SCENE 2
ACT 2
(Open to LUNCH, HADES and ORPHEUS sitting together)
HADES: (Whispering to ORPH) She's so… perfect.
ORPHEUS: Um… sure. Not really my type, though.
HADES: Well duh.. your dating Eurydice. Persephone is just…..
ORPH: Amazing? Gorgeous? Hilarious? And EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'VE SAID ABOUT HER EVERY SECOND FOR THE LAST CENTURY?
HADES: Yeah… (head in the clouds)
ORPH: (ORPH roles his eyes) Alright, lover boy. Just try not to look like a complete idiot when you ask her out. And don'tdo it in front of Demeter.
HADES: Why not? She's my best friend. I'm sure she'll be fine with it.
JASON & ARGONAUTS: FORESHADOWING!
ORPH: Dude. She likes you HECKA BADLY.
HADES: (awe struck) Oh. My. Gods. You know, now that I think about it, she totally does!
(DEMETER WALKS IN AND PLOPS NEXT TO HADES)
DEMETER: Heyyyy…
(HADES LAUGHS NERVOUSLY, ORPHEUS SLAPS HIM ON THE ARM WHILE SMILING AWKWARDLY)
HADES: OUCH! I mean, hi there…
DEMETER: Um… are you okay? You seem a little…
ORPH: Awkward? Strange? Annoying? Ugly?
(HADES pinches ORPHEUS, who lets out a yelp)
HADES: I am NOT strange, annoying, OR ugly.
DEMETER: *LAUGHS* (grumbling) definitely not ugly.
HADES and ORPHEUS: What?
DEMETER: Nothing, nothing.
(PERSEPHONE passing by the table and stops to talk)
PERSEPHONE: Hey guys! What's up?
HADES: Hey Persephone!
DEMETER: Be right back. I have to go to the restroom.
ORPHEUS: I'm going to… um… practice the lyre. For Eurydice. Oh, GORGEOUS TAPESTRYYYY?
(DEMETER and ORPHEUS leave the table)
HADES: I guess it's just us then.
PERSEPHONE: Yup. (Popping the 'p')
(AWKWARD SILENCE)
HADES: So umm… I have a question for you.
PERSEPHONE: Fire away.
HADES: WouldyougooutwithmetothisItalianresturantthatIheardwassupposedtobegoodsoIthoughtyoumightliketogowithme?
PERSEPHONE: Umm...Huh?
HADES: Would you go out with me to this italian restraunt? I mean, I heard it was good so I thought you might like to go try it...
PERSEPHONE: Of course!
HADES: Great! I gotta go tell this to Posiedon and Zeus! (HADES cheeres and hugs Persephone)
(HADES leaves)
DEMETER: Hey, I'm back. Where did Orph and Hades go?
PERSEPHONE: Orph went of to find his girlfriend. But sis, you can't BELIEVE what just happened!
DEMETER: WHAT? Did Hercules hike up another moutain to defeat another deadly monster?
ARGONAUTS: You could even say he… WENT THE DISTANCE!
DEMETER: (looks at Jason who shrugs) Did the TROJANS-
ARGONAUTS: BOO!
DEMETER: (glaring at them) steal something again?
PERSEPHONE: Better. Hades asked me out!
DEMETER: … what?
PERSEPHONE: (adlib here. Talk about how AMAZING Hades is, etc)
DEMETER: (standing, looking hurt) I… have to go.
PERSEPHONE: And he's so- wait, what? Dee? DEE! Wait up!
(running after her)
SCENE 2
ACT 2
(HADES blabbing about PERSEPHONE to POSEIDON)
POSEIDON: Oh my gods. Will you SHUT UP already?
HADES: Sorry man. I'm just happy.
ZEUS: Yeah, we can see that.
POSEIDON: Listen hun… we're happy for you.
ZEUS: Now go TALK TO HER.
HADES: Bye!
(HADES LEAVES)
POSEIDON: You're funny, Z. We all know you couldn't muster up the courage to ask someone out in 1,000 years!
(ZEUS GLARES AT HIS BROTHER)
ZEUS: I'm serious bro! I asked Hera out in history!
(POSEIDON shakes his head)
POSEIDON: I'll believe you when I ask her.
(ZEUS punches POSEIDON in the shoulder and walks away grumbling.)
SCENE 2
ACT 3
HADES walks back to table, where DEMETER is sitting and CRYING.
HADES: Hey D! What's wrong?
(DEMETER looks up at HADES, eyes full of SADNESS and HATE. HADES forgets that DEMETER likes him.)
HADES: Well, I hope you feel better. By the way, did you hear? I ASKED PERSEPHONE OUT! AND SHE SAID YES!
DEMETER: (wipes her eyes) That's- that's g-great, HADES… I have to go.
DEMETER STALKS AWAY
HADES: See you in Tapestry Weaving, then… *grumbles* godesses are weird.
SCENE 2
ACT 4
(CUT TO DEMETER, talking to HESTIA and APHRODITE after school while having a sleepover.)
DEMETER: ... and he had NO CLUE! I can't believe he's actually dating that… that gorgon-headed spawn of CRONOS!
APHRODITE: I KNOW, RIGHT? Preach it, girlfriend!
HESTIA: You really shouldn't talk about your sister like that.
APHRODITE AND DEMETER: Shut up, Hestia! Nobody likes you.
APHRODITE: I've been having, like, the WORSTEST week, too. I mean, like, I took sad, little Artemis to get a coffee, right? I thought of it as… well, charity work. Maybe I could transform her, you know? She has potential.
BOTH GIRLS NOD
APHRODITE: And then you know what happened? She went all googly-eyed for Orion and ditched me! She cancelled our girls-day! I was starting to like her, then BOOM!
HESTIA: Heh.
DEMETER: Be quiet or LEAVE!
HESTIA: Sorry…
APHRODITE: Anyway…
DEMETER: I HAVE AN IDEA!
APHRODITE: Spill, girly!
(EVERYONE SQUEALS)
DEMETER: Let's make Perseph's life MISERABLE by pranking her!
APHRODITE: Um, YES!
HESTIA: It'll be easy, 'cus she literally lives in the room next to you.
(GIRLS GLARE AT HESTIA, WHO SWALLOWS HER GUM)
HESTIA: Sorry.
JASON: Excuse me, ladies. But you shouldn't do that.
APHRODITE: And why not, exactly?
JASON: Isn't it obvious?
ARGONAUTS: You tell 'em, Jas! (pronounced Jay-ssss, nickname for Jason)
JASON: Thanks, guys. But anyway- She's dating HADES. The god of DEATH. Well- more like the TEENAGER of death. But whatever. She can unleash the full power of Hades upon you.
HESTIA: Whatever. He probably can't even rip a piece of paper.
ALL CHARACTERS ON SCENE: SHUT UP, HESTIA!
APHRODITE: Never mind Hades. He probably can't even rip a piece of paper.
HESTIA: I just said that!
ARGONAUTS: Memo to Jason: maim Hestia after this meeting.
HESTIA: That doesn't even make sense!
JASON: Gods, Hestia. It's a Hercules reference. DUH!
ARGONAUTS: DUH!
APHRODITE: You're killing me, guys.
JASON: Hades actually WILL kill you if you prank his girlfriend...
APHRODITE: (Ignoring Jason) Lets just ruin Persephone's immortal life and get it over with.
DEMETER: For NARNIA!
EVERYONE BUT DEMETER: What?
DEMETER: Never mind. Roll out.