Chapter 3

Immediately after they escape my lips, I want to take back my words. They sounded so obvious in my head, but so ignorant, and almost cruel, out loud. How could I have been stupid enough to say them? "I guess so?" What in Panem was I thinking?

Remorse takes hold, and I want to go back in time and tell Markas exactly how I feel about him and the whole situation he threw us into. I want to explain to him how I do love him, with all my heart, more than I have ever loved anything or anyone. How the slight hint that he may be seeing other girls to appease his mother threw me into a silent, jealous rage. How I'm also deeply afraid of what he said, on so many levels.

I'm afraid we're moving too fast. I'm afraid the year in age difference is making me appear naive. I'm afraid of what Genever would think of this, if she was still here. I'm afraid of what my parents will think. I'm afraid of shaming my grandparents, and everything they worked so hard for. I'm afraid that if Markas knew about my reservations, that he would surely leave me. Now, after my huge blunder of a response, I'm afraid that he's going to leave me anyway. And there is something else in my mind, bothering me more than any other fear, that I can't quite place, can't figure out. It's something else I'm afraid of, it's what I'm afraid of the most, actually, but for the life of me, I can't pinpoint what it is.

"Is that really the best answer you can come up with, Lynn?"

In my current state of turmoil, I do the only logical thing I can think of, which also happens to probably be the worst thing to do - I get defensive.

"Yes, Markas, it is the best answer I can come up with."

"I don't want you saying that you guess you love me. It's okay if you don't. It doesn't mean you will or won't later. You can say no, I just need to know the truth."

"The truth? You throw a huge curve ball like this at me and expect me to gush out all this emotional mumbo jumbo? I'm sorry, but I don't work that way. You can't just overwhelm me by telling me you love me and want to plan a future with me and simply plan on hearing me respond with how much I care about you and how I really love you and how I would absolutely love to have a future with you-"

"Well, do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you care about me and really love me and want to have a future with me?"

I try to take a moment to ponder what Markas is saying. His eyes are staring deep into mine, almost as if they are touching my innermost thoughts and I can't take it anymore. My breath comes in a huff, the words sputtering out of my mouth bitterly, "Yes, Markas. Yes, I do."

"Really?"

"Yes, really!"

A smirk appears on his boyish face. Dear Capitol, what have I gotten myself into?

"Okay then, Miss Flaxbourne. Prove it."

The grin on his face begins to grow. My breath jars and butterflies fill me up as I lean in to kiss him. I'm closing my eyes and about to brush my lips with his in a declaration of love, when he pulls away.

"Nope. A kiss doesn't prove anything, Lynn," he says as I stare back in confusion. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Huffing again in frustration, the sarcastic question leaves my lips.

"Okay, Mr.-Know-It-All, what would?"

"Tomorrow, after school. Instead of going to the Victor's Village, we go back to my house."

"To your… house?" I repeat, the words echoing in my mind. My voice sounds hollow and uncomprehending.

"Yes, Lynn. To my house. To prove that you love me, I want you to meet my mother and sister."

"Your mother?"

The words sound foreign on my tongue. A sickening feeling fills me up as I try to contort my face into a convincing smile. My attempt must be working, because Markas simply smiles back at me.

My nerves are throwing me off the deep end. My foot won't stop tapping; the teacher has already reprimanded me twice today for it. Part of me wonders how likely it is that the school will collapse before the end of our lesson. For a moment, I fall into a fantasy of dusty schoolhouse rubble crushing me. The rolling in the pit of my stomach brings me back to reality. My eyes attempt to focus on the chalkboard. No good. Instead, I stare at the back of the head in front of me. I still can't keep my mind from wandering though, and it dawns on me that I have no clue who the person sitting in front of me is today. Of course, it's a girl, blonde, like myself, but as to which girl it is, I have no idea. The bell ending the school day is ringing in my ears. I'm going to be sick. Children around me pick up their books and file out of the classroom. Maybe if I get sick, I won't have to go.

Collecting my school things, I get up from my chair. Outside, he's waiting for me by the fence. Like always.

"Took you long enough. Everyone else is already gone. I almost thought you'd gotten past me somehow," Markas teases as I fall into pace behind him.

"I couldn't very well let people see me, could I? What if someone told my father?"

"He'll have to find out eventually, you know," he declares.

"Don't remind me."

The roads on the way to the Seam are more quiet at this time of day than those in town. I suppose its because most of the people who don't live in town are coal miners, and they won't be getting off work for another hour or so. The lack of bodies around us give Markas a boost of confidence, and he grabs hold of my hand. Leading me along the rocky, dirt path, it is clear that he knows this road, though completely unfamiliar to me, by heart. As the homes around us grow smaller and more cabin-like, my palms begin to sweat. Markas notices the shift in my demeanor, and flashes a reassuring grin in my direction. Little does he know that at this moment in time, I've suddenly figured out what else it is that I'm terribly afraid of. And what I'm afraid of... is the Seam.

AN: Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated! I'm interested to know what you think of the story so far! Thank you for reading & reviewing! :)