Rachel's Story

Part 4

The storm had moved out over the bay, away from the city, but it had only grown in ferocity. Lightning now constantly illuminated and danced around the enormous storm clouds. It made for quite the backdrop as he looked out the large common room windows.

When Beast Boy had first entered the tower he didn't bother turning on the lights in the common room; he saw no point in it. Now, as he made his way from one end of the tower to the other he stopped, and took in the view outside the window. It would be unlikely that he would have noticed the light show out in the bay if he had tuned them on.

As he stood there looking out the window, he was aware that he was stalling. He did not want to go to her room, he knew it would tear him apart. So why did he feel such I need to subject himself to it? The chicken? 'No.' That was just an initial excuse.

Beast Boy looked around the common room once more. "God this tower is full of ghosts."

Beast Boy suddenly remembered the sound system. "Music, that will lighten the mood," he said as he quickly jammed his hand into his pants pocket. As he removed the CD case a small scrap of receipt paper fell out.

He reached down and picked it up and opened it. 'Rachel Lock 555-0123' scribbled in hasty looking handwriting.

"I almost forgot about you Rachel," he chuckled as he crumpled the paper in his hand. He walked over to a nearby trash can. "Sorry, you were hot but I've only got room for one Rachel in here," as he tossed the number into the trash can.

He made his way over to the CD player. He removed the disk and quickly inspected it. In the light given off by the distant thunderstorm he could make out numerous scratches on the surface of the CD.

"Damn Star, what did you do to this thing?!" he uttered as he breathed on it and quickly wiped it on the sleeve of his shirt. "Hope it will still play."

He placed it in the CD tray and pressed play. As the system that hadn't been used in years he crossed his fingers. After a few moments of silence he started to lose hope.

'Damn,' he thought to himself. "Doesn't anyone these days know how to take care of an actual CD? iPods are killing common sense."

'I'll wait a little longer, see if it plays.'

"You're stalling Garfield."

'No, let's see if it plays.'

"Dude, I need to get this done and get out of here."

He finally gave up and picked up the stuffed animal. He decided to leave his box on the table in the living room. He was only going to be in her room for a second anyways, he figured. He made his way out the sliding double doors with a large, white stuffed chicken under his arm.

"Raven?" Beast Boy asked, standing behind her on the rooftop.

"What?" she asked in a slightly irritated tone.

"Umm, can I join you?" a timid Beast Boy asked.

"I want to be alone."

"But we are, everyone else is out of the tower."

Raven turned and shot him a stare.

"I guess I'll be downstairs then."

As the stairwell door closed she returned to her meditation. He knew she had been trying to distance herself from him for a few weeks now. She had probably hoped that he couldn't see what she was doing but she knew better than that. Garfield was smarter than he looked and picked up on every little thing that she did. Despite her efforts to hide her feelings, he could always see through her veil.

The Titans were coming to an end. They all could see it. After years of fighting crime in Jump City they were tired. The villains were tired. Most had been put away for good or in worse cases killed. Others simply moved on to greener pastures. Or, in the cases of Control Freak and Dr. Light, given up the criminal life.

The Teen Titans were victims of their own success. Jump City no longer needed them. It was a hard call for Robin to make but they would do more good in other cities. They all agreed they would keep the tower semi-operational, in case of emergencies. It had never been used since that day.

Robin, of course, was accepted to the Justice League of America. Cyborg too was admitted into the JLA. No one really know how Starfire came in contact with Jason Todd, the former Robin turned villain vigilante hell bent on killing Batman turned hero again. But within a year of leaving the Titans she, Jason and Speedy were running their own team.

That left Raven and Beast Boy. Raven wasn't keen on keeping up the hero life. After Trigon's defeat, she simply wanted a quiet life. In spite of Beast Boy's constant begging for her to join him in continuing the defense of Jump City, she instead bought a small home in one of the Jump City's suburbs.

Beast Boy only wanted to be near her and soon followed in her footsteps and got a small apartment not too far from where she lived. He didn't visit her every day but as often as he could. She would always agree for him to come over but it was different from when they were in the tower. She felt more distant somehow.

He was more nervous than usual when he called her the last time. He went over how he was going to ask her again for the hundredth time in his head. Finally she answered.

"Hello," she said in a slightly cheerful voice.

"Hi Rae," he said happily.

"Oh," her tone dropped. "Hey," came a flat dull response.

"What are you up to," Beast Boy ask, a little thrown off by her tone change when she heard his voice. This was becoming more common place in the past weeks.

"Reading,"

"What are you reading?"

"A book."

"Umm, this book have a name?" he asked cautiously.

"What do you want Gar?" she asked sharply. She was clearly not in the mood to talk. At least not to him.

"Oh well umm, I got a call this afternoon from Texas."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Any specific place in Texas or did the greater part of the Lone Stare State just collectively call you?"

"Oh, no. It was this research company in Amarillo. They want me to come up there and help me do medical research on various types of animals. They want to use my powers to help them out. And they are going to pay me for it."

"Congratulations," she said with only a hint of happiness in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm excited about it."

"Wait. How did they know to contact you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, who in Texas knows that Beast Boy is Garfield Logan?" She asked.

"Oh well apparently Bernhard Baker had something to do with it. Helped them get in touch with me."

"Bernhard Baker? Animal Man?"

"Yeah. They approached him first. But he sent them my way."

"So when do you leave?" Raven asked flatly.

"This Thursday," he answered as he braced himself to ask the question.

"Oh. Have fun. I'll see you when you get back," she answered as if she was in a hurry to get him off the phone.

"Well see that the thing. It's an ongoing research thing. And I will have to move down there," he paused as he awaited her response.

"Oh. I see..."

"Do...you want to come with me? We could find a house pretty easy, I'm sure," he reasoned.

"Beast Boy. I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I can't. I'm happy here. My place is here. I enjoy my job at the book store."

Beast Boy's heart sank. "But Raven, Please I-"

"Stop Gar. Please. This is how it is."

"What?" He breathed out.

"I'm sorry. I really am. But it has to end here." His phone beeped quietly as the call ended.

And that was how it ended. No fighting, no swearing, no hatred, no explanation. And that was the worst part, not knowing. It would have been easier to have a reason, an action, something to blame. Any thing to assign fault to. Anything except him.

Deep down Beast Boy knew that he was to blame. The it was his own actions that caused this. He was the reason for this horrible pain he had been feeling all this time. Every tear he had cried for her was his fault.

He now stood in front of her door. So much time had passed since he had been in her room it made him a little nervous. He took a deep breath before walking in.

Her room was all at once so different yet so familiar. He could almost smell the incense and old books. The smells brought him back to a happier time. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to forget the events of the past few years for just a moment.

Slowly he opened his eyes and returned to the unpleasant task of returning the stuffed chicken. He walked over to her old bed still sitting there, neatly made up, as if it were ready to be used. And sitting on the bed was a small photograph and an envelope with the name 'Gar' written on it.

He picked up the photo nervously as he recognized her in it. She was, as she always was, stunningly beautiful. But she wore something new, a bright and cheerful smile. I wasn't something he typically saw on her. She was clearly very content and happy.

But something stabbed at Beast Boy. The young man sitting with her, wearing his own beaming expression. It was him, he knew it without even thinking about it. It was her fiance. A handsome young man with short dark hair. He was well dressed and looked like someone important. Could he be responsible for the smile she was wearing? The look that was so unfamiliar to him. The look that she so vary rarely, if ever, shared with him.

"I miss you," he breathed out, clenching the photo in his hands.

He took a seat on the bed, setting the over sized chicken down next to him. He moved his right thumb over the face of the husband to be. He gazed at her smile for a long while.

"What is it? What did he do that gave that to you?" a solitary tear ran down his cheek. "I know why you never shared that with me. I never earned it. Not truly."

He cast his eyes around the room. A thousand different memories flooded his mind at once. "All those times you made me smile over the years, did I ever make you happy? Did I ever make you smile like he can? Did I ever do anything except annoy you?"

"So maybe I exaggerated a little bit when I explained how we ended to Robin. The hurt was so strong. I wore my anger like a suit of armor. You know Dick though. He probably saw right through it." Beast Boy quickly realized he had started addressing the large stuffed chicken.

"Ugh what am I doing? I'm giving my sob story to a plush novelty. Why did Raven keep this anyway?"

He pushed the stuffed toy over as he got up to leave the room. He turned to see the envelope still sitting on the bed.

"Oh what the hell," he quickly ripped the letter open and dumped the contents on the bed.

There was a hand written note and a white card with a date, time, and an address on it. He didn't have to read the whole thing to know it was a wedding invitation. Rachel Roth and Lucas Smith.

"His name is Lucas..."

He looked at the folded piece of paper. It was her handwriting.

'Hello Garfield. Its been a while. I not sure if you heard the news but I am getting married. I know we didn't end well. I am truly sorry if I hurt you. That was not my intention. Look, I know this might not be the best idea but I have left you an invitation to the wedding. You don't have to come but I would love to see you again. We can talk about everything if you want. But if I don't see you I'll understand.

Raven.

"Come to your wedding?" It hurt him just saying that. He picked up the invitation and looked at it once more. "No, I don't think I am strong enough for that yet." He tore the invitation in half and threw it back on the bed.

"You would love to see me huh? Those words would have meant so much back then. Of course I would have found some way to screw it up. Or start a fight. I always did. I am so sorry Raven."

He looked down at the photo again. "I hope this Lucas guy is good to you. I hope he sees you for the angel that you are. I only saw that after I had lost you."

He realized that he had forgotten all that she had taught him. He took a seat on the floor. He adopted the lotus position and began to calm his mind and find his center. Taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. He let his thought flow free. He sat there for a long while. Controlling his breathing and letting the events of the past years wash away. He knew this wouldn't fix all of his problems. But at least he was attempting to process them now. All he had been doing up till this point was just running from them.

He got up and wiped the tears from his cheek with his sleeve. He stopped at the door and turned to look at the room one last time. "I don't know if you ever loved me Raven. I don't know if I ever made you as happy as he does. But my life was so much better because I got to spend a portion of it with you. Please don't ever stop smiling that way. After I am long forgotten please don't stop being happy. I love you Raven. Good bye."

He quickly gathered up his things from the common room. He quickly made sure he wasn't forgetting anything as he slowly made his way to the exit.

"It is better this way. She has a good life ahead of her. A great life. I don't need to worry about her anymore. She is going to be okay."

The double doors to the common room slid open. Likely for the last time. "It's a new day for me. A new life for me."

He stopped for a moment before quickly running back into the room one last time. He rummaged through the trash bin hastily. He got up and walked out with a sense of hope in his heart. "I am going to be okay," he spoke as he looked down at the crumbled receipt in his hand. 'Rachel Lock 555-0123'

The End

A/N: I don't own the Teen Titans.

HUGE thank you to my Beta Reader Gweneveire. Without her this would have never got done, or if it had, would be in a far poorer state. She is invaluable too me.

This was going to be one long story but it was suggested that I break it up into parts due to it's many flashbacks. I hope it was not too confusing.

I wrote this in an effort to help me deal with a loss I was going through at the time. It help me heal.

Goodbye Ashley.