A/N: I really just wrote what came to my mind and hoped for the best. Hope it's not too bad.

Chapter 14: Stutter

"Are you nervous?"

Darren wasn't going to answer anything coming from Rachel as long as she held that silly, childish attitude, which he discerned since the start it was only to bother him.

"Cute." She replied to herself in response to the assumption of his silence. She kept bandying gazes with Joe and he felt he didn't have time or patience for that.

The band was finishing their last song and he was about to go upstage. Was he ready? Not at all, but he was going to do it anyway. It was one of those take it or leave it instances, he either took the shot or moved on.

He wasn't expecting to do this five days before. He was angry at Lauren. But not angry-angry, more like disappointed-angry. More like I didn't expect you to be like this, which was rare since he didn't really expect anything from her when it all started.

The revelation came to him after Devin left. His phone announced he had a new text, but the only thing it read was what's up? He threw the beer away –it was disgusting at that point- and almost didn't reply because despite it usually was fun to talk to a stranger, he felt shitty enough to avoid it right then; but instead and by causality he sent a harsh who are you?

He was glad he did it.

I'm Caroline. I wanted to talk with you about something.

Lauren wanted space? Great. He wouldn't get one step closer to her. Not anymore. She made clear she didn't want him to, and Caroline agreed with him about that. I know Lauren, she said, she can be stubborn but there's a way to get her attention.

There was a clamor when he got onstage. Not deafening, but loud enough to work as an encouragement. He started by playing a cover of Michael Bublé's "Feeling good", and fifty feet away, Lauren rested her back on the chair, complaining with a loud voice, since the table seemed to be suddenly captivated by the music.

"So, to forget about Darren, you brought me to one of his concerts. Perfect."

"I had no idea, Lauren, I'm so sorry." Her apology didn't fit neither her grin or her fake tone. Lauren gave her a killer glance.

"I might just leave."

Caroline grabbed her arm as soon as she moved a hair.

"Please, don't." She asked, "Just stay a bit more, and if it gets too weird, we'll go somewhere else."

Lauren considered the offer.

"Five minutes." She conceded.

"That's more than enough." Caroline let her arm free, smiling; internally wishing the first song didn't last long.

Darren's gaze was right into the horizon, away from their table. He was managing quite greatly the cover of a classic song with an acoustic guitar, and it was obvious the people liked it. She already knew he wasn't a bad musician at all, but that didn't mean she wanted to watch him play for half an hour in the state their relationship was.

His expression exposed how he connected deeply with the songs; it was actually kind of distracting. She found herself looking at his face more than what she'd like to admit; and she was glad it was dark and no one was paying attention to her.

He drank from his bottle of water once he finished the song; the people clapped and there was a particular corner at the other side of the bar that was cheering stridently. He took about ten seconds to adjust his guitar's strings, and there was a subtle grin on the corner of his lips when he walked to the microphone again and said after taking in a long breath:

"This next song is kind of special. It just got out of the oven, but it can't wait anymore." He looked down for a second, like a kid about to perform a mischief, "This song goes for Lauren… Lauren Lopez. You know her, right?" He grinned to himself, like if saying that was completely normal, and then he added, "You should."

She could tell the exact second when her blood froze; eyes widened and her jaw dropped a bit to let out the last molecule of air in her organism. There was a babble, and at least a dozen of eyes stared right at her for a long moment; and she'd have felt extremely embarrassed if it hadn't hit her like a commotion. She felt in a numb shock, like a spectator of the situation. Did he really just say that?

"What –what is he doing?" She asked lowly, emotionless. She couldn't move, or say anything else. She just couldn't.

Caroline looked at her with a proud smile, but she didn't say a thing neither.

Darren looked at her for two seconds, too, before starting to play with a sudden strike of chords. He had found her eyes so easily.

Remember that time?

When you wouldn't talk to me?

No, you wouldn't talk to me, all night.

Remember that song?

And all the words we'd sing?

Well here's a song I sing, all right.

His voice was strong. Not exceedingly loud, but you'd have to make an effort to focus on something else. She sensed a tinge of resentment, but she didn't know if that was just her brain playing a bad trick. It was still too soon to tell.

Remember that way?

How you'd never lie to me,

'Cause you'd never lie to me, no way.

You could be faking it,

My god, don't be like that.

I don't like the way you act

Around me.

So, baby, come on, come on...

He gave a step backwards when the rhythm of his guitar speed up for a moment, sort of lining onwards. His hair flipped when he stood up straight for the chorus, and this time she confirmed the feeling of grudge on his voice.

Oh, don't you tell me no,

There you go again…

You're ten out of ten,

Sorry, did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know,

There you go again…

You were never my friend,

You were never my-

You were never my lover, no.

She gulped slowly. It was bizarre. She'd have never imagined to hear someone saying those things about her that way. She distinguished quickly the lane of the song; it wasn't innocent, it wasn't romantic. And it was strange, but there was a part that made her feel all greedy and anxious.

Remember that night?

When I saw you standing there?

Dark eyes and light hair,

It's just you.

Remember the way?

How you were way out of line?

And I was way out of time,

For you…

And I got your number

Right next to your name

But it ain't no thing, no

No, it ain't enough…

And I've got your word, I know,

But it's all I'll get,

Trying to forget

Your kind of love.

Lauren couldn't believe he was really singing about that, in front of everyone. Then she realized that no one but themselves knew what it was truly about. It was a very public gesture, but it was also intimate and secret on its way.

He went through the chorus again, and then his voice lowered and he stopped playing the guitar. He ran a hand through his hair, and slowly closed his eyes; a hand on the microphone stand. It was almost like if he wasn't singing.

I know you could be better,

Don't have to waste my time,

It's not like I need you more than

I need me and mine.

His voice rose again, but the intention on it was different now.

But I know that you want it,

Trying to get you on it.

Baby, we could fuck the rights,

Turn around and wrong it.

Spare me your convictions,

The promises you keep,

I've got a better proposition,

And the friction that you need.

Then he did it. He looked at her and their gazes crossed, it was only one second but it felt like if time became static.

Don't you tell me that

You don't want to.

Don't you tell me that

You don't want to.

Lauren could feel the heat coming from inside her stomach to her cheeks; and she didn't even have the brains to remind herself how stupid was to feel like that, because she remembered the way he kissed her that night at the Huron River, his hands on her back pulling her closer, and the way she felt when he asked if she wanted to go back, and how much she wanted to say no.

Oh, don't you tell me no,

'Cause there you go again.

You're ten out of ten,

I'm sorry, d-did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know,

But this is the end,

You were never my friend,

You were never my-

You were never my lover!

The cheers got at least twice as louder this time; which made Darren smile as he grabbed a hand towel from the stool behind him and ran it through his neck and face to clean the sweat.

He glanced again at Lauren's table, hoping to see some sort of reaction –any reaction; and the smile faded out without having him noticing. Her seat was empty.

He realized he had to continue only after a few seconds; so he forced himself to forget the disappointment and he introduced the next cover.

"Lauren, wait!"

Caroline only reached her at the sidewalk. Her friend wouldn't look at her and she seemed certainly disposed to leave.

"What are you doing?" she yelled from the opening door.

"I'm going to catch a taxi. What does it seem?"

Caroline snorted. "Why?"

"I won't stand people whispering behind my back for the rest of the night."

Caroline walked to her, "You don't wanna talk with Darren about what happened? Come on, that was amazing."

Her response was delayed, and she continued to pretend to keep looking for a cab. "What'd I say to him?"

"How you feel."

The pause was longer this time, but Lauren's voice was weak. "I don't know how the fuck I feel right now. That's the problem."

Caroline pressed her lips together, walking around her until she had no option but to look back at her.

"I think you do." She said calmly. "But you're afraid to front it."

Lauren looked down, and she could almost see how she was trying to eat down her feelings.

"And you cursed." She continued. "So it's fucking serious."

Lauren didn't plan to laugh of that phrase, but she couldn't hold it.

"Look, he's playing a gig of like five songs. He'll finish in a minute and you can go check up on him in the dresser and no one will be able to tell."

Lauren finally looked at her, surprised. "How do you know all of this?"

She shrugged, hoping this would disguise the lie, "I talked with Joe earlier tonight."

"Since when do you talk with Joe?"

"Since tonight."

Lauren shook her head, avoiding to look at her when the reply came along, "Okay."

They entered at the café again, but they stayed in the back, where the people who weren't cool enough to sit and have a beer were getting crowded; this way they wouldn't get anyone's attention. Darren played two covers and one of his original songs, which that corner of girls joined during the chorus. And as Caroline said, he walked through the hall next to the bar with his guitar when he finished.

Lauren looked at her friend, in a tacit question, and she nodded eagerly.

"Go."

She ran into Brian half in the way through the hall, and he grinned to himself. Lauren hated when they did that.

"Hey," He said. "Darren's in the room right there, to the right." He pointed towards the door.

"Thanks. Good to see you, Brian."

She smiled, and he patted her elbow while he continued walking out.

Lauren knocked three times.

"Come in." The voice inside said carelessly.

Darren was sitting on a little table, probably meant for makeup. His expression gave away that she took him by surprise with this, but he didn't say anything. He was waiting for her to talk first. And she didn't make him wait for too long.

"What were you thinking?" Her voice came out calm, but strong enough to evidence she was confident and serious; as she closed the door behind her. "Have you lost your mind?"

He raised his eyebrows; and he spoke calmly as well. "Did you like it?"

She gave a few steps forward. He needed to know this was serious. She wasn't messing around anymore.

"Do you think I like people making fun of me behind my back?"

He shook his head. "I doubt anyone is making fun of you." At least, not for this.

"What could ever make you think I'd enjoy this?"

Caroline, he almost said.

"I needed this." He explained.

"What?"

"Talking to you." He made a pause. "We need to talk about what happened that night." Darren said gravelly. "Stop pretending you don't."

Lauren ran a hand through her face, swallowing a gulp, but she walked closer. It was true. She couldn't keep avoiding it any longer; it was killing her from inside out.

"Okay." She said, nodding. "Give me a second."

Darren didn't rush the talk. He even moved the chair next to him, in the case she wanted to sit down, but she didn't accept it.

Lauren finally looked at him. She seemed considerably less upset than when she walked in.

"Where do we start?"

"I could use an explanation for the fact that you decided to completely ignore me just like that."

Lauren bit her lip first; the words felt so heavy there, at the tip of her tongue.

"I felt really lost and confused about what happened." She explained, her voice was quiet, but he had no problem hearing it. And he did carefully, because he knew that it wasn't easy for her to say it. "And scared, of course. I didn't know what to do, and had no one to blame it on. I've never been with someone who was so different to me and in a situation like that. It's hard for me to put my trust in anyone whatsoever…I guess my way to deal with it was to swallow it in, and make you go away and pretend nothing ever happened."

Darren took a moment before starting to talk, too.

"What you said that day… You didn't give me an explanation, and it was like if you thought I could–" He stopped himself from saying whatever end that sentence had, "Like if I was your enemy. How do you think that made me feel? It hurt like hell; knowing you didn't trust me, that you didn't even know who I am. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

Lauren felt like crying, but she bit her lip and did the best to soak it up. It was never her intention to make him think that.

"I know, I know." She replied quickly, trying to maintain the sense in her discourse. "I did trust you. I do; more than what I ever thought I'd trust someone. I never really believed it was your fault. I tried to, but I never genuinely bought it. But I just felt alone, and lost, and-"

"I wanted to be there for you! I'd support you through anything." The rage of the first recrimination faded out quickly, and she found hard to hold the deep brown on his eyes looking back. "But I can't do that if you keep pushing me away. Do you understand that?"

She could only nod at the kindness of his last question, and it hit her hard how much her brain and chest were craving to have that talk. It felt like if she took a massive weight off her shoulders. But she was still on the edge of crying; and she couldn't talk for a moment.

"I'm so sorry for that night, Lo." Darren continued, for a moment he looked down at his hands, his fingers were crossed over his lap. He shook his head, "Shit, if I knew something like that could happen, I'd have never taken you there. Or paid attention to those idiots half block away. Or… I don't know. Anything I could've done to avoid it."

"I'm sorry for repeatedly shutting you out. Weirdly, you're the honest one from both of us."

Darren grinned. He jumped from the table he was sitting on, and this way he was surreptitiously close to her, and she could feel all the tension building up around them.

"You okay?" He whispered, looking at her. "I mean, with… everything."

"Yeah, it's just…"

She had been holding it for so long, a few tears came out quietly without her permission. And Darren's arms were around her, pulling her in a gentle embrace; and she realized she really missed this, too. She had been repressing the urge to cry, but she felt free after the tears came out; he didn't make her feel embarrassed or anything similar.

Lauren rested her chin on his shoulder. She didn't sob, neither continued crying; she had vent it all in words.

They stayed like that for a moment. Darren closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that it was really happening.

"So, did you like it?" Darren asked once she pulled away.

"What?" She didn't get what he was talking about at first; she almost forgot that they were at the café and that this was actually their first talk after quite a few days.

"The song." He cleared, like if that was obvious.

She giggled shortly; realizing all the reasons she had to be upset vanished in ten minutes. "Jesus." She let out, "I don't know. It was unexpected. It's a good song, it's just that it was…" She hoped him to assume the end of the phrase, but he just raised his eyebrows waiting for her to continue. "You know, sort of erotic. I never thought you'd write a song for me, and less one like that. It was weird having all those people hearing that. But it was…"

"Hot?"

"Kind of, yeah." She grinned, hoping the rose in her cheeks wasn't that obvious; but the smile of pride on his face said the contrary. "Don't ever do it again."

"Only if we can be honest with each other from now on." He stated lowly.

"I'll start." Lauren said, placing a hand on Darren's chest while he leaned towards her. He only stopped in the verge of crushing his nose against hers. She didn't complain. "I hated the whole don't-know-what-we-are thing. I'm more of a relationship person, so if you truly want me it has to be that way."

The tone of pretension finally made appearance through that half-smile, "Are you saying you want me to be your boyfriend?"

"Do you think you can do that?" She asked, unsure. Darren and serious relationship almost seemed like an oxymoron.

"Oh, you have no idea." Darren said and instantly broke the distance between them with a sweet, slow kiss, and she closed his eyes and for a moment she didn't care that the entire university knew it.

He grabbed her jaw and lifted it a bit with his thumb and index finger; and he kissed her for a while, and he didn't even seem to have heard the door opening behind Lauren.

"Oh, sorry." Rachel said from the door, although the smile on her face didn't seem to apologize. Joe was behind her. "I think you've got better plans now, but we'll be at Brian's, if you wanna go."

Darren cut the kiss, but he didn't even let go her jaw or waist while he replied, "I'll see what I'll do, if not I'll catch you guys later."

"Sure, see ya." Rachel replied quickly, closing the door.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Darren asked, his fingers gently caressing the side of her neck. Lauren closed her eyes for a few seconds. "Wanna go to my place? No pressure, but I'll have to sing again if you say no."

She giggled, "There's no need to. But it'll be really embarrassing for me to leave with you just because you sang a song. What will people think?" The sarcasm in her voice was obvious.

"I got it covered." He said, grabbing her hand to lead her through the back door.

They rode in Darren's bike to his place. Lauren rested her head on his back, eyes closed, wind whipping her hair. She felt way more liberated, but she wasn't happy. Not yet. There still were unsaid words, unresolved issues, and unanswered questions.

But this was a start.

They shared a sandwich he found in the fridge, and twenty minutes later, she was sitting on his bed, rubbing her hands against her skinny jeans; Darren getting out of the bathroom.

"I talked to my mom the other day." Lauren said, "I tried to get some info about Michael. I didn't succeed, but I'll keep trying. She must know everything about it."

She had been wanting to talk about that really hard too. It was something that always was in the back of her head, making her wonder if he was really safe, and how long would that last, even if it wasn't her responsibility.

"You don't need to worry about me." Darren said, sitting down next to her. He grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers, "I'll be fine."

He didn't know if he'd be fine, but he did know he wanted Lauren as far from that as it was possible.

"Just be careful, okay?" The sweet tone disappeared as she rolled her eyes, "I feel like I'm asking an elm tree to give me apples."

Darren giggled. "I'll do my best."

He leaned closer to kiss her again, this time without the concern of the door opening or an interruption ruining the moment.

And he kisses her. He kisses her for a long time.

Until the tiredness took over and fingers trembled and mouths reached for air. It kinda surprised him that he didn't need to ask her what she wanted to do, the implication that it had been a very emotional loaded day was enough, so he handed her an old t-shirt, and focused all of the moral sense he had into avoiding to peek at the place where she was changing her clothes.

Then he covered her with the sheet, otherwise he might just not be capable of staying on his senses; but he kissed her again because it was still hard to believe that she was genuinely there, next to him, grinning half into the kiss.

Darren was lying on his side, next to her, his hand sliding through her rib cage, eyes almost closed.

"You're tired." Lauren observed, looking at him. She gently pressed her fingertips on his eyelids, slowly closing them like if he was a corpse. "Sleep." She whispered; her voice throaty indicating that she was exhausted as well. "I promise nothing will change when you wake up."

He didn't admit that it was probably because he hadn't been able to rest properly until that moment.

"I've missed you." He said, instead.

Lauren rolled over her tummy, sinking the side of her head into the pillow and looking at him. A strand of hair fell over her face.

"Me too." She softly placed a finger on his lips. "Sleep," she repeated.

He felt like his eyes and brain obeyed her voice, and he almost couldn't wait for the next morning, the sunlight on her hair, voice raspy and quiet, fingers playing lightly with the curls above his ear.

And it felt like placing a pencil at the margin of a white blank page.

A/N: Thoughts? Suggestions? thanks for still being here!