Memories
Kakei opened the apartment door and saw the two boys were still in bed but soon after shutting the door, Rikuo lifted his head to look at him.
"Is something wrong?" Rikuo pushed himself up.
"No, relax. Nothing's wrong." Kakei said as he stood looking down at Rikuo. The boy's eyes were still tired and red after crying all night. "Listen, Rikuo, I'm going to take Kazahaya out today. He needs a break from…well from everything. I also want to spend some time with him and give him a chance to just breathe and forget the last few months."
Sitting with his head hanging low Rikuo spoke, "You mean you want to give him a break from me. I bring him down and hurt him and you don't want him around me. Right?" Wet eyes looked up at Kakei.
"Yes, that's part of it." Kakei answered honestly. "You're in a bad state Rikuo and you both need time away from each other but like I said, I want to spend some time with Kazahaya-kun. I'm just as guilty of using him for his gift and this is kind of an apology. None of us have had much time to just be the people we used to be and I want that for him. He needs this, actually he deserves it and it'll be good for me too." Kakei looked over at Kazahaya glad to see him sleeping because he really needed the rest.
"How was he when you came up last night?" Kakei walked over to the next bed and looked down at Kazahaya. He was on his back, one arm thrown over his head with his face towards the wall. Leaning down, Kakei had no trouble seeing the tracks of tears on his face. "Oh Kazahaya." He whispered.
"He was crying of course. I made him cry himself to sleep. We…didn't speak. I couldn't think of anything to say." Standing Rikuo scrubbed his face hard and started towards Kazahaya only to stop, afraid to get closer – he didn't want to hurt Kazahaya anymore. "Yeah, it's a good idea. Get him away from here and me; I'm no good right now."
Kakei looked back at Rikuo and silently agreed. "Saiga will be here to help you with the store. I-I don't want him to see you before we leave Rikuo. Go on and get dressed and I'll fix you some breakfast. Kazahaya should sleep a bit more."
A half laugh escaped Rikuo as he thought of all the times Kazahaya had never heard the alarm go off. "Yeah, he can sleep through almost anything." Sobering, Rikuo gathered some clothes and went into the bathroom. "I won't be long."
Kakei sighed, and went into the kitchen. Their lives had been turned upside down by Tsukiko and she was nowhere to be found. Taking Kazahaya out for the day would in no way solve their problems but hopefully it was a step in the right direction.
"Kazahaya-kun wake up. Come on or we're going to loose the morning." Kakei sat on the bed and gently shook his shoulder. Slowly the light-colored head turned in his direction and two eyes blinked up at him.
Kazahaya recognized Kakei but it took him a moment to realize Kakei was actually there next to him. "What? What's wrong?" Automatically he suspected that something was wrong but what could it be this time? Kazahaya looked for Rikuo but saw only his empty bed.
"Shh, nothing's wrong. Calm down." Kakei pushed him down again and brushed the hair out of Kazahaya's eyes. "Rikuo's already gone down to work. Hush, let me speak." He said when Kazahaya opened his mouth. "You are not late for work because today, you get to play hooky with me. You and I are going out to do whatever! We can shop, go to the movies, and go to the park – anything you want!" Kakei smiled brightly then leaned close. "You've done everything we asked of you and I want to give you a chance now to rest and have some fun with me. Are you up for it?"
Kazahaya stared at him wondering if Kakei had had a vision but the man just looked hopeful. There was no curiosity or suspicion in his tone or actions. A smile formed on Kazahaya's face as he realized that he would get his wish to spend some time alone with Kakei. He wanted memories, happy memories to take with him when he left. "Sure! Let me get dressed and we can go! Right? We're leaving right now?" He sat up and almost knocked a laughing Kakei off the bed.
"Yes! Go, hurry up!" He gave Kazahaya a light push towards the bathroom. It was the reaction he'd hoped for. Today they would have fun and forget the past.
They went out to eat first, then shopping. Kakei splurged and bought Kazahaya all new clothes and shoes. They walked the mall doing some window shopping and came across a free concert. Kakei willingly stayed to listen to the rock band and afterwards, Kazahaya turned to him with excited eyes and asked if they could go to a karaoke bar.
Kakei sang horribly on purpose. It was as Saiga had said - to embarrass himself in order to see Kazahaya holding his stomach with laughter was worth it. Together they actually sang pretty well. Next was lunch at McDonalds then on to a park where some kids got them involved in a soccer game. The music store, the toy store and the book store were their last stops before going to a nice restaurant for dinner. After a movie, they finally headed back to the store.
Kazahaya was chattering about the action thriller they'd seen when they walked in the backdoor. He let out a peel of laughter that had Saiga coming out of the office door smiling. He watched in pleased silence as the boy moved about reenacting a scene from the movie. Taking Kazahaya out for the day had been the best of plans.
"You timed that perfectly. As soon as I finish the paperwork, you come home. Have fun kid?" Saiga greeted them.
"You got that right. Why ruin my fun with paperwork? Everything go okay today?" Kakei leaned up for a kiss.
"Mmm, smooth as silk. Hey you, answer me!" Saiga caught Kazahaya in a headlock and proceeded to tickle him.
"Yes, yes, yes! Stop Saiga!" Kazahaya couldn't seem to stop laughing. It felt so good to have their attention and to just be himself.
Saiga released him and looked down into his face. "Yeah, you did. So, wanna do it again tomorrow? Any amusement park you want." He'd been thinking about it all day long. If things went well with Kakei's outing, he'd take Kazahaya out too. The kid deserved to have a little more fun and Saiga figured he could use the break too.
"Really? Can we?" Kazahaya looked from one man to the other. Things were working out perfectly for his plan. A whole day with each of them, making memories for the lonely days to come. Kazahaya doubted he would find friends like this again and he wanted to savor his time with them now.
Kakei was tired but a good tired. He hadn't expected Saiga to offer to take Kazahaya out but it seemed like a really good idea. Kazahaya had really let go of all his problems today and had fun. More fun seemed like just what the doctor ordered.
"It's fine with me but I warn you, the Energizer Bunny has nothing on our Kazahaya. You should go to bed now and get some rest, you'll need it." Kakei warned with a grin.
"I'll keep up. Kid, go get one of those tourist guides. We can pick out where you want to go while we have some ice cream." The two of them watched as the delighted boy ran off to the store. "Think it'll last?" Saiga's expression was wary when he looked back at Kakei.
"For a few days at least and that's better than nothing. He had no pain, no flashbacks, nothing but happy smiles today. I didn't mention Black Shadow. Let's wait until after you two have your play day. How was Rikuo?"
"In a way, his own black shadow. Depressed and depressing. I told him before he went up about getting rid of Black Shadow and he seemed to come out of his self-loathing for a moment. Guess we'll just have to wait and see."
"Got it! So what kind of ice cream do you have? Hey, Saiga? Do you like roller coasters?" Kazahaya came back in and pictured Saiga on a roller coaster trying to hold onto his shades, it had him giggling again.
"Only the kiddy coasters and I don't know, let's go find out." Again he pulled the kid close and ruffled his hair. They entered the apartment unaware that Rikuo was at the top of the stairs watching and wishing he could join them.
Rides, games and food, that's what Saiga had set himself up for when he and Kazahaya went out. Rides for little kids, more sophisticated and scary rides for big kids. Video games, shooting, fishing, and guessing games. Takoyaki, cotton candy, konjak, tempura and ice cream. They did as much as they could and ate as much as they could without getting sick. By the time they got back home again, their arms were filled with prizes and enough sweets to rot their teeth – twice! They had gone to five amusement parks.
Kakei laughed when he saw Saiga's drooping shoulders. There was cotton candy on his shades and his mouth was blue. "Ahh! Save me, save me! He has no off button!" Saiga reached out for Kakei.
"I did try to warn you." Kakei backed away from the blue-stained lips.
"No, you just said he had energy, you never said he wouldn't slow down or that he would to drag me around for miles and miles and miles all day long!" Saiga saw a chair and sank into it.
Kazahaya stood with his hands on his hips. "Oh come on, you were right there with me the whole time. There wasn't one ride he wouldn't go on. And the kids loved him! One even put cotton candy in his hair!" Kazahaya laughed at that. "Saiga had tried to cheer some kid by offering his cotton candy and she had wanted to share but missed his mouth completely!" Kazahaya plopped down beside Saiga. "I had fun." It was a simple statement but completely true.
"Good. I did too despite my aching feet. I need a bath." Saiga decided as he looked down at his sweat stained shirt. A huge arm captured Kazahaya for a quick hug. "We'll have to do it again sometime but give me a while to recuperate, okay?"
"Thanks Saiga and you too Kakei, I don't know when I've had so much fun. It was just what I needed." He smiled softly at them trying to engrave their faces at this moment into his memory.
"It was our pleasure Kazahaya-kun. Well, it's late, why don't you go on up, I'm afraid tomorrow is a work day." Kakei rubbed at something on Kazahaya's face.
"I'll work hard, promise. Thanks again…you guys are the best." Kazahaya looked at them fondly again before taking his winnings and going up stairs.
These last two day had been the answer to a prayer and now he had only one wish left. He wanted to make love to Rikuo once more. Kazahaya wanted to be close to the man he loved one last time and it had to happen tomorrow night because he was leaving the day after that.
Rikuo was surprised to wake and find Kazahaya standing over him. He checked the clock and saw he still had an hour before he needed to be downstairs. Checking Kazahaya's expression, he was relieved to see no signs of sadness but warily asked, "What's up?"
"Breakfast. Come on, I cooked already." Kazahaya held out a hand to help him up.
Rikuo looked at the hand and back up at Kazahaya confused. "Kaza…"
Kazahaya shook his head, "Nuh-uh, no. No explanations and no apologies. I had two great days and I'd like to make it three. Let's pretend that everything's good…I want to be happy today Rikuo. Can't we be friends and normal with each other, even if it's only for a little while? Please?" Kazahaya blinked when his eyes seemed a little moister than before and his stomach tightened in fear as Rikuo once again stared at his outstretched hand.
Rikuo wanted things to be normal again and not to just pretend but he also didn't want to ruin Kazahaya's mood. It was true, he'd heard it from Kakei, how upbeat Kazahaya had been and it seemed all he wanted was to continue being happy for while longer. Still Rikuo wanted to apologize for being such a jerk. The urgency of finding Tsukiko was fading because when he thought about it, it almost seemed to him as if she didn't want to be found. He didn't like the continuous questions her disappearance had brought up but he needed to put it away for a while. She was still important to him but this person before him was just as important if not more. Rikuo thought he was finally beginning to get that. Now when he thought of something he wanted do or to share something important he wanted to share with someone, it was Kazahaya he thought of. It was Kazahaya whose happiness mattered because when Kazahaya was happy – he was happy.
Reaching out and clasping Kazahaya's hand Rikuo spoke, "Okay, for today we'll pretend but tomorrow I want to start over Kazahaya. I have a lot of things to make up for and a lot for you to forgive and I hope you will forgive me but until then…" Rikuo kept a hold of Kazahaya's hand as he got out of bed. His other hand came up and stroked Kazahaya's jaw then he leaned close and place a light kiss on the corner of Kazahaya's mouth. "Good morning. What's for breakfast?"
Kazahaya felt a smile bloom on his face and blinked back more tears. "Your favorite! Let's eat!"
They made it work. Rikuo teased and Kazahaya laughed and blushed. At work, Kakei and Saiga didn't know what to make of the two of them but if the boys were getting along, they weren't going to question it but they did pray that it would last. It wasn't only that the boys were friendly with each other but they flirted as well.
It was at dinner that Kazahaya learned that everyone wanted to solve the problem of Black Shadow. He showed some hesitancy but they all reassured him that they would be with him. It was time, they said, to rid the world of that monstrous shadow. For a few moments, he thought he wouldn't be able to leave as planned but he was safe as they wanted to do the spell on Sunday and by then he would be long gone. It didn't take much to convince them he would do as they asked and even sounded curious about the techniques they would use to kill or at least send Black Shadow away. Having dealt with that small upset, Kazahaya could look forward to the rest of his evening.
The TV was on but Kazahaya wasn't watching it. He kept looking over at Rikuo's profile. The turmoil of not finding Tsukiko was still evident on Rikuo's face but it was still a face that would haunt Kazahaya, for he loved it so. Kazahaya mentally shook his head, ridding his thoughts of Tsukiko. There was no room for her here, tonight. This night was for them. He wanted Rikuo, no he needed him. It would be nice if Rikuo made the first move but Kazahaya decided not to wait. "Rikuo…make love to me."
Rikuo's head moved so quickly he should have gotten whiplash. "Huh? Say what? Huh?" He shook his head and stared at Kazahaya. The boy was blushing but laughing at the same time.
"Did you forget how? I want my good day to end on a high note. I want to feel your skin next to mine. Don't you want me…Rikuo?" Kazahaya touched him.
Rikuo couldn't speak. He hadn't expected this to happen, not this soon. Kazahaya had only placed a hand on his chest but already he was rock hard. "Y-you sure? I mean are you really ready for this? We haven't talked…" Kazahaya kissed him, really kissed him. Rikuo opened his mouth and let him. He found his arms circling Kazahaya's back and pulling him close. He wanted Kazahaya. Rikuo hadn't realized just how badly he wanted Kazahaya.
The two of them stripped and laughingly made their way to a bed. Skin touched skin and it was so new and yet so familiar. Tender spots were found and stroked. There were two bodies and yet only one soul. They connected on a level so deep that neither knew whose body was whose. Hours upon hours they made love. Never had it been like this, slow yet urgent, tender yet rough, a moment in time and forever.
Tears again for both of them. "I love you Kazahaya. I love you more than I knew. I'm sorry, so sorry for hurting you the way I did. I…" Kazahaya kissed him again.
"I love you too Rikuo. No talking, not yet…just love me again." Kazahaya couldn't bear the words. Words took away from his joy and he wanted nothing but joy this night. So no more words were spoken only touching and feeling and the storing of lovely memories.
It was early, very early. Dawn was still about four hours away. Kazahaya opened his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping. He lay facing the room and Rikuo was behind him, holding him. For a while time had seemed to stop for them and Kazahaya hadn't wasted or taken any of it for granted but a new day was here and a new beginning for him without Rikuo. Regret filled his heart as he eased from Rikuo's embrace, instantly cold covered his skin and entered his body. Looking down at Rikuo, Kazahaya saw him stir a bit but he settled down in a moment.
Kazahaya turned away abruptly. He couldn't stand there and stare, there were many things for him to do. First and foremost, he went to his closet and found the shoebox which held Kakei's special wooden box. Kazahaya lifted the lid and stared at the charm inside. It wouldn't prevent Kakei's visions but whatever he did see wouldn't be accurate and that would have to be enough. Grabbing a duffle back and a backpack, Kazahaya started packing.
Rikuo jerked awake and found his arms were empty. "Kazahaya? Kazahaya?!" For some reason he felt anxious.
"Good morning sleepy head." Kazahaya, dressed stepped out of the bathroom. "Guess I tired you out last night, I was just about to wake you." Kazahaya reached the bed and leaned down to kiss Rikuo's rough cheek.
"Huh?" Rikuo checked the clock and blinked. It was time to head downstairs! Unbelievable that he'd overslept and Kazahaya was up and dressed. He looked up and sighed. "You look fairly rested." Some of Rikuo's anxiety faded away. "I was hoping we could talk this morning – about last night."
"What's to say? It was wonderful." Kazahaya had no intention of talking about anything. Last night had been special and he intended to keep it that way. "Look, I'm going to go on down and…if you want we can talk tonight okay?" Kazahaya made the false promise.
Rikuo's eyes locked onto Kazahaya's. He felt as if something was off but couldn't figure out exactly what. Last night had been wonderful and maybe Kazahaya just wanted to hold onto that for a while. Standing Rikuo traced Kazahaya's lips with his thumb, "Okay, talking can wait until later. Tell Kakei I'll be down soon. I love you, you know that don't you?"
It took all his strength but Kazahaya managed to smile, "Of course you do. What's not to love?" And before anything else could be said, Kazahaya quickly kissed him and rushed out the door.
"Well there you are, where's Rikuo?" Kakei asked as he checked his watch.
Smiling Kazahaya told them that Rikuo had overslept. He tried to slip by Saiga but the man stared at him then caught him by the arm and pulled him close.
"You guys did it last night! Yeah, there's that blush! You had sex!" Saiga teased.
"Kakei-san, tell him to quit!" Kazahaya was smiling but it was just shy of a grimace. He didn't know if he could keep up the pretense of being happy with Saiga all over him and watching with eyes that sometimes saw too much.
Kakei was happy for them but Kazahaya was really embarrassed and Saiga was only making it worse. "Let him go Saiga, it's time to open the store. You have all day to tease them both."
"Spoilsport." Saiga said looking over his shoulder at Kakei. "I can't wait for Rikuo to come down. It'll really be fun making him blush."
It was Friday and the store was typically busy at the end of the week and today was no exception. Kazahaya was kept busy and away from Saiga as the first customers came in. When Rikuo finally entered the store, Saiga was waiting for him. With a half smile, Kazahaya watched Rikuo blush furiously and Saiga hurt himself laughing.
They didn't speak of the night before but throughout the morning they often found themselves close to each other and finding ways to touch each other. Before Kazahaya realized it, the morning was gone.
"It's almost lunchtime, what are we having today?" Kakei asked.
"Sandwiches!" Kazahaya said a little quickly and a bit loud. "I feel like a sub. Is that okay?"
"Craving something with some length to it, hmm?" Saiga laughed. "Sure I could eat a sub." Kakei and Rikuo nodded their agreement.
"Okay! So tell me what kind you want and I'll go get them." Kazahaya's body was trembling as he took the orders. Finally he looked up at them, "Right, I should be back shortly unless they're busy." When he took the money Kakei held out, Kazahaya managed to hold the man's hand for a moment. Walking by Saiga he hit the tall man on the arm. Rikuo was back at the register helping a customer so all he could do was wave goodbye to his lover.
Kazahaya slipped upstairs and collected his bags then leaving by the outside door, he went to the sandwich shop. He ordered the sandwiches but asked that three of them be delivered as he had an errand to run. Since they knew Kazahaya well and he was a favorite customer, they were happy to have someone take the sandwiches down to the drugstore. Kazahaya left the shop quickly, he had two more stops to make and they needed to be done quickly.
It was a new age store, the very place they were supposed to visit this evening. Kazahaya needed a box of his own to keep the charm in. It not only affected Kakei's gift but his own as well. Once he was far enough away, Kazahaya needed something to keep it in. As he was about to pay for the new box, Kazahaya saw a crystal. As it flashed in the sunlight, he thought of Kakei and how his eyes looked when he was having a vision. Even though it took more money than he'd intended to spend, Kazahaya bought it.
Next was a delivery service. Kazahaya got a box big enough to put in Kakei's wooden box plus crystal, another package and his letter. A tremor in his limbs could not be controlled nor the few tears that fell onto the sealed envelope.
"You okay?" The guy behind the counter asked.
The voice woke him from the despair. "Y-yeah. Umm, could you tape this up for me? I need this delivered to," Kazahaya's shakily wrote out the address to the store. "To this address at this time." He wanted the package to arrive just before closing. By the time they received it, it would be too late and he would be gone. "Can you do that?"
"No problem. You sure you're okay?" The man watched the pale boy as tears continued to fall.
"I…just lost someone…special to me and I'm sending some…things home." It was true. Kazahaya had lost them all to Tsukiko. "Okay. That's it?" Kazahaya asked as he paid the man.
"Yes, I'm sorry for your loss." The man said but Kazahaya was already heading for the door. Once outside he looked up at the sky and tried to calm down. He wiped away his tears and turned. His feet seemed stuck to the pavement until someone bumped into him. Finally Kazahaya lifted a foot and started walking. In moments he was just another body lost in the crowd on a busy Friday afternoon…