Chapter 3: Hate is a very strong word

Chaos' POV

Something is up with Thalia, she's been acting weird since I walked in on her rubbing her… lady area. Just thinking about her doing that creates a whole new feeling of want. I wanted to be the one between her legs making her feel good.

I shake my head not knowing where those thoughts came from. Do I really want to do that to Thalia? I've never really thought about a woman in that way but I've never really spent time around people to explore that part of me.

Am I into girls?

I ask myself this everyday wondering if I am a hetrosexual. I've never really wanted a guy in that way before and everytime I look at Thalia my eyes wander to places they shouldn't but I always snap out of this illusion before she notices.

I've been thinking about asking Thalia about the feelings I have but when I get to telling her I just can't ask, I'm either too embarrassed or she is not looking in a great mood. Lately it's been because she isn't in a good mood. I've been thinking about asking Aphrodite about my feelings but somehow I know that is just a death sentence.

Lately, Thalia's dreams are getting worse, I can tell by the sickening scream that makes her voice raw in the morning. I've considered moving into her room when shes asleep so I can get to her instantly but it may make my eardrums pop.

I want to hold her all day and all night to make them go away, it hurts me when she's having those dreams and it hurts me to see her as she is now. I stand up from my bed where I was layed thinking and walks to my desk.

I look for something to do but find nothing, all I can think of is going to Thalia and finding out what her problem is so I can fix it. I sigh as I walk out the door and walk towards Thalia's room.

As I get closer I start hearing thuds, they seem to be getting louder and I knock onto the door softly "Thalia" I say cautiously as I hear the continuous thuds not stop or slow down, she's distracted, probably listening to her music.

Rather than walking away like I would usually I step inside concerned for the woman I have grown to like over the months she's been here. I see her with her back to me to the far wall punching it like it did something wrong to her, I see blood on the walls from the broken skin from the impact and I could hear her booming music from here and she wore a headset.

I got to her in under a second and stopped her from throwing another punch, Thalia looked at me startled and pulled her headset off turning the music off. After she put the headset down she didn't dare look up at my face. I wasn't angry or disappointed. I'm confused.

I couldn't stop myself, my hand reached out and brushed a strand of her choppy hair out of her face and pulled her chin up to look at me and she still resisted, her face burning up like a tomato.

I asked the most stupidest question in the world "You okay?"

Instantly the strong Thalia cracked and started to cry. I pulled her into a hug not wanting her to hurt any more than she was already hurting. I walked her over to the bed and sat down letting her lay on me. She tried to move away after a couple of moments but this time, I wasn't going to let her go.

As the sobbing woman from under me calms I still don't stop or slow the gentle strokes on her choppy black hair. I love her hair so much… I wonder what it smells like. I snap myself out of the illusion again trying not to think about her intoxicating scent.

Curiosity got the better of me and I leant down and kissed her head taking in a long breath of her musky smell, I had to stop myself from moaning because it is so good. Thalia didn't move oddly so I'm guessing she thought it was nothing but a kiss on the head. I move my hands to the back of her neck and started to slowly rub around the bones slowly. This caused Thalia to relax further into my hold.

I grabbed the first aid kit from under the bed and Thalia groaned at me moving my hands. I chuckled softly and said "I'll carry on once I've sorted out your hands."

She tensed up at me mentioning her hands. I put the first aid kit beside us and opened it up. I grab an antiseptic cloth and grab her hand to wipe it but she pulled her hand away. "Thalia?" I asked trying to grab her hand again but she moved it away.

I knew that the pain didn't bother her so I was confused at why she didn't want me to do it. I put the cloth down and tried to touch her hands again and she flinched her hands away again.

I pulled her close to me and whispered in her ear "What's wrong?" she shook her head and started to pull herself away from me. I knew what I had to do.

I flipped us over so I'm on top of her and holds her down using my hands for her hands and my legs around her torso like she was a horse. "Thalia, what's wrong?" I asked more sternly and the hurt on her face made me want to take it back, but I didn't want her to think I'm going soft on her.

Seconds later she said "you're hurting me." I looked at her a little confused. She could always take 2x my weight, why couldn't she now… unless she was hurt before.

I climbed off her torso and pulled her top up to see some deep, small cuts on her stomach. I pulled her trousers down to see more on her upper thighs. The ones on her thighs seemed more healed than the ones on her stomach. I looked up at her face to see how she was feeling.

Her face was bright red with embarrassment and she couldn't meet my eye.

Did she do this to herself?

"Thalia… did you do this?" I asked gentilly afraid to hurt her. A couple of moments passed of her thinking of what to say to me and how to say it when I saw her head bob up and down slightly.

I grabbed an antiseptic cloth and went to wipe her thighs and stomach but her hand pushed it away. I look at her determined face and ask "Why can't I help you?"

Her answer was far from the expected. "I don't deserve the help." her determined voice says like I couldn't change that answer. I look at her shocked for a moment and then ask "Why do you deserve it?"

She started to get angry and frustrated as she spoke "My body is disgusting, vile and I hate it. I deserve to be damaged, it looks better hurt because you don't have to see all the ugly things about it."

I look at her in shock for a second and pull her into a hug not realizing she's still half undressed. Thalia stiffens up like she thought I was going to act in any other way. As I hold her I mutter "I think you're perfect." That made her tense up even more.

I pull away for a moment and look at her, "take your clothes off" I say not like it was a question, Thalia looked hesitant "look, I'm going to show you how perfect you really are and were going to talk about what looks good."

After a few moments she mutters "if I do this it makes me a slut" I grab her face and hold it so it looks at mine "You're not a slut, you'll never be a slut." her eyes hold my gaze for a moment before nodding and she starts to get undressed to her underwear. I wasn't going to tell her to take her underwear off because that is a delicate subject.

I ask my first question "What do you not like about your body?" she sighs like the list is a long one and starts to say "cheeks are too chubby, I'm fat, my skin is too pale, my boobs are too small, my vagina is too big, I'm hairy on my vagina." when she finished I look at her and stroke her cheeks "Chubby cheeks are adorable, they fit in with your face perfectly and you only notice them when you touch your face." My hands move to her waist "You're nowhere near fat. If you tone your stomach more you'd get abs, but you don't need abs because your body looks better like this." for the next one I slowly slide my top over my head "My skin is just as pale as yours, I know the problems with having pale skin. But I think your skin is attractive" For that one I blushed at my comment "See? Blushing is the worst event for my skin" at that comment she giggled a little. Next, I reached around her back and looked up questionably as I feel the hook of her bra. She slowly nodded and I unhooked her bra and pulled it off. My hand moves to hold her breast but I stop myself and l put my hand down "your boobs… are the perfect size" I say blushing like a tomato. I look down at her panties wanting to take them off but not sure if she'd appreciate that. Moments later she lays back and slides her panties off discarding them to one side and closes her legs. I couldn't control myself. I pulled her legs apart to see her wet inflamed pussy. I bit my lip as I looked at her larger folds. I just wanted to bend down and rub that begging pussy but I stayed still.

After looking at it for what felt like a little while I saw her start to close her legs in shame. I stopped her. "It's beautiful." I tell her almost breathless. Looking up at her reddened face. I could smell her arousal from here and it was doing things to my body I couldn't explain.

"Do you want to keep the hair?" remembering the earlier comment on how she hated the hair. She shook her head still beet red at my closeness to her hotspot. "I'll teach you how to remove the hair and all the ways you can remove hair."

And that is when I started to feel that now familiar throb between my legs for Thalia.

Author's note: if you are experiencing anything like what is being shown in this fanfic like wondering if you are gay or wondering if what you have is normal or if you struggle with self-harm please don't be afraid to contact me through pm. I would be happy to help anyone that is struggling with who they are.