For the most part, Kylo Ren had kept a collected demeanour after his confession to the powerful jedi-in-training; however, it did not take long after Rey drifted off for the harshness of reality to finally hit Kylo.
"Force..." He thought, biting his tongue. "Force, I said it – out loud!" Kylo ran a shaky hand through his hair, his other arm tucked warmly beneath his cape. He peered over to the sleeping Padawan, heat driving into his cheeks at the sight of her sleeping in his cape. Well... a fragment of.
"Forceforceforceforce." The word repeated itself in his mind, eyes greedily taking in the sight of Rey's sleeping form.
A part of him felt guilty, watching her as she slept. Absorbing every tiny detail, the way her hair fell on her face, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the rhythmic sounds of air escaping her parted lips.
Kylo moaned and turned away, squeezing his eyes shut. "I can't do this. What she's doing to me, it's too much." He leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. "Come on Kylo, power is good, sympathy is..." He thought of the euphoria of her lips against his, bringing a fresh rush of heat rising to the tips of his ears. "B-b-bad... its bad. Oh boy." Nervously, he looked over at her sleeping form again, wondering if she ever dreamt of him. What does Rey dream of, Rey the scavenger, Rey the Padawan, Rey the woman.
Overcome by curiosity, he crawled over to her. "I shouldn't be doing this." A voice in his head berated him.
"I am Kylo Ren, nobody can tell me what I can and cannot do." He retaliated. A silent battle in his mind ensued. He was motionless, kneeling before her, eyes flickering back and forth over her slumped body.
The second voice won.
In nervous anticipation he reached out a hand, open-palmed towards Rey's mind. He closed his eyes and gently probed, as to not wake the sleeping woman. He managed to slip inside, an invisible onlooker tumbling into the world inside Rey's mind.
He found her in some dry bushy planet, sitting alone and unafraid atop a resistance ship. She furrowed her brows as she gazed out, watching the twin suns set, fingers aimlessly tracing shapes on the ship's surface.
In this warm atmosphere her skin almost glowed, the warm colours bringing out the subtle redness in her cheeks. She thrived in the sun, not suited to the snowy landscape which trapped her current person.
Kylo watched as she let out a small huff, clearly frustrated by something. He settled himself down next to her, his invisible form watching her intently, wishing he could reach out and brush the loose tendrils of hair from her face.
"Ben Solo." He froze at the name. Had she discovered he was there?
However, Rey continued to stare towards the horizon, allowing him to relax beside her. His presence was still hidden.
She tested the name on her lips again. "Ben Solo."
Kylo was perplexed, she had emphasised the Ben. Why was she thinking about him? He wanted to know more. He wanted to know why.
Her free hand supported her chin, taking a deep breath in. "Why did it have to be you? So what we both live with the force?" She shivered slightly. "We're not similar at all. He's... detestable." She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to think of more. "...and controlled by anger, and evil, and irritating, and creepy, and childish, and tall, and... and his hair is too curly!"
Kylo sat - with a very hurt ego - in stunned silence as she retrieved a small screw from her pocket. She stood and threw the tiny object with much gusto, satisfied at convincing herself that she and Kylo Ren were nothing alike. She allowed herself a small pleased laugh at the distance her little screw flew.
So this was what she thought of him. No chance, he had no chance of winning her over if this was how much she detested him. How could he expect her to reciprocate his feelings ever? Moreover, she seemed to be fighting him off at every given moment, had not a single part of his affections managed to slip through her defences? It was like trying to break through a wall of ice.
However, there was no part of him that would accept defeat. He had to have her on the same side as him, there was no option.
He was in too deep.
"Rey," He called, although she wouldn't hear a single word. "I know you don't think very highly of me in this moment, you-you may even despise me, but I won't...can't accept any future without you by my side. I could tell you that I'll leave you alone if you say no, but why would I?"
He stood to get a better view of the Padawan's face, staring into the depths of her warm eyes. "I'd rather try and it all be for nothing, than to be nothing to you."
"NO!" Rey's shattered voice screamed out, sending a deep unease within Kylo. His face drained, surely turning a new shade of white. Rey, grasped her head in frustration, "No, I had just decided, we are nothing alike! I felt so so sure... why am I so afraid? Why am I so uncertain?" In a rare moment of vulnerability, tears began to streak Rey's face.
Guilt returned to the sith onlooker, seeing this side of Rey without her knowledge felt worse than watching her sleep. More intimate.
Yet he didn't leave.
"Why can't I chase away this fear?" She called out to the horizon, clutching her ribs to control the sobs trying to crawl up her throat. He watched as her reddened weary eyes began to focus, the glint of the twin suns reflecting her new-set determination.
"Kylo Ren!" She pointed to the horizon, much to Kylo's relief. "I will come for you! I will chase you to the end of the universe! I will show you we are nothing alike until all trickles of doubt are chased from my mind!"
At this, Kylo felt a part of him open up and something finally clicked in his mind, how couldn't he have realised this earlier?
"Oh," the tensed sith beside her breathed, blinking a few times. Meanwhile, she tried to steady her infuriated panting. "Oh, this isn't a dream." Kylo mentally smacked himself. "Of course, this is a memory."
The Padawan slowly straightened herself, brushing off any dust she had collected on her clothes, the same ones she was wearing when he had first encountered her in the alcove.
He had chased her far across this tiny planet, yet it was her who had chased him across the galaxy. He had been driven mad, crazed with the elation of finally finding the scavenger, but it was her goal to find him all along.
An unexpected force struck Kylo, knocking all breath from his lungs as he hurled out of Rey's mind, awakening in his old makeshift shelter. He gasped for breath, his head spinning and static grey fluttering before his eyes. Eventually his eyes began to focus and he realised the gasping was not his alone. The scavenger was slumped against the wall, dangerous eyes watching him with fierce intensity.
A sheen layer of sweat coated her skin, causing bits of her hair to stick to her face at uncomfortable angles. This only added to the wild, rabid look she was directing towards a collapsed Kylo Ren.
"Rey." He began, trying to sit himself up.
"You were in my head!" She growled.
He tried to think of an explanation, anything to excuse his intrusion. His mouth opened and closed several times, but no words came out. Force.
"How long?" His abrupt exit from her mind had left him slightly confused, slowly processing her question whilst trying to answer a million of his own. "How long were you in there Kylo?" The sith's dazed state left him unable to answer the question so instead he asked one of his own.
"Did you hear me when I was in there?" Unbeknownst to Kylo, he was incredibly talented at annoying Rey by constantly evading her questions.
"Hear you!? Your force signature all but crashed into my mind with a 'Whoops! This isn't the dream I was looking for!'"
So only the end, she'd only sensed Kylo for a brief moment before pummelling him from her mind.
He mentally sighed, relieved that she hadn't heard his second embarrassing confession of the night. Although, the light of day had already began breaking into the shelter, night had ended as quickly as it had begun.
"Tell me why you were in my head Kylo." She persisted, eyes locked on his.
He felt waves of anger raging towards him through the force, and a little of something else... worry? What else does she have hidden in her mind?
Kylo pursed his lips, maybe, just maybe what she was hiding could help him breach her barriers, and finally understand the incredible enigma of a woman before him.
One chance, he had one chance.
"Rey," he sighed, carefully raising a closed palm towards her. Curious, her eyes flickered to the hand then back to Kylo. "I'm sorry."
She had moments to take in his words before he pushed his arm forward, grasping onto her forehead, prepared to launch a series of intrusive dives, plunging into her mind. However, the look of betrayal in her eyes was coupled with an upward deflection with her forearm, simultaneously detaching Kylo's hold on her and delivering and elbow to his chin.
Kylo stumbled backward, and licked his top lip, tasting salt and iron. He had split his lip, the taste of blood firing the dark forces within him. Rey caught the dangerous shift in his features and lined herself up for a sprint, she made it halfway across the room before a large boot hit her directly in the side, sending her skidding across the dirt floor, lightsaber rattling the other way.
She gasped at the pain, but if the sith expected her to stay down, she would not comply. He approached with heavy steps, and she craned her neck to look up at him, crimson blood smeared across his chin. She appeared to coil inwards as Kylo lifted another boot; however, she sprung and kicked his standing leg from out beneath him. He toppled to the ground, smacking his head in the process. His vision blurred and his ears rang, time slowing with strenuous breaths. All he could do was watch through half-lidded eyes as the Jedi-in-training left.
"Rey." He called with his mind. Her footsteps haltered, turning back and shuffling over to the semi-conscious sith, bringing him hope that she would stay by his side. However, his happiness fizzled into disappointment as she picked up the lightsaber beside him.
This is it, she was going to kill him. He had lost.
He closed his eyes, and waited. "Goodbye Rey."
In his last moments, he thought he would've reflected over his life, his family, his failures, his successes. But all that remained was Rey. And soon there was nothing.
For the second time, Kylo awoke with a thrumming pain in his head.
He groaned as he sat up, soon being replaced by a frustrated shout as all memory of recent events returned like a slap in the face. He buried his face in his hands, "What have I done?"
He threw out an arm, prepared to use the force to throw and smash some furniture around he room; however, a hollow emptiness left him motionless. He lowered his arm and began pacing about the room. How could he be so darn stupid!? Rey had always been the strongest with her use of mental shields and force perception. Kylo had to muster up a great capacity of the force available to him just to attempt a full-blown mental assault. Of course she'd prevent any direct attack, and with all his energy focused elsewhere, he'd been left vulnerable to a physical attack. In the physical uses of the force, Kylo was an expert, but with his attention directed elsewhere, Rey had easily bested him.
"I'm such an idiot." He griped, "How is she going to survive out there? She comes from a desert planet for force sakes!" Multiple situations involving Rey's death flickered through Kylo's mind, getting lost, freezing, starving, and if the First Order had introduced any other horrific species to the planet she could quite possibly become some animal's next meal.
Unwilling to allow her to die Kylo stretched himself out. For however long he had slept, it had allowed his body to recuperate and he had to catch up to her as soon as possible. He skipped over to a torn-out wall panel, woven wires covering it as an airtight lid. He fetched out a few dry food packages checking the time stamps. Yep, awful, tasteless, dry food always stays in-date. Tucking that into his robes he prepared to leave, tapping his lightsaber holster for assurance.
No lightsaber. Lightsaber gone. He turned on his heel, frantically scanning the room for his saber. Had the scavenger taken it?
There! It sat under a few of the broken items Kylo had sent flying the day earlier. Not only did she let him live, but she had left him his saber. The debts were beginning to add up. However, as he retrieved the saber, he realised it did not have the same weight or shape as the weapon he was familiar with.
Finally, he was in possession of his grandfather's lightsaber, yet it did not please him in the least.
Force.
What is this? A sort-of-not-really normal update?
Hahaha I started working on this chapter as soon as I finished the last.
Now Rey's motivations are clear to us, but not to Kylo.
How will it all end?
Thanks for all the support! Again, let me know what you think with a review!