Chapter 19: Share the guilt

"He was never happy with Darren coming back." Brian took a seat next to the aforementioned, and they shared a look of complicity.

"Well, how could he be? Two years ago, I was his perfect target to get rid off any possible consequence, until I practically slid from the tip of his fingers. I can imagine his reaction to find now that I was back partially immune, and worse, in charge of a business. He was waiting for the chance for things to get spiced up and do something." Darren explained calmly, reclining into his seat. "Thanks, dude." He said as Jim handed him a glass of Campari, which he was serving for the group.

Everyone was quiet, serious, at the table, hearing carefully and sort of frightened their explanations. Darren had convoked an urgent meeting after he and Brian had been locked in for basically two days straight trying to join dots, and later on, to scheme the plan coming up. It wasn't an easy task, but everything was pretty much settled in when they called the rest, with nothing but the only hope they'd agree to be involved in it. Lauren was there, too, but she was merely observing them from afar, sitting on the kitchen's counter. She always found fascinating how different Darren acted with his peers in certain circumstances like that one, he seemed distant and imposing to the point of arrogance, but none of his friends –except Joe, but in other situations- seemed to question his word or find this attitude condescending or immoral. She couldn't make clear if that was due the inherent nature of the gang, or because Darren had done things that validated such treatment.

"And it happened in November. Rick's first race." Darren continued. "Joe sabotaged the bike of the only serious competitor of his series, so Rick could win. What we didn't know is that he was from Perkins' circle, and that he was actually sent to get updated. How did you say he's called, Brian?"

"Um, Tyler. Tyler Sagner… or something."

"The guy realized it was us and got pissed off. Remember? Rick punched him, and I think that was the point where they decided we crossed the line. Of course they wouldn't leave it like that." Darren made a pause to drink from his glass. At that point, the truth had sunk in so deeply and everything was planned with so many detail that he could express it out loud without turning into a mess. But there, inside of Brian's apartment, he had lost it quite a few times, the reality hitting him violently. "Then, Christmas. When I met him, he said that he sent one of his guys to the last race, and that he was going to be there the next time, but I didn't listen. I thought they were empty words. I could never…" A sigh. Then, a few more sips from his glass. "They never act without a warning. Never. It's not their style. And we had it, in New Year's. We just didn't catch it. They were with their bikes half a block away from our party, teasing us, and they practically made us now that they had someone inside of the house. Rachel, you were the one that found the guy they sent after a while. Answer me this: was he the one preparing the drinks?"

Rachel frowned, trying to recall a moment she hadn't given so much relevance.

"Um… Yeah, I think so." She finally replied.

"He's called Scott, Brian found out. The guy is a newbie, a total inept and that's why they sent him. That night, before we knew who he was, he gave me a drink. A black beer, I think. An, um, Imperial Stout. It had some kind of drug that was supposed to fuck me up."

Joe shook his head. "But nothing happened to you that night."

"Because I didn't get to drink it. I was going to, but by coincidence… Lauren did." The pause before the end of the sentence made clear the memory wasn't that distant as he wished it to be; and he didn't look at anyone in particular as he let it out.

Joe's eyes diverted to Lauren for only a second, his jaw trembled; before he looked down and stayed in silence in a mood complicated enough to be impossible to figure out only at sight. Everything was starting to make sense, like if they found the lost instructions of something they had almost finished using.

"It was a warning for us and we completely missed it." Darren threw with a hint of grudge towards himself and his friends. "Then they waited for the perfect opportunity, which didn't sort out until we gave another race night. Which is pretty much what leads us here." He gulped before giving the final statement that summed all up, "It was Michael. It was always him and his group; they've been planning it for months."

Darren's gaze fixed on his glass first, and then on Brian; while the rest processed everything, but it was much more information than what they could handle. Most of them had their gazes lost, like if they just couldn't buy it yet. Joe and Rachel were the first ones to react. First, she ran a hand fervently through her hair, putting it behind, and attempting to control whatever feelings were waiting inside her to burst out.

Joe looked at her, then at Darren. He seemed confident and set to act out.

"So? What now?" He asked.

Then Rachel slapped the table with the palm of her hand, making a sudden blare in the heavy silence, and said:

"We finish him off, of course."

"No."

She looked at Darren, completely outraged by that daunting and sharp response. "What are you saying? They killed Rick, and you want to just let them walk away…"

"We're not going to kill him. There's nothing enough fair or satisfying in ending a person's life just like that; he doesn't even deserve that pleasure." The way his eyes shined when he said that, and looked at her, were enough to convince her that their plan was good. "I want him to see his life crumbling down and realizing there's nothing he can do about it. Wanting to end his life and without the courage to do it. That'd be justice."

Joe nodded immediately. "What's the plan?"

Brian ran the tip of his index finger through his bottom lip before starting to explain, "Jeff was able to find out through… a friend, that they have this sort of forum or website, where they post the pictures and files of mostly every activity they carry out. We're unaware if this is like a macabre museum they feel proud of, or if it's a way to tie themselves to something bigger, or what, but we know that getting access to that site could definitely enable us to have power over them and continue with our plan."

Darren continued Brian's introduction, "Once we have the evidence we know there's in that website, we start ruining Michael & Co's life. First, we attack in a place that's not unexpected enough to get suspicions, but we know is absolutely damaging for them: the University. It's where we'll send the information first. Once they're expelled or the further we can get, we let them lose their minds for a bit, and later we take it to the press with whatever we find the most embarrassing or morally disgusting thing, so we can get people to hate them wherever they go. We let the social nemesis to sink in for a while until it practically destroys their public life. And lastly, when they think it's over, the crème de la crème: the police. By that point, it'll be impossible that somebody can defend them or cover them, and they'll have no other option that to lock them up for the rest of their lives for everything they've done."

"We've discussed this with Joey, since he's like, an informatics freak, and he said it's possible to get in the site if you're smart." Brian added.

Joey cleared his throat, slightly uncomfortable, resting his arms with his fingers intertwined on the table, before explaining the part he already agreed to take on. He hadn't been very convinced at first, since he had known them for a relatively short time, and he had never even wanted to get so involved in any of it; but Darren told him the part of their story that was necessary to gain his sympathy and compassion, claiming they'd be screwed if he didn't help them, and the cajolery soon paid off.

"Like the stuff they publish is obviously highly illegal and secret, they don't have the site in the regular internet, but in a level that's more difficult to accede called the deep web. I was able to hack one of their e-mails, but since they use a different one for the deep web, I can't find out- neither hack it, online. The only way we can, let's say, copy a password to get in, it's if we can get one of the computers they logged in with."

"I've a friend that lives in the same floor as our buddy, Tyler." Brian said, "We've been there, and it's possible to access to Tyler's apartment through the ventilation system in the ceiling."

"Seems like if you've got it all figured out." Joe admired, obviously impressed.

"Almost." Brian cut off, and then pressed his lips together in a sign of distress. He stood up and stole Darren's glass to drink, and then leaved it on the table with a slightly loud hit, obviously exhausted of thinking about it. "It turns out that the ventilation conduit is really small and fragile for someone like me."

"I can do it." Rachel barged in quickly, seeming even eager to volunteer.

Brian shook his head, "You couldn't get in neither, Rachel. It's too small."

"I'll go." Darren snapped, "Come on, it can't be that bad."

Brian let out a sigh of frustration from having to continue explaining it, "You can't, Darren! You're too heavy. Any of us is. We need someone smaller and thinner."

"Who is skinny enough for you, then?" Rachel asked, upset.

Brian didn't say anything as he watched Rachel letting that question out. He just gulped, slowly standing up straighter, and then turned around, to look at someone who had been listening all along but had remained surprisingly quiet.

Lauren felt the time literally hindering for a moment as everyone's eyes fixed on her all of sudden. Their faces were so serious, and the pressure so unexpected that there was a weight settling in her chest as she felt she couldn't move. Her mind was in blank, yet she sensed it screaming at the same time.

Darren was the first one to talk.

"No." He snapped, certain and even offended of having to stand against it. He was aware of the difference of Lauren's body type with any of them, but he could never allow that. "No, no, absolutely not. She's not going to get involved in this, Brian. Leave her out."

"But we need her!" Brian replied loudly, showing off a temper that wasn't usual in him, as he tried to bring his friend to senses.

"No." Darren repeated, like if it was needed to be cleared again. "We'll manipulate or break the door, and that's it."

"But there's cameras in the hall and they'll know it was us."

"We'll find another way, then!" Darren was just as determined as him to have the final word, and they weren't afraid to speak up their reasons through the tone that was necessary. The tension was almost touchable. "It's not going to happen, okay?"

"This is the best plan that had occurred to us, and you know it." Brian snapped.

Meanwhile, Lauren had jumped from the counter and walked between Brian and Darren, slowly and discreetly, without gathering anyone's attention until she talked.

"Brian." She called calmly, and his attention turned to her at the instant. "In the case I accepted it, what would I do?"

Darren's eyes fixed on her so powerfully that she could almost feel them dismissing fire.

"It's completely simple." He calmed her quickly, with a reassuring expression. "A monkey could do it, that's why they do it in the movies all the time. We just wait for a schedule when we know he's out, we help you climb the air-vent system, and I guide you to get to Tyler's apartment. You climb down, and connect a pen drive to his computer, with a program Joey will teach you to use…"

"It's really easy as well," Joey said. "You see, it automatically downloads the online history and copies the memory into the program…"

"Okay, okay." Brian interrupted after realizing that was taking more time than the expected. "You do that, and then come back the exact same way, but we'd be in contact with our phones all the time. He'd never know you're there. It's completely safe."

"It's dangerous." Darren contradicted dryly.

"Oh, come on!" Rachel seemed stressed as well. "What could possibly happen?"

"You don't know. Nobody knows. Unpredictable things can happen."

"Don't be a baby, Darren." Jeff rolled his eyes, and a general complaint sounded lowly in the table, causing a low babble.

Until Lauren's voice raised above theirs, "I can do it."

"Yes!" Rachel yelled, suddenly happy, and the general complaint turned into a fate of ovation.

But it didn't last long, because Darren stood up, and the creak of his chair brought the silence back.

"Can we talk? In private." He asked to Lauren –though it wasn't really a question, and his eyes were severe when he said it.

Brian rolled his eyes; as Lauren followed Darren to his room. She closed the door for privacy, and that serious look was still on his face when she turned around, his shoulder lying against the wall.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"You heard Brian, you need me!" She replied, walking to him until they were close. "You don't have another choice."

"You don't understand how dangerous this can be. You can't do it. I can't let you get involved with any of this. If something happens to you, I –After Rick… I'd never forgive myself."

His voice broke down in that last bit. Lauren gently placed a hand on the side of his face, her thumb caressing his cheek. Darren was breathing heavily, but trying to seem invulnerable was useless at that point. She knew exactly what was going on inside of him, and she understood that the reason of his attitude was coming from nowhere else but being worried; but there was something else, besides wanting to help him, that was pushing her to accept Brian's idea.

"I'm involved in this since the moment I choose to be with you. I want to be a part of your world. Let me do this."

Darren sighed deeply. There was a knot in his throat, and the least he wanted was to accept that, but it was so hard to decline anything when she talked like that, gently as nobody ever talked to him, and caressed him like if he deserved it. It was incredible how much she could control him without realizing.

"It can go wrong… There are things we can't control." The way his voice had quieted and softened gave him away.

"I know, but –I've never done something like that. I want to do it." She insisted, discreetly sliding a bit closer, her hand falling to his neck. "I know I can do it. Trust me."

"I've never doubted that." He replied quietly. The corner of his lips bent, and the wild curls falling over his forehead grazed the skin on the top of her head. "But I don't know, Lauren…"

"It'll be easier for both of us if we face this together. Don't you think?" She continued quietly. "It must get unbearable for you sometimes. Share the guilt with me."

How was it that she always knew exactly what to say to get under his skin, in that point where it was dark and restricted?

Darren's forehead finally fell against hers. He gulped and stayed a moment in silence, his eyes almost closed. "You really care about me," He said, and he knew it shouldn't sound that bitter.

"Of course I do, idiot." Lauren said, before breaking the distance between them with a soft, delicate kiss. Darren's hand held her jaw as he kissed back.

"I'm sorry," Brian said, opening the door and sharply interrupting the scene, "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Oh, shit. This is so embarrassing, guys." He continued to say in an ironic tone, as he literally walked in front of them and looked at them at the expectancy, waiting for the final resolution. "So?"

"I'm in," Lauren replied with a grin.

"She said yes!" Brian yelled as he clapped, and the cheers from the other room joined him quickly.

Darren shook his head, and warned "You'll have to get used to that."

Rachel gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek when they walked out of the room.

"Welcome to the jungle," There was a smile on her lips as she said that.

For some unknown reason, Lauren was smiling too, and there was a tingling inside her that made her a strange combination of excited, scared and proud.

She knew that aphorism wasn't just a conventional analogy, and that there was more of jungle than figurative meaning, but she was ready to test that out.

Caroline was browsing between her notes on the table when Lauren got home. She made two cups of coffee, and handed one to her roommate. What have you been doing? She asked while she continued mostly focused in her notes, and Lauren's vague response of just hanging out made her friend raise eyebrows. It's not what you think, she replied, which was completely true.

"Whatever, do you have plans for this weekend? It's karaoke night at the Hard Rock Café. It seems like it's gonna be fun."

"I'm sorry, I'm going on a trip with Darren and the gang." Lauren's nails nervously tapped the cup between her hands. Going on a trip was a very light code for breaking into someone's house to steal information from his computer.

Caroline looked at her, "Oh." She merely said first. "Where are you guys going?"

"New York." Lauren replied quickly, like if she had been trained to say that. "To the beach."

It wasn't really a lie, since everyone else had agreed that they needed to seize the trip to go to The Hamptons afterwards, and spend the night by the beach before coming back. And it wasn't that she didn't trust Caroline, but as Darren said before, golden rule is that flies can't get inside of closed mouths.

"That sounds cool." She observed, although her tone sounded apathetic. "Is Joe going with you?"

Lauren's lips split way too long before the words came out. "I don't know. I guess so."

Caroline's gaze turned back to her notes and she pretended that there wasn't a conversation going on. Lauren sat down in the chair next to her, leaving the cup of coffee on the table.

"Look, you guys have been dating for just a few weeks. They've just now planned this, and it doesn't mean anything."

Caroline rested her chin on the palm of her hand, stressed. "It's just that… I didn't want to act like a stupid and assume things that weren't happening, so I asked him to be straight with me, like, what are we doing, you know? And he said that he considers me his girlfriend. Why'd he even say that and then act otherwise, if I'm giving him the chance to play cool?"

"Maybe he just doesn't want to rush things."

Lauren couldn't genuinely believe he was defending Joe, but Caroline later seemed satisfied with that reason; deciding it wouldn't even be a couple kind of trip, and that it wasn't a big deal.

There are secrets that eventually get unbearable, consuming you from inside out until the air doesn't feel like such anymore, the way Darren felt until he finally decided to give Joe's bike back to him, and afterwards sleeping like he hadn't done in months. But there are others secrets that feel like grenades inside, waiting for a chance to slip out and destroy everything around you.

A/N: Reviews and other forms of making me know you're reading the story help me so much to continue faster, and I deeply appreciate them. Thank you so much!