy of listening as he yelled "Demonic Gale!"
Devidramon flew back and slashed at the air at an astounding speed, launching a shockwave straight at Myotismon, who was hit dead on and let out a grunt of pain.
Suddenly, a blue and green light shone in the sky, catching all of their attentions.
"It's time I take my leave; we will fight again!"
With that, Myotismon flew away towards the light, and WereGarurumon and Devidramon both started glowing their different colors and changed back to their rookie forms.
Only then did he feel a substantial amount of energy leave him, causing him to feel weak and tired. He also stopped biting his lip, which he must have been doing before to help keep control of his darkness. Licking the bleeding lip, he willed his body forward towards Tsukaimon.
Once he was there, he dropped to his knees. "Hey, buddy, you ok?"
Tsukaimon slightly opened his eyes, nodded, and then shut his eyes again. Relieved that his partner was alright, he picked Tsukaimon up and perched him on top of his head, allowing his partner to rest peacefully.
He then turned towards Matt and Gabumon who both were looking at him with worry etched across their faces. He could also sense there was a little bit of fear and confusion in their looks, but he couldn't worry about that too much. After all, he had to have Tsukaimon digivolve to help rescue WereGarurumon. Whether or not Matt and Gabumon feared him and Tsukaimon did not bother him too much; he just was happy to have protected his brother, keep Tsukaimon safe, and control the darkness at the same time. Looking up into the night sky, he couldn't help but give a small, grateful smile.