Her body ached with less intensity than it did when she collapsed, she couldn't recall what happened to her after the darkness consumed her, but the warmth that she was basking in made her feel alive, and that was all it took for her to appreciate her reprieve. She did not know how long she had been out for but judging from the numbness in her toes, she knew that she had been laying here for over half a day, at most. She opened her eyes slowly to inspect her environment; she lay in a dimly lit tent with thick layers of blankets, which only served to make her more uncomfortable than it was originally set out to be. She tried to move her body but the pain that radiated over her stomach only made her wince and groan; she opened her mouth slightly to breathe in some much needed air but all she felt was soreness in her throat that burnt her very lungs.
"Don't move, your body still needs rest," Aurelia said gently, she placed her hand lightly on Alysia's forehead to check her body temperature. Alysia turned her dazed gaze to her sister, confused.
"How did you…? I was walking through the blizzard… and…" she shut her eyes and tried to remember, but nothing came to her head. With each thought process, the pounding in her head grew louder and it made her want to yell out to the soundless foe.
"Shhh," she said gently to her sister, tucking stray strands of hair out of her face. "We found you collapsed, under a pile of snow not too far outside of camp. I had help from bringing you back from the brink of death," she said relief in her voice but sorrow in her eyes. "Not that you die easily."
Alysia laughed at her sister and felt her ribs protest in pain; she placed her good arm over her chest and winced in discomfort. Aurelia's eyes lingered on Alysia's bruised body and felt trepidation well inside of her.
"How did you ever survive?" she asked, concern in her eyes.
"Ah…The Elder One, he—I don't really remember what happened, Lia. Sorry," she managed, while shuffling her right arm quickly beside her. "Is everyone alright?" she asked, in hopes of changing the tide of the topic.
Aurelia sighed heavily and shook her head at her sister. "Yes. Everyone is fine. I'm more… worried about you, Aly. You were barely breathing when we found you."
Alysia smiled weakly at her sister and ignored her question entirely by gazing at the side of the tent. She stayed silent and continued to stare blankly at the creases the tent made. Annoyed by the lack of information from her sister, Aurelia rolled her eyes and stood up from her stool and proceeded to exit the tent. "Suit yourself," she said exasperated before leaving.
Alysia slowly lifted her right arm over her head and gazed at the cuts on her fingers, she remembered what Corypheus had done to her and if he had his way she would be dead by now. But something saved her, something deep within her connected, and saved her from her certain death that night—but she did not know if telling her sister, or anyone would be a good idea. Would they treat her any different than they did now? Would someone take her away to a Circle? Would she be denied freedom as she was back home? She did not know, and that uncertainty only made her more fearful from telling the truth.
She pulled her hood lower as she strode pass the group of people who were sitting close to Mother Giselle, listening intently to her telling tales about the Maker. Alysia rolled her eyes and wrapped her cloak even tighter around her to conceal her identify as much as she was keeping the cold out; the last thing she needed right now was to be called out as being the harbinger of change. When the singing began, Alysia felt her entire body burn from embarrassment but more so from the fact that everyone was staring directly at her while singing the damnable song, worshiping her as if she was some sort of religious symbol—she never wanted to be the fucking Herald of Andraste but after her ill-fated encounter with Corypheus and her survival, it only fed to the idea that she was who they claimed her to be. She could no longer be at peace with herself, especially with everyone's eyes falling on her with each movement she made; slowly the fear of not being able to live up to their ideals started to creep in—she needed to be alone, away from everyone. Through the exhaustion and insistent pain in her stomach she made her way out of the camp, she didn't know how far off she had walked but her feet seemed to stop when the chattering around her all but turned into a hushed hum; the slight silence gave her a minute to recollect herself.
Alysia found herself pleasantly comfortable sitting on a rock near the edge of a cliff, from here the stars above her seemed to glow a lot brighter and the mountains beyond her had a lovely grey hue that danced with the cloud's movement. It was truly a remarkable sight. It gave her a silent reminder that through all of the bitterness in the world—through her encounter with Corypheous, there were some things worth living for; with each calm intake of breath she felt something build within her. She hadn't spoken to anyone about what happened to her, sure she told Cassandra and Leliana all there was to know but she left out the parts where he enjoyed watching her writhe in pain and where she was certain about her death and wanted to succumb to it.
Sorrow is a despicable thing—it comes in great waves and smothers us. Alysia had always been a genius at it, she was always immersed in it but in the certainty of death, her grief felt more like fear—fear in being unable to believe anymore and she loved to believe that her pain was purposeful and that everything would eventually get better.
She let out a deep sigh at the thought and shook her head, reminding herself firmly that her rare time alone should be spent with pleasant thoughts instead of ones with demons lingering, threatening to consume her sanity. In between the sounds of the cold wind and howls coming from the mountain peaks, she heard twigs crunch beneath a singular footstep. She turned around to face the person behind her and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Solas. He was barely covered in any warm clothes, saved for the thick wool wrapped around his neck but his feet were bare as they had always been; she wondered silently how he managed to keep warm through the intense cold. She bowed her head politely and invited him to sit next to her on the rock.
"What brings you all the way out here?" she asked as he sat next to her. She could feel his shoulders slightly touching hers and it sent a tingle down her spine.
"I could ask you the same thing, but I already know the answers to that," he said while smiling warmly at her.
"And so you came out here to comfort me?" Alysia asked, while wiggling her eyebrows.
Solas chuckled slightly at her. "Not entirely." She felt his gaze fall on her but it was less critical than everyone else's at camp, and friendlier. She couldn't find the courage to face his comforting gaze because she knew that she would fall apart and she couldn't allow herself to do that—she had to be strong for everyone's sakes.
"Come," he finally said into the silence. Solas stood up from the rock and lay his entire body on the cold ground and extended his right arm for Alysia to join him. She eyed him skeptically and then shuddered at the thought of how cold the ground might be. As if he sensed her concern, he casted a blue flame that danced in a ring around them—she raised her eyebrow at him and proceeded to lie on the cold ground beside him.
"So bossy," she exclaimed while lying her head down on the wet surface, it sent shivers throughout her body and she immediately regretted trusting the elf.
"How is this supposed to be a good idea?" she asked, her brows knitted in annoyance at his idea.
"Hush," he said calmly. "Look up," he instructed her. Puzzled, she did as she was told and when she finally did look up, she understood what he meant. Above the puffy clouds resided an entire universe she couldn't touch but could only see. The sky stretched above her and made her feel so small under all of its glittering lights, everything that she felt now felt minute under its expanse, the night was much bigger than the day and when the sky receded the universe expanded above unknowingly to her. It was an odd feeling, to finally feel and see that the world was a large place, and that the stars above her were alive in their own way, and that they were all watching someone, somewhere. She lifted her arms up to touch the distant stars, she wanted to scoop it all up and let its light sink into her skin, she wanted it to swim inside her blood and become a part of her.
She felt tears prickling on the side of her eyes, threatening to stain her cheeks; Solas lay next to her in silence, his eyes gazing at the stars above him too. Was this what he wanted to tell her? That through this larger than life persona that the people had given her, was she still the same person? That through the passage of time, was she still the same Alysia? The same person as she was when she was ten, when she spent her nights sleeping in Aurelia's bed to keep to monsters under her bed at bay. When she was sixteen and rebellious but had the time to stop and look at the night sky through the bustle in her life. Chasing a herd of cattle through the estate, stealing cakes from the pantry, reading in her father's library, sealed off in a locked room; look up—and she was still the same ten year old again under all of these same stars. Her tears began to flow down her face as she could no longer hold herself together, she covered her tear stained face with her arms—she heard Solas clench his fist against the snow, did he feel responsible for making her realize this? No. This was what she needed. This what was she needed to be reminded, that she was the same as everyone else. The only difference was that she was given a mark she did not ask for and in turn that made her someone the people looked up to—someone the people needed as their guide.
After a moment, the tears stopped and the only sound that filled the cliff was of Solas' breathing and the dance of the wind blowing against them.
"So… what was it that you came here for again?" she asked, breaking the silence between them while wiping her tears. She returned her gaze to Solas to ease the pain she felt growing in her heart.
Solas merely huffed slightly through his nose, and titled his head sideways to face her, he shot her a comforting smile before he spoke, which somehow only made Alysia even more worried at whatever it was he wanted to discuss with her.
"The orb Corypheus carried. The power he used against you. It is elven," he stopped for a moment to inspect her reaction. Her gaze hardened at his words but never faltering from his face. "Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave. I do not yet know how Corypheus survived…nor am I certain how people will react when they learn of the orb's origin," he added, before lowering his gaze back to the cold ground.
Alysia stared at Solas for a moment, unsure of how to respond to the truth that was being revealed to her.
"Alright. What it is it and how do you know about it?"
"They were foci. Used to channel ancient magics. I have seen such things in the Fade. Old memories of older magic. Corypheus may think it Tevinter. His empire's magic was built on the bones of my people. Knowing or not, he risks our alliance. I cannot allow it."
"This whole mess is confusing. I can see how elves might be an easy target," she said when she saw Solas' face turn into a scowl. To which his face softened at her words, they weren't lies after all. Everyone in Thedas knew that elves had the short end of the string and whatever history they could preserve from their former selves had been skewed and no one truly knew what their true history were, not even the Dalish.
"So, what do we do now?" she asked quietly. Ever since the Inquisition was declared reborn, Alysia's sole purpose was to close the Breach but after the disastrous events that ensued, she no longer knew what she had to do. Corypheus was still alive, she knew that—and him and his followers will not stop until they wreak havoc all over Thedas. But she had neither ideas nor means to stop them. She felt as lost as she had been when she first awoke in the jail cell
"By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it. Changed you," Solas said, his eyes never leaving hers. "Scout to the north. There is a place that waits for a force to hold it. There is a place where the Inquisition can build… grow," he added and paused momentarily, waiting for his words to register in her head.
"How do you know of this place?" she asked.
Solas eyes fell to ground and swiftly back up at her. He lifted his body off the ground and extended his arm out to her. "Through speaking with spirits in the Fade, they have given me answers to questions I found difficult to place. Come. Lead them as you did. Be their guide." He smiled warmly at her, with a hint of resolution in his eyes as he waited for her to grab his arm.
Alysia lowered her eyes to the mark on her left hand and pondered for a moment. His words drummed at the back of her head, reminding her that there were so many people who placed their trust in her and now was not the time to be weeping over the past that she could no longer change. She did not choose this life, she did not know what it had in store for her but she knew that she to let go of certainty. This was her life; she had to live it with the willingness to embrace paradoxes. Even if it was exhausting, uncertain, and twisted, but nonetheless, there was something worth fighting for there.
She looked up at him wryly, and grabbed his slender fingers; she intertwined hers with him and somewhere within herself she felt contentment and at ease with his slight touch. He pulled her off the snow and chuckled at how her face seemed to grow more blithe as she steadied herself on the ground. Unwillingly, she parted her hand from his and they both walked silently back to the camp, with resolution running through her veins.