Nobody quite knew how to react after Team Vorpal Swords won their match against Team Jabberwock.

Long after the crowd, the members of Team Jabberwock, Kagetora, Riko, Momoi, the Vorpal Swords reserves, Akashi, Murasakibara, and Midorima had all left the court, four people remained. Two of them, Taiga Kagami and Daiki Aomine, were in a heated argument, while the other two, Tetsuya Kuroko and Ryota Kise, could only stare in shocked disbelief.

What were Kagami and Aomine arguing about this time?

"I won the game!"

"No, I did!"

"No, it was me, dipshit. I won."

"You're wrong, asshole, I won!"

Kuroko and Kise were getting sick of it. They'd tried to distract their partners numerous times, but none of their attempts had been successful. Even Kuroko asking Kagami to go to Maji Burger had failed, with Kagami saying, "Later, Kuroko, I just have some business to take care of."

"Why are we dating these idiots?" Kuroko asked.

"Because we love them," Kise pouted. "Akashicchi and Murasakibaracchi are probably already finished."

"Um, Kise? Murasakibara just broke his arm, I highly doubt they're doing that today."

"If Akashicchi wants something, he'll get it, no matter what. Even if that something is dick. Plus, I'm pretty sure he's used to being on top-"

"I did not ask for details, Kise."

"Ah, why did they have to both score the final basket? We knew they were going to fight- why didn't we stop them? We've both been so busy lately; we haven't had time to be together. You're so lucky that you and Kagamicchi see each other so much, I'm kind of jealous."

Kuroko had no idea what to say to that. The idea that there was something that Kise could be jealous of related to him was mind blowing, to say the least. And now, thanks to all of Kise's talk about sex, he'd found himself wondering whether Kagami had any energy he needed to expel…

"Maybe we should come up with a plan to make them start paying attention to us instead of their juvenile antics. This park may become a murder scene by the morning if we don't intervene."

1. Stripping

"I have an idea," Kise said. "Surely they'd notice if we started taking off our clothes in the middle of the park!"

"I'm not doing that."

"Fine. We really only need to distract one of them. Find me a song, Kurokocchi."

Kuroko hit shuffle on his phone's musical library. A Blink 182 song came on, and not even one of the songs about sex! "Kurokocchi, this is no good! Don't you have any Beyoncé or Nicki Minaj or even just any rap song? I can't strip to this!"

"What do you usually listen to while you're modelling? Maybe you should use that song."

"Here, I have a playlist," Kise said, handing over his phone. With titles like "Partition," "I Like it Rough," "Teeth," and "Sexodus," Kuroko had no idea how he was supposed to pick something. Finally, he just hit random on the playlist, and he got a song called Do I Wanna Know? It wasn't something Kuroko would normally listen to, but he could understand why people would like it. Kise was taking off his clothes, Aomine wasn't even looking at him, and Kise only had so many articles of clothing he could take off without getting charged for indecent exposure. So he reluctantly had to give up.

2. Twerking

"You should twerk, Kurokocchi," Kise tried. Before he had even finished his sentence, Kuroko had vanished into thin air, perfectly showcasing his thoughts on the matter.

3. Jealousy

"Oh, Aominecchi, I got tired of waiting for you, so I'm going home with Kurokocchi instead. He's going to be so good, I won't even remember who you are afterwards."

"I'm… what? Your feelings for me never went away, did they?"

"No, they didn't, Kurokocchi. They've only gotten stronger in the 25 minutes that Aominecchi and Kagamicchi have been arguing." Kise's voice dropped to a whisper. "Play along with this. If we act like we're going home with each other, they'll stop arguing."

"They haven't yet."

"Because you're not playing along, Kurokocchi!"

"First, we need to stop fighting. We'll be just as bad as them if we continue."

"That's true. You know what, this is stupid. I have another idea, but I'm going to need your misdirection to pull it off."

4. A direct approach

"No, I won, you fuck nugget!"

"No, I won, capital dick!"

"You're just jealous that mine's bigger!"

"Oh, yeah? Let's prove it right now!"

"Kagami-kun. Stop this foolishness at once."

"Ah! Kuroko! When did you get here?"

"I've always been here. Anyways, you two need to cease your foolish arguing. I wanted to go over to Kagami-kun's apartment, but I can't if you're fighting." Kuroko was blushing furiously, which made Kagami blush, too. Sure, they'd had sex a few times before, but this was the first time Kuroko had ever come out and asked for it.

"Yeah, Aominecchi. I need you to remind me why you're the one who owns me." Based on the way Kise raked his eyes down Aomine's body, it was more of a physical ownership he was referring to. The two of them had a lot more experience with sex than Kagami and Kuroko did, and Aomine knew he was done after his model boyfriend pulled out tricks like that.

"So, what do you say?" Kise and Kuroko asked in unison. Hopefully they'll be quick, because I'll be super tired by the time we get back, they thought to themselves.

"Alright, fine," they grumbled. They looked like kids who were being called home for (a very naughty) dinner. Kise and Kuroko smiled at each other. Kuroko had to admit, even if he and Kise would never be best friends, Kise's last plan had been pretty great.

The only hitch came as the two couples were exiting the park. Kagami and Aomine, in their eternal quest to prove that they would be forever five years old in spirit, looked back at each other and glared.

"This isn't over," they growled. Kise and Kuroko could only laugh.

"Yes it is, Kagami-kun."

"I doubt either of you will even remember this tomorrow."

Sure enough, the matter was never mentioned again.

Okay, this is really done now. I had postponed it for a while my grandfather passed away unexpectedly, but writing this actually helped me deal with it. I'd had some different chapters planned out, but they looked like garbage after that, so I ended up with this. I don't know if you were curious, but it was MitoKoga and the GOM in their twenties, focusing on MuraAka. But this piece of crack came out instead.

I don't think I'll write any more KNB, but I have another Haikyuu! story coming out pretty soon! I already wrote my favorite Karasuno pairings, so this one'll have Kuroo/Kenma, Bokuto/Akaashi, and Iwaizumi/Oikawa, as well as a couple of surprises (for example, Oikawa will be in two pairings, and there is one Karasuno pairing, after all).

Thanks for reading!

~Aurora