"I just contacted Sabine," Hera said. "Zeb is being released from the medcenter. I'll need to go get them before you get back."
"That's great news," Kanan replied. It was wonderful to hear her sweet voice, but he wished he could see her face in the humming hologram. "Ezra left me a message," he said. "But I have to use the holocron in my cabin to get it."
"Okay. I'll take the phantom to go get Zeb and Sabine." Hera paused. "Was Ezra there?"
"Yes," Kanan said. From where they were, Kanan couldn't feel Hera's emotions, but he could tell from her voice that she was sad. "He got away from Maul, Hera. He's okay."
"You'll find him, Kanan," she said. "I know it."
"I'll see you soon."
"Of course, Dear."
The hologram fell silent, leaving Kanan to the low hum of the Shadowcaster's engines.
"Are you okay?" Rex asked from behind him. Kanan sighed.
"I've never used a datacrystal in a holocron before," he said. "Even Master Billaba never had one of those while I was her padawan."
"I saw my Jedi General use one during the clone wars. I don't know quite how it works, but the crystal goes inside the holocron while it's open."
"I learned about them at the Jedi Temple but i never saw it. Almost all of the holocrons were kept in the holocron vault." Kanan rubbed his forehead as he thought back to his time in the temple.
"We'll figure it out together when we get back to base," Rex reassured.
"I hope you're right."
Kanan knelt on the floor and began to meditate. He wasn't sure how much time had passed when the Shadowcaster dropped out of hyperspace. He felt the ship land smoothly and heard the engines whine as they were turned off. Rex grabbed Kanan's arm and helped him to his feet.
"Let's go get that holocron," he said. Rex helped Kanan down the ramp of the Shadowcaster and he began to recognize the feeling of his surroundings. To Kanan's relief, Rex let him walk on his own to the Ghost. He hated being lead around like a child. He hated feeling useless.
He boarded the Ghost and paused. It was eerily empty. It felt sad. Kanan made his way to his cabin slowly, hearing Rex follow behind. He rested his hand on the wall to feel Sabine's paintings along the way. He opened the door to his cabin and felt his way inside. The holocron he had received from Master Billaba was in the secret compartment under his bed. He found the drawer and slid it open, feeling inside for the cube.
"Here it is," he said. "Let's see what Ezra has to say."
"Right."
Kanan lifted the holocron and opened it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the datacrystal Ezra had left for him. He raised it and placed it above the open holocron. Kanan felt the datacrystal enter the holocron and connect to the information within. He let his mind access the crystal and he heard a hologram come to life.
"It worked!" Rex exclaimed.
"What does the message say?" Kanan asked.
"I'm... not sure," Rex responded. Kanan's heart fell. Could it be something only Kanan or one of his crew could understand?
"What is it?"
"It's a symbol. It looks like Ezra drew it on the ground. Some sort of animal, but i can't tell what it is."
"Then we'll just have to wait for Hera to come back. Ezra knows I can't see so he wouldn't send something only I could figure out."
"You're right," Rex said. "I'll go watch the comms and see if anyone is trying to contact us through the Ghost." Kanan heard Rex's footsteps as he left and the door to his cabin slid shut.
Kanan reached out his hand, focusing on the holocron before him. He could feel the holocron, the datacrystal, all of it hovering above the ground, but no image revealed itself to him. All he could see was red. Kanan took the bandage from off of his eyes and opened them weakly. Nothing changed. Everything was still red. He closed his eyes and put the bandage back on.
Ezra needed him. Ezra gave this to him so he could use it and find him. But none of it mattered. Kanan couldn't help. Kanan couldn't see what he needed to to help him. He was useless.
Kanan closed the holocron, resting it in his outstretched hand. He gripped it tightly and with a cry of frustration, threw it as hard as he could at the wall. It hit the door with a clank and fell to the floor of his cabin. Kanan breathed in deeply and let it out slowly.
"What is wrong?" a familiar voice asked. Kanan couldn't place the woman's voice, but it seemed to resonate in his heart.
"It's my padawan," he said. "He left me a message in this data crystal but I can't see what it says." He rested his head in his hands and grimaced. "No matter how hard I try I just can't see it!"
"Then open your eyes."
"It doesn't help."
"Open your eyes, Caleb."
"Master?" Kanan asked in shock, raising his head at the sudden recognition of the voice.
"Yes, Caleb," the voice of Depa Billaba replied. Kanan felt a strong presence before him, as though someone were kneeling down. But his master was dead. He watched her die a long time ago when the Jedi Order fell.
"Master, how can this be?"
"I am one with the force, Caleb," she said. "And it is through the force that I am with you now." Kanan felt her sadness creep into his heart. He also felt her love and worry coursing through the air around him. It was the same love and worry he had felt from Hera when he returned from Malachor. Sadness filled him as he remembered his old master and what happened to her and how he had been helpless to save her.
"Caleb," she said.
"I'm not Caleb," he said. "Not anymore. Caleb Dume died a long time ago. He died when the Jedi Order fell."
"Then who are you now?" she asked.
"Kanan. Kanan Jarrus."
"Yes, you have changed your name. But your identity remains. You were once my Padawan, Caleb Dume. As much as you would like to forget him and forget what happened, you cannot. They have shaped you into who you are."
"But I left you!" he said, resting his head in his hands. "I was always taught that a Jedi never runs. A Jedi stands and fights until he cannot fight anymore! I ran. I left you. I abandoned you." Kanan wanted to cry. He wanted to let his tears leave but they stayed inside, trapped. He had wanted to cry so many times after Malachor but he couldn't. Something always stopped him.
"Kanan. You did not abandon me." He felt a warmth overwhelm him and it seemed like a hand had been placed on his shoulder. "I sacrificed myself to save you, Kanan. Look where you have come. You have made a great difference in this galaxy. You are taking a stand against a great evil. You are helping a young boy fulfill his potential. Your crew would not be together without you. This rebellion would not be where it is without you. You have found a family. You have found love. You have found so much light in the midst of the darkness. You can find your
Padawan." She smiled. "Open your eyes, Kanan."
"It won't work," he said. "I'm blind."
"I do not mean your physical eyes. Gain a greater connection to the force. Accept the loss of your sight. Let the force guide you. Let the force be your eyes. Open them."
Kanan opened his eyes. Once again all he could see was the ever-present sea of red. He breathed in and let it out slowly. He began to focus on the holocron, feeling it rise into the air. He heard it open. He couldn't feel what it said. He couldn't see what it said. All he saw was red.
Kanan was blind. He wanted so desperately to see things again. He didn't want to see red anymore. He closed his eyes.
The force. He had spent so much time in his life trying to distance himself from the force so nobody would know he was a jedi. Now he was using it again but he hadn't truly relied on the force for a long time. He had put all of his faith in the force for the last time when he left Caleb Dume behind and launched himself into space. He had truly given himself to the force and the force had protected him.
And now he would again.
Kanan opened his eyes.
Instead of red, he saw white. White as though a sheet were covering his face. He reached up and felt the bandage that was still in front of his eyes. As his fingers passed over his eyes, the white he saw darkened. Kanan stopped, fingers trembling. He breathed out slowly and pulled the bandage from his face.
The blue holocron floated by the door, the shining hologram illuminating the dark room with the message Ezra left for him. The door to his cabin slid open and a pair of legs clad in an orange flight suit stood in the doorway. Kanan lifted his gaze to the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. The green Twi'lek wore a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and Kanan sensed a mixture of sadness and relief. Her lekku danced behind her back as she turned her head to glance at the others down the hall.
"Zeb seems to be doing okay-"
Kanan sprang to his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around Hera, determined to never let go. Behind her Kanan saw Zeb with his arm wrapped around Sabine's shoulders for support. His eyes didn't seem to glow like he remembered. Sabine had dyed her hair purple and her armor had been repainted. The mixture of colors was even more breathtaking than he had imagined when she described it to him. He pulled away from Hera slightly so he could look at her beautiful face. He rested his hand on her cheek and stared into the eyes that had stolen his heart so long ago.
"I can see," he said through staggered breaths and tears rolling down his face. He smiled broadly. "I can see."