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0543 ZULU

Robert's Residence

Roslyn, VA

The knocking at the front door woke Harriet Roberts first. Bud was still snoring next to her. "Who on earth?" She nudged her husband.

"Hmm?" he mumbled. "What is it?"

"There's someone at the door. At one in the morning," she told him. "Hear that." Another knock.

"Ugh," he muttered, tossing the covers off of himself and sitting up. "I'll go check," he said. "You wait here." He slipped his prosthetic leg on and grabbed his bathrobe, trying the sash around his waist as he sleepily padded downstairs.

The knock came again as Bud neared the door.

"Who on earth?" he muttered as he reached the peephole. As soon as he saw who was standing on the other side, he quickly undid the deadbolt and the security chain and opened the door.

"Harm?" he said. "What...why are you here?"

"I uh..." He swallowed the fresh tears that threatened. He would not cry in front of Bud. "I uh, need a place to stay for the night." He held out his bag.

"Oh, God," said Bud. "You told Mac, didn't you?"

"Didn't have to," he replied in a tight voice. "Can I uh..." he gestured to the inside of the house. "Cold out here." He'd neglected to take a jacket to protect him against the harsh October night.

"Oh sure, of course, I'm sorry," said Bud as he stepped out of the way to allow his friend inside. "You want some coffee? Might warm you up."

"No, thanks," he replied. "I...I don't know what...I want Sarah, I want to be with her...she..."

"Bud!" Harriet called. "Who's down there?"

"Harm," he replied, answering her as loudly as he dare, hoping not to wake the kids.

"Harm?" Harriet asked herself as she made her way downstairs.

She wrapped her robe around herself and hurried downstairs, where the sight before her made her take a panicked breath. Harm was sitting on the sofa next to Bud, his expression one of complete and total despair. The table lamp was on, which didn't give off much light, but it didn't take much light for her to see that her friend had been very upset that night. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and his body language told anyone who saw him that he was a man who was hurting worse than ever before in his life. It was as if he had no life, no fight left in him, and he just wanted to curl up and die.

"Harm?" Harriet asked rushing over to him. "What happened? Is it Mac? One of the children?" She sat on the arm of the sofa and put her arms around him.

He couldn't help but begin to cry a bit. Harriet always knew when a person needed a hug. "The kids are fine," he said, his voice shaky with emotion. "Mac, she...she threw me out. For tonight, maybe longer." He knew where this was going, but at that point there was no reason to fight it.

"What?" Harriet asked shocked. "Why?"

Harm looked at Bud, unsure of what to say, not wanting him to get in trouble with Harriet for knowing things and keeping them from her. Bud gave him a reassuring nod, and with a deep breath Harm began to answer Harriet's question.

"The short version," he said, leaning back a bit from her friendly embrace. "Is I did something sick and stupid and I was going to tell her tonight, but before I had a chance, she...she found out."

"What did you do?" Harriet asked, her voice holding an edge that told Harm she all ready knew.

He forced himself to look her in the eye. He'd showed up at her house at an ungodly hour of the night, he owed her that much. "It's...it's what you're thinking it is. God, I..."

"You...slept with someone else?" she asked to verify it.

He nodded as he laid his head back against the sofa and put his hands over his face. Running his fingers through his hair, he sat back up. "There's more."

"More?" Harriet asked. "How could there be more, isn't that enough?"

It was more than enough, but that didn't change the reality that there was another terrible element to the story. "She's, Annie, she's...pregnant."

"Where's Mac?" Harriet asked him.

"Home," he said. "The baby might not even be mine, but-"

"That's beside the point," Harriet cut him off. "The point is you slept with another woman, that's the point. How is she?"

He sighed. "Not good. I got home from being TAD in Philly tonight and I was going to sit down and tell her everything, but before I could, she found...she found the suntan shirt I'd been wearing that night. It had lipstick on the collar and I'd shoved it between our mattress and box spring two months ago and forgotten about it. When I got there tonight, she threw it at me, we went a couple rounds, and she packed my bag and asked me to leave for tonight."

Harriet looked at Bud who nodded. "I'm going. She shouldn't be alone," she told him.

"I'm going to get dressed and you," she glared at Harm. "Give me the keys to the house." He reached into his pocket and handed them to her without a single word.

Harriet took off upstairs, and Harm turned to Bud, who was still sitting beside him. "She didn't ask if you knew about this," said Harm.

"Oh, she will," answered Bud. "Don't worry about me, though, you need to worry about you and Mac. Sounds like things got pretty ugly."

"They did," said Harm, staring straight ahead. "I was going to tell her everything. I stayed with Grams last night, requested an extra day of leave so I could see her and talk about all this with her. She told me that I needed to come clean to Mac. I needed to tell her everything and we'd deal with it together, like we dealt with the whole 'Meg fiasco' way back when. She even made me call home last night and tell Mac we needed to talk about something when I got home, just so I couldn't chicken out. I was going to tell her, Bud. I just didn't get the chance."

"That's not true and you know it," said Bud. "You may not have had a chance tonight, but you've had over two months full of chances that you let slip away."

"I know," sighed Harm. "I wasn't ready then. Hell, I wasn't exactly ready now, but I finally realized that it wasn't all about whether or not I was ready. I realized it too late, though. She's so angry with me, Bud."

"She should be!" he said. "Put yourself in her place, wouldn't you be angry?"

"Oh yeah," said Harm, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, unconsciously playing with his wedding ring. "It wouldn't have gotten so ugly if I'd just shut up when she went to pack my bag, but being the brilliant man I am I went in there and kicked off round two."

"What'd you do that for?" asked Bud.

Harm shook his head and leaned back on the sofa. "I don't know. I was afraid she wouldn't talk to me if I didn't, not that she had anything kind to say to me, but still, I was….I don't know, I said I needed to know that I still had a wife, and it went crazy from there."

"You're really afraid she'll leave you this time, aren't you?" asked Bud, his voice one of genuine concern.

Harm's answer came so softly he could barely hear it himself. "Yeah."

Harriet came down the stairs dressed in a jogging suit, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. "I'm leaving" she said. "Keep an ear out for the twins" she said to Bud. "They may need a bottle within another couple of hours." She turned her gaze to Harm. "You can stay here for tonight because you're our friend and we love you, but you better understand that this does not mean I condone what you did, because believe me, I don't."

"I know" replied Harm. "I'm sorry to drag you into the middle of this."

"You didn't" she said, matter-of-factly. "I'm choosing to get into the middle of it by allowing you to stay in my home for the night and by going to be with your wife, who is no doubt in a million little pieces by now." He nodded, not much he could argue. "I'm not sure when I'll be back" she said to Bud. "You may have to get the boys' breakfast."

"I can do that, Honey," he assured her. "Go on, go help Mac."

"Are Lucy and DJ there?" she asked Harm.

He shook his head. "She had AJ come get them when…after she found the shirt."

"Thank God," said Harriet. "Those babies do not need to be around any of this mess!" With that, she grabbed her jacket and purse and left through the garage door.

"Will Mac freak out when she hears someone come into the house?" asked Bud.

"I hope not," said Harm. "She'll probably think its me trying to come back in, and if so she'll just lay in bed and ignore me, well, who she thinks is me."

Bud shook his head. "So what do you think will happen now?"

Harm silently looked at the wall in front of him. "I don't know."

"When will she let you go home?" queried Bud.

"I'm supposed to call her in the morning" answered a very weary Harm. "She said we'll talk things out tomorrow because she doesn't want the kids to come home to the two of us fighting like we were tonight, but she needed some space tonight."

"She's not the only one," said Bud.

"I didn't want space, Bud," said Harm, looking at his friend. "I wanted to talk about this tonight, get it all out in the open so we could yell, scream, cry and say whatever we needed to say to begin to try and find some sort of direction on where we go from here!"

"Well, maybe if you'd told her sooner," said Bud. "You might have had that opportunity, but since you waited until she found out for herself, the choices weren't yours to make."

"I know," said Harm, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. "What time is it?"

"0155," said Bud, looking at the clock on the mantle. "You must be totally spent."

"Completely and totally," agreed Harm. "Mind if we call it a night? I doubt I'll really sleep, but I need to try."

"Sure," he said. "Hope you don't mind crashing on the sofa. Our guest room is now the nursery."

"Sofa's fine, Bud, thanks," said Harm, standing up slowly and walking towards his suitcase. "Can I hang this up?" he asked, pulling out the carefully folded uniform.

"I'll take it," said Bud, reaching out for the hanger. "How're you going to manage to get anything done at work tomorrow?"

"I have to go in for at least a few hours in the morning, submit my report from my TAD and take care of a few things," Harm told him. "But technically I'm still on leave."

"You definitely need it."

"Yeah, I do" he agreed. "Hopefully we can reach a civil point in things before the kids come back."

"When will that be?" asked Bud.

"I'm assuming by mid-afternoon" answered Harm through a yawn. "We can't just leave them with AJ indefinitely."

"Well, I know Harriet is big time upset with you right now," said Bud. "But we love you guys and the kids, and if you need us to take them at any point so you can talk, just say the word."

"Thanks, Bud," said Harm. "I better sack out before I pass out. Thanks for letting me stay here, I know you're in a sticky spot and-"

"Don't mention it," interjected Bud. "That's what friends do, they help each other. Try to get some sleep, Harm. If you need anything, I'll be upstairs."

0615 ZULU
Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

Harriet pulled up to the Rabb home a half hour later to find it dark. She put the van in park and carefully walked up to the front door. Using Harm's key she entered the residence.

Colleen's ears perked up at the sound of the door opening and the faithful animal left her mistress' side to see who was coming in. She walked over to Harriet, sniffed her, barked her greeting.

"Hey, Girl," she patted the dog's head. "Go lie down." Then she continued through the house, towards the bedroom where the dog had been. "Mac!" she called out. "Mac!"

"Harriet?" called Mac from beneath the covers of the master bed.

"Yeah," Harriet replied. "It's me. Are you okay?" She sat down on the edge of the bed next to her friend.

"Where's Harm?' asked Mac."Oh, God, did something happen to him? Is he okay?"

"Ssh," Harriet soothed. "Harm's all right. He's with Bud. He told us what happened and I figured if he had Bud...Is that okay?"

"That's fine," said Mac, relieved that Harm hadn't been in a wreck on the way to the Roberts' house after she'd made him go. "How..how is he?"

"He's very...he's hurting. He looks terrible," Harriet told her. "When I first saw him I thought the worst had happened, that something happened to you or the one of the children. I haven't seen him like that since DJ was in the hospital."

"God..." said Mac, pulling her knees up and resting her head upon them. She looked back up at Harriet just as the tears came again.

Harriet reached out and put her arms around her friend. "Let it out, Mac," she told her. "Let it out."

Mac leaned against Harriet's shoulder and cried her heart out. It all seemed like a bad dream; like any minute she'd awake from the horror and realize her life wasn't in pieces around her. No such luck.

"I just don't believe he did this..." she cried.

"I know," Harriet sympathized as she rocked Mac like she would AJ or Jimmy. "I know. I don't think he can either."

"He promised," she said, continuing to cry. "He swore after the last time, never again, and now, here we are again and it's a million times worse! What did I do wrong? Why did this have to happen?"

"Hey," Harriet scolded pulling back so she could meet her friends gaze. "This is not your fault. Did he say that?" Harriet felt any sympathy she had for Harm prepare to melt out of her if Mac answered in the affirmative.

"No, no, he didn't," said Mac, gasping for breath as she kept crying. "He said he was depressed about the endometriosis and that I...I'd pushed him away instead of bringing him closer. I know it's not my fault, what he did, but...part of me feels like if I'd pay more attention to him...if I hadn't kept him out of my pain, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"What do you think?" Harriet asked, remembering conversation Harm had with Bud in her kitchen over Irish coffees. He was in pieces over the wall Mac had put up, and even more shattered over the secret she kept for two long months. Only her secret was to protect...then again..."Why did you keep him away?"

"I didn't know how to tell him," Mac said, a touch calmer than before, but not much. "That I couldn't give him the family we'd dreamed of. I was afraid...I was hurting so much myself from the news...I tried to give myself space to think and in the process, I pushed him so far away that he felt like he didn't have a part in what I was going through. What he did was wrong and I know that's not my fault, but since he left tonight..." She paused as a sob overtook her. "Since he left, I've been thinking, and I see now that I did a lot of things wrong, too. It's no wonder he felt like a failure."

"Mac, you know as well as I do that Harm has a Superman complex," Harriet sighed. "He thinks he can fix everything and everyone and you of all people know how he gets when he can't fix something. All you were trying to do was protect him? Right?"

She nodded. "Still," she said, her voice shaking. "He had a right to know the truth, and because I was afraid of how he would feel, I chose not to tell him. Pretty much the same thing he did to me with this."

"Maybe," Harriet agreed. "But Mac, what he did...this was worse than Meg, this was...Never mind my opinion, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," said Mac, looking somberly at the blanket beside her. "I know what I don't want to do. I don't want to lose him over this, but God, Harriet, he's having a baby with her, with that wretched woman! I'm just not sure we can get past that."

"Well, if it's any consolation, he told Bud and me that the baby might not be his," Harriet told her. "He has to have a reason for thinking that."

Mac looked up at her friend. "He didn't tell me that," she said. "Man, it'd be great if it wasn't his, it'd mean he wouldn't be connected to...her for the next however many years, but then it'd mean that she's an even bigger tramp than I gave her credit for being, and that she slept with...oh, hell, forget it. You're right, though; he has to have a reason for thinking it may not be his. That's not something he'd just throw out there at random."

"No, he wouldn't," Harriet sympathized. "Mac, if he wasn't so sick over this I wouldn't give a damn what happened to him, but he is. I think you need to talk to him, really talk to him. Maybe you should consider seeing Commander McCool again."

"We do need to talk," she replied. "We talked some tonight, you know, but it wasn't exactly productive. Maybe we should go see her. I know he won't want to, but I don't think he'll fight me on it if I tell him it's what I need from him. Do you?"

"No," Harriet replied. "She helped you so much that last time. You were closer than ever. Now, enough about this for now. Can I get you something? How do you feel?"

"Like my whole world came apart at the seams," answered Mac, melting into a puddle once more. She couldn't help it, her heart was broken and her life seemed more confusing than ever before, and that was saying a lot.

"Ssh," Harriet soothed. "It's going to be all right. Do you want some tea? Some water?"

Mac took several deep breaths; she knew she had to get a hold of herself. "Water, please," she said, reaching for a tissue from the box next to the bed.

"Okay," Harriet replied. "How about the uh...other situation? Do you need anything for that?" she asked.

"No" she answered, "I'm not really hurting like that tonight, but thanks." Maybe she was and her body just didn't now it on account of the enormous pain her heart was experiencing.

"Good," Harriet smiled. "I'll get you the water."

Harriet was gone only a few minutes before she was back with a glass of cool water and a damp wash cloth for Mac's face. "Here, wipe you face," Harriet told Mac.

"Okay," said Mac, taking the wash cloth and trying to calm herself down again. She was so glad Harriet was there, but that didn't change the fact that tomorrow was going to be one of the most difficult days of her life.

"Do you want me to stay here with you?" Harriet asked. "Should I call home? Tell me what you want me to do. I'm here to help you."

"Can you stay here with me?" she asked. "I know we all have to work tomorrow, but I don't want to be alone, not tonight."

"Okay," Harriet told her. "Just let me call Bud."

"Can you…" she began, then stopped.

"What?" Harriet asked.

"Can you ask him about Harm?" asked Mac, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Of course," Harriet replied. "I'll call from here. You try to rest okay?"

Harriet dialed her home number. Bud picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, sweetie," he said softly. "How's Mac?"

"She's bad," Harriet replied. "She's here, she's going to try and sleep. How's Harm? She's worried about him."

"He's not good at all," said Bud. "He's on the couch trying to get some rest, but when I was in the hallway checking on the babies, I could hear him sniffling. He's a mess, Harriet. I've never seen him like this."

"I know," she replied. "I've never seen anything like this, Bud. Ask him if he has anything he wants to know. She's so worried about him and she's the injured party here," Harriet sighed. "I can only imagine..."

"Yeah, I know," said Bud. "Hang on, I'll be right back."

Harriet turned to Mac. "Bud says he's trying to rest, but he's still very upset." Mac began to cry again, that is if she ever really stopped before.

"Do you want to talk to him?" Harriet asked.

"I...can't," said Mac. "Not yet."

"Okay," Harriet sighed. "Please try and stop crying."

Mac nodded and began to cry even harder. Never before had her heart been so broken.

Harriet slid onto the bed and put her hand on Mac's back. She moved closer and rested her head in Harriet's lap, crying against her even as she tried to console her.

"Harriet?" said Bud when he came back upstairs.

"I'm here," she said.

"Harm's still a mess," he said. "I think he'd just stopped crying when I went down there, and of course now he's started over again. I asked him if he wanted me to ask you anything about Mac, he said he wanted to know if she was okay. When I told him I already knew the answer to that, he really lost it. God, sweetie, what...what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Harriet replied. "I'm so...Bud I'm really worried about...you know."

"Me too," he said. "I'm just not sure if they can get past this. I've never seen them so devastated before."

"How bad is he really?" Harriet asked now that Mac was finally asleep.

"Worse than I've ever seen anyone in my life," replied Bud. "I thought he was a wreck when DJ was sick, but this is a billion times worse than that. He's completely...broken. I hate what he did, but no one who were to see that man tonight or to look at him right now, sitting on our couch bawling his eyes out, could say he wasn't sorry for what happened. He's so worried about Mac, at least that's what he keeps saying, but I know it goes deeper than that. He's worried that this is it that she'll leave him. Has she indicated that to you that she wants to leave?"

"No," Harriet replied. "She says she doesn't want to lose him over this. She seemed receptive to my suggestion they go and see Commander McCool."

"I think they definitely need to see somebody," said Bud. "This is way too big for them to get through on their own."

"Bud, I think we need to get them out of work tomorrow," Harriet told him. "There's no way they can..."

"I was thinking the same thing" he said. "How, though? We sure can't tell the General any of this."

"We'll have to bluff," Harriet said. "I'll call Mac out to the SecNav, and you get Harm out with Cresswell."

"He's on leave all ready," he said. "What about the kids, their kids? They can't go back to the house until this is dealt with a lot more than it is right now."

"They're with AJ," Harriet sighed. "We can offer to take them, but Lucy has school...I have no idea what to do. Is he still crying?"

Bud leaned out the bedroom door and took a listen. "Yep. Pretty hard, too."

"Go, take care of him," Harriet told Bud. "She's finally asleep and it seems peaceful enough for now. Tell him that okay?"

"And Bud?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"I forgive you," she told him.

Bud smiled a little. "Thank you, Harriet. I love you."

"I love you too," Harriet replied. "Call me in the morning."

"I will" he replied. "Try to get some sleep."

"I will," she replied with a yawn. "Good night."

Bud walked back down the stairs and found his friend still lying on the couch in tears. "Harriet says Mac's asleep."

"Good," said Harm, still crying. "She needs to sleep."

Bud touched Harm's slumped shoulder, "So do you."

Harm shook his head. "I can't," he said. "Every time I close my eyes, I see her face, and God, Bud that look just..."

"I can't say I know because I don't," Bud sighed. "But I do know this. She's worried about you and the last thing I want to do is be the one to tell her you're sick or something because...well, that woman can take me."

If he hadn't been so consumed with guilt and misery, he would have smiled at Bud's effort to sheer him up. "I messed up so bad, Bud" he sobbed. "She's going to leave me, I just know she is and I can't live without her..."

"She's not going to leave you," Bud assured him. "She told Harriet she doesn't want to lose you. But I think she is going to want to go therapy."

"I'll do it," said Harm, wiping the tears from his face for the millionth time that hour. "I'll do anything to keep her." He tried to focus on calming himself down, but didn't have much success. "Did she...did Harriet say if Mac asked about me?"

Bud nodded, "She's very worried about you. That's why you need to calm down."

Hearing that Mac had asked about him and was worried about him made him feel a little better. He made himself take several long, deep breaths and concentrate on not crying.

"Do you want something to drink?" Bud asked. "Maybe some juice or water?"

Harm slowly sat up and draped his legs over the front of the couch. "Water, please," he replied, still wiping the tears from his face.

Bud got up and went to retrieve Harm's water.

"Here," he said handing the glass to her. "Drink it slow."

Harm took the glass from Bud and took a few small sips before setting it on the table and leaning back in the couch. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Sorry?" Bud was confused. "You don't have to apologize to me."

"Yeah, I do," said Harm, rubbing his face with his hands. "I've kept you up half the night with all this and that's not fair. I should've just gone to a hotel for the night, but I didn't think of it."

"You did the right thing coming here, if for no other reason than to make sure Harriet went to help Mac," Bud replied.

"I guess that's a plus," resigned Harm. "Damn, I have no idea how I'll even function at work tomorrow. It's what, 0400 by now?"

"Yeah," Bud replied. "Don't worry Harriet and I are going to help you and Mac out. You just lie down and try to get some rest."

Harm breathed a sigh of exhaustion and relief. "I don't know what we'd do without you two."

"Consider it payback," Bud replied. "Harriet and I would have been over before we started if not for you and Mac."

"Then we're more than even now" said Harm as he settled back down on the couch. "I think maybe I can sleep now, Bud. You've been a big help and a great friend."

"Do you want me to stay down here?" Bud offered.

"No, you go get comfortable in your bed," said Harm, "I'll be fine."

"Okay," Bud replied and headed for the upstairs. By the time he reached top of the stairs he could here a faint snore. With a yawn of exhaustion, he headed to sleep himself.