Adjusting
As he dressed, outside the birds sang good morning to the world. He smiled and smiled even more because he was able to do it now. He brushed his teeth and rinsed before yet again looking at himself in the small mirror. It was strange, his new look but he'd left his old life behind and changes had been necessary.
His hair was short now, still wavey but short, stopping just above his ears. He was tanned after spending so much time outside. In fact, he believed that anyone who saw him now from his old life would never recognize him. He paused but there was no twinge of pain in his heart at thinking that.
Carefully he sat down on his just made bed and set about taping up his arm. That was the only lingering part of his past he could not let go of. It still pained him. His fingers were so dark now that they looked burned. It wasn't just his hand and wrist anymore either. The mark had traveled all the way up to his elbow. Luckily it hadn't kept him from working and that he had an understanding boss.
"Kei? Hey, Kei? You ready for work?"
"Yes sir! Here I come!" Quickly he finished wrapping and securing the waterproof bandage and grabbed his jacket. Kazahaya opened the door of the little shack where he lived and greeted Izanagi-san. "Morning!"
"Morning Kei. All set? Need help with your arm?" Izanagi-san was about forty but looked fifty since he spent most of his life outside and on the water. He ran a fishing boat for tourists. This season had been particularly busy so when young Kei showed up needing work, Izanagi-san was glad to hire him even if he was somewhat crippled.
Kei got along well with the tourists and worked hard even when in pain. He liked the teen and so did his wife. She was constantly feeding him saying that he was too thin. In the month and a half, Kei had been with them, she'd only managed to put a few pounds on him but he gained a lot of muscle from his hard work.
"I got it, thanks. So will we be busy today?" It had been an easy choice of name. Kei was a name he would always respond to and the name Kazahaya had needed to be put aside for a little while.
Kei lived in a little coast town. It consisted mainly of the people who lived there with the occasional fishing groups and other tourists providing income for the town. The locals had been a little wary of him at first when he'd arrived looking dirty and worn and bruised. Izanagi-san had found him sleeping on the beach behind a dune and taken him home. Once he'd gotten cleaned up and been around for a while, it hadn't taken long for the rest of the people to accept him.
It was here in this little town where he learned to live again. He'd introduced himself as Kei and started over. There wasn't time to be sad when he was working. Learning how to fish and taking care of a boat didn't allow him time to think or to worry. It also helped that these people liked him. They didn't know a thing about him yet they took him in and cared for him. Kei blossomed under their attention. Here, he felt wanted and needed just for being Kei.
He felt like he belonged here now and was wondering if he could make it permanent. But if he couldn't, that was okay too because he'd learned to let go of the past. He'd gotten better and now he knew could live in this world without Rikuo. Yes he still missed him. He'd left part of his heart behind in Green Drug Store and even though he was incomplete, Kazahaya found he actually could live without it.
Together he and Izanagi-san walked out to the boat and settled down to eat the breakfast his wife had sent along before starting work. The sun was coming up and the fish were biting – it was going to be a good day.
Rikuo looked up to see a familiar face enter the store. He didn't smile much these days but for her, it wasn't hard. "Good morning, Hinata-kun."
"Rikuo-kun! How are you?" She leaned over the counter and offered her cheek.
A small chuckle bubbled up out of Rikuo as he leaned over to kiss the smooth cheek. Hinata was such a friendly girl. She was originally Kazahaya's friend but had quickly captured all of their hearts. Lately she'd been coming by a lot and Rikuo always looked forward to seeing her. In many ways, she and Kazahaya were a lot alike – sometimes with her around, it was like he was still here.
Hinata looked around the store but Rikuo was the only one working. "Is he still not back? When is Kazahaya-kun coming home? I miss him." She pouted and folder her arms.
"Hello. Don't you look pretty today?" Kakei commented as he came in with his clipboard. He too leaned down and kissed her as she came to him and wrapped and arm around Kakei's waist.
"Thank you but what I want to know is when Kazahaya-kun is coming back? You said he went to some rehab center because of his arm but that was months ago! He doesn't write or call. Are you sure he's okay?" Wide, worried eyes looked up at Kakei.
He hated lying to her but felt she would worry even more if she knew Kazahaya had run away and why. They'd come up with that story to explain Kazahaya's prolonged absence. Everyone had seen the boy wearing the bandage so the excuse of rehab was readily accepted. It was only people who had taken a real liking to Kazahaya who kept questioning why he wasn't back yet. Hinata asked about him every week.
"Well, he was getting better but had a slight relapse so it's taking longer than expected. He had to stop all his exercises and give his arm time to rest. We don't know when he'll be well enough to come home."
She frowned up at him. "Okay but why hasn't he called me? You did tell him I wanted to talk to him?" Hinata asked.
Rikuo was glad she was questioning Kakei instead of him. He found it hard to lie to her wide-open, innocent face. Even now while Kakei told the lie, Rikuo was staring out the store windows. Not only so he didn't have to face Hinata but because he was always looking for Kazahaya to come home to him.
"I told him but he says that he wants to concentrate on getting better. Kazahaya-kun feels if he talks with us he'll want to come home and his arm won't get better that way." Kakei shrugged and smiled at Hinata hoping she believed the lame excuse.
"I…guess I understand that. He'd get homesick if he talked to me." She looked down and played with a button on her top. "I want Kazahaya-kun to get better so I guess I'll just have to wait. Kakei-san you better tell him to hurry up or I'll be mad at him! He owes me! We had plans for the movies, karaoke, and a couple of concerts. If he doesn't come home soon I'll never forgive him!" Hinata stood with her hands on her hips.
"Okay, I'll tell him! I'll tell him!" Kakei laughed. She brought so much spirit into the store, just as Kazahaya always did. The two of them together were a force to be reckoned with.
"Good, now where's Saiga-san? I want a kiss from him before I go." She looked around again then peered through the reardoor checking the storeroom.
"Sorry, he's out. I had some inventory missing from my last shipment and Saiga went to pick it up for me. He won't be back until tonight."
"Hmph! No Saiga either." Shining eyes looked at Kakei. "You'll kiss him for me? And tell him, he owes me two kisses next time." Hinata laughed.
"I will definitely kiss him and give him your message." Kakei promised with a smile.
"Thought you could do that! Mmwah! Love you guys! Later!" Hinata blew them both a kiss and ran out the door.
Both men stood staring after her wishing she'd come back and glad she was gone. Having Hinata there was a balm for their worries but while she was there, they had to lie to her.
"Do you really expect Saiga back tonight?" Rikuo asked as he moved to look out the door.
"He could be. If he can verify that Kazahaya was there, the train can get him back here by midnight. Maybe this time he can find a clue as to where he went."
That first month had led them nowhere. There'd been false sightings and many people calling to say they'd seen Kazahaya but it turned out all those helpful citizens were only interested in a reward. Their only real hints as to where Kazahaya had been were Kakei's visions. He'd seen many things looking through Kazahaya's eyes but nothing that would help him find Kazahaya before he'd moved on. They'd found each and every location the teen had been to but of course Kazahaya was long gone when Saiga showed up.
There had been nondescript motels, alleyways, and bus and train stations. Sometimes open fields and long stretches of road. He'd been walking those empty roads. Other times, busy sidewalks, malls, parks and the odd festival. Kazahaya seemed to be moving constantly with no real destination in mind. It was frustrating and heartbreaking. He never seemed to talk to many people nor had people around him who were friendly.
Saiga would go to these places and few remembered him. Kazahaya had shrunk inside himself and all people could bring to mind was a thin, quiet boy. They couldn't even remember what color his hair was. He'd found work from time to time so he could eat and continue to travel. Apparently he saved money by sleeping outside. The occasional motel rooms were so he could wash up and rest when he was working.
"It's been four months, Kakei! Four months and all we've done is follow his shadow! Not once have we gotten close to him. Things were serious before but now…things are worse." Rikuo turned and walked to Kakei grabbing his shoulders. "You said it's moving up his arm, almost to his elbow. And Black Shadow has broken through the witches' spell! It isn't safe to go anywhere inside that warehouse now. Seki says there have been reports of strange sounds and weather around the building. Homeless people have disappeared! Some kids are missing, teenagers who probably dared each other to go inside – are gone! Gone forever! How? How are we going to find Kazahaya and stop this madness?!"
Kakei let him rant. Rikuo needed to let go of some frustration. Kakei wanted to do the same. Never had he believed Kazahaya could evade them for so long. Seeing through the boy's eyes hadn't helped at all. Apparently he was still using the charm. It could be that he wore the charm at all times – maybe he never intended to use his own powers again. Kakei shook his head refusing to believe that.
"We'll find him. He could still call. Kazahaya must be worried about his arm. He could call." Kakei pulled away from Rikuo and fingered the crystal he now wore around his neck. He never took it off and many times when he least expected it, Kakei would get visions of what Kazahaya was doing. Most were quick flashes of him walking, riding or working. Upon certain occasions the visions lasted for long periods of time which worried Saiga but Kakei would get his best clues from these. He see as Kazahaya bought tickets or as he went to work or as he made himself a little place to sleep out behind some buildings. Strangely enough in his last vision, Kazahaya had been in Osaka. Had he planned to go there or was it just where his last bus was headed?
"Call? Why would he call? He hates me! Why would he call someone he hates?" Rikuo bent over the counter and hid his face in his arms.
"Hush! That's not true and you know it! He has never hated you and never will. He loves you still. I've seen him looking at your picture. He caresses and strokes it. Kazahaya wishes you no ill will Rikuo; he just wants more than you were able to give him." Kakei stroked Rikuo's back. "What will you do when we find him? Have you decided to let him go or will you ask him to stay? You said you'd save him but will you love him? All he wants is your love Rikuo."
He heard Kakei. This was the first time since Kazahaya left that the man had said anything to him about Kazahaya. He knew Saiga and Kakei also blamed themselves for Kazahaya leaving but the majority of that blame rested on his shoulders. Night after night he'd thought of what he'd say and do once they'd found Kazahaya and none of it seemed right. He dreamed of them as they used to be, happy and basically carefree. He remembered now how he'd treated Kazahaya once Aisha had come into their lives and felt shame at his actions. What Kazahaya had suffered – he'd felt how it was to die, he'd been exposed to the atrocious crimes of Osawa and his people and he'd been exposed to the emotions that he, Rikuo felt for Tsukiko – all that suffering had been because of him.
Kazahaya deserved a life of happiness and someone who could love him without hurting him. He should let go of him, after they find and help him send that abomination away, Rikuo should love him enough to let him find happiness somewhere else. Because he still loved him. He loved Kazahaya so much that he still slept in his bed, still looked for him every time he opened his eyes, when he wanted to talk to someone, it was Kazahaya he wanted to speak to. When they found him, if they found him, Rikuo could only think about holding him and never letting go but would Kazahaya even let him get close? He could have moved on and found that love that Rikuo hadn't been able to give him.
Kakei was surprised when Rikuo suddenly threw his arms around him and began crying on his shoulder. Obviously Rikuo was still confused and had settled none of his feelings for Kazahaya.
It wasn't fair; all the hardships Rikuo and Kazahaya had been through. Neither found it easy to trust or love. Both had pulled away from the other when their lives had gotten complicated. They didn't know that in order to withstand the rocks life threw; you had to depend on the one you loved to get you through it. Being apart had only led to tears and chaos.
Life was hard enough without a person choosing to face it all alone. Even now the three of them were finding it difficult to get up and face each day without Kazahaya. They lived as normal as possible but it was all a farce. Worry; fear and imminent danger dogged their every step and if they didn't find Kazahaya soon, it would only get worse.
"I'm sorry, I almost lost that fish. It's my arm again." Kei held his arm close to his body and rubbed it. It had frozen up on him as he was catching a fish in a net. If he hadn't quickly grabbed it with his other hand and Izanagi-san grabbed him, the huge fish would have been lost and the clients upset.
"What? Forget about that! We didn't lose the fish and they praised your quick movements. Then I caught you - the biggest fish of all!" Izanagi-san chuckled but sobered and looked at the arm Kei cradled. "Maybe we should go into the city and have that looked at."
"No, that's okay. I, umm saw a doctor before. There's nothing they can do about it. I probably won't be able to do much with this arm soon." Kei spoke quietly. "But I'll work as long as I'm able! I won't leave you high and dry. Maybe I can take over steering the boat? I've gotten pretty good at it!" Kei looked over at Izanagi-san anxiously.
Izanagi-san was aware that Kei wanted to please him and not to be a disappointment. He was just a young man trying to find his way in the world and his place in it. Kei liked living here and Izanagi-san like having him. He and his wife missed their children, each one having left home to start their own lives. Kei was a welcome addition to their empty nest. It bothered him that the boy was in so much pain but it didn't matter if he had only use of one good arm, they'd help him and be happy just to have him around.
"Now don't you worry about that, we'll figure something out. In any case it's getting late, the wife will have supper on so why don't you get cleaned up then come on up to the house. Okay?"
Kei sighed, relieved. He really wanted to stay here a while longer. He liked it here. "Sure, I won't be long. See you in a little bit!" They parted and Kei headed for his place. Inside he stripped as best he could. His arm was really stiff and wouldn't obey his commands. In the tiny, bathroom, he washed away sweat, sea and the smell of fish. Kei had to stop several times because the pain was very intense and made him weak.
Finally he was clean and dressed. Kei was late for the evening meal but he knew Mrs. Izanagi-san wouldn't be angry with him. Surely she'd been told about his pain and would baby him when he got there. Kei had to admit that he enjoyed the attention. He took one last look in the mirror and brushed his wet curls. It was then he noticed the charm around his neck. A while back he'd tied a cord around it so he could wear the charm all the time. It had meant that he'd be without his powers when he wore it but he didn't mind that. It had been nice being just a regular person for a while but now as his arm was getting worse, maybe he should have use his gift again. If he couldn't physically work, maybe he could locate missing items – people paid for fake psychics so they could pay him for his real gift. He'd done it before when he'd lived at Green Drug Store.
Carefully, Kei lifted the charm over his head. He stared at it for a moment. It never occurred to him that any of his old friends were even still looking for him so taking it off only affected him. "Now where did I put that box?"
Kei got down on his knees and pulled his backpack out from under the bed. It was still wrapped up in the bag from the store. Kei stroked the top feeling all the symbols carved into before opening it. Gently he laid the worn charm inside and covered it with the lid. "There. Another hurdle crossed." Kei felt he was finally letting go of his past. He put the box back in the bag and pushed it under the bed once more. Kei sighed then smiled. "Life goes on and now it's time to eat!"
Kakei and Rikuo were sitting in front of the TV, each lost in their own thoughts waiting for Saiga to return. He was on his way back. Kazahaya had been in Osaka and lived there for some time. There had been an altercation while he was there though, something Kakei hadn't seen. Saiga would fill them in when he got home.
Right in the middle of a yawn, Kakei had a vision. His body stiffened and his eyes changed but something was different. It took only seconds for Kakei to realize that this was a normal vision – no longer was he confined to seeing only what Kazahaya could see!
Rikuo didn't notice anything. He was staring at the TV but not seeing it. A question kept repeating itself in his mind - Why had Kazahaya gone back to Osaka? Rikuo couldn't believe that he'd gone back there because of Tsukiko. He'd left them because of Tsukiko! Kazahaya wouldn't still be looking for her not when he felt she was the reason that he, Rikuo couldn't love him. Why had he gone there? Why?
Thirty minutes went by and the sound of the lock being turned jarred Rikuo from his speculations. He looked over at Kakei and jumped up. The man sat completely still with his mouth partially open. Rikuo blinked rapidly and moved closer to him. "Kakei?"
"Hey, I'm back finally. You know I don't think I want to go back to Osaka anytime soon. So what's…Rikuo! How long has he been like this?" Saiga pushed the boy to the side and knelt before Kakei. "Well, how long?" He looked over his shoulder.
"I don't…know. I wasn't paying attention! We were watching TV and then I heard you come in. When I looked over, he was already like that." Rikuo gestured weakly at Kakei. He was feeling guilty because, Kakei could've been like that for hours and he probably wouldn't have noticed.
Saiga sighed and shook his head. Lately they couldn't expect much from Rikuo and tonight was no exception. Very gently, Saiga touched the pulse point on Kakei's wrist and found it steady if a little fast. He then reached up to brush back Kakei's hair when he noticed that his eyes were moving as if in REM sleep. A slow grin appeared on Saiga's face.
"It's finally happened. Thank God. All this shit will be over soon." Saiga got up and perched on the table in front of Kakei to wait.
"What? What do you mean?" Rikuo stood next to Saiga and looked from his smiling face to Kakei's blank one. "What's happened?" For some reason the words scared him.
Saiga's smiled slipped away as he looked up at Rikuo. "The kid put the charm away. The vision Kakei is having now is a normal one. He'll be able to tell us where the kid is now. There'll be no more running for him or you." Saiga saw the tremor that shook the teen's limbs.
"How – how can you t-tell?" Rikuo transferred his gaze to Kakei as his nerves tightened like a bow.
"Kakei's eyes are moving. Never when he was seeing through Kazahaya's eyes did they move. His visions were confined to what the kid was seeing but now they're moving. This is how he normally looks during a vision but…I guess it's because of that crystal that the vision is so long. I've been home now almost ten minutes and he still hasn't come out of it yet. It puts a strain on him, these long visions but hopefully this will be the last one. I pray it is. We'll get the kid and life should return to normal." Again he looked up at Rikuo, "That is if some of us can get their act together."
Before Rikuo could begin to think of something to say, a loud gasp filled the room. Kakei was 'awake' again.
Kakei was breathing heavily as if he'd just run a race. His eyes were bright and he was smiling. "We'll find him…on the beach!" He leaned forward and Saiga stood and pulled Kakei up into his arms.
"Ha! I knew it! The kid finally took off that damned charm." He lifted Kakei off his feet. "I knew it would be you – only through you, would we find him." Saiga shared his joy by kissing his life partner.
Rikuo wrapped his arms around his middle and held on tight. Kakei knew where Kazahaya was. He would see him soon. Kazahaya would be with them in what, a day maybe? Some of the pain in his heart eased because now they would be able to help him. The pain in his arm – they would help him get rid of it and the fear. But what of his heart? Rikuo had hurt Kazahaya's heart and he didn't know how to heal it.
Kakei was now resting his head on Saiga's chest. "He's changed. Kazahaya looks different now and he's found a place live. People like him and care for him…he's as happy as he could be with the pain he carries. The mark has reached his elbow and grows inches each day. In another week or two, that arm would probably be useless."
"It's a good thing he took off that charm then. Do you think he did so you could find him?" Saiga asked as he stared into the distance, head resting against Kakei's hair.
"No. He took it off only because he decided it was time let go of his past – completely. Kazahaya believes, I think – I know he believes that we stopped looking for him long ago."
"Well, we'll prove him wrong, won't we? He'll know soon enough that we didn't give up on him." Saiga looked down at Kakei.
The man nodded, "Still he may choose to not to stay with us." Kakei looked over at Rikuo who had tears on his face as he stood surrounded with hope and fear. "Rikuo?" Kakei held out a hand to the boy and after a moment he took it.
The three of the sat together on the couch with Rikuo in the middle. "He was attacked in Osaka." Kakei stated and Saiga nodded. "Luckily it was just some kids trying to prove something. They knocked him down and kicked at him but our Kazahaya didn't let them get away with it. He soon had them down on the ground in his place but that's when things went bad. Kazahaya's arm had been bothering him and they jumped out at him catching him off guard. All he knew was that he was being attacked and Kazahaya reacted. Before he knew it, one kid had a broken nose and the other kid was knocked unconscious. It freaked him out when he realized they were only about twelve or thirteen. Kazahaya ran to the nearest bus station and took the first bus that was leaving. That's where he is now. Kazahaya has lived in that little coast town for almost two months." Kakei told them.
"Two months, then he's settled in there." Rikuo spoke quietly. Kazahaya had had time to make friends and to make a home for himself without him. He slumped against Saiga.
"So this was the first time you've seen things normally? You know for sure we're going to find him?" Saiga asked as he tried to comfort Rikuo.
"Yes, it was as you said, I couldn't see when Kazahaya was. Everything that I saw before was his past, the places he traveled after he left us and just before he left Osaka. I'm positive we'll find him." Kakei saw the new Kazahaya in his mind. The boy had managed to gain some peace in the time he'd been away. "He has a new life now, I don't believe Kazahaya will come home willingly."
It was hearing those words that help Rikuo make a decision. He wouldn't let Kazahaya lose his arm just because he didn't want to be with him anymore. "Whatever it takes." Rikuo spoke with strength in his voice. "I'll do whatever it takes to get him back here. I won't have Kazahaya living in constant pain. I can do this for him – help him to be free of Black Shadow. I can - I will help him no matter what." He squeezed Kakei's hand tight as if sealing his vow.
"Whatever it takes, I agree. We'll be there to help you." Saiga said cupping the boy's head and drawing him close.
Kakei was reassured by the conviction in Rikuo's voice. If he felt this deeply about saving Kazahaya then just maybe he would open his heart to the boy and show Kazahaya his love. Undoubtedly there would be an emotional confrontation between the two and Kakei wondered if Rikuo would give Kazahaya a reason to stay or would his indecison cause the boy choose his new life…