A/N: I don't know if it's good or bad, but I didn't abandon this story! Hopefully you guys didn't either.

I hope to read your thoughts soon! I'll try not to delay the next chapter this much, I apologize for that, but my colleges had been crazy. x

Chapter 13: Secrets

Thank God Darren's the type of drunk that can hold their own, because when he ran into Devin he already had more than enough, but even then he felt the need to ask her if she wanted something to drink once they got to his place –despite he knew Devin had never liked beer, and that it was the only thing he had in his fridge at the moment.

She still said yes, while she sat on the couch, legs crossed delicately and a tilt of her head. She observed him as he walked back with two glasses, and the sips she took seemed to be out of commitment.

"I've really missed you a lot."

Darren knew that she said it like three times already, -but it never feels less satisfying and although it's always a little bitter- he couldn't help but to grin.

"I know, me too."

It's not a lie, but it's not completely true either.

But Devin didn't finish, and the feeling of her hand on his lap was stronger than the alcohol. "It's been hard for me since Joe and I…"

The grin faded out quickly; Darren hoped to not hear the mention of Joe that soon –actually, to not hear his name at all, and he started trying to forbid the guilt to push him back, because everything about this was fair and Joe shouldn't be able to take that moment away from him without even being present.

"Why did you even break up with him, then?" He didn't mean for that question to come out so rudely abrupt, but Devin just frowned.

"It's ironic that you ask me that, since you knew."

Darren didn't catch it at first, until she looked into his eyes with such bitterness and he felt his throat sore for a few seconds.

Of course Darren knew Joe had been seeing another girl during the last weeks, but from what Joe had told them she was from out of town and he was covering it up so cautiously that he'd never dare to assume that was the connection between their break up.

"I'm sorry, I-" He shook his head, but he couldn't be quick to make up an excuse.

"It's okay. I wasn't expecting you to tell me, not in these circumstances." She admitted, shrugging.

One of the things Darren used to like the most about Devin was her understanding, she'd hardly ever judge him about anything; but now it gave him a feeling of numbness. Every few moments, it almost felt like if she wasn't there.

She took another sip from her glass; her other hand was still on his lap. "You and me, both got repeatedly screwed over, so we're together in this."

She was partly joking, but there was something genuine in her words, and when she looked down her long eyelashes trembled, and –kinda because of the alcohol, kinda because it had been wanting to happen since months ago- he was the one to lean in to kiss her, the hand on his lap tightening.

Devin's lips were exactly how Darren expected them to be, exactly how he remembered them. But she was avid, determined, shameless. He hid his disappointment (he hoped something more than a person made of memories) holding her jaw to deepen the kiss, and the quick and energetic responses she gave encouraged him to get handful of every part of her body he could touch.

Ten minutes later, she was under him on the bed of his room, she had taken off the green dress that highlighted so greatly the blue in her eyes, and her skin felt as soft as he remembered, too.

But something's not fitting, and he thought it was everything before it hit him –the alcohol, the light, the anxiety or the fact that he hadn't had sex in a while, but it wasn't that, and when he fell into the count of it, it kind of froze him.

Devin continued to kiss him for a while more before realizing he stopped responding. Her hand kept holding his jaw, and she looked at him, but she didn't say a thing.

"How long did you know?"

Darren's question came out of nowhere and there was a pause. The silence was so deep that he heard clearly how she swallowed hard before asking with an unsteady voice, "What?"

"About Joe." He wasn't rough, but there was a harsh certainty in the tone of his voice that took her unprepared. "How long did you know he was cheating on you?"

Devin frowned, giving a confused answer. "Like a month and a half, maybe a bit more. I'm not sure. Why?"

Darren sat up, ran a hand through his hair and shook his head; how could he be so blind?

Devin sat up too, but she wasn't following him. She thought things were turning out quite good. "What the fuck is going on?"

"It's a revenge." It was a statement, but more for himself than for anyone else. "Isn't it?"

"Darren, I don't know what you're talking about."

"When you started trying to talk to me again. Giving me those idiotic eyes, touching my shoulder and saying you missed me. Did you know?" He looked at her, and Devin pressed her lips together, uncomfortable, in a silent confession. "Of course you did. You knew Joe was cheating on you, and there's no best revenge than to fuck his best friend. Right?"

Devin didn't say a thing.

He snorted a laugh, but he was laughing of himself more than anything else. Did he really think that she was trapped in a relationship with Joe just because she felt lost without him or something? Did he really think that she had been waiting for him to come back? It was so narcissist from his part that he knew he kind of deserved it, but he still couldn't help but to feel disgusted at everything –at Devin, at her kisses, at her body in underwear lying on his bed.

"I thought you realized that already." Her tone was still soft (as it always was) but there was a pinch of wounded ego reflecting on it.

Darren stood up, and grabbed the glass he had brought when they got inside of the bedroom. The beer was warm, thick, and he was sure it'd make him feel sick later; but he needed to do something because the anxiety was starting to consume him.

"I should learn to expect better from you, evidently."

"Please! You're not any different." This time the grudge was obvious, and it seemed like if the words sickened her, too, and she felt bad for letting them out. "Lauren dumped you literally two days ago, and you're going to tell me it's a coincidence that you choose to hook up with the girlfriend of the guy who made you break up. We both had the same intentions, and it's stupid that you pretend now that you didn't."

Darren sighed due the nuisance in his throat the beer gave him; and he didn't look at her when he said:

"You should go."

He didn't know if the sob he heard was real or a product of his imagination –and he sorta felt like shit because he couldn't care less whether she was crying or not, but when he turned around, she wasn't. She had put on her clothes and gave him a dead stare.

"It's too late anyway." Devin said gravelly. "Everyone saw us leaving together."

Darren's heart skipped a beat.

Even if Lauren dumped him, he didn't want her to hear that rumor this soon, and he didn't want her to swallow hard and raise her eyebrows to say with a broken voice Just how I expected him to be.

"Please don't go and say…"

"And what I'm supposed to say?" Devin snapped, walking to the door. She was very upset. "That you kicked me out of your bed? I have at least some dignity to forbid myself to hear that, unlike you."

Darren didn't let himself get too carried away, he knew Devin wasn't mean, but if she went around saying they slept together, he'd have so many troubles. So so so many.

"You can make up anything else."

Devin opened the door and looked at him. "Since when do you care? It's not like if a dozen of people in the campus don't hate you guts already." Her face was becoming red; hint that she was truly offended. "Don't tell me you're scared that Lauren finds out, because I'll lose any respect I had left for you."

"You've no idea what's going on, Devin. Not anymore." He seemed much more calmed than what he actually was. He grabbed the edge of the door and shook his head, "You don't want to make this mess. It'll affect you as bad as me. Can't we avoid that?"

"You should've thought about that before bringing me here."

She grabbed the doorknob and pulled from it so hard to close the door between them, that Darren had to step back from that unexpected and violent movement. He heard the sound of her high heels estranging through the hall. His stomach made a noise.

The warm beer started to kick in.

Caroline suspected something since the first night.

There's something wrong?, she had asked twice that day, but she didn't insist any longer. There was no way of pushing Lauren to say something she hadn't decided to share.

But when she confirmed it, during class, almost five days later, she couldn't keep her mouth shut. The door of the auditorium opened almost half an hour into improv class, while they were gathering together in groups, Lauren turned her head around and looked back to the front like if she just tried to stare right into the sun; and after Darren walked past them with tense shoulders, Caroline looked –first at him, walking towards the other side of the room; and then at her friend, whose eyes were avoiding everything. She whispered quietly:

"So, what's going on?"

She could almost feel the upcoming vague and stupid answer.

"Nothing."

"You guys just decided to ignore each other for no apparent reason?" She was glad the class was noisy enough to let her ask the next question out loud. "Did something happen at the New Year's party? You know, I'll probably find out anyway if you don't tell me."

Lauren shook her head, "It just happened what it was meant to happen: it ended. Come on, you could imagine that it wouldn't last since the start." She explained, and her eyes glanced at his figure for only a second, in what it was almost instinctive. "We're too different."

"Did Darren do something?" Caroline wouldn't conform with that explanation. She wanted to know the facts.

And it's not that Lauren didn't trust her. It wasn't that at all. It was just that confessing about everything that went down (and what she assumed it went down) would make it too real, and she wasn't ready to endure that. Maybe if she kept it to herself, it'd only consume tiny pieces of her and nobody would notice.

"He didn't do anything, besides being who he is." And hanging out with the people he hangs out, and doing what they do.

Caroline first rolled her eyes out of exasperation, and –like if she remembered the situation- she squeezed her elbow and said softly:

"Whatever it is, I'm sorry." She grinned before adding cheekily, "Good news is, you're free this Saturday to hang out with me. There's live music at the Hard Rock Café."

Lauren grinned back through the next three seconds before the teacher started to give new indications for the next activity, and everyone could focus on something else. Her friend's invitation didn't genuinely sound that bad –while dating Darren she started to get used to hang out and be outside around people every once in a while.

It took her barely a week to realize that tutoring was sort of therapeutic for her. She entertained herself with social interaction that made her feel useful. Besides, she was good at it, and her mentees would look up to her for advices about the academic institutions she managed by first hand.

So she walked out of the classroom later in the evening than what she was used to, because a freshman wanted to clear a doubt that was difficult to explain hurriedly, and the boy didn't catch the subtlety of her constant glances at the hour in her phone. She forced a polite goodbye while he walked towards the opposite part of the hall, and she precipitated her steps faster through the now empty quiet halls of the university while her thumb dialed a number.

"Mom? I know I said I'd call you earlier, but I couldn't make it." She said, opening the door of the building and feeling the fresh wind on her face. It got dark earlier than usual during that time of the year. She grimaced shortly, starting her ten minute walk to her place. "And I can't really talk right now, I just wanted to make you know it's all right. Don't worry about it. It's all good there with you?"

Her mother sighed –Lauren knew she couldn't even help it- before explaining the usual drawbacks she had with her clients during work. The story quickly got monotony, and she could feel it becoming background noise as a bike passed next to her, too fast to give her time to recognize the rider. But she did know it wasn't Darren, because she'd be able to tell it was him. It was probably one of his friends, but she couldn't avoid for the memory of him to fall back on her mind.

She swallowed thick, without realizing she was interrupting her mother's story:

"Hey, mom, listen. Remember when you talked to me about Michael's case the other day?"

"Of course. I explained that to you a million times, Lauren."

"Um, yeah, it's just that I want to really get to know him, since- you know, he was interested in me during the Christmas' party." That was just one lie followed by other, because neither did Michael would consider dating her, and least of anything she'd ever want to get close to him. She didn't know if what she was told about him was true, but she didn't need it to be to clearly tell he wasn't someone she wanted to have around.

"You're finally thinking straight, honey…" Her mother sounded content, but Lauren didn't let her continue.

"I know, but listen… what is his case about? He's being accused of something, right?"

"Well, darling, he wouldn't need a lawyer otherwise." The politeness in her tone came out a bit mean, but Lauren almost didn't notice.

"He's guilty. Right?"

"You know I cannot give away that information, and least through the phone… He doesn't mean any danger for you, if that's what concerns you." She sounded a little offended now, because she didn't catch where Lauren's questions were leading to.

Lauren rolled her eyes –lucky she couldn't tell. As if!

"But you're going to accuse someone else. That's my point."

"It's what it takes."

Basic law of her work. She knew it, but she didn't want to hear it.

Lauren bit her lip, harder than what she intended to. "It's not… it's not anyone from here, Michigan's University, right? Because –people know I'm your daughter. I don't want to get in troubles."

"This is so much bigger than you or whatever you're thinking of, but you're safe there, don't ever doubt that." The woman made a pause. "What is truly this about, Lauren?"

She was bad at lying, and her mom was suspecting something –she had her reasons to. She wasn't determined on her decision enough to know if Darren was worth risking all she was risking with that conversation. She still wasn't sure how he felt about him, so she ended the call with a fake excuse.

The truth is that she didn't know Darren. She had no idea who he was. Was he the guy who made her smile between kisses, whose chest was always warm and disposed for her to rest in, and whose calm grip always brought her back to reality? Was he the one Michael or her mother could give a better description of? Or was he his friends, with nothing more in their minds but the preoccupation of finding a new party to crash on?

She only knew that he was messed up, but he didn't know if that hard, complicated and obscure shell harbored a honest person who was trying to find his place on earth; or if it was the other way around. She couldn't determine what part of her reality was shaped by her former opinion.

And she knew it was something that was further from her reach then, yet she felt that uncommon urge to protect him.

"You know who's here?" Caroline whispered, leaving her jacket at the back of the chair, and taking a seat next to Lauren. "That guy Joe Walker."

Lauren left her purse on the table, in front of her, and dragged the chair a bit to get closer.

"You can go talk to him if you want, but I don't recommend it."

"A suggestion: A true friend would volunteer to introduce us."

Lauren straightened up her back, since imagining that scenario almost provoked a chill down her spine. She made an effort to continue with that conversation naturally.

"A suggestion: Forget about that."

"Come on, you know him. Who cares if you're ignoring Darren? They probably have done the same at some point. Life goes on."

Julia cut off her chat with Dylan and one of their friends to defend Lauren, "Leave her alone, it's been a week." Lauren was going to clear up that she was doing completely fine –which wasn't as true as she'd wish. She was okay; she didn't feel like not getting out of the bed every morning or like getting drunk until she passed out. She just wasn't as good as she was when she was with Darren, but that was something she was far from admitting. Julia stood up, "I invite the drinks, let's go."

While they walked to the little crowd pushing each other at their side of the bar, Lauren peeked at the stage of the café, they were finishing making the last adjustments to the music equipment and Nick was repeating a few words to check the sound. According to Dylan, a few of their friends from senior year were going to open the show, and there'd probably be karaoke later.

"Ugh, this girl's been chatting with the barman for over five minutes." Julia complained, whilst Lauren wasn't paying much attention. "Excuse me, can you move?"

The girl turned around so harshly that they thought she was going to punch Julia, but her expression changed abruptly when she recognized Lauren next to her, first to shock and then to joy.

Lauren's face couldn't disguise the surprise as well, and she could barely react when the girl placed a hand on her arm, "Lo, hey!"

"Rachel." Her tongue finally responded. She was the least person she thought she'd see. "I wasn't expecting to find you here."

"Yeah, I came with some- um, friends." The unsaid name was obvious, but she continued quickly. "How are you?"

"I'm good, good." Repetition didn't make it sound more honest, but she added, "This is Julia. Julia, Rachel."

"Hi." Her friend looked uncomfortable by the sudden change of roles. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Rachel's red lips folded in a charming laugh as she shook her head, "It's fine. You were right, I'm blocking the way." And with this, she left room for Julia, and turned to Lauren again while she bought the drinks. "I'm glad to see you. You look great."

"Thanks, you too." Lauren replied, and this was honest because so far she had never met her while she didn't look like the lead singer from a 90s all-girl rock band. "I'll see you around."

Rachel gave the girl a kiss on the cheek before walking back to her table with the ice container with the champagne. The band finally started playing, and she had to raise her voice to be heard over the sound of that slow indie song.

"What if I told you" She said, pulling the cork from the bottle in a second with a loud click, "the girl you've been crying about the entire week is in this room?"

"He's had her around during four classes and she acts like if he doesn't exist anymore. What does that tell you?" Joe grabbed the bottle and started to serve the cold, foaming liquid in their glasses.

"Ugh, he couldn't even defend himself from the crying accusation. It's killing me." Rachel sadly admitted while she drank from her glass.

Darren gave her a sarcastic smile. "I have a plan."

Apparently, Devin either sympathized with him or failed in her attempt to screw everything up, because neither Joe nor Lauren knew about what happened the other night after he leaved Joe's, and that was enough for him.

None of this was a surprise. He knew Lauren was coming, he had known days before and confirmed it when he saw her walking in with tight jeans and a beige peacoat. He kept it a secret the moment of fruition in which he sorted it all out, but there'd be time for that later, if everything went correctly.

"Sounds spicy." Rachel messed with him, grinning. "What can you possibly do? You can't do anything besides riding a bike and… singing?" She looked at the stage, the indie band wasn't really that good and it was strange since the café had a good reputation and they usually brought people who knew what they were doing. Could it be? Her jaw dropped in surprise for a second before she claimed eagerly,"Please, tell me I'm right because I've gotta fucking get this on tape."

"I can't wait until you embarrass yourself in front of a hundred people." Joe said excitingly.

"Do you really think this is going to work with someone like Lauren?" Rachel asked, unsure. She didn't seem the type of girl who loved the attention on herself or something as cheesy as a serenate.

"What do I have to lose?" Darren shrugged, resigned.

"Reputation."

"Self respect."

Darren ignored his friends' instant answers and took a few sips of champagne, "Wait and see."

He was pretending more confidence than what he believed to have, but he could keep that secret to himself, too.

A/N: Thoughts?

Thank you for keeping up with my shitty writing and being so patient.