See Chapter One for Notes and Disclaimers
One week later
0146 ZULU
McMurphy's Tavern
"This was a good idea, Bud," Harm complemented.
"Yeah, well, Sir, I've had something on my mind the past week," Bud began.
Harm interjected, "Bud, we're out of uniform."
"Sorry, Harm," Bud sighed. "And in that sense I was hoping I could ask you a personal question."
"Yeah, sure," Harm replied. "Everything okay with you and Harriet?"
"Oh we're fine," Bud answered. "No, I wanted to ask you about you and Mac. How are you two doing with her illness and all?"
Harm took a sip of his beer. "As well as we can I expect. The surgery failed I can tell you that, and she's getting worse. It's still not as bad as when it first started but it does keep her from functioning four or five days a month."
"How are you handling that?" Bud pressed. He wanted Harm to admit to what he overheard at Lucy's party. He didn't want to be forced to confront him with it.
"It hurts, Bud," he admitted. "This last time when it started she just went to bed and curled up tight. She barely even tried to fight it. And now, she says she wants us to have another child which our doctor said is dangerous if not impossible." Harm declared.
"What did you say?" Bud asked.
"I said no," Harm replied. "I mean we've barely been able to resume our…um, marital intimacies…six months without is a long time for us, and I know…"
"Is that why you did it, Harm?" Bud asked.
"Why I did what?" Harm asked not realizing what his friend was referring to.
"I heard you the other night," Bud told him. "I heard what you were saying to Mrs. Pendry the night of Lucy's party."
At first Harm didn't know how to react so he went on impulse, anger. "You were eavesdropping on me in my own house?"
"I was going to the bathroom," Bud defended. "I never should have listened but it was hard not to."
"I'm sorry, Bud," Harm apologized. "I shouldn't have jumped."
"I shouldn't have said anything," Bud sighed. "It's just…The Colonel's been through so much, Sir," Bud retreated to formal titles as he felt he overstepped.
"You think I don't know that!" Harm snapped. "Do you…" He paused for breath. "Okay, Bud. You already know what happened, but I have to ask you to keep that and what I'm about to say to yourself. Please?"
Bud sighed. He didn't want to do anything to hurt the Commander or the Colonel. Telling anyone would do that. God forbid though that Mac ever found out and it was somehow revealed he had known, Harriet would kill him. Still the pleading look in his friend's eyes obliged him to comply, "All right."
"Back in August you remember I was sent to Mexico?"
Bud nodded.
"The first night I was there I went to a cantina at the hotel near the quarters and had a few drinks, margheritas. Soon, Annie came over and we caught up. I told her about Russia and my father, about what brought me to Sarah, and our marriage. I told her about Lucy and DJ, where we lived, everything. She told me about remarrying, how Josh was doing, we basically caught each other up on life since we parted ways over margheritas and nachos," Harm described. "Way too many margheritas."
"And what happened next?" Bud prompted as if deposing a witness.
August 12, 2004
0246 ZULU
2046 CST
HOTEL CABO WABO CANTINA
"It sounds like you and Mac got really lucky," Annie replied.
"Yeah we did. She's a terrific mother and our kids are wonderful," Harm smiled.
"And Mac's a marine so you don't have to worry about her when you're out of town like this," Annie provided.
"I worry about Sarah all the time," Harm confessed words spilling easily from his uninhibited mouth. "Especially now."
"Oh, is she pregnant again?" Annie asked.
Harm gave a short laugh, "Only if it can happen by immaculate conception."
"She closed up shop on you?" Annie asked.
"No, nothing like that," Harm replied. "Mac's sick. She's was diagnosed about three and a half months ago with severe endometriosis. That makes pregnancy dangerous if not impossible and it creates problems with intimacy for us. It's very painful for her and of course," he sipped his drink.
"It's hard on you," Annie finished with sympathy.
"It's hard on us both," Harm answered. "Sex for us is more than what it is, its more than that and its become something very ugly. The knowledge that I can never touch Sarah again without hurting her is frustrating and I find abstinence just as frustrating. I feel like crap for... I feel like I should resent her for it," he shrugged. "I'm thinking maybe sometimes I do. Only it's not her fault," Harm's voice got husky with emotion making that confession, but this was Annie Pendry, his late best friend's wife. If he couldn't tell her, who could he tell?
"It's not her fault she's ill, Harm," Annie told him. "But it is a bit selfish of her to put her interests about all. You are a man, you have needs too and she has to realize that."
Present
"After that, she brought me another drink and asked me if I wanted to dance. I did and then I guess the alcohol took effect and biology took effect, and the next morning I woke up with Annie in my bed and this pain in my gut…"
All the while Bud listened trying not to be judgmental about the story his friend was telling him. He could see the pain in his eyes, the unshed tears, and felt for him as a man who loved his wife and had, out of pride hurt her.
"And now I don't know what to do," Harm confessed. "I'm trying to put it behind me, move on and tell her I love her, show her the disease means nothing to me, that she's till the same woman…"
"I don't know what to say about it, except if you tell her now after nine weeks, if you tell her at all it may not be worth the pain. However, you better hope she never finds out," Bud said.
"I think though I mean I'm guilty over what I've done and maybe…its becoming an obstacle soon she's going to realize it," Harm countered. "Maybe I should tell her. We could work it out."
"It's you decision," Bud sighed. "But ask yourself this. Is assuaging you guilt worth Mac's pain? Haven't you hurt her enough?"
0401 ZULU
Mackenzie Rabb Residence
Harm considered Bud's question as they ate until he got home. He decided Bud was right, it was better he suffer with his guilt than Sarah suffer with the truth.
The house was dark except the overhead night light in the kitchen. Sarah must have gone to sleep early. He was quiet when he came in as not to disturb her or the children, but was surprised to see his wife, children, and dog gathered in the living room, the TV showing snow from a movie long over.
"If there ever was a Kodak moment," Harm thought as he observed Mac under a blanket in his Navy PT sweatshirt, head resting against the couch cushion. DJ was wrapped in another blanket his head on Mac's lap. Lucy was clutching her battered Pooh bear wrapped in yet another blanket in his large recliner.
Harm got Lucy first careful not to disturb her as he removed the blanket and carried her and Pooh to her bed. She stirred slightly but did not wake up. Placing her in her bed and covering her up with her quilt he kissed her forehead, "Good night, Lucy Bear."
Harm went back for DJ effortlessly lifting his son blanket and all without waking him. He did however wake Mac by removing her son from her protective grasp. She stirred and murmured, "DJ?"
"Its me, Honey," Harm comforted. "Stay there, I'll be back for you," he told her taking their little boy to his bed and tucking him in.
Mac was still dozing when he as promised returned for her. He stood at the junction between DJ's bedroom and the living room watching her. She looked so beautiful, so at peace relaxing there. She also looked innocent and vulnerable with the limited light filtering across her face. She was precious, so beautiful and seemingly fragile, but he knew better.
His Marine and his Sarah, were two people in the same body. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb was hard nosed, stubborn and unyielding. She did everything by the book and would not bend the rules. Mrs. Sarah Rabb was soft and gentle, an emotional woman who took much and gave much to her husband, her children, and her friends. Harm knew though that both of those images made Mac his one perfect match.
He moved forward and sat beside his wife reaching out and caressing her cheek. She made a soft noise and moved her hand up to cover his, "Did you have a nice talk with Bud?" she asked.
"Yeah," Harm replied. "And he only called me Sir five times or so tonight. Nine years and we're finally making progress. What about you? What's got you so worn out?"
"We watched both Lion Kings, ate pizza, and I guess I just got comfortable," she replied. "I'm not really tired."
Harm smiled at her and moved his fingers over her cheek. "You are so beautiful," he said huskily. "So beautiful."
On a breath he closed the gap between them taking her lips in a soft kiss. "Even after all these years, Sarah," Harm told her when they broke the kiss. "You are still the only woman for me. The only one who makes me feel like this."
Mac didn't fully understand the motivation behind his statement. In fact, she thought he was saying this because he was still feeling insecure about Clayton. Harm had been more attentive this past week than he'd ever been. Yes, he'd always had been good at the little things, but this week, he'd gone above and beyond.
"You're my one in six billion Harmon Rabb. You needn't be jealous of Clayton," Mac comforted him under that assumption.
"Yeah, I need to be," Harm countered. "Especially when you bring him up right before we make love. You are mine, Marine," he told her.
Mac smiled and turned her chin up to claim another kiss, "Yes I am, Sailor."
"Let's go to bed, Sarah," Harm whispered rising before he reached down for her lifting her into his arms.
They kissed the whole way to the bedroom where Harm gently set her on her feet. They hadn't made love in over three weeks, before her last cycle, but when they had done it it had been wonderful, no pain, no doubts, just peace.
Harm slid his hands down Mac's arms and instinctively she raised them about her head so he could take off her sweatshirt exposing her upper body. She hadn't planned this, but after she had gotten the kids home and changed she'd left her bra off, which proved to be a pleasant surprise for her husband since he was feeling amorous.
"This is a nice present, Sarah," he laughed and turned his attention to her breasts using his tongue, lips and teeth to bring her pleasure. They'd been lovers so many times in their marriage that they knew perfectly each little recess of the others body. He knew that while she loved to make slow love, that sometimes she liked it harder and faster. She knew that while their joining meant everything to him, that it was the more one-sided pleasures that he really enjoyed. Tonight though, the entire mood was set for slow love making, a giving and taking that was sacred to couples like them, couples with deep abiding love.
Slowly for the next half hour they pleasured each other with little touches, tiny kisses, until Mac's body had gone weak and Harm had swept her up and brought her to their bed and laid her down underneath him. They had both long ago shed their clothing and now they lay skin to skin on the sheets of the bed that had known love, anger, joy, and pain.
Harm slipped his hand between Mac's thighs checking to make sure she was ready for him. "I love you so much," he said near her ear, placing a kiss on the lobe. "You are so beautiful."
Mac rose her hips to indicate she was ready for him. In fact she was aching for him so much she hurt inside. "Please...Harm," she whimpered. "Please now, I can't…take it."
Harm was more than happy to oblige her and as he took her mouth he also took her body. Even after two children and countless encounters she still fit him like a glove, his perfect opposite. No one fit him like that; their bodies had been made for each other.
Mac felt Harm enter her body but instead of feeling the exhilaration, the heat, the passion, she usually felt, she felt an incredible pain, a pain like she'd never felt, not in labor not even the first time their love was interrupted by this curse God brought upon her body.
Biting her lip so hard it bled Mac tried with all her strength not to cry out. "This hurts so bad," she thought to herself trying to decide if she should tell Harm to stop. "But it's been so long...three almost four weeks since...and he's been so wonderful he deserves this. I can do this, I have to do this," she decided and called upon the Marine in her to withstand the agony.
She let out a tiny whimper, "Harm..." Followed by a weak moan.
"I know, Baby," he whispered. "Don't worry I'll take care of you," he whispered and began to move with in her.
With each motion of his hips, she tensed and bit down harder on her lip. "Relax Baby," he told her as he felt her tense. "Let go for me."
Harm pushed a bit further in, knowing her intimately, knowing what she liked, and how she liked it. She wasn't responding like he thought she would, but since she was tired when they started he decided that was the reason for her stillness.
"This is agony," Mac thought as she felt him advance. But this is how she liked it. Their sex life was very active before her illness and they did try varying methods of lovemaking. They used it to convey their love that was slow and steady. They used it to comfort, that was slow and drawn out, but could vary in speed. They even used it to squelch their anger or frustration at each other when they could no longer meet in the middle, which was when it could get intense, hard, like now. Sometimes though they would increase the pressure and the intensity just to shake things up a bit. That's what he was doing now; he sensed her reluctance and thought it was something he was not doing. If only he knew.
When Harm moved his hips harder, trying to give her pleasure like he'd always done, Mac could take it no longer. She had to stop him, she had to get him out of her, now. Only she had to do it gently, Harm was too fragile when it came to her illness, she'd have to try and ease him off. She let out a tiny whimper, "Harm..." A weak moan came of its own volition.
"I know, Baby," he whispered to her. "Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you," he told her as he began to establish a rhythm. This time he felt her body tense, but not as it usually did for climax. So he tried to soothe her, "Relax, Baby," he told her. "It's all right to let go."
He moved at the rhythm he'd established, pushing harder, trying to force her to release biologically. He'd have to address why she couldn't mentally, but at the moment he had more urgent business. The more he moved, the harder he pushed to drive her to orgasm, the more pain she felt. Finally, no amount of training, love or self respect could prevent her body from doing what it wanted to do. Letting instinct take over, she tensed her thighs and gasped through the cloud of pain that was robbing her of her ability to breathe, "Harm, no!"
"It's all right, Sarah," he told her in his husky, sexy voice, the one he used in these moments. "I like doing for you." He had not understood her meaning. Mac was lying beneath him, writhing, crying out, and shaking. He was so intent on giving her pleasure that her "No" did not immediately penetrate his brain.
Mac tried again, this time she'd have to make sure he understood, "Harm stop!" she said as loudly as she could without waking the kids. "Please stop!" The final word came out as a sob.
This time, as she expected, her protests made it through his hazy mind. When Harm heard her say "Stop" he immediately reacted. Using his elbows for balance he stilled his motion and lifted his lips from where they had been working on her breasts. "Sarah? Sarah, baby, what is it? Did I hurt you? Talk to me." His questions came out fast, desperate and breathless, he had to know. He had to know what was causing this reaction, only he was afraid he already did.
Mac didn't answer him, not because she didn't want to, but because she couldn't. The pain she felt was like a knife, heated in a fire searing through her from the inside out. Add to that the pain of having to once again fail her husband, the man she loved, having to see through hot tears the anguish on his face...it suffocated her. She couldn't get her breath enough to answer him...she couldn't do anything but lie there as she felt her consciousness drain away from agony and lack of oxygen.
"I did, didn't I?" Harm answered himself, when he realized Mac was in no position to do it. "I'm sorry. I..." he took a breath. "Tell me what you need," he said trying to remain calm. "Tell me what you want me to do. Should I stay still...talk to me. Take a breath and try to tell what to do so I don't hurt you anymore."
Mac still didn't answer. He asked her one more time to tell him what to do, to advise him, but all she was capable of doing at this point it seemed was breathing and that was becoming a struggle. Harm thought about it...if he moved out it would hurt her, but at least he could get up to her, hold her, and if necessary deal with whatever needed doing. If he stayed still...the choice was obvious.
He told her gently what he planned. "Sarah, I'm going to try and move out quickly so I don't hurt you too badly. On the count of three...One, two..." He moved before he even said three. When he moved she didn't move, she didn't scream...she had no reaction at all.
As quickly as he physically could Harm moved up to Mac's side. He looked down at her and saw that her eyes were opened, leaking tears. Her chest was heaving up and down, up and down...way to fast for normal breathing. Harm slipped his right arm underneath her trembling form and sat her up, his left hand rubbing her back. "Slow down your breathing," he advised. "Try and breathe slowly, deep and slow," he coached. As she focused and complied, he praised "That's it. That's it."
When he finally after what seemed like hours felt Mac's breathing even out, he pulled her to his chest and started to rock her back and forth slowly. "I'm so sorry, Sarah. I never should have tried...but it worked out the last few times. I'm so sorry."
Finally finding her voice again, Mac absolved him. "It's not your fault, Sweetheart. I wanted this too. But...Harm, it really hurts." She started to shake again and tried to curl into her protective position.
"No, no," he chided her. "We have to get you lying down. Lie down on your back," he instructed. "I'm going to be right back; I'm going to get your leg pillow. Try and stay as still as you can."
Before Harm could even ease her down, Mac's hands tightened on his forearms, "No," she said. "Don't let me go yet! Just please," another set of sobs began, "Please, hold me for awhile."
He pulled as close as physics would allow and with one hand he began to massage the top of her head, "Okay, Baby. Okay, I'm not going anywhere. I love you," he told her. "I've got you; it's going to be okay."
"No, it's not," she cried. "I can't make love, I can't have babies, and this pain...I want it to stop, Harm," she cried into his strong chest. "Make it stop," a desperate whisper.
"I wish I could take this from you, Sarah," he told her. "I wish I could feel it myself just so you didn't have to but I can't. I'm sorry."
That was so like him, the rational part of her mind realized. He would bear this for her if he was not precluded to doing it by biology, and yet he was still sorry that he could not defy the laws of science. It was then that Mac felt his tears, hot and damp at the same time dropping onto her hair.
Mac pulled back from his chest and looked at him. His tears pulled at her heart strings. What did she do to deserve a man like this? She lifted a shaky hand to touch his face, "Don't cry, Sailor. Please don't."
Harm wanted to chastise her for that, how could he not cry when she was in such agony and because of him. Before he got a chance to respond though, another cry was heard, this time from Lucy's room. "Mommy! Daddy!"
When Harm heard his daughter's voice he froze and groaned, "She has the worst timing," he said to Mac as the call came again. "Mommy!" This time she was starting to cry.
Mac took a deep breath and moved to rise from the bed. "I'm coming Baby," Mac called, but her voice had no strength and neither did her body as she tried to rise from the bed. Moving made the pain worse and caused her world to shift rapidly. She collapsed weakly against the pillow. Taking a deep breath she tried again.
Harm saw her struggles and leaned over to kiss her cheek, "I'll go to her, Honey. She probably needs her Daddy to scare away whatever monster has invaded her dreams."
That as the cry came again, "Mommy, please! Mommy! Daddy!"
This time Harm answered Lucy's cry, "I'm coming, Lucy Bear. Daddy's coming."
Mac, her stubborn Marine attitude taking hold, tried to push herself up, "Harm, she wants me. I have to go to my daughter. I..." She stopped again as her head swam with fatigue.
Harm gently placed both hands on her arm, "Mac, you are going to lie back. I'm going to go check on Lucy and I'll be back. Just lie back and put your legs up. You know how." With those instructions, he grabbed his robe and was gone tying it as he went to their daughter's room.
Mac wanted to fight him, to protest and follow him, but in between the pain and the exhaustion she didn't have the strength. Harm was right anyway, Lucy probably would want her Daddy, and Lord knows she did.
Harm hurried to Lucy's room. The closer he got to the door, the louder his daughter's sobs seemed through the door. He opened her bedroom door and turned on the flashlight she kept by her bed. "What's the matter, Button?" he asked stroking her small head with his huge hand.
"I had a bad dream," the little girl sniffled.
Harm moved the little girl from her bed into his lap and hugged her close to him, rocking her. "Want to tell me about it?"
"Yes," she sniffled. "I dreamed Mommy was crying and she had to go to the horshpittle and you were really mad and yelling."
"At who?" Harm asked. "At Mommy?"
"I don't know, but I wanted Mommy and she didn't come and I want Mommy now, Daddy," Lucy told him lifting her watery eyes to his.
Harm took a deep breath. There was no way that he could allow Lucy to see Mac in her present state. He didn't want to validate Lucy's fears by telling her Mac was not feeling well. He didn't know what to do. This was only the second time in five years as a father he felt this helpless.
Harm's mind drifted back to the first time he'd had that feeling. He never wanted to feel like that again, but now it was upon him.
It was when Lucy was only about six months old. Mac had gone back to work and the Admiral assigned her a case at Parris Island that required her to be gone overnight. He'd assured her everything would be fine, that he could take care of Lucy no problem and it wasn't until Lucy woke up screaming at three in the morning and nothing he could do would stop her from crying that he had any doubts.
"Lucy, give Daddy a break," he pleaded. "I fed you, I changed you...what else is there in life?"
Still the baby continued to cry and toss her head.
Harm tucked the baby's forehead into his neck. She was warm but not hot. He thought he'd take her temperature anyway, to be safe.
Using the new fangled techno thermometer Mac had bought the minute they found out she was pregnant he realized the reason for his baby girls tears. A 101 degree fever.
"So that's it," he cooed to her. "And it's three in the morning," he said. "We can't call Mommy, cause she'll worry and we can't call the doctor, cause he'll tell 101 isn't high enough...What to do, Lucy Bear? What to do?"
Harm racked his brain for a moment, and then remembers his always prepared Marine had baby Tylenol (R) in the medicine cabinet. Still carrying the baby he went and retrieved it, measured it out, and administered it. Lucy didn't like him for it, but he knew it would help. Still, once he gave her the foul tasting liquid she squalled louder.
"It's all right," he comforted, cuddling her closer. "Daddy's here." He sat in the rocking chair and started to sing softly, a song he'd sang to Mac when she was pregnant and couldn't sleep. It stopped the child's kicking then, maybe it would work now.
"Well, Luce," Harm sighed. "Mommy was really tired tonight. You guys really wore her out. So let's let her sleep and Daddy will sing you a song he used to sing to Mommy and you when you were in Mommy's tummy. How's that?"
She nodded sleepily, all ready calming down in her father's embrace. Harm laid Lucy down on the bed and stretched out next to her, singing softly an old Hall & Oates song, Sara Smile, a song that a very special meaning to him and to Mac.
By the time Harm finished one full round of the song, Lucy was sleeping. He kissed her forehead and walked back to the master bedroom.
While Harm was attending to Lucy, Mac felt her breathing return to normal, but the pain in her back and stomach failed to subside. She was aching and soaking wet and once Harm came back he'd want to talk. She wanted to be at least marginally comfortable for that talk, so she rose slowly and carefully from the bed in order to get her pills and maybe take a shower pausing to put on her robe as she went if for nothing other than a barrier between her skin and the cool air.
That was when she noticed it. There was blood on the sheets underneath her, and slowly running down her legs. "Oh God," she gasped and with all her strength suppressed the urge to cry out for Harm.
She made her way into the bathroom, her legs feeling like rubber as she negotiated the ten feet or so from the bed to the master bath. Once inside she filled the basin with water and used a cold cloth to dab at her forehead. She could hear Harm through the wall singing to their daughter, calming her fears. She only wished that she had the ability to calm his fears.
The singing stopped and the creaking floorboards announced Harm's return to the bedroom. Silently Mac prayed he wouldn't see the blood. That quickly turned into a prayer that she be able to remain upright as another pain shot through he back and the blood flow increased.
Harm walked into their darkened bedroom and saw the bed empty. "Mac?" he called out. "Mac?"
"I'm in here, Harm," Mac answered in a voice that to Harm's ears sounded very small. He started towards the door of the bathroom, intent on getting to Mac when his bare foot came in contact with something wet on the hard wood floor. He turned around quickly and hit the switch on Mac's vanity mirror for some extra light. He looked down and saw something that he'd dreamt about, had countless nightmares about, but prayed would never become a reality. Seeing the blood was leading back to the bed, he turned his line of sight to the place where they had laid making love only a short thirty minutes ago. What he saw there made his stomach lurch and his mouth water. He felt his hand start to shake and the room start to spin. "No," he chastised himself. "No, you have to pull it together. Mac needs you now. You can't lose control now."
Disregarding the unsightly mess for the time being, Harm rushed to the bathroom door and turned the knob. "Mac, open the door," he ordered when he found it locked from the inside. He heard the latch disconnect and he tried the knob again. When Harm opened the door, nothing in his Navy training or even Lamaze could prepare him for what he saw. Mac, his strong independent Mac was leaning over the sink, practically doubled over in pain. Her face had almost no color, her brow was sweaty and her brown eyes were opened wide with terror. She looked at him, tears streaming down her face, "Harm...I..."
Harm rushed to her side putting his strong arms around her to support her and lie her down. "Sarah, you're bleeding, Honey. I'm going to help you lie down right here, okay? Come on; let me do the work, just trust me."
She looked up at him, chocolate eyes shining, "Always," she replied in a whisper.
Her words twisted the knife that had been in his gut since Mexico, but he couldn't worry about himself now, Mac needed him to be in control and to take care of her. With infinite tenderness her eased her down onto the bathroom carpet, then quickly got two clean towels from the linen closet, her pillows from the bed and an old blanket.
"I'm so cold," she whispered to him, shaking as he lifted her legs to prop them on the pillow.
"I know, but this blanket will help, Mac," he told her.
Once Harm had gotten Mac to lay still, her hips and knees propped up on pillows, the towels between her thighs to clot the blood and the blanket wrapped around her for warmth her kissed her pale lips and told her, "You lie still. I'm going to call an ambulance. You need to go to the hospital, Honey."
"No," she protested. "I'll be fine, I just need to rest and feel your arms around me. Please, Harm. The ambulance will scare the kids and I don't want them to see this, please, just wait a little while."
"Mac, no," Harm said firmly. "You need help, I am not going to sit here and wait for you to bleed to death in my arms. The hospital is an order not an option."
"But what about the kids?" she asked, acquiescing. She owed him this after what she was putting him through. She owed him at least that peace of mind.
"I'll ask the EMTs not to use sirens and I'll leave the door opened. I'll call AJ to stay with the kids. All you have to do is lie back and try and keep talking.
Harm left her lying down and resting. First he called AJ to make sure he was at home and would be able to watch DJ and Lucy.
The Admiral answered his phone on the second ring, "Hello, Chegwidden."
"AJ, its Harm," Harm's panic was beginning to show in his voice. "I need a favor."
"Rabb, it's the middle of the night," AJ groaned.
"I know, but I have an emergency here. I need you to come over and stay with the kids. I need to take Mac to the emergency room," Harm told him in a rush.
"I'm on my way," AJ said in a rush without further question. "Sit tight."
"Thank you," Harm said, but only to the dial tone. AJ had already hung up.
Harm called the paramedics and explained the situation to them, and the dispatcher agreed to tell the driver not to use sirens. That accomplished he returned to Mac's side. Her eyes were closed, and she was still shivering. He knelt beside her and caressed her damp forehead, "How are you doing Marine?"
"Hurts," she managed and licked her lips. "Still cold."
Harm moved and lifted her up a bit so she could lean against him, his arms coming around her. "I'm so sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to do this. But I promise you, you are going to be all right." He kissed her temple. "You are going to be just fine. I'm here and I'm holding you. The Admiral is coming, the ambulance is coming...it'll be fine."
Harm wasn't sure how long he sat there on the bathroom floor holding his wife, rocking her, and even singing a few choruses of Sara Smile. Finally they heard footsteps. "That's the medics, Honey. I'm going to meet them."
Harm returned about two minutes later, with two paramedics and the Admiral. When AJ saw the scene he looked at Harm, "Tell me there is some reason for all of this blood that would not involve me killing or murdering you or someone else."
"Well, maybe, Sir," Harm sighed. "But this is my fault. It was just an accident."
"No one has this happen by accident," AJ grated out. "Start talking, Son."
Before Harm had a chance to explain though, he heard Mac cry out weakly, "Don't touch me! Harm!"
Harm left the Admiral and went to his wife. He saw the young male medic had removed the blanket and was attempting to remove the towels he'd placed between her legs. "Don't touch her," Harm said to the boy more harshly than he intended. "Tell me what you need to do to and I'll do it."
"We need to make sure she wasn't…well…we need to see if she has any tearing," the young man explained.
"Can't they see that at hospital?" Harm asked. "She's been bleeding like this nearly an hour now. We don't have the luxury of letting you practice on her."
His partner, an older seasoned medic, smiled at the worried husband. He had a wife himself at home. "We need to determine at the scene if we suspect sexual assault, Sir."
"You think that..." Harm sputtered and lunged for the medic. "You son of a b..."
"Commander Rabb, stand down," the Admiral said in his most authorative tone as he pulled back on Harm's arms. "It's their job, Son," he comforted. Then to the medics, "Do you suspect assault?"
"No, Sir," the older medic replied. "Not by him anyway. But in at a scene like this well, we have to check before we transport incase we need the police. If he'd call 911 the cops would dispatch, but he dialed direct so he could tell us no sirens."
Harm calmed down in the Admiral's grip and shrugged him off. He knelt down beside Mac and took her cold hand, "Sarah, they have to check you. I'm going to move the toweling aside myself and stay right here okay. Then we'll get you to the hospital."
Weakly she nodded and allowed Harm and the medics to remove the towels and begin to examine her. "No assault, Sir. She's not torn, but she is bruised and looks like a spontaneous abortion."
"Let's transport her," the younger medic said. "Sir, I assume you're coming with us."
"You're damned straight," Harm replied as he hastily dressed in a faded pair of sweats and an old Orioles tee shirt. He moved out of the way so that they could load her onto the stretcher.
"Keep..." Harm began, but AJ cut him off. "I'll take care of them. I'll think of something to tell them," AJ reassured. "Go be with your wife."
Harm followed the stretcher out to the ambulance and climbed in as soon as Mac was safely loaded inside. He took a position next to her and held her hand in his, massaging the back of it with his thumb. "It's going to be okay, Baby."
Mac didn't answer him, only opened her mouth. No sound came though.
"Sir, we need to know how far along she was," the younger medic asked him.
"Eight months," Harm replied, not really listening to the medic's question.
"Sir, it is not possible that Mrs. Rabb was eight months pregnant," the medic replied.
"Pregnant?" Harm repeated the word. "She's not pregnant, she can't be..."
Could she? What if...what if he had gotten her pregnant the last time they were together? That last time would have been four weeks ago, two weeks before..."Oh God!" he gasped out, feeling his heart drop, "Oh God, no. Please, don't...God, please don't let her have been pregnant," he prayed out loud, voice hoarse and desperate.
Once they got into the hospital, Mac who'd finally slipped into blessed unconsciousness en route was whisked away by the doctors. Harm was given paper work to fill out and told to sit down in the waiting area. He sat, but he didn't get past filling out her name when he heard her crying out for him.
Harm leapt up and headed for the cubicle where he'd heard the cry come from. He rushed inside and saw Mac fighting the hands of the doctors and nurses. He stepped up next to her and reaching across one nurse he took her shoulders in a firm grip, "We had this talk, Marine. You need help and they're going to give it to you. I'll be right outside. If you want me, you call me. Okay?"
"I don't want you to go," she told him. "I'm scared." This was whispered as if she was embarrassed by it.
"I know, but you have to be examined. I'll be right outside filling out the insurance forms." He kissed her cheek. "I love you, Ninja Girl."
Harm worked on the papers, got a cup of coffee, called the Admiral to check on the children, and got a second cup of coffee before the doctors were finished with Mac. He had just sat down on a hard chair near Mac's ER cubicle when he heard the doctor call him. "Commander Rabb," the tall red headed woman said as she approached him. "I'm Laura Angelli, ER attending physician. I was taking care of your wife."
"How is my wife, Doctor?" Harm asked in a rush.
"She's tired, weak, and very frightened, but she'll be all right. We gave her a slight sedative to keep her quiet, and she's sleeping now," the woman informed him.
"Was that really necessary? Mac doesn't like to be drugged and she'll want to go home to our children, not sleep off some drugs in a hospital bed," Harm told the doctor. "I should have been consulted."
"Commander, Sarah...we had to examine Sarah to make sure that...When I asked Sarah if she was pregnant, she said no, that she couldn't have anymore babies. Yet, my exam, and the labs I ran said...You're wife was pregnant, Commander. The bleeding...was...were you engaged in sexual activity before she began bleeding?" Dr. Angelli asked.
Harm looked down at his hands, which he had clamped in his lap. "Yes," he replied.
"Okay," the doctor sighed. "Are you aware of the severity of your wife's endometriosis?" she asked him. "I see surgical scarring. How long ago was her surgery?"
"It was about five months ago," he replied. "Dr. Angelli, are you sure she was pregnant. I mean she had her regular cycle in spades about three and a half weeks ago."
"I'm sure, Commander," the doctor replied. "That's not that uncommon. You see with this disease, the lining, the endometrium where the fertilized egg will implant, it develops on the inside where it should and through out the reproductive system, sometimes onto the bladder and the colon as well. Every month some of that will bleed and shed like a normal period, and some...its case specific, but that's probably what was happening with Sarah."
"Is it getting worse? Does she have to have more surgery?" Harm asked anxiously.
"Not without further testing, which she should have done with her regular OBGYN," Dr. Angelli said. "But from the examination that I've completed, she's going to have to have more surgery."
He sighed again, trying to stop his hands from shaking. "Does she know about..." He swallowed the lump gathering in his throat. "Does she know about the baby?"
"No, Commander," Dr. Angelli said. "She does not."
"And she will not," Harm said firmly. "Is that understood?" He asked this in his best Commander's voice.
Solemnly the doctor nodded. "She'll need to have blood work in a few days to make sure her pregnancy hormone levels are dropping appropriately. But if you'd like to wait until you take her home…"
Harm cut her off. "I'll speak with our doctor about keeping it quiet. She wouldn't handle it well, and I…You understand don't you?" he asked.
Dr. Angelli nodded slowly. "You can go and sit with her now, Sir. She asked for you until we had to put her under. She should be waking up soon. She's still in a lot of pain, and she'll need a week of really good rest to get her strength back, but as the bleeding is under control, you can take her home in a few hours."
"Thank you, Dr. Angelli," Harm said as he shook the woman's hand.
"Go to your wife, Sir. She'll need you," the woman instructed and smiled.
Harm sat beside Mac's bed, took her tiny, limp hand into his large, firm one and kissed the back of it. "It's going to be okay, Sarah. We'll get through this. I promised you in sickness and in health and I meant it. There have been other promises I've broken, but not that one, Sarah. Not that one."
She opened her eyes slightly and moved her lips just slightly. Harm felt her hand contract and looked up. "Hey, Ninja Girl."
"You never broke a promise, Harm," she whispered. "You couldn't." With that she closed her eyes again and sought more sleep.
Harm let out a long sigh and then did something he had not done since DJ had pneumonia when he was only three months old. He slipped off the chair and knelt by Mac's beside, his hand still holding onto her. "God, if you're listening. She's not at fault for what I've done. Don't; please don't use her to punish me for my sin. She doesn't deserve that, Lord. Please, don't make her suffer anymore. Amen."