See Chapter One for notes and disclaimers

Sunday

1935 ZULU

Mackenzie Rabb Residence

On the outskirts of Manassas, VA

Colleen's loud bark signaled the arrival of the first guest at what had become the annual End of the Season Barbeque at Harm and Mac's house. Harm was late returning home from Andrews so it fell to Mac with limited help from Lucy to get the yard ready.

When Harriet and Bud Roberts arrived with their four children, DJ was sitting in his sandbox playing with his toy tugboat while Mac was lining up cans of soda for Lucy to put in the large cooler.

"Hello, Ma'am," Harriet greeted from the gate. "You look like you could use some help there."

"I could. I have to get the salads from inside and the salsa dip, but Harm's not here and I don't want to leave DJ and Lucy unattended," Mac replied.

"I'll keep an eye on them. Jimmy is all ready on is way to the sandbox," Harriet indicated with a nod. "Go ahead, I'll get this."

"Thanks, Harriet," Mac smiled. "Where's Bud?"

"He's getting Jimmy and AJ's things out of the van,"she sighed and rolled her eyes. "They have more stuff than two adults do."

"I'm familiar with that. I'll be right back." With that Mac sprinted off to the house.

She enjoyed domesticity. She liked having backyard barbeques and playing oldies on a worn out battery operated radio. She liked watching Harm in a tank top and shorts grill burgers and hot dogs that he'd never eat. But mostly, she liked the feeling she got when they were together, the whole "family." It was the time when she felt the most inner peace.

Mac walked to the refrigerator and started taking out the salads and fruits that she wanted to put out. She'd bought a pineapple and a watermelon at the store the day before and wanted to slice them as light appetizers. She took the cutting board from the cupboard and the large knife from the childproofed drawer and began working on the watermelon.

She let her mind wander as she worked thinking about a conversation she'd relived thousands of times since her gynecologist told her she should never risk having another baby if she by some miracle of God managed to get pregnant again.

It was in the hospital the night that David was born. She was lying there watching Harm cuddle the boy after she'd nursed him. He was smiling a tender smile that only developed when Lucy was born looking reverently at their newborn son.

"Our lives are perfect now, Sarah," he had told her. "We have our daughter at home and our son. We have the most incredible dog in the universe and most of all we have each other."

"Yeah," she had said groggily.

"You know what would make this truly perfect though," he said placing a small kiss on his son's forehead.

"No, what would make this truly perfect," she asked through a yawn.

"About two more of these," he gestured to the baby. "I've always wanted a large family. Four children. It would be great to have two of each, but four is the right number. I feel that, you know?"

"What I know, Flyboy, is that you have to be insane if you think I will even remotely consider having two more babies now after thirty-three hours of labor with Commander Hard Head Jr. over there," Mac quipped.

"We don't have to discuss it now," he conceded. "I just wanted to share that dream."

That was his dream and her dream too; four children, their lovely dog, this great house and a crop of wonderful friends. That was of course until the doctor had delivered the blow to them three months ago.

While Mac was woolgathering, she didn't realize that she had cut most of the watermelon and was getting very close to the end of the large fruit. As she moved the sharp knife over to the end of the melon she encountered resistance in the form of her hand.

"Damn!" she swore but before she moved to run her hand under the sink she felt strong hands seize her by the shoulders and steer her there.

"Harm," she sighed and leaned back against her husband but fighting his grip on her injured hand.

"Put your hand under the water," he instructed pulling the limb forward. "What were you thinking about? You were a million miles away."

"I was thinking about our dreams," she replied, knowing that he'd get her meaning. That assumption was affirmed when he placed a kiss on the top of her head before turning off the water. "Dry your hand off. I'll get the ointment and some bandages."

It only took Harm a minute to get the antibacterial cream, a two by four bandage, and tape. Rejoining Mac in the kitchen he gently bandaged her hand, applying a liberal amount of cream, and then placed the gauze over the wound securing it with the tape. Once that was done he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, "There you go. All better."

She smiled and lifted her mouth to his kissing his lips lovingly. "Welcome home, Sailor. I didn't hear you come in."

"That's because you were in another world, Honey. I was standing there nearly five minutes watching you," he told her.

"Oh, yeah? Wondering when you're wife was going to slice herself to death with a knife?" she asked lightly.

"No," he smiled. "I was marveling at how lucky I was to have such a beautiful creature in my kitchen. Speaking of which…" He trailed off and disappeared in to the living room returning moments later with a bouquet of long stemmed roses. "Beautiful flowers for my beautiful wife," he told her.

"Harm," Mac blushed and smelled her roses. "You never bring me flowers, Flyboy. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he lied quickly. There was no way he was going to tell her about what happened in Mexico. The pain would kill her. It sure enough was killing him and he was the one who had done it. "I just love you that's all. I'm sorry for being gone this weekend." That sure wasn't a lie.

"It's all right," she told him. "I'm going to put these in water and get back our guests. We are being very rude hosts, Sailor."

"You bring out the food and stuff. I just want to unpack my stuff really quick and then I'll be out," he told her pulling her close for one more kiss. "I love you, Ninja Girl."

Mac smiled, "I love you too." With that she left the flowers in the care of her husband and headed outside shaking her head.

Harm quickly trimmed the roses and put them in one of the vases that Mac kept under the kitchen sink. Then he went into the bedroom to unpack his case before everything in there wrinkled and Mac yelled at him when he asked her to iron them. She hated to iron and if he left his clothes packed until later she would say, "Harm, if you weren't so lazy I wouldn't have to do this. Why didn't you unpack right away? Then it wouldn't have wrinkled." She was such a stickler about things like that.

He hastily unpacked the suitcase taking the clothes out, examining them, and putting them in the hamper if they were dirty. It was in doing this that he saw it, a lipstick stain on the collar of his suntans. It was mystic pink, a color that Annie had always worn and that Mac hated. She couldn't find that, if she did it was over and he knew it.

"Harm!" Mac called. "Come on the kids want to see their Daddy and the Admiral's here."

"Coming, Hon," he called and quickly shoved the soiled shirt under their mattress until he could decided what to do before tossing the rest of his clothes on the bed and heading for the back door.

The excited shouts of "Daddy!" that greeted Harm as usual warmed his heart. He saw Lucy running to him and DJ doing his best to toddle across the yard. He met them half way and scooped both of them into his arms.

"I missed you Daddy," Lucy squealed.

"I missed you too, Button," he smiled and kissed her hair. "How are you doing Big Guy?"

"DJ play sand," he told his Daddy. "Down."

Harm squeezed the boy and slid him down to the ground watching him run off to play.

"Hey, Commander," AJ Chegwidden called. "When are we going to get some meat over here?"

"Coming, Sir," Harm replied and made it over to the blue table where his former CO and friends were sitting.

Bud had finally taken to calling his friends by their names in their home asked, "How was Mexico, Harm?"

"It was eventful," he replied.

"I'll bet," AJ chuckled. "I remember dealing with PO Nelson once or twice when I was still the JAG. Pain in the butt."

"More than, Sir," Harm replied.

"I'm not your CO anymore, Rabb," AJ chastised. "It's AJ. "

Harm nodded and moved over to the cooler where Mac was bending over taking out the hamburger meat. He walked over to her, put his arm around her waist and puller her close for a minute before taking the job up himself. Harriet, who was observing this from her perch near he husband smiled, "They are so in love. It's wonderful really."

Bud slipped his arm around her shoulders. "We're pretty in love too, I'd think."

"You bet," Harriet agreed.

"Okay, this is officially making me sick," AJ grumbled. "And the food looks too good not to eat so cool it."

"Aye, aye, Sir," they both replied and AJ groaned.

0323 ZULU

Mackenzie Rabb Residence

On the outskirts of Manassas, VA

"That was a good party," Harm sighed as sat down on the sofa with a beer in hand. "I like being this kind of tired."

"What kind of tired?" Mac inquired.

"The kind when your tired because you spent a day having fun in the sun with your friends, your children, and the woman you love more than anything in the world," he replied giving her a tender kiss.

"What's gotten into you, Harm?" Mac asked leaning her body closer to his.

"I missed my wife. I missed my children, and I know I've…" he trailed off. He should tell her. He should be honest and tell her what happened. But he couldn't. She too vulnerable and knowing would tear her apart. He had to show he still loved her, he had to show himself.

"Ssh," she leaned up and kissed him. "You've been wonderful. I've been irritable and standoffish. I've shut you out and I'm sorry. And more than that I'm sorry that I haven't really wanted to be…"

"Ssh," Harm placed a hand to her lips. "Its okay, Sarah."

"No it's not," she countered and closed the space between them for a quick kiss before she went to turn on the radio.

When she returned she sat down on his lap, legs straddling each side of him. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, not a chaste kiss, not even a loving kiss, but an enticing kiss one that meant she wanted him, wanted the passion that had always existed between them.

Harm returned her kiss with the same passion that Mac had used to initiate it. He used his mouth and his hands to show her he loved her, to prove to her and to himself that she was his world. When she was clinging and willing he lifted her up into his arms and carried her to their bedroom.

Harm set her down gently on their bed leaning over her, studying her face. The years had done little to diminish her beauty. He reached out and caressed her cheek with his hand feeling the contrast between their skin, rough and smooth, his rough hand on her smooth cheek. It was the same with their bodies, his hard muscular one against her soft pliant one, even in spite of her Marine training. It was the perfect contrast for man and woman, hard and soft, rough and smooth, squid and Jarhead.

He closed the space between their bodies placing a kiss on her inviting mouth before he began to undress her. Each section he exposed was thoroughly worshipped with his hands, his lips, and his tongue until every inch of her body was revealed to him.

All this while Mac was lying there allowing her husband to love her. Since her diagnosis and a few ill-fated attempts at love making prior to its, Harm had not initiated sex with her or even shown an interest in her advances since then until now. She knew it was because he feared causing her pain, but still his isolation hurt more. She felt like she was broken all ready, Harm's rejection in their bed only confirmed that idea.

Tonight he was different. He was open to love making and he was by and large the giver not the taker. He was loving her. He still wanted her and that knowledge brought her to tears.

Harm saw the tears leak out of Mac's eyes as he worked his way from her belly button to the valley between her breasts. He stopped his assault on her body and moved so he was face to face with her.

Harm knew Sarah's tears, her sad and her happy tears and these were a mixture of both. Gently he wiped her tears with his hand, "Why are you crying, Sarah? Am I hurting you?"

"No," she replied. "You're being very gentle. It'sjust…"

"Tell me," he urged.

"It's just since we found out about my condition you haven't…" she swallowed a sob. "You haven't really wanted to be together like this and I was starting to believe, I did believe you thought that…you thought I was…that you were…" She couldn't say what she was thinking, but he knew. He also knew how she got the idea, and when. What he didn't know was why he let her think it when nothing was further from the truth.

"That what, Baby?" he crooned to her, brushing her cheek with his palm to wipe away the tears.

"That you didn't want me anymore, that I was not the woman you married," she finished.

"No," Harm sighed. "You're not. You are no longer the zealous, tough Marine Major that I married. Now you are a zealous, tough Marine Major, and a loving, beautiful wife, and a gentle, giving, wonderful mother whom I love more than the day I married her."

"Then why…?" she began.

"Why?" he echoed. "Sarah, you and I…The first time before you knew about it when we…We made love that night and you cried, but you didn't cry because it was beautiful o because you had some ridiculous notion in your head like now, you cried because I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you like that even and to think that I did…That I have," he leaned over and kissed her again.

"You didn't, Harm," she comforted when he ended his kiss. "It's not your fault, you couldn't have known. I didn't."

"I was trying to protect you, and in that…I made such a mess of things." He held her gaze, blue eyes shining with unshed tears of remorse but not only for the sins he had confessed.

"Its not as bad as all that," she assured him. "We just need to talk more. We used to communicate so well."

"What's happened to us, Sarah?" he asked laying his head against her chest.

"Too busy," she replied. "Both of us have busy, demanding careers, a huge house to take care of, the car from Hell, and two very rambunctious stubborn children. We've gotten so caught in the daily grind we don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I've wanted to say that to you, what I said before, for a long time, but I'm tired or you are, or I don't feel well, or you're out of town…life happened Harm."

"We have to make sure from now on we take break from life," he told lifting his head and kissing her lips again.

"Make love to me, Harm," she said after a moment of silence. "I want you to make love to me."

He kissed her lips gently, "As you wish, my love."

Hours later, long after they were claimed by exhausted sleep, Harm relived what happened in Mexico. He saw himself drinking a tequila shot to unwind. He saw Annie approach him. He heard himself invite her to sit down at a table with him to share a plate of nachos and have a drink. They had talked about Josh, Annie's new husband, and of course Mac and his children. He had told her about Mac's illness and as he felt the liquor take effect he had told her what it had done to their intimate life, how he felt about that, how much he wanted things including his wife, to be normal again. He saw Annie comfort him, then lead him to the dance floor. He saw the at first innocent dancing get out of hand. He flashed on the passionate kiss they shared as they went out to his car. He relived the heat, the violence of the encounter fully only as he fell asleep only as he fell asleep with Annie's hair across his chest he saw his wife standing in the hotel doorway, pretty face red and soaked with tears, a mask of pure horror coming over her face as she sobbed and asked him over and over again, "How could you Harm? Don't you love me?"

"I'm sorry, Sarah," he cried sobbing himself. "I'm sorry."

0847 ZULU

"I'm sorry Sarah," Mac heard her husband cry out. "I'm sorry."

She woke and looked at him, soaked with perspiration and tears tossing his head against his sweat soaked pillow. A gentle touch to his forehead told her his sweat was cold. He was in the throes of a nightmare.

Mac gently shook his shoulders speaking softly, trying to coax him awake. "Harm. Honey, wake up. Come on, it's only a dream."

"I'm sorry Sarah," he moaned again. "I'm so sorry, Honey."

"Harm," she tried in a firmer tone. "It's a dream. Come out of it now. Come on," she urged leaning over him kissing his eyelids, the tip of his nose, his cheeks, until finally she was rewarded and he opened his eyes. He was disoriented at first, looking around uncertainly until he realized he was at home in bed with his wife who seemed very worried.

Harm sat up and pulled Mac to him, nearly crushing her with the strength of his embrace. "Oh, Sarah," he whispered. "Oh Sarah, I'm sorry."

"For what, Honey?" she asked gently rocking him in her arms. "There's no reason to be sorry."

"I hurt you," he said. "I hurt you and I didn't mean it Sarah. Honest I didn't."

"Harmon David Rabb," she scolded gently. "You are not making any sense." Her tone softened. "Whatever happened, it was a dream. It's not real, it can't really hurt us," she soothed as she held him tight. "Come on now. Go wash your face and try to get some more sleep. Our daughter will be up at 0600."

Harm did as she requested of him and when he joined Mac in bed to find her all ready dozing he gathered her close. She slipped an arm around him and whispered sleepily, "Dream can't hurt us, Baby. Just sleep."

He kissed her hair and said to himself, "If only it was just a dream. If only that's what it was."