Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and is enjoying short story month, the regular schedule will resume Monday January 12th.
Ch.3 Things I Long to tell You
(ADAM)
"It's Clare," my brother says with surprise looking at his ringing phone. I smile as he answers knowing why Clare is calling. "Umm okay…sure Bianca and I can come what's the address…uh yeah sure…see you in a bit," Drew says slowly with apprehension in his tone and hangs up the phone.
"What was that about?" Bianca questions.
"Clare needs to talk to me, she said you should come, and Adam too she said you already know the address," Drew comments looking at me.
"Yeah we'll need to get a cab or take the subway, when does she want to see us?" I ask.
"Right now, she said it was important and wouldn't tell me over the phone," Drew replies.
"Well tell Mom we're leaving, they aren't too far we can probably take the subway," I reply since we're in Central Park.
We tell Mom and Dad that Clare needs to see the three of us and it's very urgent, Mom seems to think it's something about Eli but they let us go and say to call them when we're done. We find the subway and take that since it seems faster than taking a cab. We still have to walk a couple of blocks to Clare and Johnny's apartment and I knock when we get there.
"Hey you're Adam I recognize you from Clare's pictures," Johnny greets me upon opening the door.
"Hi Johnny," I smile.
"Johnny it's been forever I didn't know Clare was living with you," Bianca grins hugging him. Sometimes I forget she used to hang out in the ravine.
"Yeah I had an extra room and needed a roommate, and you must be Drew," Johnny comments sizing up my brother.
"Uh yeah hi, where's Clare?" Drew questions barely shaking Johnny's hand.
"Don't be rude," Bianca admonishes Drew as Johnny opens the door to let us in.
We all step in and Johnny closes the door locking it behind us, Clare is standing behind the kitchen counter. She looks at me and Bianca but won't look at Drew; she's biting her lip and looking at her hands.
"Okay so what was so important that you had to…" Drew stops when Clare steps from behind the counter and her pregnant belly is quite obvious.
I have to admit I'm smiling; the thought that Clare is pregnant with my nephew is really exciting. Bianca is just gaping at Clare and it's hard to tell if she's going to attack Drew or start laughing. Drew is staring at her belly, it's like the sight of it has just shut him down, he's not turning red though more white.
"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Drew yells.
"Yes 28 weeks and it's yours," Clare informs him.
"No we used a condom it can't be mine, Bianca it's not mine," Drew says quickly.
"The condom must have broken Drew it has to be yours it can't be anyone else's. The baby is yours Drew. I'm not expecting anything from you; I wasn't even going to tell you b…"
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TELL ME?! IT'S MY KID AND YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP IT FROM ME!" Drew yells and Clare cringes a little, Johnny goes over and stands by her.
"Drew stop yelling she was scared," I warn him.
"I wasn't going to tell anyone Drew, it wasn't just you. I only told the people that needed to know," Clare responds.
"I'M THE FATHER YOU DIDN'T THINK I NEEDED TO KNOW," he hollers again.
"Stop yelling," Bianca and I both scold him.
"Stress isn't good for Clare or the baby. Maybe we should all sit down," Johnny suggests putting his hand on Clare's back to direct her to the sofa.
Johnny sits on the end, Clare next to him, I sit between her and my brother, and Bianca sits on the other end. Clare looks at her hands and Johnny puts an arm around her in a hug.
"When…why…wha…" Drew stumbles over his words looking at Clare but mostly her pregnant belly. She sits back putting her hand on her belly and taking Johnny's hand, I don't think she even realized she did it.
"I think what Drew's trying to say, in his stumbling sentence, is when did you find out and why didn't you tell anyone?" Bianca speaks for Drew and he nods.
Clare recounts when she found out, how she felt, how scared she was and why she didn't tell anyone. Drew listens quietly until she gets to the part about her plan and she's saying that she was set on giving the baby away.
"So you were just going to give away my child and never even tell me," Drew growls.
"Yes I didn't think you'd need to be involved, I didn't think you'd want to be involved. Every time I pictured telling you I just imagined you exploding and hating me. I was already frightened and set on getting through this on my own," Clare replies in a resolved voice but it wavers slightly and I see a tear in her eye.
"Yeah well that was a really stupid thought," Drew comments and I see Johnny glare at him a little. "I would have been surprised, probably angry but I would have been there for you. You didn't have to do this alone, go to those appointments alone try to figure it all out on your own. Heck my whole family would have helped you and if you were still set on giving up the baby we could have talked about it. You are the most stubborn person ever, you can't get through everything on your own," Drew tells her and she looks at him now.
"I don't want to give the baby away anymore," she says and looks at Johnny and he gets up grabbing something from the kitchen counter and bringing it to Clare. "I was set on giving the baby away but now I'm set on keeping it, now I want to keep our son," Clare says.
She hands Drew the ultrasound printout with a clear picture of the baby boy inside her belly. Drew takes the picture and just stares at it a second, his mouth drops open slightly and his eyes glint with happiness. He looks at the picture and grins, he grins like I've never seen him grin before.
"That's my boy," Drew says and we all smile.
"I'm not expecting anything from you I just realized you should know," Clare comments.
"I want to be involved, this is my son," Drew tells her with a firm voice and then a knock on the door startles us all.
"I'll get it," Johnny offers standing up.
"Bianca? If Drew's involved it's going to affect you too," Clare speaks up as the door opens.
"Hey I thought I…what's he doing here?" Eli inquires with venom in his tone, glaring at Drew as he steps into the apartment and Johnny locks the door again.
"I'm the dad," Drew responds through clenched teeth.
"I thought we weren't going to tell him," Eli says going over and taking Johnny's seat next to Clare.
"I was sure I wasn't going to tell him but I was also sure that I wasn't going to keep the baby and therefore Drew never needed to know. I'm keeping my son, it's Drew's son too and he wants to be involved, he has a right to be involved. I had to tell him Eli," Clare asserts.
"You really think he should be involved he got you knocked up and then treated you like crap. What the hell kind of father do you think he's going to be," Eli snarls.
"I didn't know she was pregnant and I would have been there for her if I'd known. She's carrying my son I have every right to be in his life," Drew argues.
"Not in Clare's," Eli responds putting his arms securely around Clare.
"Eli he can't be a part of his son's life and not be a part of mine. I want to raise my son and I'm not sure how that's going to work but Drew wants to be involved and he has every right to be," Clare asserts.
"I thought we going to raise the baby, get our own apartment," Eli comments.
"I didn't decide if that's what I wanted Eli," she replies and looks a little scared, her hand clutching her belly.
"But you decided Drew should be involved," Eli growls.
"I'm the father I have the right to be involved I don't think you do," Drew growls back.
"Drew's right Eli he has the right to be involved, I was sure that he wouldn't want to but he does and he should be," Clare contends.
"You should have just stayed away from her, you never should have fucking touched her," Eli barks at Drew as he lets go of Clare and leaps up. He reaches over the two of us to try and hit my brother. Clare gasps trying to get away and shield her belly, Johnny runs over to shield Clare and Drew and I push Eli away.
"DUDE YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT," Johnny tells Eli grabbing him by the shirt and pushing him toward the door. "Take a walk and if you cool down maybe I'll let you back in," Johnny informs Eli as he pushes him out the door and locks it again.
"You alright Clare?" Bianca asks before the rest of us can.
"Yeah I'm okay the boy is upset though he's moving all over the place," she comments with her hand on her belly.
"Can I feel?" Drew questions and Clare nods. I move over sitting where Eli was so Drew can feel his son move. Clare takes Drew's hand and places it on the right spot on her stomach. Drew grins when he feels it, "That's my son."
Drew sits back down and Bianca feels the baby and then me. Johnny brings Clare some water and sits in the armchair.
"How long has Eli been like that?" I ask Clare.
"I guess since telling him I was pregnant with Drew's kid, I told you how he exploded on the phone. Then he called back to apologize, it's a lot to handle and he's been very understanding, for the most part," she tells us.
"Really because that looked possessive and jealous to me," Bianca remarks.
"Yeah I hate to say it but he is acting a lot like when he was jealous of Fitz, and then Jake," I remind her.
"Let's forget about Eli for now, if you're going to be involved Drew then we have a lot to talk about. I'm not moving back to Toronto and I don't think you can move to New York. It's an eight hour drive from Toronto to New York," Clare points out.
"We'll make the drive while you're pregnant and after that maybe we can meet half way, four hours for each of us," Bianca speaks up.
"Then you're okay being involved too?" Clare asks the question Bianca never got to answer because Eli came in.
"Well I knew you two slept together and I'm not exactly shocked, Drew wants to be involved and I want to be with him. I think it will be good for him and me too. I'll still be at Wilfred Laurier and Drew will be at York but maybe we can look at transferring to schools closer to you. We could share custody, but I suppose we have a while to figure all that out," Bianca comments.
"Yeah we still have some time and we need to tell my parents, they're going to want to be involved," Drew points out.
"Oh no your mother is going to hate me," Clare says putting her head in her hands.
"They won't, they'll be shocked and maybe a little angry but they won't hate you," Drew says taking her hand and she looks up at him, "I don't. I just wish you'd told me sooner."
"We'll talk to Mom and Dad and maybe meet you for dinner. Eli probably shouldn't come but Johnny can come to support you, just to be safe," I tell Clare.
"I'll be there," Johnny nods.
"You know he likes you," I whisper to Clare when she stands up to hug me. She looks at me with her eyebrows pinched together, "Johnny he cares about you Clare."
She looks at him and back to me, "No he…"
"Yeah he does big time," I smile.
Bianca hugs Clare and Johnny, even Drew and Clare hug and he feels her belly one more time. We leave and call Mom and Dad to find out where to meet and get back on the subway.
"So telling your parents is going to be fun," Bianca remarks.
"Oh yeah tons," I nod rolling my eyes.
"Hopefully mom won't just go nuclear and she'll actually listen," my brother says hopefully, "or I'm going to need to hide and we can't bring Clare around her until she cools down."
(CLARE)
"That actually went much better than I thought it would. Well all except for Eli, I'm sorry for his behavior," I apologize to Johnny.
"Your friends had a point Clare and you told me yourself he's behaved this way before, it isn't good for you or your son," Johnny tells me and I bite my lip looking away. "Hey you told Drew and he was a little mad but he wants to be involved. Even Bianca is supportive, they want to share custody they're willing to relocate to be closer to us. Or to you and Eli, why didn't you tell me he asked you to move in?"
"He sprung it on me yesterday, said we could get our own place and raise the baby together, never tell Drew. It was after Adam came and Eli just said we should live together and I didn't know what to say. I just told him it was a lot to think about," I tell Johnny looking at him now.
"And do you want to live with him?" Johnny questions.
"I…I don't know, I love Eli and part of me probably always will, he was my first love," I reply.
"Yeah I'll always have a soft spot for Alli," Johnny nods.
"Our relationship has always been complicated, Eli's put up with a lot."
"That doesn't give him the right to treat you like that," Johnny speaks up.
"I know but he was the first to find out, really the only person to find out and he's bipolar," I reply slowly.
"And you're making excuses like a battered wife, I'm sure Eli cares about you but he couldn't even handle knowing Drew was going to be involved in his own child's life. He's jealous of Drew, he's jealous of me and he only wants to move you out of here so that we're not living together," Johnny alleges, "is it what you want Clare?"
"No, I like living here, I like living with you and I don't think I could live with Eli," I respond looking down again.
"Then stay here with me and tell Eli you can't live with him," Johnny says.
"I will," I nod.
"And break up with him," Johnny adds.
"I ca…" I don't even get the word can't out before Johnny takes my arms and presses his lips to mine. I freeze unable to breathe and just as I begin to melt into the kiss there's a loud knock on the door and we break apart.
"Clare it's me, please let me in so we can talk," Eli requests.
"I'll be in my room if you need me," Johnny says letting go of me and heading for the stairs. I almost grab him, tell him to stay with me and kiss me again but I don't move.
"Clare," Eli calls knocking on the door again.
"Coming," I yell back and turn to walk to the front door letting Eli in.
"Everyone else left?" He asks stepping in.
"Johnny's in his room and the other's went to talk to Audra and Omar. We can talk in my room," I tell him. We walk back to my room and I close the door, both of us sitting on my bed.
"I overreacted but I was surprised to see Drew here I thought you were set on not telling him," Eli comments.
"I was but I was also set on just never telling anyone, getting rid of the baby and pretending like it never happened. The more pregnant I became, the more I could feel my son moving around and grew to love him the more I struggled with the reality of keeping him. Yes I found out I was having a son and as soon as I knew that and knew I wanted to keep him I knew I had to tell Drew. Like it or not he is the father and he has every right to be involved in his child's life."
"And what kind of father do you think Drew will be?" Eli spits back.
"Eli that isn't fair you barely even know Drew," I argue.
"Neither do you," he shoots back.
"I do know him; it's why I was afraid to tell him at first. Adam is right Drew is good with kids and he is a good guy," I contend.
"You had sex with him once you don't know him, he does nothing but cause trouble for everyone," Eli says.
"Eli you're attacking Drew for no reason, he didn't know he got me pregnant, he wants to be involved in his child's life he's not trying to marry me. He's happy with Bianca and they both want to be involved. If you're going to be with me, if you're even considering raising this baby with me then you have to accept that Drew is going to be involved," I inform him.
"I don't know," Eli replies looking away from me.
"So all that talk about us living together and raising the baby you didn't mean any of that?"
"No I did Clare," he says taking my hands and locking his eyes with mine, "I meant every word. I want the two of us to live together and raise the baby on our own, just the two of us."
"But Eli it isn't just the two of us, there are more people involved. You can't keep Drew from being around his child and helping to raise his son and what about Adam? He's our friend but Drew's his brother and we don't have the right to keep Drew's family from knowing this child," I assert putting my hand on my belly. Eli opens his mouth but before he can speak my phone rings, it's Adam calling so I answer. "Hey Adam," I say into the phone and Eli moves closer like he's trying to hear.
"Hey so we told Mom and Dad, they weren't happy and shocked would be an understatement but they've settled down and come to accept it. They want you to meet us for dinner at Pisticci in an hour," Adam tells me.
"Okay I'll see you then," I reply and hang up the phone. "Can we talk about this some other time I need to get ready to meet the Torres family for dinner," I request.
"I'll come with you," Eli states with his teeth tightly clenched.
"No we think it's better if you don't come, i…"
"This is Drew's doing isn't it? He's trying to keep you away from me," Eli snarls.
"Eli it's a dinner with the Torres parents to talk about Drew's involvement and I don't know how they're going to react. No one is trying to keep us apart," I assure him.
"No Drew's trying to take you, he knows you're carrying his kid and he's trying to keep you," Eli snarls.
"Eli do you hear yourself? You're talking crazy, this is just a dinner and considering the way you reacted and how you treated everyone this afternoon you can't blame them for not wanting you there," I point out with an angry and annoyed edge to my voice.
"It shouldn't be his baby it should be mine, I don't want him involved," Eli snaps and then storms out of my room and the apartment slamming the front door.
I hear Johnny running down the stairs as soon as Eli storms out, he comes in the room sitting on the bed next to me.
"Are you okay?" Johnny asks.
"Yeah fine, I can't deal with him right now. Adam called we're supposed to meet them for dinner at Pisticci in an hour. Do you know where that is?"
"Yeah it's close to Columbia, I'll start getting ready are you sure you're okay?"
"I'll deal with Eli later let's just get ready for this dinner," I respond and get up going to my closet.
Johnny leaves my room and I start looking through my clothes but suddenly burst into tears. I'm not even a hundred percent sure why I'm crying other than Eli was being a jerk. Johnny's suddenly back in the room, turning me to him and enveloping me in his arms. I cry against his chest for a few minutes but I do feel better just being in his arms.
"I'm sorry, I'm okay, I don't even know why I'm crying," I apologize wiping the tears from my eyes as I look up at Johnny.
"You have a bunch hormones coursing through your body and I can only imagine what Eli said, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright we should get ready, dress nice," I tell Johnny.
He brushes the tears from my eyes and leaves my room again. I look at my closet settling on a black skirt that has an elastic band and sits under my pregnant belly. I pair it with a navy maternity blouse Johnny bought me last weekend while we were out, after Eli broke another date. I realize what I need to do but I can't think about now I have to prepare for this dinner with Audra and Omar. I wear black flats and brush my hair, putting makeup on to cover up the fact that I was crying. When I come out I see that Johnny is ready, black jeans and a white dress shirt with a jacket. His hair is combed back and he looks very handsome, I smile upon seeing him.
"You look great," Johnny smiles.
"Thanks so do you," I grin.
We leave the apartment and take the subway, when we get to the restaurant I tell them we're with the Torres party and they show us to the table.
"Hello Clare good to see you," Audra says barely looking up from my belly.
"Yeah you as well, Audra and Omar Torres this is Johnny DiMarco my roommate, he's been immensely supportive," I introduce Johnny to the Torres parents.
"It's good to meet you Johnny, please sit down both of you," Omar tells us after shaking Johnny's hand. Johnny pulls out my chair, I smile at him and we sit down.
"Well we were informed of the situation this afternoon and that Drew, as well as Bianca, will be involved," Audra comments.
"Yes Ma'am and I think it's great, Drew should be involved and Bianca too, you all should," I remark and then go quiet as the waiter comes to get our drink order.
When the waiter leaves I quickly explain why I didn't say anything and what my plan was. I'm sure they already heard some of this from Drew, Bianca and Adam but I want them to hear it from me. They listen silently until the waiter comes to take our order, when he leaves I continue explaining the last several months to the Torres parents.
"And now you live with Johnny who's been very supportive but what about Eli? He wants to be involved?" Audra questions.
"Eli…" I pause biting my lip and Adam looks at me.
"Did something happen with Eli?" Adam asks.
"He came over and I think we're done, he was angry that Drew was going to be involved. He was convinced Drew was trying to take me from him and just…I can't be involved with Eli anymore, it's not good for me or anyone. Johnny's been taking me to most of my appointments anyway and he's been to the prenatal class with me. As I said Johnny's been very supportive," I reply with a smile at Johnny.
"When are you due Clare?" Omar asks.
"September 13th but the doctor's said I probably wouldn't carry all the way to term," I answer.
"Does that mean our son will be born premature? Is there something wrong?" Drew questions in a panic.
"No Drew relax I'm sure everything is fine, it's probably because it's Clare's first pregnancy and with her age and size she'll go into labor early. Isn't that right Clare," Audra says.
"Yes the baby is fine Drew don't panic but that's what the doctor said, exactly what your mom just said. I don't think he'll be premature or I'll go into labor too early," I assure Drew and he relaxes just as the food is brought out.
"Have you told your mom?" Audra inquires.
"No telling my mom is scarier than telling Drew," I reply.
"Well our whole family wants to be involved obviously; I hope you'll keep us informed of every step. During the summer we'll drive down once a month and when you go into labor of course," Audra comments.
"Yes of course," I nod.
"I'll get everyone's numbers before we leave and be sure to keep you informed of every step," Johnny offers and Audra smiles.
"My office partners with a firm here and they maintain a suite on Manhattan so it won't be a problem for us to come so often. Should you go on bed rest or should something go wrong we could come more often. We'll also be looking at having Drew and Bianca transfer next year or possibly in January. Until then we'll have to discuss a suitable custody agreement for both you and Drew," Omar tells me.
"Yeah but there's time for that," Drew speaks up.
"We should all be a part of that conversation, if we're all going to be involved," I point out and Audra nods.
"And your apartment is it set up for a baby?" Audra questions.
"No but she wasn't sure she was going to keep the baby until today really. We will set up the apartment for the baby, he'll sleep in Clare's room at first and we have a den Clare can take over," Johnny says.
"We'll have a baby shower for you when we come back next month and we should do some shopping while we're here. Are you free tomorrow?" Audra asks.
I'm so shocked at how well they're taking this it takes me a second to answer, "Yes tomorrow is good."
"Good we'll call you in the morning; you can have breakfast with us. Johnny would you like to join us?" Audra offers.
"Yes thank you that would be great," he grins.
We spend the rest of dinner mostly discussing how I should take care of myself during the pregnancy. After dinner we walk out together and Drew pulls me aside.
"You're really breaking up with Eli?"
"Yes after his behavior today I don't see how I can stay with him, it's not good for me or our son," I reply putting my hand on my belly.
"I am sorry I really wanted it to work out with you two, especially after getting back together with Bianca. But Johnny obviously cares about you and he seems like a good guy," Drew says.
"Thanks Drew, I should have told you I was pregnant I just…"
"You were scared," Drew cuts me off, "I get it, I wish you had told me but I get that you were scared. At least I know now, just keep Eli away. We can be there with you when you break up with him if you want," Drew offers.
"Thanks but I'm afraid Eli might hit you, probably just Adam should be there," I reply and Drew grins.
I hug Drew and we say goodnight to the Torres clan, Johnny and I take the subway back to our apartment. He locks up and I go into my room but he knocks on the door and I let him in.
"So you're really breaking up with Eli?"
"Yes I'll call him tomorrow after we go out with the Torres family," I nod.
"I think that's good, you know I'm here for you," Johnny says.
"Yeah I know, thanks for everything Johnny," I smile. He grins back and turns to leave. "Johnny," I call to him and he turns back. "Have a good night," I say instead of what I wanted to say.
"Yeah you too," he responds and closes my door.
I sink down in my bed, my head falling in my hands, "I want to tell you I really like you but I'm scared."
Update Friday December 19th and that will be last chapter everyone, which will include EClare breakup and Clare giving birth. This will be replaced with Waiting on a Spark that Hasn't Happened Yet.