See Chapter One for Notes and Disclaimers

September 16, 2004
Six Weeks Later
2126 ZULU
National Outlet Mall

Harm held Lucy's hand while Mac pushed DJ's stroller through the large outlet mall in Washington D.C. The family had decided to spend this Saturday together, go to see a movie, have pizza, and buy Lucy a new book or two.

Lucy loved to read like both of her parents. That was a pastime that both Harm and Mac were glad she enjoyed. They looked like the perfect family to onlookers. He held the little girl's hand, pausing every once in a while to look at the beautiful woman next to him or to study their son who was sleeping in his carriage. He noticed Mac's face. She was pale to him, tired looking. He knew that look too well, he'd seen it too much in that last seven months.

"You okay, Ninja Girl," he asked gently putting his free arm around her shoulders. "You're looking pale."

"I'm okay," she replied. "I'm just tired."

"You sure that's all it is?" he asked concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah," she replied. "The Johnson court martial is getting to me that's all. I mean how could he? That's the most despicable thing you know?"

The Johnson court martial was an adultery and fornication case. The accused was a Master Chief who slept with a young enlisted because his wife had cancer and could no longer service his needs. It wasn't the same with Sarah, he knew that. She wasn't going to die from her affliction, he wasn't that despicable. Was he? Even so, it wasn't like he had deliberately sought Annie out in Mexico, he just messed up, royally.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Scum of the earth." That's how he felt about himself. He knew he had done something horrible and he knew he compounded that by lying to her or at least by not confessing his sin to her. He rationalized that she couldn't handle it, that since she became ill she was fragile in some way. It was not true of course, except for her bouts with pain and sickness during her cycles and sometimes, but not recently during intercourse. He knew that the surgery she'd had to correct the problem had failed. He knew because as each month passed she'd become sicker during her cycle, but at least they could still make love, at least he could still prove to her that she was his only one. In his heart that was true, even if his body and a few tequilas made a liar out of it. They continued to walk through the mall when out of the corner of his eye Harm saw Mac press a hand to her back. "Here we go again," Harm thought.

"How about a little lunch?" he asked. That would be a nice neutral way of getting Mac to sit down and get off her feet for awhile without her getting all marine on him.

"I'm not very hungry, Harm," she answered. "I'd just like to go home." He had not expect that.

"Okay, Baby," he replied, the endearment that was usually reserved for intimate husband and wife moments or in rare cases of emotional despair slipped easily from his lips. He hated when she didn't feel well, he wanted to heal the pain, emotional and physical. Only he couldn't.

"How about we go home, Lucy Bear?" he suggested to his daughter. "Mommy's tired."

"I'm hungry," she told her Dad.

"Compromise," he offered. "We go home so Mommy can lie down and Daddy will let you have Beltway Burgers for dinner."

"Me too?" Mac asked with a small smile.

"You twisted my arm, Ninja Girl," he replied and turned their steps towards the exit holding tightly to Lucy's hand while keeping the corner of his eye on Mac. He was so intent on his task, getting his family to the car and home that he didn't notice Annie and Joshua Pendry in their path until Annie spoke.

"Harm, what a lovely surprise," Annie smiled. "Josh, you remember Harm."

It had been over six years since Harm had seen Luke's boy. He looked so much like his friend it was uncanny.

"Yeah," Josh replied. "How have you been?" He asked.

"Pretty good. This is my wife, Sarah and my children. She's Lucy and he's David."

"Ma, can I go play some video games?" Josh asked obviously not interested in children. Annie handed him a five dollar bill and told him to meet her in twenty minutes.

"How are you, Mac?" Annie asked her voice dripping with sweetness. "Harm mentioned in Mexico you were unwell."

Mac's startled look was not lost on Annie. The honey sweet voice continued, "Oh, he didn't tell you we ran into each other when he was in Mexico last August?"

"No," Mac replied. "He didn't."

"Yeah, Annie and I had a dinner together the first night I was there," Harm said casually. "It was nice, catching up."

"Yeah, it was," Annie replied and smiled at him. "He told me all about you and the kids and of course what the doctors had said. That's such a terrible thing too. You two have made such lovely babies." She shook her head sadly.

"We have," Mac replied, her eyes fixed on Annie's face. "I'm thankful enough for what I have. What I don't have…well, I don't spend too much time dwelling on that. It's bad for the skin."

Her words were neutral enough but the tone held an enormous amount of meaning. Mac was angry. Angry that Annie had said those things and angry that Harm had not told her he'd seen her in Mexico. Harm knew that he had to get out of Dodge. A face off between Annie and Mac would not be a good idea. Slipping his arm around his wife Harm spoke evenly, "Well, I have to get the family home. Mac is not feeling well right now and I promised my girls burgers for dinner. Give my best to Josh and Peter." With that Harm led his family out of the mall with all possible haste.

Mac didn't say anything as they walked to the car and secured the children in their seats, but Harm could see that she was upset with him for not telling her he'd run into his old girlfriend. She hated that he treated her differently since she was diagnosed, that damn thing didn't do anything to her head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked fixing him with a hard glare.

"It didn't matter," he replied.

"Well, it does to me," she insisted. "I don't like being blindsided. What did you two do in Mexico?"

"Nothing," he lied blatantly now. He could not tell her this. So he told the truth to a point, "I went to this cantina to have dinner and unwind. I was drinking a margherita and then she came over and asked me how everything was and what I've been up to."

"So why didn't you tell me you saw her?" Mac asked again. "I'm not the one that gets jealous, Flyboy."

Harm chuckled at that. "No, I'm guilty of that, but Mac, Webb and Brumby really did overstep with you."

"Well," she sighed and felt DJ kick the back of her chair. "Ouch!"

Harm turned around and fixed his son with a stern look, "DJ, don't kick Mommy's chair! It's not nice." To Mac, "You okay, Honey?"

She closed her eyes. "I'm fine. Let's just go home."

While he didn't like to see Sarah in pain, Harm was thankful for his son's antics. He didn't want to answer anymore questions about Mexico. The sooner he put it behind them and put some distance between him and the memories of Annie, the better off they would all be. That way, Sarah and his children would not know that pain.

The rest of the trip home was as quiet as could be with two kids in the car. Harm led them in songs like Old Mac Donald, Anchors Aweigh and the Marine Corp Hymn. When they finally got home, he disconnected the children from their seats while Mac wordlessly went straight into the house.

"I'm hungry, Daddy. You said you'd get me and Mommy burgers," Lucy reminded him.

"I know, Lucy Bear," Harm sighed. "Let me get DJ and Mommy squared away, and then we'll take a trip to the burger place."

It only took Harm a few minutes to get his cranky son to lie down and finish the nap they'd interrupted by putting him in his seat. Then he went to their room to see to Mac. It pulled at his heart strings seeing her on the bed, knees pulled up to her chest. He sat beside her and gently rubbed her back. Her back had always bothered her during her period, and when she was pregnant she had bad back labor. It wasn't a wonder that the effects of her endometriosis were felt in her back.

"You okay or you want a pill?" he asked her.

"Not until I eat," she told him. "I thought it was going to stop Harm."

He kissed her hair, "I know. But at least it's only now and not all the time like before. We can get through four days of this together. Then we have a twenty eight day break," he reminded her. Leaning over to kiss her hair he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you," she told him. "No one else would be as understanding or as good at taking care of me." It was nearly a whisper.

"Well, I had a lot of practice. A total of 70 hours in labor is very good training," he sighed. "Now you know this position doesn't help. Roll onto your back," he told her and she obeyed. He got a pillow from the closet and put it under her hips and a smaller on under her knees. "I'm taking Lucy to get burgers. DJ is sleeping and I'll only be twenty minutes. You lie still and rest."

"Don't worry," Mac sighed closing her eyes as she tried her best to relax.

Ten minutes later Harm and Lucy were in the car sitting in the drive thru line at the Manassas Junction division of Beltway Burgers. Lucy had a frown on her face since they left the mall and Harm decided that now, with just the two of them, would be a good time to ask her why.

"What's the matter, Button?" he asked her, one hand gently ruffling her soft dark hair.

"Mommy's sick," Lucy said and played with her fingers.

"Yeah, she is," he agreed. "But she's going to feel better really soon."

"Why does this happen to Mommy, Daddy?" she asked, her big Rabb eyes looking up at him. She didn't understand why her mother had to be tortured every month. Heck, he was more than 35 years older than Lucy was and he didn't understand why Mac had to go through this.

"Well, you see, Mommy, she has a booboo inside of her belly and sometimes it makes her belly and her back hurt her," he explained as best he could.

"In her tummy like where DJ was?" Lucy asked.

"Yes, almost like where he was," Harm agreed. "Only this booboo inside will be there for a really long time, not for only nine months like DJ. And it only bothers Mommy sometimes, but when it does we have to let her rest so that she gets better."

"Can't we kiss it and make it better?" Lucy asked.

"You can't kiss booboos on the inside, Lucy," he replied. "But you can make it better by being a good girl and helping Daddy and DJ so Mom can lie down. She doesn't hurt as much lying down."

"I'll help Daddy," Lucy assured him with a confidence only a five year old could muster.

"I know you will," he told her, leaving a kiss on her cheek before pulling up to the drive thru window.

Harm and Lucy got back to the house ten minutes later than he'd originally planned. He put Lucy's supper on a plate for her and poured her a glass of iced tea before going to check on DJ who was still sound asleep, and finally Mac who was lying in the same position he'd left her in only now she had Colleen for company.

The large dog had her head resting on Mac's belly; big eyes staring at the door, ears peaked listening for anyone who might intrude on her mistress' rest.

Harm reached out and pet the animal, "You're a good dog, Colleen," he told her. "Now get down off the bed."

She did as she was told and left to sit on the other side of the bed as close to Mac as she could get.

"How are you feeling, Honey?" Harm asked. "What can I get you? I bought you a double cheeseburger."

"I'm not very hungry. I'll eat it later," she told him. "Just leave me alone and take care of the children."

"You have to eat something Sarah," he said gently.

"I will," she told him. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

True to her word Mac did join Harm and Lucy for dinner and managed to eat almost all of her burger. Once they finished eating and DJ woke from his late nap and was fed, they settled on the sofa to watch television. Mac rested her head on Harm's shoulder holding DJ on her lap. The children sensed their mother was not herself and were quiet, orderly, and extremely clingy.

Harm took over bath time that night so that Mac could lie down again. After tucking the children in he joined her in bed. She was still wearing her sweats and his Annapolis Tee Shirt and was back in her curled position, knees to her chest. He came in from the master bathroom in his plain boxer shorts and lie down next to her.

He took his hand and slowly began to massage her back doing his best to relieve the pain. He kissed the back of her neck. "Remember the first time I did this?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah," she sighed. "We had just gotten back from Russia and you and I had decided to get married. You were holding me and then you started to rub my back."

"Right," Harm acknowledged. "But that's not the time I was thinking about. I was thinking about the first time I did this therapeutically."

"Ah," she smiled. "That time."

September 30, 1999

1852 ZULU

Bethesda Naval Hospital

"Harm," Mac cried. "I want Harm."

"I know you do, Ma'am," Bud Roberts who was attending Mac in her labor said gently. "And he's coming. He's on his way, just breathe easy."

It had been decided two weeks ago that if Mac went into labor before Harm returned from his investigation on board the USS Patrick Henry Bud would help assist her in the delivery room as he had not had the chance to use his Lamaze training with Harriet. It was a good plan except Mac didn't want Bud, she only wanted her husband.

"I want him here, now," she cried. "It hurts."

"I know," Bud tried to sympathize. "But he's coming, Mac. He's coming."

True to Bud's word not more than ten minutes later, Harm's voice was heard down the hallway. He was stuttering and breathing hard. "Sarah Mac..Sarah Rabb, I mean… Where is she?"

Bud heard him and moved away from Mac's side and called, "We're down here, Sir."

Harm at a full sprint ran into Mac's room. "Did I miss it?" he asked.

"Are you kidding/" Mac glared at him and stared at her still large belly. "This baby is taking it's time. It's all Rabb."

As she finished the sentence she let out a moan and grabbed her back. Bud seeing that his superior officer and friend was now with his wife as he should be moved to go to the waiting room and join Harriet.

Harm sat on the bed next to Sarah, taking his large warm hands and gently massaging her back. He felt the muscles knot and contract as she gritted her teeth against the pain. "I can't take this much more, Harm," she panted. "I can't. I can't do it."

"Yes, you can," he encouraged. "You can do anything. You are so amazing, Sarah. I love you so much."

That began the final ten hours of Mac's long labor with Lucy, made easier by Harm's attentiveness and back massages. Something he'd taken to doing for her whenever she was in pain.

0342 ZULU

Mackenzie Rabb Residence

ManassasVA

Like now.

"That was one of the best days of my life," he told her. "Second only to the day I made you my wife. Tied with the day our boy was born."

She was quiet for a moment as he continued to rub her back and kiss her hair whispering nonsense. That peaceful silence was shattered by a harsh sob tearing from her throat.

Harm stopped his work on her back and cupped her shoulder. "Sarah?" he questioned gently. "What is it? Is it that bad?"

"It's not that," she sniffed.

"What is it?" He punctuated the query with a kiss.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed out trying to keep herself under control by placing a shaky hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry."

At this shaky admission Harm rolled off the bed and moved to her side. Gently caressing her hair, he knelt beside her. "What for, Sarah? You don't have any reason to be sorry."

"Yes, I do," she sobbed burying her face in the pillow her head was resting on. "I'm sorry, Harm."

Harm was puzzled by his wife's distress. He didn't understand why she was apologizing. "Come on, it can't be that bad." Certainly not as bad as what I did. "What did you do? Did you bleach my uniform again? Or burn the bottom of the coffee pot. I hate that." He was trying to keep it light, to get her to stop crying and talk. She was never prone to tears, but lately since her health had begun to slip only a short time after her surgery she was more emotional, though usually it was anger, not tears. His attitude sparked anger in her and she rolled over to her other side. "If you can't be serious
leave me alone."

"No, no, no," he scolded easily. "I'm not leaving you alone and you are not shutting me out. Tell me why you cry, Sarah."

"I want...you...I wanted us to have our four babies, Harm. I really, really wanted that," she told him after a deep breath. "It's my fault we can't. If I were a better woman, a better wife to you..." she sniffed, but he stayed silent, waiting for more. "You're right. I even screw up the laundry and the cooking. And now, I'm no use to you. None at all. I promised you I'd be the perfect wife and I'm..." She didn't finish, just kept crying.

Knowing what he did about Mac's past, these uncharacteristic bouts of self hatred and self pity were not unexpected, just highly inaccurate. "Mac, you listen to me. First, look at me," he tried to move her chin so their eyes met but she kept her face hidden. "Look at me, Sarah." He tried again and this time she complied.

"I promised you the day we got married that I would love you in good times and in bad times," Harm told
her. "Remember?" She nodded so he continued. "And I always keep my promises. As for being perfect,
well, no you're not. You do bleach my uniforms, you've burned three tea kettles, you always use my razor and don't tell me, and sometimes you can be really really moody," he said this with a smile. "But even with that, you are my wife, the mother of
two of the most beautiful children in the world, and most of all you are Sarah Mackenzie Rabb, the one who kisses me every morning with that gentle little kiss that says so much. You may not be perfect, but you are close enough for me. So you, my love, don't have any reason to be sorry. If anything I do, I'm the one who broke my promise."

Mac knew or thought she knew to what he was referring. They hadn't been married six months when her ex-husband, an ex-husband that Harm knew nothing about showed up at JAG ops wanting her back in his life. He didn't want to hear she had another husband and that he was her past. He only wanted to hurt her and Harm. It did hurt Harm and it came at a time when his former JAG partner Lt. J.G. Meg Austin was in town. He had met her for a drink and the pain of Mac's betrayal...it
led to him breaking his promise to his wife. It led to him being unfaithful to her for what he swore was the last time. She'd been hurt badly, but they had worked through it and were stronger because of it. He'd admitted it that time, and the pain in her eyes...he never wanted to see that pain again.

Mac sat up and opened her arms for him. He leaned his head against her chest and she stroked his hair. "You made a mistake. I made a mistake, but it's done. It was years ago. I've forgiven you, now you have to forgive yourself. I love you, Harmon Rabb. I know you'd never do that again. I promised I'd never keep anything from you again and you promised that you'd never...do that again. And you haven't. But I have."

Harm slipped his arms around her and buried his head in her breasts inhaling her scent. "What?" he asked, fearing her words.

"I want another baby, Harm. I want us to try," she told him, voice even now and confident.

"No," he said firmly. "Out of the question. It's not worth it."

"Harm, the doctor said that..." He cut her off. "The doctor said that if you got pregnant again your uterus...you could bleed to death and I'm not going to have that happen. It's not worth the risk, Sarah."

"But you wanted four children," she reminded him.

"I also want you for the next fifty years or so, alive and well. The answer is no, Sarah," his tone left no room for argument. "I can't do that to you, I won't."

Mac instead of getting angry at his harsh tone pulled his even tighter against her body, thankful for the wonderful man she had as a husband. They'd had their share of troubles, their share of gripes, and more than their share or argument, but this marriage was just as he had told her, close enough to perfect for both of them.