Author's Note: That's right, my lovely followers, readers, reviewers, and... favorite... ers? I am not dead! CX Thank you guys for sticking with me so far and I am sooooo sooorryyyy for the long assed wait! UGH! If I didn't get back to you and you reviewed, I'm sorry! I really meant to. Oh! A guest reviewer asked some questions in their review and so I decided to answer them in this A/N. First off, the characters come from both the anime and manga. They're from both... Although I never got to finish reading the manga. T^T Anywho... oh, except for Beyond Birthday. He's from Death Note: Another Note. If you haven't read it yet, then I highly recommend that you do! Matsuda... is definitely a guy. ^^' Although the thought of him as a girl made me giggle like crazy. CX Anywho... thanks guys for supporting my stories! Seriously, things are really starting to get bad over here... I broke down in the middle of class the yesterday and I was really embarassed about it... I was hiding my face the whole time. :( I'm lucky I had a friend in that class who noticed. She was really nice to me when I needed it. Well, enough venting because this is a long A/N already.

WARNINGS: You may or may not have noticed that the rating for this has been bumped up to rated M. That's because... well, obvious reasons. Time for a juicy scene! XD Oh, there's a tad bit more L and Light, but it ends soon and that's not the scene I'm referring to so don't worry. ^_^

Enjoy!

Two whole weeks had gone by and I still didn't see Beyond after that. I've decided that I no longer care whether I see him or not. Things were much easier without him in my life. I had to focus on the Kira case! Catching Kira was all I cared about at this point. Well, perhaps that was a lie. But I had no choice but to believe such a lie.

So I went on, showing no emotion at all and not caring about anything but the case at hand. I'd catch Kira and then... And then... and then I'd move on to the next case. Did I really want that? What am I saying? There are people who need me. You know, there are plenty of unsolvable cases going on right now. People are dying and no one can stop it. There are plenty of people trying to reach me, hoping that L can save them... But... Because of this case, I cannot afford to worry about other cases right now.

I used to be able to work on at least three cases at once. But now, I must devote all of my time to the Kira case. I will solve this. And if I have to, I will put Light Yagami behind bars. I do not need Beyond for that. I do not need... revenge... I don't need to... no. I cannot be having second thoughts! I truly do not even care. I do not need Beyond Birthday in my life, damn it.

"Uhm, Ryuzaki?" Light asked.

"For the last time, Light-kun, I am just fine," came my reply.

"Then..." He got closer to me and whispered, "Why are you crying?"

I hadn't even realized it myself. But then I noticed that he was, in fact, correct. There were tears streaming down my face. Damn it! I knew I needed Beyond... I needed his bites... the gentle hugs, the rough, stolen kisses... The scratches and cuts... his bony fingers running through my own hair... His big obsidian eyes that matched my own perfectly to look me in the eyes as he tells me that he still... loves me... I needed Beyond... I'd feel better if only I could feel his touch again...

I put my protective walls down and now I could not bring myself to jusy bring them back up... I need Beyond... I must have said that enough times already, but still... But, of course, I'd never admit how weak I was without him.

"I am fine," I whispered back. I slowly wiped my tears off so that no one else in the task force would notice. "I would like to go up and shower though, if you do not mind."

"You're not going to hurt yourself, right?"

"Of course not, Light-kun."

"Okay, then."

We headed back upstairs and no one even bothered to question it at this point. Once we were in the elevator, Light shoved me against the doors of it, pinning my shoulders down.

"Ryuzaki, please tell me what's wrong."

"It is nothing, Light-kun," I replied. "Now please just let me go."

"Ryuzaki, I'm worried about you."

"I do not care. There is nothing to be worried about."

"Just tell me why you're so depressed!" he shouted, almost making me flinch.

"If I told you, then you would not believe me!" I shouted back.

Just then, the doors opened up behind me and we both fell back. I was on the floor, lying on my back, with him right on top of me. Our bodies were against one another and I felt Light shiver. His hands were both on either side of my head. The back of my head was hurting as well as my forehead was, meaning our foreheads must have bumped into one another.

That is when I made, yet another, foolish decision. I decided that I'd just have to get over Beyond. I'd move on to someone else. I mean, how hard could that be really? And who even cared if Beyond saw me with someone else? No way was he going to come back for me anytime soon. At least, that's what I was willing to believe at the moment.

"R-Ryuzaki!" Light actually stuttered of all things. "I... I am so sorry! I... I shouldn't have..."

He never got to finish that sentence as I cut him off by pulling him down further into me. I placed my lips against his and tried like crazy to actually feel something. I felt him shift our bodies so that we were further away from the elevator, allowing it to close. After that, Light was kissing me back.

I felt one hand behind my neck and another going through my hair. Then, I felt him part my lips with his tongue. Our tongues danced and I even allowed him dominance. I combed my fingers through his hair and he moaned against my mouth. Try as I may, I just could not feel anything.

I pushed Light away and he looked down at me, his eyes half lidded, his breathing labored, and with a confused, dazed look on his face.

"Ryuzaki?" he asked. I said nothing. "Ryuzaki... look at me..." I hadn't realized I was avoiding his gaze, but I did as told.

"Ryuzaki, who is it that you're trying to forget?"

"Excuse me?"

"I..." he looked away for a moment with an ashamed look on his face. "I've done the same thing to Misa..." he looked back at me. "Ryuzaki, I know that you're aware of how I... feel... and I know that you will never feel the same. So... when..." he looked away again. "When I'm just trying to forget you for even five minutes, I get... intimate with Misa like this... I-I know what it feels like when someone is faking their way through."

He looked back down at me. "I don't like being used, Ryuzaki. Just who is it that you're trying to forget, huh?"

"... Beyond Birthday..." I admitted.

Light sighed and stood up. Then he held out his hand for me to grab. I took it and he helped me up. He pulled me into a warm hug.

"Ryuzaki, I... I love you," he said. "But I just can't do this if it's not what you really want. It's wrong.. And you'll never be satisfied this way..."

He kissed my cheek and walked ahead of me. I felt a tug of sympathy and a small amount of pity for him because I knew he spoke from experience. I followed him as he lead me into the living room. He closed the door and locked it behind us.

"Go take your shower, okay?" he said.

I nodded before taking the handcuffs off and going into our room. Upon going in there, I heard a muffled "Why did I do that?!" through the door. Had I been ina better mood, I would have chuckled. I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me before taking my clothes off and turning the shower on. I threw my clothes on the floor and went into the warm shower. I thought of (you guessed it!) Beyond.

All I wanted was to feel his nails ripping open my flesh again... To feel his tongue against mine and lapping up blood from my body... To feel his hands all over me and pulling out my hair... I wanted his teeth to leave marks everywhere and to make me bleed... I no longer cared how wrong that was! I would accept any pain, so long as Beyond was the one inflicting it. But I also wanted to feel him holding me close... gentle kisses... I desired his affection just as much as I desired the pain.

I realized upon looking down at myself that the thought of it all excited me a little too much... I sighed.

I pressed the nails of my left hand into the meat of my palm, drawing blood. I gasped and closed my eyes I used my other hand and grasped myself firmly, letting out a low moan. I thought of Beyond... I imagined him being the one to hurt me like this... I thought of all the things we could have been doing, had I permitted it to happen. I continued to pump myselfbup and down over and over again... I was starting to feel really hot...

"Beyond..." I moaned out. "Hnghh... Beyond..."

I felt a spreading heat in the pit of my stomach and my groin as my movements sped up.

"Beyond..."

"Yes?"

My eyes snapped open as I saw him standing in front of me, wearing nothing at all. I felt my face heat up as I realized that he'd caught me doing something like this. He looked down and looked as if he were trying to hold back a smile.

"... Lawliet, I shall do you this one favor, alright?"

"What...?"

He kneeled down in front of me and grabbed a hold of my hips. I felt him breathe slowly on my erection, making me shudder. He pulled my hand off and moved it to my side before holding on to my hip once more. He placed his mouth around the tip of my penis and swirled his tongue around it, biting me lightly. He dug his nails into my hips, drawing blood.

"Beyond!" I gasped, feeling more pleasure than pain at the moment.

He didn't respond. He only continued to lick... He then started to actually suck hard as he took my whole penis into his mouth and started to fondle my balls. I cried out his name in pleasure and fisted my hands in his hair, pulling him as far down as possible. He hummed and I found myself on the edge of climax.

"Beyond! Nnng... BEYOND!" I called out as I came into his mouth. He drank up every last bit. As he pulled away, I couldn't bring myself to stand any longer. I slid down to the floor of the tub as Beyond held me closely to him.

"I still love you, L," he said. I only nodded in response as I wrapped my arms around his waist, panting just a little. "Do you forgive me?"

I thought for a moment before saying, "Not completely."

"Percentage?"

"... 80%."

"That is all I need... Now... please tell me you are not planning on getting... intimate with Yagami..."

I looked up at him, into sad, dark eyes. "What?"

"I... L, I saw you in the hallway before you came in here... I almost wanted to rip him off of you." I felt my face heat up. "Are you becoming intimate with that... that boy, all so you could... push me away?"

"Beyond... No, I am not intimate with Raito-ku- Yagami-san." I corrected myself. "I am... still... I still..." I could not bring myself to say what I wanted to tell him. I was still... hurt over everything that had happened lately. It is difficult to trust people so easily. Even if it is someone I care for this much. He waited patiently though, as if he knew what I was trying to say. "... I still... love you..."

He actually... smiled at me. "And I love you," he replied.

Then, I realized something. "Beyond... I need to... solve the Kira case. And I cannot do that if..."

"If... I am around to interfere, correct?" he finished for me, sounding just a little hurt.

"Yes. I apoligize, Beyond. But it is of utmost importance that I finish this case. I cannot put my own needs first." I looked down. "I decided that when I became L..."

He lifted my head up so that I was looking up into big black eyes. Around the edges, there was a slight red tint.

"I will leave, Lawliet..." he stood up and turned to get out of the tub. I grabbbed his hand, stopping him. I was close to letting tears out, but I was not about to cry. Because I was not lose B again. I gripped his hand tighter.

"Do not just leave," I muttered. "Do not leave me behind. I cannot take the torture of not knowing when I will see you next... I-I... please just stay a little longer.."

"L." He turned around and crouched back down to my level. He grabbed my face and pulled me in closer, bringing his lips to my own. He was kissing me so... gently. And for once, I enjoyed how gentle he was being with me. I kissed back, never wishing to move from that spot. He broke the kiss and began speaking to me in a soothing voice.

"L... I shall come back as soon as you catch Kira. I promis that I will, no matter what happens. I will see you again. So catch him, no matter what it takes. Put him behind bars. Promise me you will, L."

I nodded. "I promise, B. I will not fail." I said as I became determined once again.

"I love you."

"I... love you, too." I do not get how he could say it so easily.

He grinned and I suddenly remembered that picture of him in his files from back at Wammy's. This was the B that I remembered. I found myself smiling back.

"Until then," he said. I nodded as he just slowly faded away. I was ready to finish things, now. My motivation was back, no- L was back. And I was definitely sure of one thing.

I was going to catch Kira.

So, earlier today, I was just sitting there all depressed and whiney when I got a review from a guest reviewer. I started this chapter last week and didn't finish typing it until now. It's actually almost 12 am and I just got through an epsiode of Soul Eater. Poor Crona! (I think I spelled it wrong! XP)

But when I saw this review from a random gueat reviewer, I got so happy. ^.^ No need to worry, I won't end it like that. I hate endings like that. Whoever you are, you made my day. Seriously, I was motivated again and I wanted to get this chapter done all of a sudden. Thank you! This chapter is dedicated to you. Thank you to everyone else who has been reading and reviewing and following and favorite... ing(?). It means so much to me.

And I forgot to mention, the cover art for this fic is a drawing I did of L so please tell me what you guys think if it! That's all I could think to say for now! Thanks for reading!

Ja ne~!