Can We Ever Get Back To Before

by FicWriter82

AU! Harm and Mac's seemingly perfect marriage falls on hard times. Can they find their way back to each other? Updated June 25, 2007! Chapter 80! The End! Of this one...

9. Chapter 9

See Chapter One for Notes and Disclaimers

0005 ZULU

Constantine's Restaurant

Georgetown

One week later

The Admiral had been glad to take the children for the evening so it was with the knowledge that their children would have an evening of structured, safe fun and plenty of ice cream that Harm and Mac entered the upscale dining room Constantine's Restaurant in Georgetown.

She was dressed in a floor length black dress with a small train on the back. The front hugged the curves of her chest perfectly, and the halter strap showed off her smooth shoulders. The back of the gown was opened, something Harm, in his best dress whites enjoyed immensely for it allowed him to caress her skin to skin without either being embarrassed.

"Reservation for Rabb," Harm told the maitre D.

The man checked the book, "Ah, yes, Commander and Mrs. Harmon Rabb. Right this way please," he smiled and led them to the table Harm had asked for. It was in the back, secluded but still allowed them to view the dance floor and the band.

"Harm, this is too much," Mac gasped looking at the sheer elegance of her surroundings. "I wasn't really serious when I said I wanted to come here, I thought once you were actually paying attention to what I was saying you'd go ballistic and back out. This is way too expensive."

With everything they'd been through in recent days, he wanted to make the night special. Of course a part of him, a bigger part than he wished to admit, was acting out of guilt; however he refused to allow the guilt to seep into their magical night if he could at all help it.

"You are..." She squeezed his hand. "So sweet, the...I'm so lucky to have married you. To think we almost didn't realize what we had," she sighed thinking of the two years wasted before they'd realized they were in love.

"Still you didn't have to go all out like this," she told him. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but you know it's not necessary."

"I know it's not," he answered. "But I'm the lucky one here and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me tonight, that's all." He leaned across the table and their lips met sweetly as the waiter approached.

"Excuse me," the waiter spoke. "Can I offer you a drink from the bar? We have a lovely collection of aged Italian wines, and if you are celebrating we have the finest champagne in Washington."

"Two sodas with a twist, please" replied Harm, looking into the lovely brown eyes of his bride.

"Are you certain I cannot sell you on the champagne?" the waiter offered. If he sold the champagne, he got a cut of the deal.

"Quite certain, yes," said Harm. "But those sodas would be terrific."

"Yes, Sir," the waiter replied and went to get their drink orders.

"Harm, you could have had something," Mac told him. "I'm so far past that stage."

"I know you are, Sweetheart," he said. "But it wouldn't be fair to celebrate our anniversary like that. I'd much rather have what you're having tonight."

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" Mac asked. Harm was being extremely romantic, even for him.

He laughed a little. "You mean I haven't always been like this? Talk about a shock!" His blue eyes danced as he waited for her reaction.

"Considering we spent our fifth anniversary stuck in an elevator in Macy's because you forgot and tried to con your way out of it by saying you wanted me to pick out my own gift, yeah, this is a little bit overboard for you Flyboy," Mac laughed remembering the day the year previous.

"I'm never going to live that one down, am I, Baby?" he asked, shaking his head at his scatterbrained management of that particular anniversary.

"No, nor will you live down our fourth, which you were in Parris Island for and didn't call. Or our third, which I believe you had tickets to the Georgetown game with Bud and Sturgis. You will also have difficulty living down our second, which you didn't forget, but decided that an appropriate gift would be a dirty 8 by ten photograph of the two of us in a very embarrassing position," she bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Oh, and let's not forget our first when you took the traditional gift suggestion just a tad too literally, so riddle me this Sailor, what's so special about good old number six?"

"Number six," he said. "Will make up for all of them." He knew he owed her for anniversaries past, she knew that, too. It was what she didn't know, though, that he felt he owed her for most of all.

"Here we are, Sir," said the waiter as he set the drinks down in front of them. "May I take your entree orders, or do you need a few moments to peruse the menu?"

"I think we're ready," Harm replied. "Go on Honey, sky's the limit."

"I would like the Lobster fra Diavalo," said Mac. "With a house salad, dressing on the side, please." She loved seafood, lobster being her absolute favorite. Since she almost never got the opportunity to indulge in it, she decided to go for it despite it being the most expensive entree on the menu.

"Excellent choice, Ma'am" said the waiter. "For you, Sir?"

"I'll have a bowl of your finest soup," he said. "With crackers on the side." He looked at Mac, smiling the whole time he spoke, knowing she'd see right through his half-witted attempt at humor.

"You're terrible, you know that?" she asked with a laugh. "My dinner's not that expensive, Harm!"

"I know, Baby," he said. "I know, I'm just having fun with you." Turning his attention towards the waiter, "I'll have the Eggplant Parmigiana and a house salad, please."

"Dressing on the side with that salad, Sir?" the waiter asked.

"Please," replied Harm, who'd already returned his focus to his wife. "God, I love this woman..." he thought to himself.

"Very well," said the waiter as he closed his notepad, "I'll get this right out to you. Is there anything else I can offer you at this time?"

"No, I think we're good for now, thank you," said Harm, looking away from his wife only for a moment as the waiter walked away.

"This is a really nice place," she said again. "I'm not sure I've ever been anywhere as fancy as this for dinner."

"As I said before," replied Harm. "Only the best for you, Sarah." The moment was interrupted by the discreet ringing of Harm's cell phone.

Reaching underneath his jacket, he pulled the phone from his belt, flipped it open and looked quizzically at the Caller ID window before answering.

"Rabb," he said. Mac looked intently at him, waiting for some indication of the caller's identity.

"Oh, hi," he said, the confused look remaining on his face. "Really? Oh, wow, when? No, that's not good, wow. Uh-huh, okay, well keep me posted and let me know what the doctor's say. Right, I will. Thanks, mom. I love you too, bye."

"Grams is sick," he said to Mac as soon as the call ended.

"Oh no!" said Mac. "What's wrong with her?"

"Don't know yet," he answered. "That was my mom on the phone. She said they've been in Belleville visiting Grams for a few days now, and this afternoon they had to take her to the ER after she collapsed going down the hallway to her room. She's been admitted for testing, whatever that means."

"I hope she's alright," said Mac, knowing how important Grams was to Harm. "I'm sure your mom will keep us posted?"

Harm nodded, "Yeah, she will. She said they won't know anything before tomorrow afternoon."

"Well," said Mac, sensing how upset Harm was becoming. "You know Grams doesn't want us spending tonight worrying about her, so let's try not to, okay?"

"You're right," he said. "She'd feel awful if she thought she caused us any unhappiness tonight, and I'm not going to let that happen." He stood up from his seat and held his hand out towards Mac. "Care to dance, my love?"

Before she could answer, Harm's phone rang again. She saw the wave of panic cross his face for the two seconds it took him to reach the phone and read the screen, and she knew he was afraid it was his mother again.

He pressed the "answer" key and put the phone to his ear. "Yes, AJ," he said.

Now it was Mac's turn to panic. She almost reached for the phone, but decided against it.

Harm listened intently to what AJ was saying then sighed, "Yeah, he does that sometimes. Let me talk to him."

Mac looked at Harm her eyebrows knitted with worry. "DJ," he told her. "He won't get in the bathtub."

Mac couldn't help but giggle at the thought of their former CO, tough Navy SEAL that he was wrestling with their rambunctious two year old over a bath.

"DJ, this is your father," Harm said in his stern parent voice. "I want you to be a good boy like Mommy and I told you to and get in the tub for Uncle AJ."

Mac sipped her coke, bit her lip, drummed her nails, anything to keep from laughing as Harm listened to his son babble then replied, "Because I said so, that's why." Another pause, "Please be a good boy for Uncle AJ. Make Daddy proud."

That worked, it always did. Mac didn't even know why Harm tried those strong armed tactics with their kids.

"Sorry about that," he apologized to AJ. "He should be all right now. Call us back if either of them act up again, all right. Bye."

"Sorry about that Babe," Harm said as he put the phone back in his jacket pocket. "Now how about that dance?"

"I'd love to dance, Sailor," said Mac, taking his outstretched hand and rising from her seat.

Harm led Mac onto the dance floor and let go of her hand, "You stand right here for a minute and I'll be right back."

"What are you up to?" she asked slanting her eyebrow.

"You'll see, one second," he told her and moved in the direction of the band. He leaned up and whispered something to the band leader.

Harm returned to Mac's side, but instead of leading her the rest of the way onto the floor he stood beside her, hand in her hand and waited.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked.

"You'll see," he replied as the song ended and the band leader began to speak.

"Ladies and gentleman," he said. "On October 16, 1998 then Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, made then Major Sarah Mackenzie his wife. Tomorrow the couple will have been married six years and tonight, Mr. Rabb would like to dedicate this song to his bride."

Mac sighed as she heard the lyrics of their song begin to be sung by the band's lead singer. They had taken a lot of time choosing that song, and in fact had almost settled on another one when Harm had decided to play his new CD for her. When this song had come out of the speakers, they'd both looked at each other and said, "That's it!" both knowing no other song could ever capture the essence of their relationship like this one did. It was Because You Love Me, by Jo Dee Messina.

"How did you know he'd know this song?" Mac asked. "This isn't exactly a country and western type of place."

"I know," Harm smiled as she swayed to the music holding her close. "That's why I called on Tuesday and begged for them to learn this one, and another which you'll get to hear later on."

"You really put a lot of thought into tonight," Mac smiled. "I guess that teaches me that I should let you have a week's notice more often."

She lay her head on his chest, over his heart and listened to the rest of the words.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Harm," she whispered so softly he barely heard her. "I like having you like this."

"Well, I like being like this," he told her and kissed her hair. "This really does say it all doesn't it. We can make it through anything as long as we're together. I mean, look at what we've made it through so far."

"Yeah, losing your father, my father, Meg and Chris' interference, losing my father, my murder trial, you're return to flying, your crash, DJ's illness..." Harm's lips on hers silenced her reminiscence of the sad events in their lives.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Lucy and DJ's birth, Bud and Harriet's second baby, their twins, that slightly ill fated trip to Cape Cod," he chuckled. "Those are the things to remember, Mac. But you're right, we only made it this far because of our love, without that I haven't the slightest doubt." He kissed her again, softly on the mouth.

It was only the sound of applause that broke them apart.

They smiled and remained hand-in-hand as they walked off the dance floor, thanking a few folks who offered them congratulations along the way.

"Did you like it?" asked Harm, knowing in his heart she did but wishing to hear her say it anyway.

His question went unanswered for what seemed like too long.

"Mac?" he asked, squeezing her hand a little bit. "Did you like the dance, babe?"

He looked at her, wondering why she was ignoring him. He matched his eyes with the path hers were following to a table just off the dance floor, and within seconds realized what was wrong.

There sat a couple who looked to be about the same age as he and Mac. The wife was clearly pregnant, at least 6 or 7 months by his best guess. The sight gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, for so many different reasons.

"Come on, Sarah," he said softly. "Let's go sit down." He knew how scenes like that broke her heart, and he'd learned the only solution was to remove her from them as quickly as he could.

They returned to their table, and as Mac sat down Harm noticed her wipe her eyes. He quickly slid into his seat and reached across the table, taking both her hands in his.

"Look at me, babe," he said.

She did as he asked as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"You don't have to be sad about this anymore," he said. "I know we just lost our baby a few days ago and that's not nearly enough time to grieve and move past it, but we're going to try again, soon, remember?"

Mac nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't mean this doesn't bother me anymore. There are so many unknowns for us; I guess a part of me is just as afraid as you are that it won't work out the way we want it to."

Mac wiped at her eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm crying like a big baby and ruining this beautiful evening."

"No, no, don't say that," he replied. "You're not ruining anything, you're reacting to something that's been really hard on us, especially hard on you. There's nothing wrong with that, Mac. But please try, just try, when this upsets you to remember that we're going to do what we have to do to give ourselves another chance at being like those folks over there, okay?"

"Okay," she smiled. "And Harm?"

"Yes, beautiful?"

"I did love the dance," she replied with a tiny smile. "I always love dancing. We should do it more often. This was the best anniversary gift you could have given me."

"I think I have something that can top that," he said as he slid out of his seat. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" she asked as he rose from the chair.

"To the car, just for a minute," he answered. "I'll be right back, babe." He bent down and kissed her lips before heading towards the front doors.

True to his word, he returned in almost no time, carrying a beautifully wrapped package.

"Oh, Harm," Mac sighed taking the gift. "You shouldn't have. You've given me so much all ready."

"I haven't given you this yet, though" he said with a smile. "Go ahead, open it."

Gingerly Mac opened the gold ribbons and the blue packaging to reveal a cardboard box with the lid taped shut. Using her butter knife she cut the tape and removed from the box a beautiful jewelry box. The base was pink and the lid had a sculpture of a ballet dancer on the top of it. "This is so beautiful," she gasped. "This can hold most of my jewelry."

"Open the box, Sarah," Harm told her and with gentle fingers she did. Inside the jewel box was a ring, one like Harriet wore that she'd admired. It had harm's birthstone, the opal, then DJ's, the emerald, then Lucy's the sapphire, and finally Mac's the Peridot. "Harm," was all she could manage as she choked up with tears and slipped the ring on her ring hand.

"It fits you perfectly, Sarah" he said. "Just like marriage and motherhood."

"Can we," she began, stopping to take a deep breath. "Can we...add stones in the future?"

"Sure," he replied. "At least four, I asked the jeweler."

Mac leaned over and placed a kiss on her husband's lips, "Thank you. I...I didn't get you anything I thought that with your birthday next week I didn't...I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey," he said. "Don't be. Seeing you enjoy this evening so much is the best gift I could ask for, other than the gift of having you as the love of my life."

The tender moment was interrupted as the waiter brought their salads and Harm had to leave his bride's side to sit down and eat. As they ate they talked about anything and everything that their lives had thrown at them. Sometimes it was hard for Harm to grasp that out of some of his worst pain, came his greatest happiness. He was the luckiest man on earth to have married this woman, and the stupidest one to have betrayed her. Thank God he was starting to move past it, that was their only chance at happiness.

"Ladies and gentleman, once again, we would like to dedicate this next song to Commander and Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Toby Keith's Woman Behind the Man. Commander Rabb called us earlier in the week and requested that we learn this one especially for his wife Sarah. But first, he has something he'd like to say to her. Commander?" the band leader's voice tapered off as he looked over to Harm.

"Harm, what are you doing?" Mac asked, unsure what else her husband had planned for the night.

"You'll see," he replied and rose to take a place next to the band leader.

"Before anyone gets up to leave, don't worry, I'm not going to sing," Harm joked. "But I am going to embarrass my beautiful wife over there so bear with me." He turned to Mac and held her gaze, "Sarah, from the day we met I knew deep down that my life was complete. It took me two years of stubbornness, and even some uh, jerkiness, but when you were there for me and risked everything to go with me on what turned out to be a hopeless quest, I knew that no matter what it meant for us, I had to be with you forever. I've made my mistakes, you've made yours, but here we are, at year number six and even with everything we've been through, we are still going strong. "

Mac's eyes were shining with tears as she listened to her husband's words. He was still speaking, "In the darkest hours of my life, you stood there like a ray of sunshine, like the beacon in the lighthouse window, guiding me over the rough seas. I wouldn't be the man I am today without you, Sarah. So if you would please, join me, for this dance?" he stepped off the raised platform and moved to meet her halfway as the strains of the music began.

Taking her in hers he swayed with her, holding her close as she let tears of happiness drip onto the shoulder of his starched white jacket.

"I love you, Harm," Mac whispered as he held her close. "I'm so thankful for…"

"Ssh," he told her. "You don't have to talk. I all ready know."

They finished the dance and were met with more applause as they walked back to their table hand in hand. "Harm, I don't know what to say," Mac began her voice clogged with emotion.

"Don't say anything," he answered. "Just enjoy the rest of tonight. Our night."

The returned to their table to find their meals had arrived. Mac lifted her coke, "To six wonderful years. Happy Anniversary."

He touched his glass to hers. "And many happy returns, my love. Many happy returns."

0402 ZULU

Rabb Residence

ManassasVA

They arrived home late, after eleven, both tired, but both basking in the glow of their love and this spectacular night.

They walked into their bedroom hand in hand and Mac sat down on their bed and began to remove her shoes.

"So," he asked her as he unbuttoned his jacket. "Did I redeem myself for my past anniversary blunders?"

"Very much so, Flyboy," she smiled. "Now all you have to do is keep up the good work. I could use an evening like this every year or so. Just as a reminder," she said as she lifted the hem of her skirt and started to remove her stockings. She preferred stockings to pantyhose, they allowed her more freedom and weren't as hot in the summertime. It was also a plus that Harm found them sexy.

"Great," he chuckled, hanging the jacket over the back of the closet door. "Now I've done it, I've proven I know how to romance you, thus necessitating this kind of lavish celebration every year from now on."

Seeing her smile, he walked over to grant her a kiss. "Don't worry, my love," he said. "Celebrations like we had tonight are the least I can do when it comes to our anniversary."

"What would be the most you could do?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I could ask you to marry me all over again," he replied. "The big wedding, the reception, the whole nine yards. Every year could be a fresh start of sorts."

"You never asked me to marry you the first time," Mac teased. "As I recall you said 'I'm going to marry you Sarah,' as we laid together the night after we found out about your father. I feel cheated, Sailor."

"You sure I never asked you?" he queried as he removed his shirt and tie. "What about when I gave you the ring? I know I must have asked you then, right?"

"Harm, I remember every moment like it just happened. When you gave me the ring you said, 'Now everyone will know who you belong to.' You are very possessive," she smiled and rose from the bed reaching to undue the clasp of her dress, but she couldn't quite make her arms bend like that.

"When it comes to the important things in my life" he said, stepping behind her to take care of the tricky clasp for her. "You bet I'm possessive." He kissed her neck softly. "But I'm sorry I never gave you a proper proposal, Mac."

"You could remedy that you know," she told him and turned around to unbutton the top of his shirt.

"Oh, could I?" he replied.

"Yeah," she whispered bringing her mouth close to his so close their breaths were mingling. She backed off suddenly and pouted, "No, I'm not even engaged to you," she said in her best southern belle tone turning her back to him and striking a prim stance.

"Well then," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice as he reached for her left hand. "I guess you shouldn't be wearing these, huh?" He took her wedding and engagement rings from her finger. "By the looks of things, Ma'am, you now belong to no one, though how that's possible I'll never understand."

"Well, the man I love he...I guess he doesn't want me," she lowered her eyes to look demure and vulnerable. Inside she was laughing, this was so much fun.

"Any man who doesn't want you," said Harm. "Is a blind fool."

"Oh really," she sighed. "Then what are you, Harmon?" she asked turning to face him, lips still pouty, eyes still downcast and modest.

"Oh, I'm many things," he said, lifting her chin up gently with his fingers. "But I'm not blind and I'm no fool."

"Oh, no?" she queried, meeting his eyes, her own eyes shining.

"I'll prove it if you'd like me to," he answered, staring into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Please, Counselor," she begged him with her eyes. "Prove it to me."

Putting her wedding band into his pants pocket, he held onto the engagement ring as he carefully got down on one knee in front of her. Looking up at her, he could see the tiny pools of tears waiting to fall from her eyes.

"Sarah, I've loved you from the moment my eyes met yours. You're my reason for living. You're the sunshine on my rainy days, the rose among the weeds and you mean more to me than I ever thought anyone could. I don't want to imagine my life without you in it. Would you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife, from now until forever?"

The tears spilled as she nodded her head in the affirmative and let him slip her engagement ring on her finger. "Yes," she breathed and lowered herself to the floor in front of him. "Thank you," she whispered and leaned over to capture his lips in a soft kiss. "That's more than I ever imagined and believe me, I have imagined you proposing so many times. Not that your original proclamation was not appreciated."

"You've imagined this?" he asked tenderly. "I'm sorry, Mac, I never realized it was so important to you. Well, actually I never realized I'd blown it so badly the first time. Forgive me, Baby?"

"No forgiving involved," she replied. "There was something strangely satisfying about the way you went about it, and I didn't want you to feel like your first proposal was inadequate, it wasn't. There's just something about a romantic speech and the suitor on one knee," she sighed. "What do you suppose a newly engaged couple does to celebrate?"

"Well," he said with a smile. "I remember what we did the first time around..." He leaned in to kiss her sweetly. "You remember...?"

"Yes," she breathed. "Only that's sort of out of the question now isn't it?" she asked sadly. "I'm sorry I can't..."

"Hey, now," he said, taking her chin in his hand once more to tip her face towards his. "Don't be sorry. Your body needs time to heal, and that's not your fault."

"I know, that but it's not fair to you," she replied. Then she lifted her hand and looked at the ring, "Harm, can I have my wedding ring back? I feel lost without it here."

"Of course," he said, reaching into his pocket and retrieving the gold band. "May I do the honors, Mrs. Rabb?"

"Of course, Commander Rabb," she replied and held out her hand so he could slip the ring on.

He placed the ring on her finger and looked into her eyes as he recited to her the vows from six years earlier. "I Harmon, take thee Sarah, to be my lawful wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and remaining faithful unto you until the day we are separated by death." His voice hitched as he spoke the last lines. He'd meant every word six years ago, and he regretted with every ounce of his being the fact that he'd broken that part of his promise to her, not once, but twice. He knew this much, though, he'd never break it again, that part or any other. Ever.

Sarah brought her hand up to cover his and repeated those same words, "I, Sarah, take thee Harmon, to be my lawful wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and remaining faithful unto you until the day we are separated by death." With tears falling from her eyes, she whispered, "Kiss your bride, Commander."

Harm leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The kiss six years ago had been slow, sweet and tender. This one followed suit to the letter.

Mac drew back away from him. "I just thought of something," she said rising from her knees. "I was going to save it, but considering this is a special night..." She rose. "Go put on that Dean Martin CD and bring the remote in here. Give me ten minutes first."

"OK, my love," he said as he stood up. "I'll be back in ten." He had no idea what she could be up to, given their current situation, but he knew this much - he couldn't wait to find out.

Exactly ten minutes had passed when Mac heard Harm enter the room, the sound of their one and only Dean Martin CD playing in the living room. It wasn't really their style, but he had such romantic songs that it came in handy for nights like this.

Mac opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out. She had on her white gown, the same one she'd worn when they married, and over it was the robe, almost an exact copy of the one that now lay ruined in a landfill somewhere.

He stopped in his tracks. No words he could scramble together could adequately describe what he was feeling at that moment. She looked more beautiful to him than she did on their wedding night.

Finally, he found his voice as she walked towards him. "Wow, Mac," he whispered. "You're...you're...gorgeous...but, when did you get this?" he asked, reaching out to touch the robe as her body stopped inches from his. His heart ached at the memory of finding the one from their wedding night on the floor of the bathroom that awful night not long ago.

"I got it yesterday," she replied. "I was going to save it until Dr. Bradley cleared us, but you've made tonight so wonderful for me, I wanted to do something as wonderful for you," she replied. "I hope this isn't bringing back too many painful memories for you, Sweetheart," she said, knowing the way Harm's head worked at times. She wasn't sure if he'd break down at the sight of the new acquisition or reach out to ravish her as he had previously done.

"It's...it's amazing, Baby," he said, running his hand down her cheek. "You look...wow...but...I don't understand...I mean, we can't..."

"No," she replied. "We can't make love, but there are other ways, Flyboy. There are definitely other ways."

She took the remote to the CD player and clicked track 14. The song that played as they honeymooned "You Belong to Me" began to play as Mac began to demonstrate what she had in mind.

Mac closed on him then wrapping her arms around his neck, claiming his lips in a strong soul scorching kiss. Her tongue sought entry into his hot mouth almost immediately, but he hesitated, unsure of what she intended to do.

"Sarah, Honey," he sighed as she came at him again, intent of capturing his mouth with her and keeping their lips connected. When she pulled back he finished his query, "What are you doing?"

"I'm giving my husband pleasure," she replied with a tiny smile.

"You give me pleasure by being alive, Sarah, by being my wife," he told her holding her to him gently.

Mac leaned her forehead against his chest as he held her. She ran her hands up his chest, feeling the smooth material of his shirt under her palms until her tiny hands reached his shoulders. She loved his shoulders.

"Such strong shoulders," she murmured rubbing a bit and feeling tension that was still there within him. "But it's too much for even you to carry isn't it, this thing with us?"

"It's a lot," he replied. "But I won't let you down, Sarah. I'll do all I can to get us through it."

"You can give it to me, Sweetheart. Let me help you. You don't have to carry me, let me walk with you," she pleaded. "Let me hold you up, just for a little while."

Unsure of so many things in his life at that moment, he was sure of one thing: it was nice, for a change, to be the one being told they needn't bear the burdens alone.

"Okay," he whispered. "Okay."

"I love you, Harm," she whispered. "I know you feel lost right now, and I know you're scared and need some comfort. And I need to hold you. Can we do that?"

"I'd love to," he answered softly, moving his arms around her.

Sarah stepped back, out of his reach. "I have a better idea. Get undressed. Take off your clothes and run a bath. I'll meet you in there in ten minutes."

Mac turned the CD on scramble and waited until she heard Harm turn off the water. When she entered the bathroom he was standing near the tub, in only his towel. "Get on in the tub, Honey," she urged.

"You're not joining me?" he asked, letting the towel slide to the floor.

"Not yet," Mac replied. "I'm just going to take care of you, Honey. Trust me."

"Okay," he said as he carefully placed his right foot into the tub and looked over his shoulder at her. "I will."

Mac busied herself with retrieving bath oils and soft sponges and rags. She wanted to pamper him tonight, as he always did her. She wanted to replace the memories of that horrible night with a good memory for them, one of only love and tenderness.

Harm settled himself in the warm water and let out a groan. "How does that feel, Sailor?" Mac asked, returning with his variety of scented skin gels and bath equipment.

"Heavenly," he replied, leaning his head against the end of the tub and closing his eyes. "You sure you don't want to join me?"

"If I join you, I can't do what I want to do," she replied walking over to him with her collection of bathing supplies.

"And what's that?" he asked sighing and relaxing further into the water.

"You'll just have to wait and see, my love," she answered.

Mac took a bit of the peppermint gel Harriet had gotten them for Christmas and poured a bit on her hands. She rubbed them together and put one of her hands on his chest and began to move it in tiny circles, lathering his skin letting the healing scent waft up to his nostrils. "How about that?" she asked.

"Mmmm..." he sighed. "That smells great."

"Just take deep breaths and let all the tension go away into the water," she crooned. "Do your shoulders hurt?"

"Yeah," he replied. "They do. I feel like the weight of the world is sitting on them right now. It's...it's pretty bad."

She frowned and ran a gentle hand across his shoulders, "And you suffer in silence. Why do you always do that? What can I do? You take care of me; I take care of you, right? So tell me what to do for you, Honey."

"Hmmm..." he mused, "I don't know. You got any ideas, baby?

She poured more of the gel into her hands. She loved his shoulders, so strong and chiseled. She moved and ran her hands over the taunt muscles. "Just let it go, Baby. Not even Harmon Rabb can hold up the whole world." She kept rubbing, finding the tightest spots and changing the pressure. "How's that? Too much?"

He exhaled a relaxed breath, feeling himself melt into the water as she worked. "No, it's just right..."

"I'm glad, Honey. Just wait, by the time I'm done you'll feel a lot better. Better than you have in a long time I hope?" she whispered, deepening the massage to reach the tightness at the base of his neck. She touched her lips to his shoulder and kissed it lightly. "I love you so much."

"Mmmmm..." he purred as she continued to kiss here and there. "That's...oh yeah, you know what that does to me, Mac..."

"Mmhmm," she replied. She blew a bit on the hot skin, the placed a feather light kiss just between his shoulder blades. She pulled back and turned her attention back to his massage. "I know." She ran a hand across his back. "Better yet? I want you to tell me what to do for you. You spend too much time taking care of me. It's my turn."

"It's much better, now. Much, but hmm...what can you do for me...?" he said sensually.

"I want to take the pain away, Sweetheart," she whispered. "I want to hold you up for awhile, pamper you," she leaned over and licked his earlobe. "Tell me how."

He hesitated. He didn't deserve this kind of treatment, but she was so certain she wanted him to have it, he digressed. "You could...rub my back...if you want to, you don't have to, though."

"Of course I have to," Mac sighed. "If you want that, you've got it. Where does it need my special attention?" she asked.

"Down low?" he answered, still feeling a bit guilty that she was showering him with such royal treatment and he was just laying there taking it, by his standards he was giving nothing.

"Same place," she asked him.

"Mm-hmm," he replied, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his knees. "It's kind of tight tonight, not sure why.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," she whispered. "Slide up. I'll be gentle."

He slid towards the front of the tub, granting her access to the spots on his back that pained him wrapping his arms around his bent knees.

Mac poured more of the aromatherapy onto her hands and moved to the place that often caused him trouble, the lower back, right side. Sure enough, the muscle was wound in a tight knot. She pressed with the heel of her hand and pulled downward, "How's that?"

"Ohhhh..." he moaned."That's...ooooh, yeah, right there..."

She continued to work on the area, varying her pressure between hard and therapeutic to feather light and romantic. It was during one of these touches she broached a subject that had been upsetting her for months. "Harm, I've kept quiet for awhile now, but I think that it's time we talked about Mexico."

That locomotive he'd felt that night in the bar of the DC Plaza, the one that rammed straight into his heart - it was back. "Wh...what about it, Sarah?" he asked. He wanted to come clean, to tell her the truth about Annie. He knew the ache in his shoulders, the knots in his back and the horrible nightmares he'd been having were all thriving on his hidden secret, his guilt keeping them alive every minute of every day. He knew he needed to tell her, somehow, sometime. That time, however, wasn't going to be now.

"Well, since you've been back, you've been...I've always prided myself on having an attentive and amorous husband but since Mexico you're bordering on clingy and that tells me that something pretty rough happened down there." She sighed. "I want to know what it is, so that this," she pressed her fisted hand into the spasmed muscle. "Can go away."

He knew good and well that no massage, not even Mac's amazing ones, could touch the surface of the pain he was carrying around from Mexico. His mind and heart racing, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Nothing really happened," he said, feeling the all-too-familiar shame again. "I went, I investigated the case and I came home. I just really missed you that weekend, that's all."

Mac pulled her hands back, "That's bull. I know something happened to you, or you saw something and I want you to tell me what's wrong. Don't shut me out!" she pleaded.

He knew she was getting closer to figuring out the truth, a truth he wasn't ready for her to discover, and it sent a wave of panic through his veins. "I'm not shutting you out," he replied, leaning back in the tub. "Why does anything have to be wrong for me to decide that my gorgeous wife deserves a little more of my attention?" He looked at her, forcing a faint smile across his face in hopes it'd mask his fear.

"Because if that were the truth, you'd take me out to dinner or get a sitter for the kids and we'd go to the mountains. This isn't the Harm that's guilty over neglecting his wife, this is the Harm that's guilty because something happened somewhere that he couldn't fix," she sighed and reached out to touch his chest. "This is how Harmon Rabb acts when this," she tapped his heart. "Is broken. Now, tell me why?"

He knew he had to give her something, pacify her need to find out what happened with some type of believable answer. He longed to tell her the truth - carrying that enormous weight around day in and day out was eroding his soul and spirit a little at a time - but he couldn't tell her. He couldn't hurt her like that.

Mac began to run her hands up and down his chest in a soothing, hypnotic pattern. "Please tell me, Baby. You want to, I can feel it. Please." She looked at him with wide hopeful eyes, begging him to unleash his burdens to her.

"Okay," he sighed. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to be down there and see dozens and dozens of families with more kids than they could possibly care for? Every corner I turned, I'd see one and... it made me angry." He knew this wasn't the real answer to Mac's question, but it wasn't a lie. He'd seen it, seen the little ones living with their parents and 12 siblings in houses made of plywood and sheet metal from old cars, and it really did break his heart, especially given the circumstances he and Mac were facing with regards to growing their family.

Mac nodded in understanding. "You are the most precious man alive. You wanted to fix that didn't you?" she asked. "Or was it that we may never have the family we dreamed about? We have to talk about this, I know it hurts, but we have to do it," she urged. Then, turning her attention back to him she asked, "Do you want me to finish your back, or should I move on?"

"No, finish my back" he replied, hoping that her touch would ease his body if not his mind.

"Is the water warm enough?" she asked. "We can let some out and heat it up again."

"Yeah, more hot water would be great," he replied, feeling relieved that the answer he gave her was, apparently, sufficient.

Mac slipped her hand down between his legs, making sure to brush his manhood with her hand as she went to let out half of the water.

Then, "We're not done talking, are we? Can you tell me why it made you angry?"

"I guess," he said. "It was all of it - the fact that I couldn't fix those little kids lives and seeing them only reminded me that we'd probably never get the big family we always wanted to have."

Once the tub had drained she replaced the plug and turned on the tap.

"Well, I've decided something I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn't know how to approach you about it," she said as she turned off the water and moved to work on his back again.

"Oh?" he asked, nervous about what was to come. "Go ahead, Baby," he continued. "You can tell me anything, and you know that."

"I talked with Dr. Bradley about having a procedure to remove some of the lesions from my uterus. He said it is difficult, but it may increase my chances of a successful pregnancy and at the very least help relieve the pain. It's not permanent, but at least it's something," she told him. "I hope you aren't mad I did that without you."

"No, not at all," he answered, moving his upper body to allow her better access to his back. "Was he upset when you told him we're planning to try again?"

"He warned me of the risks, but he said he understands," she told him once again working the muscle. "And he apologized again for his impatience with me last Monday."

"Well, that's great," he said. "All of it. He definitely owed you an apology after last week."

"Yeah, he did," agreed Mac, pressing the heel of her right hand into that stubborn spot on his back.

"Oh, ow!" said Harm, jumping a little under her touch.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie," she said. "I didn't mean to press so hard. Are you okay?" She removed her hands and instead leaned down to place a super-soft kiss upon the place she'd hurt.

"Mm-hmm," he said, nodding his head slightly. "Just pinched a little, no big deal. Keep going if you want to."

Mac reached behind her and grabbed the bottle of peppermint bath gel and squeezed another small dollop into her palm. Rubbing her hands together again, she returned to his lower back as well as to their conversation.

"So, the reason you were so clingy when you got home from that TAD," she implored. "Was because you were bombarded with painful reminders around every turn?"

She had no idea how right on the money she was when she put it like that. "Reminders" were everywhere, the biggest being Annie and how what happened with her reminded him of the selfish, foolish mistake he'd made with Meg nearly 6 years prior. He felt his heart sink for what must have been the millionth time in two months.

"Yeah," he mumbled softly. "It was...it was pretty brutal and I'm not a good one at leaving things from elsewhere, elsewhere, you know?"

"I do," she replied. "You've always been more of one to hang onto things than one to let them go." She worked her way up his back a few inches.

He nodded.

"But," continued Mac. "Maybe having talked about it, finally, combined with the fact that before too long we'll be able to start trying to conceive again, maybe you can let it go now."

He sighed. If only it were that easy.

"I'll sure try, Baby," he replied. "I'll sure try."

She ceased her massage on his back and came around to face him, leaning over the side of the tub. "Thank you," she said softly as she placed a kiss on his forehead. "I don't like it when you're this tense."

"I know," he whispered. "I like it even less than you do."

"Are you...feeling more relaxed now?" she asked, rubbing his shoulder with her fingers.

"Mm-hmm," he answered, looking into her eyes. "I'm getting there."

Mac shook her head. "Well, clearly there's still some tension hiding in there somewhere" she said, a hint of desire in her voice. "And I'm going to find it. Lean back Sailor," she instructed. "There are other parts that need my attention."

He did as she asked, easing himself back against the end of the tub once more, resting his head against the edge.

"What else is tense, Sweetie or do you want me to go searching?" she asked running a hand down his hard chest and over to his side. She giggled, "You're getting a love handle here, Hon. Must be my wonderful cooking," Mac teased and ran her hand across his hips.

"Hey now!" he exclaimed, "You just never mind..." Mac ignored him and moved her hands across the area of his hips.

"Any problems here?" she asked him.

"Hmmm...don't think so," he replied.

"Hmm," she sighed and continued to move lower. "How about here?" she asked her hand brushing his manhood once again. "How's that feeling right now?"

He drew in a sharp breath at the feel of her hand against the most awakened area of his body. "Maaac..." he breathed. "You know what that..."

"Does to you?" she smiled. "But of course. But it's not time for that yet."

She moved her hands to his legs. "Strong thighs, perfect." Her hands set to work on his right leg. "How's that, Sweetheart? Tell me what you like and I'll do it," she told him wanting so badly to give him as much pleasure as she was capable of doing. "Whatever you want, Baby," she sighed and deepen her touch on his leg muscle. "I want so much to give you pleasure," she told him. "I want so badly to make you feel like you make me feel."

Her voice, her words sent chills up his spine. "Lower," he said, his eyes closed, head still against the tub's edge.

Mac obliged him and moved her hands off his thigh down to his calf. She felt a knot at the back and lifted the long limb out of the water so she could apply the soap and work out that cramp. "I'm always amazed that you walked away from all those punch out with nothing but a few tiny scars," she sighed. "Which by the way I find very sexy."

"You do?" he queried sighing as she played with one of those scars.

"Yeah," she replied, her voice just as husky. "I do. Sometimes I like to think that you're the only solider in this family and that I'm the woman at home, waiting for you to come home to me. All too often though I get that wish and I pray I never have to feel like that again." Her hand traced a scar on the upper part of his calf. "Where's this one from again?"

"Basic Training mishap" he replied. "Scraped it against a sharp edge on my locker."

"Clumsy, Sailor," she scolded and moved her hands lower until she reached his foot. "You know when my grandmother would come to visit, she would tell me about her people and their customs. There was one that always interested me," she told him. "The foot bath."

"Hmmm..." he said. "I'm intrigued."

"Well, the basic premise of it is to show devotion and humility to one's spouse. Women in the deserts bathe their husband's feet with a special sponge to take away the pain and grime of a desert journey," Mac explained. "She taught me how to do one, but I don't remember all the specifics."

"Why don't you give me your own special version?" he suggested, opening his eyes to look into hers. "I don't mind if it's not the same as theirs. I just want to feel your hands on my body."

"And I want to feel your body under my hands. I want to take better care of you than I have been," she sighed, her guilt at her inability to be as strong physically as she once was evident even in their special private moments.

"Don't feel bad, Mac," he whispered. "This is nice, I like it."

"You deserve it," she replied as she took one of his large feet in her hands. She reached for the soft sponge with one hand and cradled his foot in the other. "I do remember this, she said, move as your heart directs you."

"Then do that," he said softly. "Go with your heart."

As the soft sponge caressed his insole it was all he could do to keep from groaning, but he held it inside wanting to see what surprises his bride had in store for him. She was using sandlewood soap this time. He leaned back against the tub, surrendering to her touch. He was tired from lack of sleep and it seems that Mac moved the sponge as if to wash the weariness away. She trailed it over his toes and down his ankle, causing tiny sparks of energy to course through him.

"Mmm..." he moaned. "That feels sooo good..."

"I'm glad Honey," Mac whispered her voice hitching a bit. "I want it to feel good. I want you too feel good."

"It does," he said, opening his mouth only enough to allow the words out. "And I do."

Her soft touch had changed ever so slightly. Her fingers rested a moment longer than necessary on the sole of his foot. He didn't need this now. She was off limits to him for the duration but her touch was doing things to his body that he could not control. His fingers dug into the sides of the tub. It was either that or reach up and grab Sarah and pull her into the water with him. Was he so touch-deprived that a simple caress to the bottom of his foot could undo him? No, they touched and often, it was the reason for the touch that was causing these feelings. "Do the other one," he commanded. As much as he was enjoying this, he wanted her to finish so the torture could end.

She obliged him and gently lowered his right foot into the water again. She leaned over him and lifted his left leg, dropping a few drops of the sandalwood gel into her palms. She began to tend to that foot, fingers working the insole gently, then using the sponge to caress the soft skin. "You like this?"

"Oh God, yes," he answered. "I love it, but..."

"What, Sweetheart?" she crooned. "Something else need my attention?"

He shook his head, holding his eyes closed and relaxing as much as he could. "No, keep doing that..."

"What were you going to say?" she asked, moving the soft sponge around to the heel. "Tell me what you need, what you desire," she told him leaning forward to press an impulsive kiss on the sole of his foot.

He drew in another sharp breath at the feel of her lips on his foot. He was really enjoying the attention she was paying to his feet, his legs, shoulders, back. He was hesitant to ask her to move to the one place she had methodically neglected, he didn't want the experience to end any sooner than necessary.

He was realizing, though, that his body had ideas of its own, ideas which she could easily pick up on with one passing glance.

"I'm...I'm fine, Baby," he said. "Just keep doing that..."

Mac continued her massage of his foot until the entire appendage was pliant in her hand. "Now for the final touch," she thought to herself as she lowered his foot.

Mac ran her hands up the inside of his leg and found his engorged sex. "That feels a little tense, Sailor," she whispered in a soft voice. She rubbed her hand over the tip, "How's that?"

"God!" he exclaimed, unable to say much else right then.

She continued to fondle him, using her fingers and her hands to manipulate him. "Talk to me Harm," she said. "This is for you. You tell me what you want. Do you want me?" she asked him, willing at this point to let him take her if he so desired for she was growing wet herself.

His breathing heavy, heart long-since racing, he answered her. "Please, Baby? Can I? Please?"

"Can you what?" she asked tightening her grip on his and massaging him.

"Can I have you?" he asked his voice low and heavy. "Please, Baby?"

She released him and rose to her feet. "You can have anything you want. Do you want this?" she asked and slipped off the robe revealing her long thin arms. "Or this?" she slipped the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders to revealed her perfect breasts.

"I want it all," he growled. "I want you, Sarah. I need you, Baby..."

"I'm here, Harm," she breathed. "Do you need help getting out of the tub?" she asked him. "I need you myself. I need you inside me."

He climbed out of the tub in record time and no sooner did his feet touch the bath mat then he grabbed a hold of her, pulling her close, his lips smashing against hers.

He forced her mouth open with his tongue while his hands made short work of the nightgown the was still covering her bottom half. He raised a warm hand to her hips and pulled her against him, he wanted her to feel what she did to him.

"You feel that, Baby?" he asked her, removing his lips from hers for no more than mere seconds. "You did that."

Mac took one of his hands and guided it down to her sex, pressing it against the moist folds she whispered, "You did that."

They resumed their impassioned kiss, hands touching and exploring. "I need you, Harm," she sighed against his mouth. "I can't stand it much more."

Determined to make this last as long as humanly possible, desiring to tease her the way he knew she loved to be teased, he gently slipped two fingers inside her. "You like that?" He whispered.

The feel of his long warm fingers inside of her made her entire body shake. The exquisite feelings coursing through her made her knees grow weak. She started to slip, feeling like a marionette without its strings.

Now it was his turn to ask the questions, as she'd done in the tub. "Tell me what you want, Baby," he hissed, moving his fingers just enough for her to notice.

Of all the things she could ask of him that he'd willingly do, she requested the one thing she was almost sure he'd refuse her. "I want you to love me," she replied and met his eyes with her own, the brown orbs shining with the tears that would fall at his rejection.

Her words hit him like a bolt of lightening. Could he? Should he? He had to think fast or risk breaking her heart. He made up his mind much faster than he thought he could, given the circumstances of the past couple of weeks. He made up his mind faster than he thought he would. He moved his fingers out of her and slid his hands down her back to support her as their bodies slid to the ground, still totally enthralled in one another.

He looked into her eyes and saw the teardrops shining in them. He gazed into them, his hand caressing her cheek as he tired to let her down slowly, gently. "No, Mac. We can't."

The tears fell. "I...I need you. Please, I want this for you, for us, Sweetheart." She sniffed and turned her head. "But if you don't..."

"Oh, baby, it's not..." he said, still caressing her sweet, soft cheek. "I want to so much, so badly I...I can't even tell you, but we're not supposed to...not yet..."

She reached her hand between their bodies, "But you need it. You have needs and I...this is for you. I'll be all right."

He shivered again at the feel of her hands on him. "Mac, I...we don't have to do this for me...we can...we can do something else, something that won't hurt you."

She looked at him, brown eyes overflowing with tears. "The only that would hurt me is you not loving me. Love me Harm. I need you, I...Please."

Her sadness was killing him, but he had to put her well-being first. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I want to, but..."

"Love me," she pleaded. "Please. I hurt now I want you so much...if something happens...if...I'll take care of myself, you won't have to do anything. Please, I...make the ache stop. Its here," she guided his hand to his femininity. "And here." She raised it to her heart.

He realized he was causing her more pain by refusing than he likely would by giving in. "Okay, baby," he said softly. "We'll do it. We'll try anyway, but if anything happens to you, I'm not about to leave you to care for yourself, understood?"

"Love me," she whispered mouth searching for his kiss. "Make love to me. Here. Now."

"Bed?" He asked before plowing his lips into hers again.

"No," she gasped into his mouth. "Here. I can't wait that long."

"I can't wait either," he gasped. "Are you ready, Baby?"

All she could do was whimper as she sagged against him allowing him to ease her down onto the cold tile.

"Move your legs" he said, out-of-breath from fighting his own body.

She obliged and bent her knees so her feet could brace her body against the floor. She opened her legs for him, and lifted her hips. Still, even as he rose over her, he hesitated.

"Come on" she begged, "I need you inside me..."

"I don't want to hurt you," he breathed leaning down to gently touch his lips to hers.

"It'll be okay," she replied in a heated whisper. "I promise. Please, I need you so bad right now..."

With a sense of dread still gripping his gut her slipped his hands underneath her and lifted her to him as he pressed himself inside. Once there he held still, "Okay?" he asked.

"Ohhh yeah..." she moaned.

He began to move then, slowly pulling almost all the way out before thrusting again. "Oh, you are so tight, so...we're perfect, Sarah. You were made for me," he rasped and kissed her hard. "Cum for me, now," he instructed. "Let me feel how good it is for you."

"Faster..." she begged."Go faster..."

He wasn't sure, but he wanted to please her so he obliged her lifting her hips up and down as he drove himself into her body. Finally he felt it, the tiny shockwaves that her body elicited just before she climaxed with the sweetest moan he'd ever hear. His own completion came as he felt her muscles tighten around him, hugging his length like a spandex glove. Finally, tired and spent he sagged against her, head resting against her breasts.

"God that was so good," she said as he lay against her on the cold tile floor.

"Mmhmm," he sighed trying to catch his breath. "But it is kind of cold down here."

"Yeah," she agreed. "You must really be freezing; your entire body is still wet from the tub. Want to go crawl under the covers?"

"Yeah," he sighed and rolled off of her. "You can warm me up." He rose to his full height the leaned down to help her up taking her hands in his and easing her off the floor.

Retaining her hold on his left hand, she led him quickly to their bed, pulling back the covers across the top and climbing in on the side nearest to the door.

"Brrr..." she said, pulling the covers up to her neck. "Now I'm really cold!"

Harm reached out for her and pulled her into his embrace rubbing her arms a few times. "Better?"

"Mm-hmm," she said, scooting just a little closer to him and sliding one arm underneath his body. "Your back is like ice, Sweetie."

"I'll warm up," he sighed kissing her hair. "That was...was worth a bit of a chill. I just hope you don't catch cold. I should have..."

"Hmm?" she asked him. "Should have what?"

"I should have though about that. I'm sorry, Baby," he apologized. "I...we weren't supposed to do that and on the bathroom floor. Damn it!" he swore. "I can't do anything right anymore."

"Whoa, hey, hey," she said, placing a hand on his chest and pushing herself up to see his face. "You didn't do anything wrong here, okay? None of this was your idea, it was all mine, so if anyone did anything wrong, it was definitely me, Sweetie."

"I shouldn't have let you do it, Sarah. It was...how are you?" he asked full of concern. "Are you okay? You're not hurt?" His questions came faster than he intended as his fear grew.

"Calm down, Harm," she said. "I'm fine, I promise."

"Did it hurt though? I want you to tell me if it hurt even a little bit," he told her. "I...can't believe this. This was so stupid!"

She sighed, knowing he really wanted the truth regardless. "It wasn't stupid, but it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, either. It hurt a little bit, but only towards the end, after I asked you to go faster, but it was nothing bad enough to stop for."

"It shouldn't have hurt at all," he insisted. "It shouldn't have happened at all. Looks like we can add number six to the string of messed up anniversaries," he sighed and put his arm around her to hold her to his chest.

"Oh, please don't say that, Sweetie" she begged. "This was the best anniversary we've ever had, for me it was anyway. I don't want you to let this ruin anything. We had a wonderful evening out together, and it ended just the way we both wanted it to, even if we went against our better judgment and let our emotions and desires take over. Please believe me when I say I didn't plan it like this. I was going to do whatever you wanted while you were in the tub, I didn't mean to…"

"I know," he sighed hugging her.

"I know it wasn't the smartest thing, but did you…did you enjoy it?" she asked hesitantly.

"You should know better than to ask that," he scolded gently. "You all ready know the answer."

"Then let me ask you this, if I hadn't thrown myself at you like I did, what would you have wanted instead of what we did? The night was supposed to be all about you, you know? Would you have wanted me?"

"It's not a question of want, Honey," he explained. "I always want you, that's not the issue. Instead of what we had..." he thought for a minute and tightened his hold. "This seems pretty good to me."

"So see," she said as she nestled closer. "You have nothing to feel badly about, because if I'd kept myself under control, you wouldn't have suggested that we go for it on the bathroom floor. We shouldn't have done that, we're not cleared by the doctor yet and we both know that, but it happened and I was responsible for it and I don't want you feeling guilty, okay?"

He ran his hand up and down her back, but stayed silent. He was guilty about more than she could even imagine.

"I can think of one good thing that we can take from this, though," she said.

"Oh yeah," he chuckled a bit at the feel of her fingers playing up and down his side. "What's that?"

"That we just had the most amazing sex ever in there" she said. "In a place that...that held some bad memories for us. Now, hopefully, we can let the memories of tonight override the ones from before. Think we can do that, Sailor?"

"We can try, my love," he told her. "I can try."

"Good," she said as a huge yawn came over her. "Have you thawed yet, Sweetie?"

"Yeah, I think so. You feel warmer too," he told her and let out a yawn himself.

"Mmm, I am," she said wearily. "Let's call it a night, I'm wiped out and I know you must be, too."

The only answer she received to that was his light snore.

1335 ZULU

Rabb Residence

ManassasVa

Harm and Mac awoke the next morning to the ringing of their telephone. He reacted first, hoping to let her sleep a little bit. "Rabb," he said in a groggy voice. A pause. "Yeah, but that's okay we have to pick up the kids anyway." Another pause. "I think that sounds good, let me check with Mac when she wakes up and I'll call you in an hour. Bye."

Mac awoke halfway, rolling onto her back with a groan. "Who was that?" she asked.

"Harriet," he replied. "She wants to go get a manicure and she wanted to know if you and Lucy wanted to go too."

"Hmm," replied Mac as she groggily stretched her arms to the side. "That's sweet of her. Did you tell her yes?"

"I told her probably, but I'd call her back after I talked to you. What time is it?" he asked not bothering to look at the bedside clock.

"0835" she replied. "When was AJ expecting us to reclaim our little bundles of joy?"

"I told him 1100," he replied. "He should be ready to pay us to take them back by then," Harm joked. "Did we let the water out of the tub last night?"

Mac chuckled a little. "Come to think of it, no, we didn't. I bet its real inviting by now!"

"Yeah, an ice cold bath. Just what I need," he groaned a stretched his back. "Reminder, no more sex on tile floors."

Again, she chuckled. "We could've done it on the bath mat, you know?"

"Well it was too far away," he teased and rolled over so that his full weight was pressing against her.

"Mm-hmm," she said. "It was waaay too far away, wasn't it?" She leaned up and pressed a kiss against his forehead.

He kissed her lips softly then sighed, "We better get up. We have to get our children before the Admiral decided they need SEAL training."

"Oh, God," she laughed. "That's all we need, a toddler who can kill a man three different ways with his bare hands."

"Sometimes I wonder where we got that kid. Was Lucy that bad?" he asked with a laugh.

"In her own little ways she was," replied Mac. "Remember when she was about his age and discovered how to make herself throw up on demand?"

"Do not remind me of that," he groaned. "And wasn't it Lucy that had the toilet fascination. I lost three sets of keys."

Mac nodded, "And a pair of Ray-Ban's, and two - no, three - television remotes..."

"I never got another pair like those," he sighed. "How come it was never any of your stuff?"

"I guess she loved you more than me?" shrugged Mac with a huge smile.

"Impossible," he sighed and kissed her again. "We really should get up now."

"Yeah, we really should," she agreed. "You want the shower first?"

"No, you go ahead," he said. "I'll throw some pants on and go start breakfast."

"Okay," she said. "What's on the menu?"

"Anything sound especially good to you?" he asked, tossing the covers off of himself.

"Chocolate chip pancakes," she replied.

"Ah yes, nothing like chocolate first thing in the morning, huh?" he answered as he threw on a pair of boxers and some warm-up pants. "Chocolate chip pancakes it is."

"Thanks, Sweetie," she said, throwing the covers towards his side of the bed. "Ugh, I hate mornings."

"Well, go take a hot shower," he encouraged. "You'll feel better."

She nodded, shivering a bit as she got out of bed. She rummaged through her side of the dresser in search of panties and a bra. Finding them relatively quickly, she hurried into the bathroom and turned the heat lamp on.

"That's better," she said to herself as the orange glow emanated from the ceiling. She reached down and grabbed the sponge that was floating on top of the ice cold bath water from last night. She smiled as she wrung it out, thinking about what a wonderful, passionate night it turned out to be. Setting the sponge aside, she bent down to pull the plug from the drain when...

"Ooooh..." she said aloud as a sharp abdominal cramp hit her. She put her hand over the spot and rubbed gently. When it let up after a few seconds, she was able to sit down on the edge of the tub and pull the plug from the drain.

"Better let that empty before I turn the water on," she thought, staring at the little tornado-like stream of water going down the drain. "Hmm, guess I could pee while I'm waiting" she mumbled aloud, rising from the edge of the tub and stepping over to the toilet.

"Ow...oooh..." she said as another cramp hit her, this one stronger than the first. She sat down atop the closed toilet lid and put her hand on her abdomen, like before, but the pain didn't let up. She took a few deep breaths as thoughts of last night once again ran through her head. Was this pain a result of last night? Had they done something that caused more damage than was already there? It hadn't hurt too much when they were in the throes of passion - a little, but not much - but the pain she was having now was more than making up for that in all the wrong ways.

"Maybe an empty bladder will help," she thought. Standing up slowly, she turned around to lift the toilet lid out of the way, stopping cold when she saw the small spots of blood where she'd been sitting.

"Oh, no..." she whispered, frantically grabbing a handful of toilet paper so she could check how heavy the bleeding was.

"Oh, okay...okay..." she said softly when her check revealed only a minimal amount. "That's not too bad...okay..." By then, the tub was nearly drained, and she stepped over towards the faucet and turned on the water for her shower.

"Oh yeah," she said, realizing she still needed to empty her bladder, part of her afraid to do so for fear the bleeding might increase, but she really had no choice. She held her breath the entire time, praying the cramping and the spotting would be gone by the time she had to face Harm for breakfast. If need be, she could tell him about the cramping. He'd feel bad, no doubt guilty as well, but he'd be able to handle it without too much worry. The spotting, on the other hand, would send him off the deep end. He was still far too upset over that horrible night, over all the blood she'd lost, how he almost lost her. No, the spotting was something she'd just have to deal with alone unless it got too bad.

It was all she could do to stand up long enough to finish her shower. The cramping grew more intense and spread from one side of her body to the other.

"Damn it..." she mumbled, nearly doubled over in pain as the soapy water ran down her body.

She rinsed off as best she could and stepped gingerly out of the shower.

By the time she'd dried off a little, she was on the verge of tears. Foregoing her underclothes, she wrapped her towel around herself, and walked slowly to the bed.

"God, this hurts..." she whimpered to herself as she slid between the covers, careful to keep her bath towel underneath her body on account of the spotting. She laid her head upon her pillow, her hair still dripping wet, and drew her knees up towards her chest.

She knew that wasn't a good position to be in for the pain. She knew it was best to lie on her back with the pillows propped underneath her back and legs, but for now this was all she could do. Harm would panic when he found her like that, and she wanted nothing more than to get up, dress and go join him in the kitchen, but she simply didn't have the ability to press ahead through that kind of pain.

As the aroma of the pancakes made its way into the bedroom, she heard footsteps coming down the hall.

The shower water had turned off a while ago and Harm had heard Mac close the bathroom door, and then he'd heard nothing. He was sure he'd go into the bedroom and find her wet from her shower, dressed in a towel having a crisis of fashion he'd solve by telling her she'd look beautiful in a burlap sack. He pushed open their bedroom door, "Honey, the pancakes are ready," he said as he entered. Then he saw her, lying in bed, curled in the fetal position. "Oh, God," he thought. "Oh no. Sarah, Baby, what is it?" he asked as he rushed to her side.

"Cramps," she answered, her voice strained through the pain. "I'll be okay, though, Sweetie."

"You don't look okay," he sighed. "What can I do? Do you want your pills?" he asked her all the while using his hands to force onto her back.

"Yeah," she said. "They'd help. Can you get the heating pad, too?"

"Okay," he said gently first going to the closet to get the pillow she used to elevate her legs. "Lift up for me."

"Ah!" she exclaimed as the pressure she put on her abdomen to lift her legs up hit her hard.

"I'm sorry, Honey," he crooned. "I know. But this helps, you know it does." He kissed her hair before getting the heating pad out of the closet, plugging it in, and bringing it over to her. "Lift up again."

"I can't," she said as she began to cry a little bit. "Can you roll me over enough to get it under me?"

"Try Sarah," he urged. "I'm afraid rolling would hurt more."

She took a deep breath and gripped the bottom sheet on the bed as she worked with all that was in her to lift her lower body up a few inches.

"Oh God," she gasped. "Hurry, please..."

Quickly Harm slipped the heating pad between her towel and their bed sheet. "Okay, it's over. Lie back now." His voice was even, no emotion, no fear.

She dropped back onto the bed, fighting hard to keep from breaking down and frightening him. "Pills?" she asked.

"I'll get them," he told her. "Take deep breaths. Are you bleeding?" he asked his voice not hinting at the fear in his heart.

He just had to ask, didn't he? She couldn't tell him she was, it'd scare him half to death. No, she wasn't going to tell him. She'd lie. "No," she said, her tone highly unconvincing.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "If you are you have to tell me. I promise not to lose it, just be straight with me."

"I'm...I'm...not," she replied quietly, which all but told him she in fact was.

He let it go. If it were really bad she would tell him and he knew it. "All right," he sighed returning to the bed with her pills and her water. "Can you lift your head for me?"

She moved slowly, carefully in hopes of keeping the pain from worsening.

Harm saw her struggling and set the glass down on the bedstead. Gently he lifted her head and put the pills in her mouth. Then reached for the water and helped her drink. "There you go," he said. "Lie back now and rest. Can I do anything else?"

"No," she said. "These should kick in after 15-20 minutes and I'll feel lots better, Babe."

"Okay, do you want me to bring in your pancakes? The pills will upset your stomach if you don't eat," he reminded her. He wanted to do something else, no, he needed to.

"Yeah, bring me one or two," she said, her eyes closed as she tried to relax. "The last thing I need is to throw up with cramps like these."

He leaned over and kissed her damp forehead. "I'll be right back," he said happy to have a task. Before she could blink it seemed he was back with two pancakes, syrup, and a glass of ginger ale on a tray. "Breakfast in bed, Mrs. Rabb," he smiled.

"I'm sorry," she began to apologize.

"Ssh," he hushed her. "Let's not revisit this. Last night was too beautiful, you said so yourself. So no guilt and no apologies okay?" He kissed her hand then, "Can you do it by yourself or do you need help?"

"If you'll cut them up I can do the rest," she said, her heart smiling at the amazing way he was handling this matter. He was absolutely right; last night had been far too beautiful to let a few cramps destroy it. It didn't matter that they were most likely a direct result of their lovemaking, it just...didn't matter.

He did as she asked, cutting the pancakes and then relinquishing the fork. "I'm going to call Harriet and tell her that you aren't up to going out today," he told her rising.

"No, don't do that," she begged. "Once the meds kick in I'll be fine, honest. It's just cramps, babe, it's not the same kind of pain as before. It'll ease up soon and I'd really love to go."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you hurting all day because you pushed too hard."

"I'm sure," she said after swallowing the first bite of her pancake. "If the meds don't do the trick, I won't go, especially since Lucy would be there. Give me another half hour and then we'll decide, deal?"

"Deal," he replied and leaned over. "Seal it with a kiss?"

"Of course" she replied, stretching her neck up just a touch.

He placed the kiss on her lips. "How's the pain?" he asked running a hand through her hair.

"About the same" she said, piercing another bite of pancake with her fork, the plate lying on her chest. "No better yet, but no worse, either."

"Okay. Would it be all right if I showered? Or do you need me to do anything else?" he asked. "I'll still have to get the children so..."

"Go ahead, shower," she said, "I'll try to go with you to get them if I can."

"Okay. If you're not better by the time I get out, I'm calling the doctor," he told her as he gathered his robe and undergarments.

She knew fighting with him was futile, not to mention if she didn't feel better by then, a call to Dr. Bradley would actually be a smart move. "Okay," she replied with a sigh, reaching for her ginger ale.

"I'll be right back," he assured her as if she'd doubt it and disappeared to the shower.

Mac finished her breakfast, sliding the empty plate back onto the tray. She wanted to roll onto her side and curl up with Harm's pillow, but she knew it wouldn't be a good thing to try.

Reaching as carefully as she could, she took hold of the phone and flipped it open to answer it. "Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb," she said.

"Oh," came the shocked voice of Annie Pendry. "I thought this was Harm's private number."

"Who's calling, please?" asked Mac, immediately unnerved that a female caller had tried to call Harm's "private number."

"Its, uh, Annie. Annie Pendry," she replied. "He said to use this number when I called him."

Mac cringed at the realization of the caller's identity. She hated that woman, always had. "Well, Annie" she said. "This isn't a private number, it's just his cell phone and since he's not available right now, I answered it for him. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I um, I really needed to talk to Harm," she sighed. "Do you know where he is?" she pressed.

"Yes, he's in the shower," replied Mac, highly annoyed. "What did you need to talk to him about?" It wasn't necessarily any of Mac's business, however when it came to other women calling his cell phone and saying they just "had to talk to him", it became her business real fast.

"Its Josh," she sighed. "I was hoping...their doing this report on their father's and mother's careers for career day at school. I was hoping he could talk to Harm about Naval Aviation instead of Peter. He's a bartender and...I'm sure you understand," Annie explained. It wasn't really a lie, but it wasn't her only motive.

It was a semi-believable reason, but part of Mac wasn't too sure about it. "I see," she said. "I'll give Harm the message and leave it up to him." She was almost ready to end the call when something dawned on her. "Annie, why didn't you just call the house phone? Why was this something you wanted to reach him on his 'private number' for?"

"Um, well," she said. It would be so easy to tell the witch right now, but that would hurt Harm as well as she didn't want to do that. "He told me that if I had trouble with Josh to call him when we were in Mexico. He said to use his cell incase you weren't feeling well and were resting. He said he didn't like you disturbed."

Again, semi-believable, too much reasonable doubt to argue with her. "Okay," replied Mac with a sigh. "Well, like I said, I'll let Harm know you called. If you'll excuse me, I need to get ready to pick up the children now." Mac wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat with the likes of Annie Pendry when she was feeling well, and she certainly wasn't in the mood just then.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, Mac. If I may say so, you don't sound well."

"I'm fine," retorted Mac. "But I do need to go now. If you need to reach Harm again, I ask that you use the house phone. He'll get any messages you leave on there just as easily as any you leave on here."

"But he said..." Annie protested but Mac cut her off.

"Use the house phone, Annie," insisted Mac. She wasn't about to let that woman go on thinking Harm's cell number was her own private little link to him. It seemed like Annie was trying to sneak behind Mac's back, something she was not prepared to tolerate. "When I'm resting, the ringer to the bedroom phone is off. Just use the house phone."

"Of course," Annie relented. "I'm sorry to have bothered you. Good bye." She quickly hung up.

Closing the phone abruptly, she tossed it onto his side of the bed. While she loathed talking with Annie (she loathed anything having to do with Annie to be more exact), it had served to distract her for those few minutes. When she went to sit up, she noticed the pain had lessened a good deal.

Harm opened the bathroom door just as she closed the phone. "Who was that, Mac?"

"Annie Pendry" she answered, her voice conveying every bit of frustration her heart was harboring just then.

He rolled his eyes. "What did she want?" he asked fear seizing his heart.

"Apparently, Josh wants to talk to you about Naval Aviation for some project he's doing at school," said Mac, sitting up carefully on the side of the bed. "I told her I'd give you the message, and by the way did you ever tell her to call your cell phone and not the house phone?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I told her I'd help out with the flight thing if Josh needed it, but I'd prefer her not to call the house as not to disrupt things around here."

"Harm, people call here all the time without disrupting things," replied Mac. "It wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't acted so surprised to hear my voice on your cell phone. She said she thought that was your 'private number'."

"I never said that," he insisted and it was true. He changed the subject, "Pain getting better?"

"Thankfully, yes," she said, standing up and wrapping her bath towel around herself. "I need to pee, are you finished in there for a minute?"

"All done," he said. "Want anymore pancakes?"

"No thanks," she said, stepping into the bathroom. "Stick them in the fridge; I'm sure the kids will eat them."

Before she entered the bathroom, he grabbed her arm. "Are you really upset about that call? If you are I'll line her out right now and set her straight."

She sighed. "I wish I could say I'm not upset, but I'd be lying. I'm sorry, but she just..."

"You want me to cut her off, I'll change the number while we're at the mall today," he told her.

"No, you don't need to go that far" said Mac, not believing that she'd turned down such an appealing offer. "Just straighten her out, please. Tell her to call the house if she needs to talk to you, that you don't have any 'private numbers', and if you did I know you'd never give them to her..."

"Kiss?" he requested as answer.

She leaned forward and placed a sweet one on his lips. "I'll only be a minute in here, then I'll get dressed. Can you go throw in a load of white laundry for me, please?"

"Deal," he replied. "Make the bed?"

"Sure," she replied.

"Okay, try and be ready in twenty. I'm going to call Harriet back while I'm cleaning up the kitchen if you are sure you want to go out," he told her leaving out that he intended to call Annie as well.

"I'm sure," she called as she closed the door